


Exceptions

by mcmachine



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Neighbors, single parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-05-09 15:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 101,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14718767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcmachine/pseuds/mcmachine
Summary: April finally has gotten the job and the apartment that she's wanted for years. She's a transplant to Seattle, where she quickly meets the handsome plastic surgeon across the hallway and his sweet daughter. Jackson doesn't know if there will be room for another woman in his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**_ APRIL _ **

"Oh, c'mon, c'mon, come on!"

Moving was supposed to be one of the most stressful parts of a person's life. When I'd been Googling through different moving companies, I'd found some article that headlined it was apparently more stressful than divorce. I didn't know if that was actually true, didn't have the experience to prove it, but today? I'm pretty much ready to believe it.

I was starting over with my life, officially. Seattle was supposed to be the place for me. Big city, I loved the rain, plenty of bike lanes which meant I didn't have to drive a car, apparently some of the best coffee, super liberal… it seemed like the perfect place that I needed. It had been easy to get a job as a Software Developer at a start-up. A really, really well-paying one, too. This was the first time that I was going to get to live in a nice apartment on my own without having to deal with a roommate. I was excited about that. It was a beautiful building, and this space was going to be all of my own. Well, me and my rabbit, Sully. Affectionately named after the big guy from Monsters Inc., not the captain, even if that was a good and adult excuse.

But being self-sufficient was more than that. I'd tried to have a nice, aesthetic apartment. I wanted to get off on the right foot and make things nice and easy to go from there. I'd done the DIY headboard, the floating nightstand and a nice little succulent by it. Things were looking pretty, even if not terribly personal. I was fine with that, though. That just contributed to how all of this was going to be a new start.

The thing that had been tripping me up for much of the day was the ladder bookshelf. I'd ordered a nice one from Overstock, but it had to be missing something. That was the only solution.

"Dammit." I groaned, plopping down onto the carpet. Leaning back into the wall, my head thudded lightly against it. This was a lot easier with a roommate, that much was for sure. Maybe one of the only things that were, though.

Pulling out my phone, there's already a text from Amelia wishing me luck. She had been my roommate before she'd gotten together with a guy named James, and that had been part of what had inspired me to get my shit together. I'd quit my job at Microsoft, needing something more. Something genuine and something with the people. I was taking a risk with this new job, but it paid well for now, and I'd be comfortable living. That wasn't something that a lot of people my age got to say.

I replied back with a couple of smiling emojis, tossing my phone on my bed to eliminate the distraction.

"Okay, let's give this another try." I picked up the hammer, swinging it back and forth in my hands for a moment as I stared at the supplies in front of me from the box. The first shelf I had tried turned out crooked. I still wasn't sure how I had managed to get that done.

"Nope. Nope." I shook my head and got up, dropping the hammer down on the floor with a loud thud. My downstairs neighbors no doubt hated me at the moment with everything that had been moving around, but they could handle it for a few more hours. It was mid-afternoon, not the middle of the night. They could suck it up for a little while.

My laptops were sitting on the couch, currently, the only thing that was properly set up in the living room. I still had to adjust most of it here and there, but I'd figure it out eventually.

Focusing on the kitchen, I grab a handful of banana brittle and focus on shoveling it down my throat. My eating schedule is a little off lately and snacking here and there on various foods tended to be more frequent for me than actual meals. Sometimes my schedule still resembled that of a college student's than someone who had graduated nearly a decade ago. At least I was financially independent and still got my laundry done every week. Couldn't be perfect.

Once the rumbling in my stomach is settled a little more, I get back to my bedroom and zone in on setting up the bookshelf. I needed it out of the way so I could unpack the box of stuff going on it. The books had made it the heaviest one which meant it was nearly blocking my doorway because I hadn't gotten very far with it. It was officially starting to get in the way.

Twisting my hair back up into a messy bun, I get down on my hands and knees and sort through the different supplies that had been included along with the instruction manual. This attempt went significantly better than the last one. The staining is easier, having already picked out a warm chestnut for it.

My bedroom was starting to look pretty well put together. I could use some wall decor. The closest thing I had at the moment was a full-length mirror on the back of my door.

"Alright, Sully," I started as I opened up his cage, reaching in to pick him up and let him out. "Let's get used to your new home, alright? Try not to get lost just yet. You might be able to find some good hiding places before I can." I ran my hand over downy hair before letting him free. Hopefully, he wasn't going to be too stressed or anxious about all of this. I already was, but he was usually pretty relaxed, especially by bunny standards.

Shutting the door so she can't get too lost in the new apartment, I decide it's best to unpack the kitchen so I can eat more than just snack foods or take-out. I turned up the radio so it wasn't quite as boring of a task, dancing along to it casually as I do.

Reaching into the box blindly, I give a quick yelp when pain shoots through my hand. I pull it back quickly and realized that there's a cut across the palm of my hand and fresh blood leaking across my hands. Glancing inside, I realized the sheath must have come off of my good knife in the midst of the move. It's now got blood on it too, as well as few other various objects inside of the box.

"Shit, shit, shit," I swore as I moved around the kitchen, grabbing a dish towel and quickly wrapping it around. It stung like a bitch with each movement of my hand, and I knew it was going to make the next few days of working an absolute pain in the neck.

"Where's the damn first aid kit…" I mumbled, sweeping through the cabinets. I know that I had packed one at one point, but I didn't know if I had actually unpacked it. It'd been a messy process, no checklist, just going here and there. Which meant that I had absolutely no idea where it was at the moment if it was even outside of a box.

Clearly, hunting through the kitchen at the moment wasn't going to do me or my bleeding hands any favor. I didn't know if it was deep enough to need any kind of stitches, but it was a little big for a regular bandaid. It needed something.

Stepping outside of the apartment, I quickly step across the hall and knock urgently on the door there. I haven't had the chance to actually meet any of my neighbors yet since moving in but now seemed like as good of a time as ever. It wasn't exactly the same as popping over to introduce myself or vice versa, but at least it was a little less cliche than asking for a bag of sugar. Plus, I'm pretty sure that no one was going to say no to that.

"Hello?" I called out, knocking on it once more. I was probably knocking a little too much.

The door finally opened. I opened my mouth to speak and don't say a word for a moment, surprised by the man who's on the other side. It's a tall, attractive man on the other side with a little baby held in one hand. He's got the most dazzling eyes, somewhere mixed between blue and green where I couldn't quite choose. A beard covered the lower portion of his face, short shaved hair. The baby that he's holding is equally adorable, big beautiful eyes and wisps of curly hair. They're both distracting though it completely different ways.

"Uh, hey." The male spoke, offering a small, polite smile as his gaze swept over me.

"Uh–hi–sorry," I stated out the syllables, meeting my lips. "Hi. I'm April. I just moved in across the hall and I had a total dumbass moment and cut open my hand and I don't know where my first aid kit is. You'd think that would be something that you would keep track of in the middle of moving considering how much cutting and other crap there is but I didn't so… my hand is bleeding a lot and I was wondering if you had a first aid kit." I don't mean to ramble, but I do. When it comes to attractive men, I have two defaults: talking way too much or silence. At least this time, I hadn't gone for the latter. It probably wouldn't have served me well.

"Sure, come on in. I've got one in the kitchen." He stepped back, opening his door wider so that I could move in. "I'm Jackson. And this is my daughter, Alex." He gave her a quick kiss on the head and I smiled for a moment watching.

I loved kids. I really, really did. Things with my last boyfriend hadn't ended particularly well, even though for awhile, I'd thought that Matthew had been the one. We'd seemed to be a pretty good match on paper but our personalities clashed one way or another. He'd been a little nasty when things ended. It had been another motivation to get out and start my own new life.

"She's cute," I complimented with a smile as I followed him over to the kitchen. "Super cute."

"Thanks," Jackson smiled back. "You uh, you picked the right door to knock on, too. I'm actually a plastic surgeon. Why don't you let me take a look at your hand? See if you need stitches or anything like that." Oh. That was an unexpected twist of fortune.

"Lucky me." I unwrapped the dish towel from my hand, holding it over the sink to make sure that I didn't get blood over any of his stuff. His touch was tender as he looked at my hand and I tried not to wince any as he wiped away some of the blood so that he could get a better look at it.

This close to him, I can't help but look up. Maybe it's been awhile since I've got some – that was the only explanation for why I was checking out a man who was probably married or in some kind of serious relationship, based on the little girl in the playpen. He had subtle freckles across his cheeks and nose, much easier to identify this up close. He really was handsome, even if he practically towered over me. He must have been nearly a foot taller.

"You do probably need two stitches," Jackson informed me. "I can do it here if you don't want to go to an E.R. or urgent care clinic. It's not a big deal." He offered.

"Free stitches from a plastic surgeon? I can't say no to that." I answered back with a smile.

"Why don't you sit down at the table?" He suggested. I gave a nod of my head and moved over, careful not to bleed over any of his stuff. Everything looked nice here, well-crafted. Not DIY stuff, that was for sure. But if he was a plastic surgeon, well, that made plenty of sense.

Jackson set up with the first aid kit and snapped on a pair of gloves as he pulled out what he needed. I'd never been good with the sight of blood, not really. It's a little easier when it's your own, the kind of thing that a woman just has to get used to, but it's always a little different under medical circumstances. I don't like getting blood drawn and I've never had stitches before, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to like it anymore.

"This might sting just a little bit." He warned me before pouring what I assumed was hydrogen peroxide on the wound. My nose twitched, and I turned my head away so I don't have to look. "So, you just moved in?"

"Yeah, today," I answered with a nod of my head. "Just moved to Seattle, too. Hopefully, this is all going to be the start of some new, big chapter for me." I elaborated.

"Welcome to the city," he smiled. "I've lived here for a couple of years now. It's not so bad. As long as you don't mind all of the clouds and rains, at least." He added.

"I like the rain." I smiled, looking over at his face. "It helps me relax. It's calming."

He nodded. "It can be pretty nice, once you get used to it. Took me a little while, to be honest."

"You seem to be well-adjusted if you're still here and not trashing it." I offered with a small chuckle, careful not to move my hand. "How old is your daughter?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder at the little girl who was now currently preoccupied with some soft blocks and shapes.

"She's about six months now. She's just starting to crawl around now, too." I could see the pride in his smile as he spoke about the daughter. "We're not quite sleeping through nights yet, but uh, the walls are pretty thick, apparently. I haven't gotten any complaints about hearing her cry in the middle of the night so knock on wood, she won't keep you up any."

"I don't mind." It's not like it was something he could help. It's a lot different than the annoying neighbor who blasted their music at all hours, or constant shouting. I'd dealt with my fair share of annoying neighbors and thus far, he didn't seem to be that bad. "You and her mom must be tired." I offered sympathetically.

"It's just me, actually." Jackson corrected softly.

Well, shit. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume." I spoke a little too quickly.

"It's okay," he looked at me with a soft smile before glancing back down at my hand. "Her mom, my fiancee, she died in childbirth. There was a clot in her lungs and they weren't able to save her. So now it's just me and her. She's my everything."

The story tugged at my heartstrings and I was sure that I wasn't being subtle about it in the slightest, brows furrowing together. That was terrifying – to be gifted with such a blessing, yet lose the love of your life at the same time. It was one of those things that just left you speechless for a moment, knowing that it was a pain that there was no way that I could relate to. Not quite. I'd have some issues, some major losses. But it wasn't something like that.

"I'm so sorry. That must be hard on you. On the both of you," I offered up empathetically, my eyes watching his face a little more closely than before. It was one of the moments where I wanted to just hug him, but this wasn't exactly the position for it.

"It's not easy," he answered honestly. "I took some time off work, an extended paternity leave. It's hard but seeing that little smile on her face, the way that she looks up at me… that's the kind of thing that makes it worth it. She's a great baby. And she looks just like her mother, really. I see Lexie in her every day." He elaborated.

I wondered what it was like to be in love with someone so intimately. Matthew had been nice and convenient, but he hadn't been the love of my life. I knew that much was true. He was just a boyfriend, a learning experience. But Jackson's loss was not envious in any way.

"I can't imagine," I tried to smile but it resembled more of a grimace.

"It's alright. I probably shouldn't be spilling out all of my life details while I'm stitching up your hand, anyways," he gave a slight chuckle with his words to try and lighten the mood.

"Oh, you mean you don't do this with all of your patients?" I retorted good-naturedly.

"I think my reviews would turn south very quickly if I did." Jackson shook his head. "But, you are all stitched up, so at least I did a pretty decent job of keeping you distracted while I worked." He said, withdrawing his hands and pulling off the gloves.

Pulling my hand back, I looked at the stitches there, meticulously neat, not that I knew any better. But he said that he was a plastic surgeon, so that meant this must have been some pretty quality work. I stretched out my fingers and bent them again just to see how much it hurt, and it hadn't exactly changed. It still hurt. That was definitely going to be an inconvenience when it came to finishing up the unpacking that I had left, and the work that I needed to get to.

I was lucky that I could work from home for the most part. Meetings would be better to go into the office for, but when it came to technology, so much of it could be done remotely that I really didn't need to be there. I liked that. It enabled me to recluse myself more than what I needed, but it was still nice.

"Thank you, for this. I'm sure I owe you some ridiculous amount that I would have to pray my insurance covered." I said with a smile.

"Oh, don't worry about it. Just being neighborly." Jackson replied back smoothly.

"Guess I've been living in the wrong neighborhoods if this is what being neighborly is about." I grinned. Our eyes meet for a moment and I swear to god, there's some kind of click here. Which is the stupidest, most rom-com thought that I've ever had in my life. He'd literally just been talking about his dead fiancee. Six months wasn't too fresh, but it was still recent enough. I was being ridiculous.

Forcing the smile a little wider for a moment, I stand up from the table and push the chair back in. Jackson followed, but neither of us moved back toward the front door of the apartment just yet.

"Well, if you need to know anything else about the area, feel free to ask. I usually work Mondays through Thursdays, but other than that, I'm around pretty frequently." Jackson spoke, giving a shrug of his broad shoulders and tucking his hands into the front pockets of his pants.

"I am actually dying to know a good place to eat. Cooking is not an option and I just got my best knife bloody so I feel like I'm not going to want to use it any time soon after this." I gestured to my hand as I spoke, but I kept a good-natured smile on my lips. I don't cook that much, anyway. I go to Subway too much and food delivery was a little bit of a crutch. It's honestly a miracle that I don't weigh more than I do. My body's not perfect, but I'm pretty damn lucky.

"Depends on what you like," he shrugged. "Serious Pie's a good place for pizza. A good place to go and hang out with people, too. If you like organic, Local 360 is another good place for that. Seattle's a pretty good place for food."

I nodded. "Noted," I said. "That's good because I'm kind of at the point where I get exhausted cooking for myself. It's so much easier to cook for two people than it is one." It's only after the words had come flooding out of my mouth that I realize how they sound when he'd literally just told me about his dead baby momma. I was so, so not nailing this first meeting. "Sorry, that's– sorry. I'm the worst. I swear I'm not a bad person, I just speak and don't think." I apologized.

"Don't worry about it," Jackson shook his head. "Honestly? It's kind of refreshing to be around someone who just speaks and doesn't get caught up in monitoring every little detail of what they say. You don't get a lot of that these days." He was right about that.

"Well, I'm usually so busy monitoring keystrokes and crap like that, I don't even think about half the crap that comes out of my mouth. I talk to myself a lot, too. Well, and Sully, of course. I have a pet rabbit. It's– not as childish as it seems. Rabbits can actually be kind of high maintenance which not a lot of people realize." There was the rambling once again, unable to stop me.

"You do… some kind of computer something?" He pieced together with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Software development. I used to work for Microsoft but I'm working for a start-up company here now. Sounded a lot more personal and I kind of like the idea of a small company, you know, actually getting to know people, that kind of thing. It's kind of… lonely work, I guess. Buried inside of your computer or cubicle all day."

Now it seemed like I was the one who was getting too personal about things. Maybe I had always been a little lonely, but a lot of the time, I had contributed to it. Somehow it was easier to get caught up in the way that things were. Change was scary. It was a bunch of cliche crap and I knew it, but somehow it was still just the way that things in my life were. Maybe this move would be the start of some serious change for the better in my life. I needed to act, not just hope, but… baby steps.

"I can see that," he gave a slight nod. "So you're living alone now? Just you and Sully?"

I nodded to answer.

"Well, I'll be honest, there's not much of a community here. Elevator conversation is about as much as you'll get. But other than that, it's a pretty nice place to live. Seattle can be a social city, once you find yourself." Jackson advised me, his expression still friendly. "And if you ever need company or manage to cut yourself open like this again, I'm just across the hallway."

"I appreciate that," I smiled up at him. "But beware, you might regret that. If you ever need, you know, technology help with… just about anything, I'll do what I can. That's where my talent usually lies, so." My voice trailed off slightly and I gave a small shrug. "I also think I'm a great babysitter. But that's probably debatable."

We both turned to look at his little girl, and I can't help but smile. She's focused entirely on the toy that she had in her hands, jiggling it around and slamming it on the carpeted floor. It doesn't quite make any noise, but she seems thoroughly entertained nonetheless.

"I'll keep that in mind," Jackson chuckled. "I have a good babysitter, and I'm sure you'll get to see her at some point. But I do feel bad sometimes, making her drive to and from late at night."

"Well, I hate driving. Fortunately, it's just a few steps across the hall for me." I laughed.

"Not a fan of driving?" He questioned with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Nope," I popped the syllable. "Part of the appeal of Seattle, if I'm being honest. You can bike almost everywhere. I've got my bike and basket all set up, ready to go." I brushed past the real reason behind not liking cars, not wanting to dive too far into my own past. Not yet.

Before either of us could say anything further on the matter, Alex gives out a little cry. I step out of the way so that Jackson could go and pick her up, smiling as he nuzzled her nose through the curls on top of her head and giving her a quick kiss. Despite the affection that her father showered her with, she continued to cry just a little bit. I felt awkward exiting now, it didn't seem right. But staying felt a little weird too.

"I should probably get her down for the night." Jackson started.

There was the cue that I was looking for. I gave another smile and nod of my head, moving to grab the bloodied dishtowel from the table again. I wasn't going to overstay my welcome and didn't want to give him any extra stress if he was already dealing with a baby on his own. I couldn't imagine how much of a struggle it must have been emotionally to be a single parent.

"Of course," I agreed. "I uh, I hope she goes down easy. I'm sure that she can be fussy at this age." I offered up as I walked toward his front door.

"Yeah, a bit." Jackson nodded.

"Thank you again, for the stitches. I owe you one, so if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." I brighten up with one last smile at him, giving a little waved with my stitched up hand and pulling the door shut behind me so that he didn't have to get it.

Heading back across the hallway to my own apartment, I close and lock the door behind me, and can't help but smile. Even if it's a little ridiculous and shallow to be thinking about him in the way that I am, I don't mind. It has been awhile since I'd had any kin doc love or physical affection. He's probably going to be nothing more than a friend, an acquaintance, even. We were neighbors. In the past, I barely even talk with my neighbors.

I was done with packing for the night, at least. I listened to try and hear them and I could just faintly hear Alex crying, but after a few minutes, it seemed to calm down. Good for him.

"Are you ready for bed, Sully?" I asked as I walked back into the bedroom. The little black and white spotted bunny was eating some curly kale. "Yeah, me too," I answered, stripping down to my panties and pulling on a t-shirt. "I like my neighbor. I think you would, too. He seems nice."

Maybe I'm crazy for talking to him as much as I do, but oh well.

Plopping down onto my bed, I hang my hand over the edge and feel Sully come up and lick the back of my knuckles a few times before wandering away again. That was pretty much a nighttime routine.

"Goodnight, Sully."


	2. Chapter 2

**_ JACKSON _ **

Alexandra wakes me up at four in the morning crying.

She's like clockwork, which felt like a unique quality for a baby and woke up pretty much at the same times throughout the night. I put her down at about seven every night, right before my own dinner, and woke her up at the same time in the morning. She used to wake up a lot more, but since the regression that she hit at four months, she was doing much better. I can handle one wake up call in the middle of the night without the exhaustion getting to me too bad.

What I hadn't entirely expressed with my new neighbor was that I was still taking time off. I'm sure that helped tremendously. I didn't have to worry about money, and all my time could be focused on my daughter. My mom came over and helped sometimes, too.

Truthfully, I'm just terrified to not be in the same place with Alex.

That's how I had lost Lexie. I had left the room to be with our daughter while she had some routine testing at her insistence. She'd been exhausted from childbirth and wanted some rest, so I had gone with it. I'd wanted the nurses gently take care of her with such fondness, absorbing every little detail of her face, all precious ten fingers and toes, not knowing that I was missing the last moments with my fiancee.

Everything after that had been a rush. They hadn't paged me when they first found out about the clot in her lung. I don't understand how it hadn't been discovered sooner, if Lexie hadn't displayed any symptoms or if she had chosen not to voice them for some reason. Pregnancy was a typical risk factor for it and yet it was one possibility that I hadn't seen coming. It had been too late to go for the clot removal through a catheter. She'd died in the same bed that she had given birth to our daughter in. The continuous cycle of life and death. It had struck me down.

I hadn't always wanted to marry Lexie. The two of us had a casual relationship, something more than friends with benefits but something less than a labeled relationship. I'd liked her a lot. When she told me that she was pregnant, proposing had been the natural thing to do.

Now that I had our daughter and didn't have her, it didn't feel right. Not reflecting on the relationship that we had, how I'd taken her for granted when she'd given me the joy of being a father. I'd been worried, at first. My own father had been a complete bust, and I didn't want to be the same. But I'd spent the past six months constantly doting and watching over her. There was nothing I hated more than being separated from her. Separation anxiety was more panic than anxiety.

It had taken me time to get used to having a babysitter. I'd interviewed and shot down plenty of fine ones just because I was scared of actually accepting any of them.

On one occasion, I had gone to work for an emergency surgery that no one else had been able to fill. I'd been forced to get a babysitter for a few hours while I went and operated. The first hour had been spent fill with anxiety, and then, I'd found my flow again. Only to feel guilty for it. For weeks, I'd been back and forth about going back to work again. I needed to.

"Hey, little one." I cooed as I picked her up from her playpen. She dropped the toy in her hand I let it clatter to the floor. "Are you ready for bedtime? Yeah?"

"Ba-ba-ba-ba," she offered me in response.

"That's a good girl," I soothed, slowly walking to her nursery and rocking her gently. Fortunately for me, she's decent about falling to sleep in a reasonable amount of time, so long as I stay in the room with her until she's out. That's a task that I don't mind in the slightest.

The bedtime routine with her is pretty simple. I usually let herself wear herself down with a little last bit of playtime on the nights that she doesn't have a bath so she's nice and drowsy by the time I've cleaned her gums, changed her diaper for the night and put her in pajamas.

It takes a few minutes to get her own and asleep and I let out a breath of relief when I'm finally able to walk out of the room, her nightlight keeping her company. But as soon as the tired father in me is relieved, the mournful bereaved feels instant guilt. The two go hand-in-hand despite that they exist in a constant push and poll against one another, the only similarity being the absolute determination to drive me insane.

I throw a quick load of laundry in before I sit down to eat dinner, just a microwaved burrito. Cooking for one turns out to be harder, especially when you're not much of a cook to start with. And when I'm not working, it's not quite as convenient to swing by somewhere on the way home.

Another reason, though much simpler, that I should be working.

Not even halfway through my burrito, my phone rings. It's sitting on the kitchen counter and I get up quickly to answer it before Alex could wake up from the sound of it ringing.

"Hello?" I spoke into the whisper, pausing to see if I heard her crying.

"Hey, Avery, I hope now's a good time." Sloan, my boss and mentor, spoke on the other end of the phone. "I need you to come in. There was a massive fire in an apartment building and it's all hands on deck. We could really use another plastics guy on this. I know that you haven't been up for much lately but right now, we need you."

I didn't believe much in signs, but this certainly felt like one.

"Sure, okay," I breathed out with a sigh. "Let me call my sitter and I'll be over there as soon as I can. Half an hour tops. I'll see you soon." I promised him, hanging up the phone so I could make the other call quickly.

Clicking on the name of the babysitter on my phone, I hold it up to my ear as I listen to it ring, waiting anxiously for her to pick up on the other end. After a few rings, it goes to voicemail. I hang up and call again, hoping that maybe she'd just been slow to get to the phone. But the second and third time it goes to voicemail. Shit. I'd already promised Sloan that I would be there. There's daycare, but leaving her alone in the hospital where Lexie had died terrified me. I don't know if I was ready for that.

My mom was in Boston at the moment, so there was no way that she was going to be able to cover. Coworkers would have their hands on deck, too. That was leaving my list of possibilities smaller and smaller. I really didn't want to have to call back and tell Sloan I couldn't come in – I know he'd tell me to just use the hospital daycare.

April had offered and she'd seemed genuine about it. It wasn't the kind of offer that strangers usually made but she'd looked at Alex with undeniable softness like she wanted children of her own one day. She had a kind vibe. Clumsy, but amiable. Maybe she would work.

It didn't hurt to try. Alex was asleep which meant that she should be easy and hopefully, I would be home before four in the morning.

Taking a deep breath and settling into my decision, I head across the hallway to her door. I can barely hear music playing on the other side, some pop something. So she home. Raising my hand up, I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.

"Hey," the redhead offered me a smile when the door opened to reveal her. She's got a robe on and I wonder if I've interrupted something I shouldn't have.

"Hey, I hope now's not a bad time," I swallowed thickly before continuing. "There's an emergency at the hospital and they need me to come in. My regular babysitter isn't answering her phone and I was wondering if you'd mind staying with Alex for a few hours? I know this goes above the call of normal neighbors, but…" Before I could continue on with my speech, she cut me off.

"Sure, that's not a problem at all, Jackson." April smiled.

I let out a breath. "Thank you." I expressed sincerely. "She's already asleep for the night and I doubt that she'll wake up before I get back home. I mean, you can just sit on the couch and watch tv at my place, pretty much."

"Sounds very doable," she commented with a laugh. "Let me put on some pants real quick and I'll come on over." She motioned to herself and I realized her legs are bare beside the robe covering the tops of my thigh. I chew on my lower lip and give a quick nod of my head, not wanting to stare.

The door shut and I walked back over to my apartment, quickly tossing out the rest of my dinner and slipping on a jacket. By the time I'm done with that, she let herself in.

"Alright, so where's her nursery?" She asked. She was wearing a pair of Star Wars sweatpants now.

"In here," I motioned her to follow. Hand on the doorknob, I placed a finger to my lips before opening it so she could get a peak of Alex sleeping in her crib. So far, she seemed peaceful. Hopefully, she would stay that way for the entire time April was here. I didn't want to scare her off quite so quickly. Once she had gotten a look at her, I pulled the door shut quietly again, pausing to make sure that she hadn't woken up. "I'll be in surgery probably but if there's an emergency, you can call. It's Seattle Mercy West." I ran through the mental checklist quickly. "The monitor is on the coffee table. She's been fed and burped so she shouldn't need a bottle or anything like that. I really don't think she'll cause you any trouble."

There's a chance I'm overcompensating. But that wasn't about to stop.

"Sure thing," April nodded her head. "I'm sure it'll be fine like you said, especially if she's sleeping the entire time. I'm just gonna plop down on the couch and judge your DVR selections, don't worry about it." She teased with a smile brightening her lips.

"Okay," I laughed. "I've got to go, and I'll probably be back late. Don't feel bad about falling asleep, if you do. It's totally fine as long as the monitor's there. She's– well, loud when she does wake up."

"I got it." She gave another nod of her head, probably more for my encouragement than hers with the way that I was going on and on. "Have fun at work. Go save some lives or boobs or whatever."

"Thanks," I gave a sheepish grin, reaching out and giving her shoulder a small squeeze. "I appreciate it, really. I owe you one. See you later."

I give her one more smile before grabbing my keys and heading out to the parking garage to get in my car. I glance in the rearview mirror at the empty car seat and take a deep breath to keep myself from calling Mark and going back upstairs. I needed this. It seemed like the separation anxiety was always going to be much more intense for me than it was for Alex. Especially when she out cold like that.

It doesn't take long to get to the hospital and once I'm there, it's a complete tornado of activity in the emergency department and determining who needed immediate surgery. Everyone was working plastics and burns tonight, it seemed, from the full staff that had been called in.

It had been a long time since I had been involved in an accident like this one. Not since before my daughter was before. And for the first time in weeks, if not months, my daughter isn't the first thing on my mind. Instead, it's the lives of the patients that were precariously balanced in my hands, the cleaning and treatment of the burns, making sure the smoke inhalation wasn't about to kill anyone who had been brought in. It's all about the patients, all about my work. I'd fallen in love with plastics years ago when I had been a resident, much to the credit of Sloan, and it was something that I had always stayed patient about. Cases like these were the ones that smoke much more to be than nose jobs or breast augmentations. This was life-saving and life-changing in every way possible.

Coming out of what would hopefully be the last surgery of the night, I begin scrubbing and glancing at the clock. It's half-past two in the morning. I'd gone nearly six hours without obsessively thinking about Alex. Huh. Yet for once, I feel light letting go of it. I'd been holding on too tightly for any of it to be healthy.

"You just finished up?" Mark's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah," I answered with a nod of my head.

"Been good to have you here again," he clapped my shoulder. "Plastics has been pretty boring without you. How's the little one been? Addison's been asking about her all the time and I'm sure she'll be expecting an update since you came in tonight."

I forced a smile. Addison had been the one to tell me that Lexie died, and I haven't been able to look at her the same since. "She's good," I answered with a nod. "Growing like a little weed, starting to crawl around now, actually. She drags herself on her forearms but I'm sure she'll be on her hands again any day now."

"Hope you're paying that sitter of yours extra for watching her at this hour," Mark teased with a jab of his elbow, earning a roll of my eyes in response.

"Actually, this new girl moved in across the hall. She uh, she seems really nice. I asked her to watch her for the night. She offered when we first met which was– actually kind of a funny story." I explained, turning off the faucet of the scrub sink and grabbing a towel to dry my hands.

"Careful there, you're almost not sounding completely miserable about a woman." He snorted.

"Oh, shut it." I shook my head, tossing down the towel.

Mark shrugged. "Just saying. I think it's been awhile since I've heard you talk about anyone that wasn't your daughter or someone who worked here. Might be good for you to have a friend or two, you know. Someone outside of here."

"I know," I brushed off his words slightly. "And she's nice. Kind of geeky, a tech girl, but… she doesn't look like one." Okay, so that's a stereotype. She looked a bit artistic to me, radiating a sunshine-like softness, not someone who sat typing madly away at a computer all day. I wasn't intentionally trying to be an asshole.

"Probably about time for you to get laid again, while we're being honest. Smart and hot is always a good combination in the bedroom." He grinned a little too wide.

"That was a quick jump from friends to sex." I shook my head.

"Friends with benefits is one of the most wonderful relationships that you can have in your life. You should know that by now." There was definitely no way that I was going to be able to deter his opinion on that. Even if he had settled down with Addison, everyone knew about the player that he had been before her.

I breathed in, withholding my commentary. "Yeah, alright. I've got to get going. But uh, I'm going to be coming back to work soon. I think I'm ready and tonight was… the kick that I needed to get going again." I explained.

"Glad to hear it," Mark said with a more sincere smile.

Heading out, there's a new layer of exhaustion that I'm carrying by the time that I get to my car. But it's a good kind, this time. The kind that came with knowing I had done hard work all night, committed to making sure people lived with the highest quality of life possible. This was the kind of exhaustion that I had missed in the past few months. The kind that I needed to get used to having again.

The roads are almost entirely empty at the time of night, and it takes me less time than usual to get back to the apartment building. I park and head upstairs, unable to keep the smile off of my face.

Opening the door to my apartment as quietly as possible, the lights are still on and an old episode of George Lopez was playing on the television. It was quiet, besides the low volume on the tv. The baby monitor was still in sight, where it had been before.

I shut the door behind me and walk over to the couch quietly, where April was stretched across and sleeping. She'd knocked off the throw pillow by her feet and the other was clutched to her chest, mouth slack but surprisingly not snoring. Her hair was sprayed around her head and covered the arm of the couch. It walked just along the line between looking peaceful and just being, well, funny-looking.

Feeling bad to wake her, I leave her there for just a moment, walking down the hallway to the nursery. Alex was asleep still, a little bit of drool on her chin, and I wipe it off. It looked like she hadn't woken while I was gone. I walked back to the living room.

Things had gone well. A little reassurance that it wasn't the end of the world to go back to work.

Which, of course, it was ridiculous for me to think that in the first place. There were plenty of kids with working mothers who turned out just fine. I know my own mother had gone back to work probably two months after I'd been born, and I was just fine. I should have been able to do the same, in theory.

"Hey," I whispered gently as I placed my hand on April's shoulder, giving a gentle shake.

April let out a slight groan as she stirred awake, her lashes fluttering a few times. A closed fist came up to her eyes, the back of it rubbing some of the sleep out of her eyes. When she realized it was me hovering above her, she jerked a little in surprise, pushing herself to sit up in surprise. "Sorry!" She whispered-yelled. "What time is it?"

"Just shy of three in the morning," I answered with a soft smile. "I just got home from work. Sorry, I didn't realize that it was going to be quite so late." I apologized.

"Oh. I didn't mean to fall asleep," she said as she sat up completely and swung her legs off the couch and onto the floor again. "I mean, I know you said it was fine, but I probably look really lazy right now." She reached for the remote, turning off the television.

"Like I said, it's fine." I gave a soft smile. "Let me pay you for tonight."

"Oh, no," April answered quickly with a shake of her head. "It's fine. I offered, remember? You don't need to do that." She insisted.

I wasn't going to have that, of course. "This is something that I would normally pay for. I should pay you." I disagreed.

"No, no," she continued. "It's fine, I promise. You don't need to pay me. I love babies. It's good practice for the future and all that jazz. I could probably argue that you're actually doing me a favor if I wasn't still half-asleep and not entirely sure that I'm not dreaming." She beamed at me with an adorable, goofy smile. "How about you just owe me one, huh?"

"Sure," I wet my lips even if I wasn't entirely sure I wouldn't find a way to really pay her back. "Whatever you want, I'm game for."

"Well, when you're not working, I still have a few things that I need to figure out with unpacking and whatnot. I could use another set of eyes and hands if you'd be up for that." She suggested, her eyebrows raised up into her forehead.

"Sounds like a plan. I uh, I'm not working tomorrow, if that's alright." I answered.

"Perfect." She grinned. "Come pop your head over whenever. Feel free to bring the little nugget in her playpen, too." Hands tucked into the pockets of her sweatpants as she backed up toward the door. "I'm going to go get some sleep in my own bed. But seriously, come over whenever. I usually work from home and I don't have set hours, so it's no big deal." She twisted open the doorknob, giving a cutesy little wave at me. "Goodnight, Jackson."

I smiled. "Goodnight, April."

For the first time in awhile, I fall asleep feeling good and satisfied with the day. It doesn't last for more than half an hour before Alex's cries wake me up. That was just the way that things went, but she went down again for a few more hours without much fuss.

Giving myself till noon, I sleep when she does. She wakes up again on her own terms about half-past seven, which was her regular wake-up time. I feed her with the bottle first and give her some cheerios and small pieces of banana for breakfast. Solid food was becoming more regular for her diet. It's not long before her morning nap comes around and I take advantage of the time for myself, giving her and myself an extra fifteen minutes. I feel a little better after that and my cup of coffee.

The promise that I had made is one that I intend to keep, and I don't want to linger too much. I'm not sure how long it would take, though, and it's hard enough to manage Alex's schedule. I don't think she'd sleep at April's apartment.

But I know that the baby monitor will work in her apartment, too. I'd been expensive with buying just about everything possible and the best of the line when it came to her. Lexie had accused me of going over the top, but it makes it a lot easier to sleep at night now that I know she really did have the best possible items surrounding her. None of them were investments or purchases that I regretted.

Just past noon, I set her down for a forty-five minute nap in her crib. Maybe it would be enough time and maybe it wouldn't be. I'd find out either enough. I head across the hall, knocking on her door.

"Morning, stranger!" She greeted with a perky smile. "Come on in," she waved her hand.

"We're a little past noon now," I said with a smile as I stepped in. "Thanks."

Most of her place appeared to be well set-up. It was a trendy appearing interior, a little modern farmhouse vibe. I'd caught Fixer Upper a few times here and there and it looked like an apartment version of something that might have come up on that show.

"So, what do you need all this manpower for her?" I asked, giving a teasing smile.

"Well, at the moment, I'm trying to mount my tv on the wall. Like yours is, actually, so I figure you know how to do. I know how to get it done, it just turns out that it's one of those things that's a million times easier when you have two people doing it." She rambled on, motioning to the pile of supplies and box containing a television sitting in the middle of her living room.

"Yeah, I think I can manage to get that done again. You made sure that the mount is good for the weight of the television, right?" I double-checked with her.

"Uh-huh. I'm big into DIY stuff. Going for the whole Miss Independence vibe, and all that. But uh, doesn't quite work for everything so well, unfortunately." She shrugged her shoulders after speaking.

"Independence can be overrated." I offered. If anything, it could be lonely.

The chatter between the two of us became a bit idle as I set out to help her with getting the television set up and mound on all the walls, along with set up with all of the cables. It wasn't a hard task necessarily, but it was easier with two people, and you had to be a little meticulous about making sure that everything was centered, aligned, and there weren't any wires peaking out. It was definitely something that could be squeezed into the length of Alex's nap.

Yet despite that, by the time that it was mounted up on the wall and we both took a step back to make sure that everything was centered and looking good, I'm not quite as eager as I thought I might be to get back over to my own apartment. She was good company. Funny, whether she intended to be or not, and the kind of charismatic charm that made it clear she really cared about you. That wasn't something that a lot of people had and meant, but it seemed like she actually did.

"So uh, do you need anything else?" I asked, glancing down at her.

"Nope, not at the moment," April shook her head, brushing off her hands on her bare thighs. Her shorts were short enough that they left a good degree of skin exposed. "But it's nice to know I've got a local handyman that I can bargain with." She grinned.

"I try to help," I shrugged. I glanced down at her hands a moment, taking note of the lack of a ring. Made sense. "So, you said you lived alone?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Just me and my rabbit. I like it, though. No annoying roommates or worrying about anyone else eating my ice cream. I always know the whole pint will be there for me."

"A definite perk," I agreed. "But if you ever want company beyond the babysitting, uh, my door's open. I know I don't technically live alone, but… baby and all, not exactly the same as living with another adult." I shrugged, rubbing the back of my head.

"That sounds great, actually," April said. "How do you feel about going out to drinks? I know you've got the little one but you're definitely not breastfeeding."

A laugh slipped out. "That sounds good to me. You know a place, or should I pick one?"

"Oh, you should absolutely pick one, because I have no idea." She answered with a sheepish grin. "I just want to go out and have a good time and I already know that you're going to be good company." If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn she was flirting.

"Well, there's an expectation that I'm eager to keep." Hell, maybe I was flirting back.

"Is Saturday good for you?" She asked.

"It's great," I answered without hesitation.

"Well then, it's a date," April confirmed. "I'll pop over to your place around eight. I'm gonna need dinner too, otherwise, you're going to be picking me up off the floor."

"Whatever you want."

Heading back over to my own apartment, I'm smiling in the way that I haven't smiled in a long, long time. It felt good.

Maybe it really was a date.


	3. Chapter 3

**_ APRIL _ **

"Okay, you've got this," I spoke to myself, sorting through the nicer part of my closet for the umpteenth time this evening. No matter how many times I went back and forth through the hanging clothes, though, nothing changed or magically appeared that screamed it would be perfect to wear. "Or maybe you don't."

Plopping back onto my bed, the mattress bounced beneath my weight. Sully gave a deep squeak, shooting out from underneath the bed. I squirmed and scooted up so my legs weren't hanging off, letting out a sigh.

"Sorry, little guy." I murmured to the rabbit.

After a moment of consideration, Sully jumped up onto the nightstand and then onto the bed so that he could stare at me. I turn my head to look back at the black and white furry creature, smiling for a moment before it fell. If only all guys could be as easy to be around as it was relaxing at home with a pet. Life was never going to be quite that easy, though.

"I don't suppose you could pick out what to wear for me, huh?" He doesn't give me any more of a response other than twitching his nose. "Yeah, that's what I thought. It's okay. I'm just being a little crazy because I don't know what I'm doing."

That felt like an understatement. It was a little more than just the fact that it had been a long time since I'd been on a date of any sort, but also the fact that I didn't even know if this was a date, or just him being a decent neighbor or perhaps interested in being friends. Or maybe he was just going out of his way to thank me again for watching his daughter in the middle of the night when he'd had to go to work. He seemed like the type that might do that, go over the top with unnecessary thanks. But I've got no way of pinning it down, especially right now. I could ask him, sure. That would require some balls that I don't have, though.

Staring at Sully and then the ceiling for a few more moments, I push myself off the bed again and head to my closet. Lounging around in my underwear wasn't going to get anything done.

A little black dress would have to be sufficient enough. It could be dressed up or down to match the occasion, bordering casual and something more. I push through my closet once more to find my favorite one, loose and flowing when worn, a high neck in the front but the back had a deep V with transparent lace covering my skin. Attractive but not over the top, modest in the front. It would work.

Slipping into the dress, I go to the bathroom to smooth it over and make sure that it still fit well and wasn't too short in the back. Anyone could see my bra but a jacket would cover that, at least. I had already blown dry my hair straight and smooth after the shower I'd taken this afternoon, but I run my brush through it again so it's not quite so flat in the front, poofing it up with some volume and hair texture product. I looked nice. A little mascara and lip gloss would seal the deal, topping off the dress with a dark red jacket and black flats. Just in case I drank too much, heels weren't a good option.

"Okay, you can do this," I muttered to myself, combing my fingers through the ends of my hair once more and situating it in front of my shoulders. "Besides, it's probably just a friends thing anyway." No need to go in with expectations that would be crushed.

I grabbed my purse, and double checked that everything I needed was in there. Wallet, keys, chapstick, sunglasses, concealer, pepper spray, phone… everything on my mental checklist.

Taking a deep breath through my nose and releasing it, I step out of my apartment and lock the door, only a few steps away from Jackson's door. On the other side of it, I can hear some noise. No sounds of Alex making a fuss but I can hear both Jackson and another woman speaking. That must have been the babysitter that he mentioned having. I guess he was right, I would see her eventually.

Knocking on the door before I can hesitate any further, things fall quiet a moment before it opened.

"Hey, April." Jackson greeted me with a smile.

"Hi," I returned a bright grin, waiting until he stepped back to move past the threshold of his apartment.

"Uh, this is Meredith," he gestured to the third person in the room. She looked a little older than the both of us with dirty blonde hair. Not exactly the teenage babysitter I'd pictured. "She's here to watch Alex for the evening. She's Lexie's older sister," he explained.

"Oh." I blinked a few times, caught off guard by that particular detail. I hadn't even thought about Lexie having more family that would be around. "H–hi, nice to meet you. I'm April. I live across the hall from Jackson." I stepped up to shake her hand, extending my own.

Meredith stared at me for a moment before taking my hand and shaking it. "Nice to meet you too." She dropped my hand, looking past me and at Jackson. "Is this a date?"

I cringed internally at her bluntness, even if a little part of me was relieved for some kind of clarification on his end about it. I had wanted to ask myself but knew I was going to be able to, yet from the odd way that she stared at me, I can tell that she wasn't asking in any sort of positive way. Not exactly the horse gift that I had hoped for.

"Uh," Jackson hesitated and I turned to look at him. His eyes were on me. "We hadn't really talked about that," he half-answered. "April's new to town and I was going to show her around a bit." I'm a little disappointed.

"Yeah, we're just friends." I chimed in to back him up. "And I've barely left this apartment building."

"Ah," Meredith muttered, her gaze sliding back and forth between the two of us. With the way that she was eyeing me, I couldn't help but feel a little bit slimy, like I was somehow doing the wrong thing. I guess it made sense that Lexie's sister might think I was, and it was definitely enough to make me reevaluate if he was past his last relationship.

"I'm gonna say bye to Alex and then we can get going." Jackson flashed me an awkward smile, disappearing down the hallway for a moment presumably toward the nursery.

Meredith and I stood in an awkward silence and I can't bring my gaze to her face, but I don't need to look at her to know for a fact that she was still staring at me in the same way. I tucked my hands into the pockets of my jacket, adjusting my purse on my shoulder and shifting my weight back and forth between my feet for a moment, eagerly waiting for Jackson to return from saying bye to his daughter so I could get away from her glaring stare.

"Alright, let's go," Jackson announced when he reappeared again, and I let out a breath of relief.

"Sure," I nodded. "Nice to meet you, Meredith." I gave her an awkward little wave with my hand before quickly turning around and heading toward the door, glad that he was on my heels with his own goodbye and quickly pulling the door shut behind us.

The tension between the two of us seemed to drop substantially once his apartment door was locked and the two of us were walking away from it, down the hallway and toward the elevator. I can't tell if he noticed it just as quickly as I did, wondering if Meredith always behaved that way or if it just happened to be around me. It seemed like too rude of a question to just ask.

"So, where are we going?" I asked, moving topics and looking up at him as we stepped into the elevator.

He pressed the button to the ground floor instead of the parking garage. "This place called the Black Bottle. It's a nice tavern, a good, relaxed atmosphere. It's been around for awhile and a good walking distance. Pretty good food, too, since you mentioned dinner." Jackson answered.

"Oh," I smiled, glad that he had remembered. "That sounds nice. Glad I didn't wear heels."

"It's only about a five minute walk. I figured since it's not raining tonight, might as well enjoy the fresh air." He elaborated, glancing down at me with a soft smile of his own. He waited for me to exit the elevator, then holding open the lobby door for me before taking lead in the presumable direction of the tavern that he had spoken about.

The brief details that he had given me about the place were correct. It's a short walk and Jackson chatted about some of the different places that we walked past, pointing out places that he recommended and those that he didn't, always explaining the latter. He seemed to pretty familiar with the neighborhood and I had to wonder how long he had lived in that particular apartment if he had perhaps lived there with Lexie half a year ago. It would have made sense. Moving with a newborn sounded like an impossible feat.

When we arrived at the bar, I give a good look around, trying to assess a little further what he had in mind. It was a nice place but not too fancy, a cozy and intimate atmosphere. Not too quiet nor too loud, good for conversation, but with some music in the background so any lull or silence wouldn't be unbearable. The lighting was dim and there was a full bar. If it was a date, it was a pretty good location for one.

Of course, that was a big if, after what he had told Meredith.

The waiter seated us in a cozy little table for two quickly, handing us menus and disappearing for a moment presumably to get water before taking a drink order.

"So you've been here before?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as I looked up from the menu at him.

"A few times," Jackson nodded. "Not lately, but it's a good place to hang out with friends."

"Is that what this is?" The question came out a little too quickly. "I mean, you told Meredith that. I wasn't sure if you were just telling her that because she's Lexie's sister or if it's because that's what it really is or…" I trail off, rambling on a little more than intended.

He set down the menu, looking directly at me. "I guess that depends. Do you want this to be just friends and good neighbor thing, or did you want it to be a date?" Of course, he put it on me.

"I, uh," I glanced down at my plain nails nervously. "I was kind of hoping that this was a date but if you don't want it to be that then I'm not going to be terribly disappointed. I mean, you have a baby at home and if you're not ready to be dating then that's totally understandable given everything that you've told me and I don't want to do anything that's going to make you uncomfortable." There goes the rambling again, slipping out before my brain could think to stop it.

Before he could respond to my words, the waiter returned to take our drink. I'd planned on wine originally, but there are a few quirky named cocktails that get my attention. I opted for getting something called the Macaw, a cocktail with strawberry rum, Licor 43, lime juice, and dark rum float. I guess I was going a little strong tonight. He ordered an IPA from the draft, and also went ahead and ordered an appetizer for us – green bean fries and wasabi aioli. I'd trust his judgment. Plus, it's a little easier to deal with being nervous when there's something to munch on.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted me to say in front of her," Jackson shrugged his shoulders. "But I'm glad that you want this to be a date. I was kind of hoping that was what you had in mind." He admitted with his own smile.

I breathed out, relieved. "Oh, thank god. 'Cause otherwise this was going to get really awkward."

"Probably," he laughed in agreement. "But now we don't have to worry about it."

"It's been a little bit of time since I've been on a date," I admitted and let one shoulder lift in a shrug, picking up my glass of water and taking a sip from it before continuing. "I mean, obviously since moving, but before then too. I guess that you're kind of in the same boat?" Probably a little insensitive of me to go on like that, I realized, looking at him with sympathetic eyes.

"You're not wrong," he nodded. "Definitely been awhile since a first date," Jackson added.

"Can I ask how long you two were together?"

I wasn't sure if this was a weird topic to venture to, but if she had been the mother of his child, then she must have been a pretty important woman in his life and in a way always would be. Even if she wasn't around, she was still Alex's mother. And she must have meant a lot to him, considering the little girl was named after her.

"Yeah." He offered a smile. "We were friends and coworkers for a while before anything really happened between us. Even then, it was sex before things got serious. I proposed when I found out that she was pregnant."

It hadn't been the story that I had expected to hear. I'd thought that he had been madly in love with her and that they were together for awhile. My brain had already run wild with the different possibilities that had happened between them, but none of them had been casual ones. He was an attractive guy, though, and seemed like a really good man. Friends with benefits for someone who looked like him made sense. I would have been more than happy to be a sex friend with him. Proposing to someone pregnant with your baby was a classic good guy move.

"Oh," I let out. "That's– wow. That's still awful, though, you know? I can't imagine losing the other parent of your child." It was limiting that I didn't have kids, of course.

"Definitely made the first few weeks harder." His smile was a grimace. "But it reminded me how precious life is. And it makes me love and appreciate Alex more and more every day."

"That's sweet," I smiled. "I'd love to have kids of my own one day. I always pictured myself with a big family." I'm only twenty-eight. There's plenty of time.

"I told you my excuse for not having been on a date in awhile," Jackson prompted, pausing as our drinks are brought to the table before leaning forward and resting his forearms on it. "So what's yours?" I definitely should have seen that question coming.

I paused before answering, picking up my cocktail and taking a sip. Sweet and strong. Perfect.

"Well, I was with this guy named Matthew for a while. Almost two years, actually. He was another techie like me, we grew up in the same kind of place, he was nice. You know those couples that seem perfect on paper? We were one of those. Except, y'know, it was a lot less perfect in person. He was pretty narrow-minded and inflexible. My way or the highway, that kind of guy. We ended up breaking up and he was… a complete dick after. It was really motivating to move out and get my own place, on the plus side. Made all the rain of Seattle look that much more appealing." I explained, spilling out perhaps a little too much detail and quickly picking up my drink to take a long sip from it. Ideally, it would begin to sedate my nerves soon.

"That sucks," Jackson expressed earnestly. "I never got that, turning into a dick after a breakup. Even if things didn't turn out for the best, any relationship is still a learning experience. There's always something there to be grateful for."

"Yeah, I guess," I half-agreed. "I've always just been awkward after. Which is better than mean, I guess." I shrugged a shoulder.

"Awkward's a pretty fair response." He gave me a sheepish smile.

The waiter interrupted once more, dropping off the appetizer that Jackson had already ordered and staying to take out orders for an entree. I went with the smoked chicken with sun-dried cherries and fontina flatbread, hoping it'd be enough to balance out the liquor. Jackson ordered pulled pork tacos which sounded equally delicious.

"That's not the whole reason that you came to Seattle, though, right?" He prompted me to continue talking about myself, picking up one of the green beans with his fingers and dipping it in the sauce before tossing it into his mouth.

"No," I shook my head. "I really did like the job offer. Microsoft was good money and all that but I just got bored. I wanted something smaller and a little more meaningful, you know?"

"I get that," Jackson nodded. "What exactly does the company do?" He asked.

"We design apps for local and small businesses. Mostly to try and help them compete against all of the big chains, give them a little extra kick." I explained with a smile. "I went from working to a giant to fight against the giant, I guess. I'm probably a walking cliche."

"Well, at least you're still cute," he flirted.

I flipped my hair over my shoulder, offering a jokingly confident smile. "I do try." I don't want the conversation to lull, though, quickly turning a question back to him. "So what's it like being a plastic surgeon?"

"It's rewarding. Really rewarding. A lot of people tend to brush off plastic surgery for all of the elective boob jobs and tummy tucks, but it's more than that. We have a pretty good burn unit at the hospital that takes up a lot of the work I do there. I do quite a few pro bono cleft palettes for kids and babies every year, too." Jackson answered. There's a happy something twinkling in his eye, clearly proud of the work that he did. He hit it on the head, too. I probably would have brushed it off as something superficial and moneymaking without those details, even if those qualities didn't seem to fit him.

"That sounds really amazing," I confessed. "I didn't realize that burns and that kind of thing would fall under plastic surgery. I mean, that's got to be hard to deal with."

"More so for the patients than it is for me." He shrugged his shoulders modestly.

Duh. I'm not sure what to say for a moment so I pick up my drink again and take a long sip from it, pulling the little umbrella out of it and setting it down on the table. It's nearly just ice left now. I quickly grabbed one of the fried green beans off the appetizer plate, hoping the balance out the alcohol a little more.

"So, do you have any family in the city?" I finally asked once I had chewed and swallowed, figuring it was a typical question to inquire about on the first date like this.

"Yeah," Jackson nodded. "My mom lives here in Seattle, actually. She used to live in Boston but after the baby, she decided that she wanted to be closer to her grandbaby. She's a surgeon at the hospital too, actually, but she specializes in urology. I'm sure you'll see her over at my place at some point. She comes by more often than Lexie's family does."

"That must be nice, having her around to help." I smiled.

"It is. She was a single parent raising me so she gets that it can be tricky, especially while working. Not that I have been lately, really… I took a lot of time off to be with Alex and to raise her. To make sure that I was doing things right, mostly. But I'm trying to get back into the way that my life was before, a little more, at least. Which includes working." He explained. "So she definitely understands how hard that can be as a doctor."

Before I had the chance to formulate a response to his words, the waiter came by again to deliver our plates of food. The smell wafted to my nose and I inhaled, letting out a quiet but dramatic noise at how good it smelled. I hadn't gone out to eat properly since I'd come to Seattle – it had been cooking for myself or ordering in, which was never quite as good or fresh as this.

"It looks good," I commented and we exchanged a glance before beginning to dig in.

Our conversation becomes a little shorter for a few minutes as we both work at the food that we had ordered, a few comments made back and forth about the meals that we were eating. We each tried each other's food too, and his choice was just as good as mine, even if I did prefer the flatbread that I had ordered.

"So, what about you? Any family?" Jackson turned the question back around on me.

"Uh, I've got a few sisters spread around the Midwest. But I'm not really close with any of them anymore." I admitted with a slight shrug. "We were closer growing up, I think. Now we mostly just meet around the holidays, text here and there." I elaborated.

"Well, I guarantee you're closer to them than I am my nonexistent siblings." He chuckled.

"Yeah, I think I might have you beat there." I laughed. "Did you ever want siblings?"

"Occasionally," Jackson admitted with a slight nod of his head. "Mostly on the weeks where my mom worked a lot, I just wanted some family around. I ended up with a big group of friends though so by the time middle school rolled around, it didn't really matter to me. And, well, now Alex is the most important family member that I've got."

I smiled and nodded back. It was obvious how much he loved her. "That's good," I murmured. "That's how it's supposed to be for parents, I think. Not that I, y'know, know or anything, but still." I internally winced at how awkward it sounded, picking up my drink. The waiter had brought a refill that I probably didn't need, but I was about to swallow down greedily regardless.

"Agreed," he nodded. "I always figured I'd be a parent, but I was never really passionate about it until it just happened, you know? This amazing little girl just got placed into my life for me. It's hard and tiring, sure, but it's still the most amazing thing I've ever done."

"It is amazing," I agreed with another fond smile. "It's so easy to tell how much you love her."

Surprisingly, he blushed. "Sorry. I don't mean to turn into one of those parents who does nothing other than talk about their kids all the time. Yet normally this is the point where I'd pull out her baby pictures to show you, except you already know what she looks like." He laughed.

"I don't mind at all," I waved my hand quickly, leaning back in my chair and crossing one leg over the other. "I like it, actually. It's really sweet. And she's such a cute little girl." I smiled. "I liked watching her the other night. I've always had such a soft spot for babies. I do think I have you to blame, though, when it comes to the hardcore baby fever that she gave me."

"Well, I'll see about getting you some acetaminophen," Jackson teased. I laughed, taking another sip of my drink. "Do you want a big family one day?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Me too," Jackson agreed. "Being an only child wasn't bad, but I want her to have siblings one day. I think she'll be a good big sister. She's a pretty well-behaved baby, I think. I think I want at least two more little ones, to be honest."

I beamed at him. "I've got three sisters, so I'll disagree with you on that one. Four is a good number. That way no one ever gets left out." Which, granted, was more in theory than in practice. Two and two should have been the way it went, but my family had more often than not been three and one.

"Maybe four is a good number," he chuckled. "I'm not terribly picky on the matter."

The conversation lulled between us once more when the waiter came to pick up our near empty plates, asking each of us if we wanted another round of drinks. I blindly say yes, one cocktail ahead of Jackson's beers. But at the moment, I didn't seem to feel it too much. My mood was lifted and I wasn't nearly as nervous now as I had been at the beginning of the night. At least something was clearly going in my favor.

"Do you want to split a dessert?" He asked when the waiter came by with our drinks again.

"I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty full. Small stomach. I eat all the time but never a lot." I explained, sipping my third cocktail of the night and giving a little shrug of my shoulders. "Can I ask you another question?" As if there hadn't been enough tonight.

"Mmhm," he nodded, drinking his beer.

"Why did it seem like Meredith hated me by default?" I questioned.

"To be honest?" Jackson raised his eyebrows, leaning back. "She probably does. She's kind of got that kind of attitude. I never liked her that much but she's Lexie's half-sister, so she likes to see Alex here and there. They'd only known each other a year or two before she died." He answered.

Another unexpected answer. "Oh," I murmured. "That kind of sucks." I sipped at my drink a little faster than before, suddenly overcome with a wave of awkwardness.

"Yeah. I think uh, we're kind of in the same boat. Feeling guilty about not knowing her longer, wishing we'd had a better chance to know her. I did love her. I don't think I was in love with her, but I did love her." He admitted, wetting his lips. It made sense.

In a weird way, too, it made me feel a little better. You can love a lot of people but not be in love with them. I could already feel that I liked him a lot and I was pretty sure that wasn't just the strawberry rum that I had in me. It was so nice to find a natural connection with someone, even if it was just a platonic thing. Nice and rare, certainly. I didn't have any good friends in Seattle yet and it made it all the easier to cling to him.

"You're doing a great job taking care of her daughter. I'm sure she's happy with you." I offered with a smile, picking up my drink and quickly finishing it off. "Should we get going?" The conversation had made the night fly by.

"Sure," Jackson nodded.

He got the check and paid for it, and I peak at the total with a cringe, knowing that my nervous drinking had definitely attributed to it more than what I had intended. I'd have to find a way to make it up to him somehow – maybe I could cook him dinner or something the other night. With a meal kit, maybe. It might be better that way.

"Off we go," he announced with a smile as we both stood up. I find myself taking his hand as we stepped out of the restaurant, tangling our fingers together.

"You have big hands," I observed, looking at how small mine was inside of his.

"Mmhm," he hummed in agreement. "Some coworkers have made fun of me for it."

"Why's that?" I asked. "Big hands on a man are good things." It takes a few seconds for me to entirely realize what I had said and that it had been very much out loud. Whoops.

"Not always for a surgeon," Jackson let out a good-natured laugh. "Small hands are usually better for that. Like yours. Not always, though. I don't mean to be rude when I ask, but, do you happen to be a little bit of a lightweight?"

I made a whiny noise. "What makes you ask that?"

"Just normal human curiosity," he laughed.

"I'm a little bit of a lightweight." I bumped into him casually with the words. "I don't normally drink a lot. Especially on a date. But I was kind of really nervous about tonight because I didn't know if it was a date and then when you said it was, I was like, woah, okay, this super hot guy is actually willing to be on a date with me. That's crazy! I'm not desperate for a relationship or anything like that, but, it's kind of nice. Human connection. All of that jazz." The words aren't influenced by the drinks that I had, but instead, the openness that I offered to him.

"I probably haven't had enough human connection lately either," Jackson commented, letting go of my hand and circling his arm around my shoulders. "But you are right, it is nice." He agreed.

It doesn't take long for us to get back to our apartment building and take the elevator up to our floor. I like having his arm around me. I could smell his cologne – I couldn't quite identify it, but whatever it was, it smelled nice. I liked the smell of it. The elevator dinged and the doors separate, only a few more steps down the hallway to our doors.

"So, I had a really nice time tonight…" Jackson started, turning toward me.

I smiled up at him for a moment, placing one hand on his shoulder before stretching up on my toes to place a kiss on his lips. He's warm, but to my surprise, he doesn't welcome me in or return the kiss. Instead, he stilled, waiting a few moments before pulling away.

"Uh, was that not okay?" I questioned, suddenly terrified as I dropped back on my heels and looked up.

"I, uh," Jackson stuttered, blinking a few times. "No, it's not that, it's just that–"

Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_.

"I, uh, I'm gonna– I'm gonna go." Before I could do anything else to embarrass myself further, I quickly turned and fumbled with the keys in my purse to unlock my door, getting inside of my apartment as quickly as my tipsy self could manage.

So much for things going well.


	4. Chapter 4

**_ JACKSON _ **

I felt like a dick.

April and I had a good night together until we'd walked home and had a hit and a miss with that kiss. She had been tipsy and I couldn't possibly begin to imagine what was going through her head with all of that, but I could only imagine that it wasn't a good thing, certainly nothing positive about me. I was almost positive that I had ruined her night by dodging out like that.

A clap of thunder roared outside and practically shook the apartment, the storm not easing up in the slightest. Alexandra cried out for me predictably and I don't hesitate to go to her, picking her up and gently bouncing her on my hip. She doesn't mind the rain – it's become a normal part of her day to day routine, nearly, the sound otherwise rather calming. But the thunder and flashes of lightning from outside don't always occur with the same frequency, and when they do, she hates it. She'll stay up all day and night crying and screaming for me, as she had managed to do thus far. I could hold her and hum to her, but she didn't seem to notice much else besides the noise.

Two women were mad at me, it seemed.

The storm had rolled in early in the morning, earlier than what I usually got up, and thrown the both of us off schedule. I hadn't had nearly as much to drink and didn't fee the effects of alcohol in my system, even if April was still managing to pull me away from my thoughts and back to last night.

Undeniably, it had been a good time. We had hit it off naturally and there had been a minimal struggle for conversation, going back and forth as if we were old friends catching up when instead we were just beginning to really learn about each other. There was a natural charisma there that I greatly appreciated having. It seemed like she had, too.

But she had been just a little too tipsy for me to be comfortable kissing her. I didn't mind that she was tipsy in the first place, that was fine. People got nervous on first dates all the time and as long as it wasn't a recurrent theme, it wasn't a big deal.

It just hadn't seemed right to me, that was all. It was nothing about her – because I was certainly attracted to her, both physically and as an intellectual person. I wanted to be a good guy, polite. I didn't want her to do anything that she was going to wake up and regret the next day, or blame on alcohol. Maybe that hadn't entirely succeeded and she would blame at least parts of it on the cocktails that she had been downing, but this was at least one thing.

Alex cried into my ear and grabbed a tiny fistful of my shirt, pulling at the neck and leaving it even more stretched out than it already was. A quick way to get my attention back on her.

"It's okay, bitty-boo." Lexie had called her that when she was inside of her belly and dancing around. "It's just a storm. It'll pass, I promise. You're okay. You're safe. Daddy's got you." The words are looped leaving my mouth, hoping maybe the sound of my voice would mollify her. "It's okay."

A knock at the door drew my attention, and I had to hold back the sigh that wanted to leave. The last thing that I needed right now was a neighbor complaining about the noise. I knew she was loud. I was already doing everything I could to calm her down.

"You're okay," I reminded her one more time, kissing her on the forehead. I don't bother to put her down as I get the door, opening it without looking through the peephole.

Standing on the other side of the door was April. Oh. Should have seen that coming.

"Hey," I greeted her, shifting Alex up a little higher on my side.

"You should try building a blanket fort with her and headphones," April stated quickly, not looking at me. Instead, her gaze was on my fussy little girl, although she didn't look particularly irritated with her. If anything, she was avoiding looking at me instead.

"Oh, okay," I nodded my head quickly. "Uh, I know that she's a little noisy right now, but do you want to come in and talk for a minute? I can make some coffee or–"

"No." April cut me off quickly, her voice colder than I anticipated. "I've got to go to a client meeting."

Before I could try and get another word in, she had already turned on her heel quickly and sent red curls of hair flying with the force, beginning to walk down the hallway and away from me. If she had work, alright, even if it was weird to have a meeting on a Sunday afternoon. But it was clear to see that she was still mad at me after the date.

"Be safe driving!" I called out to her, hoping to show that I cared.

"I'm not." She responded shortly, pressing the elevator button a few times before disappearing.

I lingered in my doorway staring down the hallway for just a minute, taking a deep breath. Obviously, we were going to have to talk about it at some point – I didn't want her to be pissed at me, and especially not because I had done the right thing. Surely she would see that once I actually got the chance to explain myself to her. Now, it was just a matter of whether or not I would actually get that chance. Living across the hall should have made that a little easier for us.

When Alex gave another fussy cry, I quickly stepped back inside before I could draw any more attention to the two of us and shut the door, locking it. Hopefully, no one else would try to give their two cents. I don't mind it so much from someone that I know well, but strangers butting in their heads got frustrating.

"Why don't we try Miss April's idea, huh? Would you like that, bitty-boo?" I asked her.

Willing to do anything to help, I grab my Beats out of my bedroom and place them on Alex's ears gently. I adjusted them to the smallest setting but they're still a little big on her, which at least meant that I didn't have to worry about them being too tight.

For a few minutes, I set her down in her playpen on her stomach to give her a little tummy time. hoping that the headphones would stay on. There were a few extra blankets in the closet, usually only used during the winter, but they'd work for now. Using the back of the couch, chairs, and television to hold them up, it's not too shabby. Slouching a little, but that would affect me more than it would Alexandra.

I get my laptop in there, figuring that I can get Netflix up and going with some movie to help the cause.

"Alright, let's see how you like this, huh?" I pick her up and get her settled on one of the throw pillows in front of my laptop, scrolling through the different movie options on Netflix before settling on _Mulan_. Hopefully growing up with some strong female role models in the form of television and movies would make up for the one she lacked daily.

She put up a smidgen of resistance when I took my headphones off of her head, insisting on holding them in her hands for a few minutes and banging them around. They're expensive but honestly, she didn't have a lot of strength behind her when it came to breaking things.

It's hard to tell what exactly had gotten her to calm down, but she's not quite as fussy before, seeming to be enthralled by the movie. Maybe blocking out some of the sensory input had helped the remaining thunder not be as overwhelming for her. Either way, I was going to have to thank April for the tip. At least it was an easy excuse to try and talk to her again.

Scrolling through my phone while she watches the movie, I catch up with a few emails from work. I was meant to go back tomorrow, full-time. It meant making a transition for Alex, too.

Daycare was the logical option for longterm, getting back to work. It meant that she would be in the same building with me. Maybe it wasn't quite the same one-on-one are that a babysitter would give, which was part of my worry. But she was healthy. I knew that she was healthy, every test in the book said that she was healthy. She was average right along the growth curve. I had no logical reason to be worried about her physical health. Yet I still was.

My mom, in an attempt to be helpful, had sent me a U-curve once on the states of grief. According to it, I had stayed at the bottom for a long time – guilt, loneliness, isolation. I had spent more time there than seeking down there.

But for the first time, I can see myself beginning to fight my way up the other side.

Re-entry troubles, new relationships, new strengths, new patterns. The first was, well, admittedly an easy first step to get to. It was getting past it where the challenge laid.

In theory, April was a new relationship, regardless of where we stood at the moment. She was someone new in my life and at a minimum, a new friend. Going out and even trying had to prove something. I loved Lexie, I still did, but I was open to new love still.

I didn't know whether or not going back to work would qualify as a new pattern, but certainly doing that and managing the single parent life would be. My mom had volunteered to watch her on my first day back at work, giving me the chance to readjust, before I put her down in the daycare. Hopefully, all would go well. I don't know what I would do if it didn't.

By the time that the movie had come to an end, Alexandra was quiet and sleepy. I put down my phone on one of the couch cushions, picking her up to cradle her. She stared up at me with sleepy brown eyes, just barely staring open at me.

"Let's get you to bed, huh?" Her schedule was already off, but daycare was going to change that too.

Slowly standing up as to not disturb her, I take her to the nursery and get her settled for the night. No resistance is put up, I know that she has to be exhausted from the on and off crying all day with the storm.

It's supposed to storm all week, though, so I leave out the makeshift blanket fort just in case tomorrow or the next day ends up being another rough one for her. The hospital drowned out storms and the likes outside of it pretty well for the most part unless it was particularly bad. Hopefully tomorrow with my mom, she'd be well behaved with the weather. There was no guarantee of that.

Once my living room is straightened up properly, the laundry had all been put up, and the bathroom was clean, I felt a little better about having my mom over here tomorrow.

But there was still one thing left unresolved. I glanced at the time on my watch. It'd been a bit since April had left – if it was a client meeting like she had said, she was probably back by now. Even if she'd just been out running errands or something else less time-sensitive, there was still a good chance.

Putting the baby monitor in my pocket just in case Alex woke up, I headed across the hallway and knocked on the door. Instead of standing directly in front of the peephole, worried she might not answer, I step to the side slightly.

After a moment, the door answered and a frown greeted me on the other side.

"What do you want?" April asked abrasively.

"Uh, I mean, I don't want anything but–" I started, and she began to shut the door on me. I placed my hand forward quickly to catch it. "April, can we talk for just a minute, please?"

"What?" She repeated.

"I'd like to talk about last night, please, if you'll let me." I tried again, wetting my lips.

Her arms folded in front of her ribs, leaning into the door. "What about it?"

"Listen, I can tell that you're pissed at me. This is about the kiss, right? Because other than that, I thought we had a pretty good night together." I started, hoping that she would have enough patience for just a minute to hear me out.

"Yeah," she answered shortly. "What was so… offensive about me kissing you?"

"Offensive?" I echoed. "No, no, April, you've got this all wrong. There was nothing offensive about it. But I don't want to kiss you when you're drunk, you know? I'm not that kind of guy and I would hope that you wouldn't want me to be that type. It's just not a part of who I am. I respect you and I don't want to mess anything up by doing something that might make a sober version of you uncomfortable." I explained, speaking a little quicker to try and get ahead of her anger.

"Seriously?" Her voice went upward in pitch slightly.

"Yeah, seriously. It had nothing to do with you or being offended or anything like that. Trust me, a beautiful woman kissing me is the last thing that I find offensive. But a drunk one? I just don't think that's right." I continued on,

A noisy sigh left April. "Do you promise that's all it was? Just because I was a little tipsy?" She pleaded with me, both with her words and the large hazel eyes looking up at me.

"Of course," I answered earnestly. "Do you need me to prove it to you?"

April lit up, grinning with her teeth digging into her bottom lip though it did nothing to hide the smile that grew steadily across her expression.

I leaned down to her, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. At the same moment that I cradled her face, she reached up for my shoulders and put her hands there. Her skin was warm and her lips were soft against mine. I hadn't realized just how small she was until I was holding her like this, but now I could feel it in a few seconds of shared air between us.

Even when our lips parted from one another's, our hands remained to hold the other near, sharing the space there. The forgiveness was already apparent in her eyes.

"Does that make things a little better?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yeah, yeah it does," she chuckled out.

"I uh, I was planning on going to bed early since I'm heading back to work full-time starting tomorrow, but do you want to come over for a few minutes? Maybe for a drink?" I suggested with a soft smile.

"Maybe just one this time," April answered, sheepishly looking up at me.

"Yeah, probably a good idea." I agreed, stepping back slightly to give her a little room. Her front door shut as mine opened up, and we moved into my apartment.

The door shut after a moment and I guided her into the apartment. She was already familiar with the place and I was glad that she was seeing it now when it was in a more clean state of being than it had been at her impromptu babysitting session. I try not to be too much of a mess, but there was only so much to do as a single parent and constantly chasing around my daughter. Sleeping fell pretty low on the list of priorities.

Not a lot of alcohol was kept in my apartment given that I just didn't happen to drink a lot. There were a few cans of beer in the fridge to offer her. I grab one of the IPAs, opening it up as I walked back over to her and handed her the beer.

"How did your work meeting go?" I inquired.

"Huh?" She questioned. "Oh. No, I–I didn't have one. I was just trying to get out of there fast."

"I kind of thought that." One shoulder shrugged.

"Sorry," April apologized, taking a sip of the beer. "I'm not very good at confrontation, to be honest. I have never been. Sometimes I feel like I'm just better with people over the web than I am in person." She explained.

My arms folded as I leaned into the counter. "It's alright." I brushed it off. "A lot of people aren't good at it. I'm guessing that you spend a lot of time online, yeah?"

"Kind of because I have to, yeah." She answered. "I mean, I like what I do. It's more entertaining than… sitting at a computer and staring at spreadsheets for hours on end."

"Fair enough," I nodded my head.

The two of us chatter back and forth for a few minutes, getting past the road bump that had been placed in our way by the awkward almost kiss. I let her know how much the tips that she had given me this afternoon helped, and she seemed to be rather pleased with it. I certainly had been as well. Even if it was rather simple, it was another thing that inclined me to trust her. She had wrapped me in far too easily. Yet I was still enjoying every moment of her company.

When I go to bed that night, after saying we'd talk tomorrow and a quick check in with Alex, I sleep well. A rarity and a blessing before being determined to dive back into work, certainly, but one that I welcomed with open arms.

In the morning, my mom ended up arriving only a few minutes before I have to rush off to work, and the conversation with her is shorter than intended. Perhaps a good thing. I loved her and respected her, but we also happened to disagree about a lot of different parenting styles, and that was a layer of stress that I didn't need to be added onto my day.

Surgery was already scheduled for me, with Ben Warren assisting. I liked Warren. He was smart in the O.R. and happened to be a good friend of mine as well. I knew he and Sloan had been talking a lot since I'd taken time off and Sloan had taken over mentoring him.

"So, who's the girl?" Warren asked immediately. That didn't take long.

"Uh, what are you talking about?" I stuttered out, briefly glaring up from the surgical field.

"You know as well as I do that Sloan told me." I could see him smiling, even behind the mask. "He mentioned that there was a new lady in your life. Now, you're coming back after that? Seems like one hell of a coincidence, man. She must be something else."

I shook my head as I began cutting. "It's a new girl that lives across the hall from me, actually." I make the correction lightly, pausing momentarily. "But we did go on a date."

"Hah!" He exclaimed. "Called it. Mark owes me twenty bucks."

"You bet on it? Really?" I questioned with moderate exasperation.

"Mmhm," he hummed, unashamed. "Soon as he mentioned it, I knew you'd be coming around again. You needed a kick back into life again. There's your kick. Alex got you functioning again, but not living, you know? You've been all about her, you forgot about yourself. Now, you can do both."

Admittedly, a little reflection made it clear that he was right. Even if I'd been decent enough by most standards going day to day, everything had been about Alex and keeping her well and happy, and not about myself. I loved being a parent, but I was more than that, too. Even if she was always going to be the most important priority.

"I do like her," I opened up. "A lot. I haven't smiled at another woman like that in a long time. I loved Lexie, but… loved her like a best friend, you know? I love Alex so much and I want her to remember her mother fondly, but she wasn't my soulmate. How do you tell a little girl that about the mother she'll never know?"

"Divorced couples gotta tell their kids hard stuff all the time. Hell, I do it with Tuck. It's not easy, but kids are strong. And they'll get it. Maybe not at first, but when they see you happy, they will. They're selfless most of the time. As long as they can tell that you're happy, they'll go along with it." Ben shrugged his shoulders. I knew Tuck had been older when he'd married into Miranda's life, but he had picked up on being a parent well enough. "You just gotta make sure you're ready, you know? Really ready."

"I don't know, man," I breathed out. "The last six months have been hell. I mean, with Alexandra, they've been great. But it's been hell, too. All I really want right now is a little bit of stability." I admitted.

"Does she have a good job? Any kids of her own?" Ben asked.

I gave a slight nod. "Yeah. She's in software development, which is pretty lucrative, work your own hours, that kind of thing. No kids but she wants them. She seems to be good with them, from what I can tell."

"Sounds like a pretty good start to me," he said. "See what happens. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, then hey, it doesn't but at least you know that you tried."

"You've got a point," I agreed. "I think I'm giving it a try. I do. You just don't think that it's too soon? After Lexie?"

"If she had been your other half, end of the world kind of love, I'd say yes," Ben admitted. "But c'mon, man, everyone knows that she wasn't that. She got pregnant and you did the right thing. It would have fallen apart either way." The words sting a bit, even if there's a layer of truth there. "It sucks, what happened. But she'd want you to be happy, you know? She was a good person. Mature. I'm sure she would have been a great mom if she lived. But she didn't. So instead, I'm sure she'd want you to move on."

Lexie and Ben hadn't been that close, but everyone had known and loved Lexie. Mark had, certainly. There'd always been a suspicion of something more between the two of them, but I'd pushed it down for the sake of our child.

"Thanks." I offered up. "I haven't really gotten to talk to anyone about her."

"Well, I know Mark is waiting to get all of the details," Ben laughed. "So I'm pretty sure it's not going to take long for you to get sick of the two of us again."

And of course, Ben was right about that. By the time that we had both scrubbed out of surgery, I was just about worn from all of the conversations – in part because I was completely out of practice. Snippets of conversation with the CVS clerk, whenever I ran out for more diapers or wipes, didn't exactly account for hours of conversation back and forth across an operating room table.

Mark got in his fair share of jabbing and interrogation as well and got the same answers as Ben did. There was no point in trying to dodge one or the other. If I told one, I pretty much told the other.

Besides in conversation, I managed to get my thoughts focused on surgery and mostly away from my daughter for the duration of the day. I'm sharp and focused. It's a nice change of pace from the days that I had become used to. I had missed the thrill of surgery. It was unlike anything else in the world. So was parenting, sure, but that was something full of fondness and adoration. Instead, surgery was nothing but pure adrenaline pacing through my veins.

"Hey, bitty-boo." I greeted my daughter, brightening up instantly as I grabbed her from my mom. "How was she?"

"A little angel," Catherine cooed. "She's not a big fan of the rain, but that's okay because she loves her grandma so much. How was your day at work?"

"It went well," I smiled. "I'm tired, though. I think I'm gonna put her down and head to bed." Not true. I did want her out admittedly so that I could have April come over for a few minutes. The line about being tired wasn't a lie.

"Have a good night, baby." She gave me.

I kissed her on the cheek before she went, and saw her out the door. Then Alex got my full attention, putting her in a clean diaper and changing her into pajamas before putting her down for the night. I didn't know if it would last very long given that she hadn't seen me most of today, the first time in a long time, but hopefully, it would work.

Without any hesitation, I send April a quick text to let her know that I was home. Less than a minute passed before there was a knock on the door and I smiled to myself, quickly answering it.

"Hey," I greeted her.

"Hey!" She chirped out, greeting me with a kiss on the cheek. "How was work?"

"It went well, actually," I answered honestly, smiling. "It's nice to get my life back to normal. It hasn't been that way in a long time and I'm really looking forward to it."

"That's great to hear," April smiled at me. "I'm happy for you. I love my job and you should too."

Before either of us could say anything more on the matter, Alex's cries filled up my apartment. I took a deep breath and offered an apologetic smile. Even if she had been patient with all things baby related, no one liked to actually hear any baby cry. As far as I was concerned, though, it was considerably worse when it was your own child.

"Sorry, let me calm her down." I expressed, heading down to her nursery to pick her up. Bouncing her up and down, I hummed a quiet little tune to try and get her quiet again. She continued crying into me, howling against my chest.

"Is she okay?" April whispered, surprising me. I turned around to face her.

"Yeah," I gave her a slight nod of my head. "She's just used to having me around all day, I think, so she probably had a little bit of a rough day."

"She missed her daddy." There's something a little sad in her smile but I don't push it.

"Uh-huh," he nodded.

"Can I?" She asked.

My eyebrows raised up at the question, pausing a moment before giving a full nod of the head. "Yeah, sure." I stepped over toward her. "Just be careful. She'll pull your hair out." I warned.

April stepped up to me and I very slowly placed Alex in her arms, being careful as I did so. I trusted her yet there's always a little spike of anxiety when I handed her off to someone. But she took her easily and with a smile as she looked down at her. I couldn't help but give a smile of my own seeing her hold her. Alex having women in her life, female role models particularly, was always going to be important to me.

"Hi there, little one," she cooed. "You're just a little cutie, aren't you? A total cutie pie."

"She's my little bitty-boo." I smiled, running a finger over the back of her hand.

"You want to hear something that's a weird coincidence?" She looked up at me for a moment, then back down at her. "I always really liked Alexa as a baby name. That's pretty close, isn't it? Alex, Alexa…"

"I like Alexa, actually." I murmured. "You got a long list of baby names?"

She nodded and hummed. "Mmhm. I like unique but still common, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I get that." I nodded slightly. "Makes plenty of sense. You have one of those. I guess I kind of do, too." One shoulder lifted in a shrug, grabbing a tiny little foot. Alex seemed to calm down some, even if she was still awake and looking at the two of us with wide eyes. "You can call her that if you want."

"Little Alex or little Alexa…" April pursued her lips forward. "I like both. She's your daughter, though, not mine. Alexandra is a beautiful name and it's meaningful."

"Yeah, it is." Loved in a platonic or romantic sense, Lexie would always be important to me.

A knock at the door caught my attention, not expecting any company besides her at this time of the evening. Maybe my mom had forgotten something here, but I hadn't noticed anything out of place. "I'll be right back." I murmured with an apologetic smile, heading to the front door before the knocking could get any louder. I looked through the peephole and saw a stranger on the other side. Weird.

I pulled open the door and gave a cordial smile to the man on the other side, noticing that there was an envelope in his hand. So it probably wasn't an accident he was here.

"Jackson Avery?" The stranger asked.

"Yeah?" I responded.

"You've been served." The envelope was shoved promptly into my hand and the male walked away quickly before I could get any word in. I stood there for a moment, stunned. Who the hell? How? Questions raced through my head and I fumbled to get the envelope open, beginning to read through it.

There was plenty of legal text on the paper there and I tried to skim through it as fast as possible to try and get to the important parts of everything that it said. Once I found it, I felt my stomach drop.

Lexie's family was suing me for custody.


	5. Chapter 5

**_ APRIL _ **

"Oh, you're just a little sweetie pie, aren't you?" I cooed softly at the six month old, shifting my hips from side to side so that I could give her a little bounce as I held her. "Oh yes, yes you are."

Bending down my neck, I blow a noisy little raspberry against her chubby cheek and listen to the delightful laughter that came from the little girl's lips. There was a warmth that filled me, one that only little babies like her that could give me. Empty womb syndrome was likely to follow in a few minutes, but that was okay. I'd always loved being around babies – whether it was my sisters when they were younger, or one of the nephews that they had given me a few years ago. Babies were great.

As Jackson had predicted when passing her over to me, Alex gets a handful of my wavy hair and gives it a tug. It doesn't bug me, not particularly, even if it is a bit of a hard pull. I shift her carefully so that I'm holding her with one arm, detangling the locks of hair from her tiny fist with my newly emptied hand.

"You're a little troublemaker, aren't you? You're going to be giving your Daddy a run for his money. I just know it." I grinned at her the entire time that I spoke. "I was a bit of one too. Drove my parents absolutely crazy. Now I miss them all the more because of it."

Getting emotional around the little girl certainly wasn't my intention, but they were emotions that I had trained myself to keep bottled. Talking about it was always tense and awkward, better off avoided. Something about being around a baby just made me all too willing to spill out every little secret buried in the back of my mind. But I know what it's like to miss a parent. She'll have to grow up with that. Maybe it was easier when you didn't know them to start.

"I haven't seen many pictures, but I bet you look like your momma. You're so pretty. You'll probably want to know all about her when you grow up." I took a deep breath through my nose. "And your Daddy's a good guy. He'll tell you all about her, I bet. You'll be able to write a book on her by the time you're grown up."

Fingertips brush over the apple of her cheek with a soft smile. "Cutie pie," I murmured, adjusting the little cap that she had covering up the thin curls on top of her head and keeping her warm.

"Why don't we go see what's taking your silly Daddy so long, huh?" I gave her a little bounce, turning on my heel to walk out of the nursery and see what was keeping Jackson. If it was someone in need at this time of night, I probably would have heard something – which meant that more than likely, it wasn't anyone or anything important at the door. Probably just some solicitor. "He's so slow." I continued to speak to her.

With Alex on my hip, I walked out to the living room. Jackson was still standing with the door open although there was no one standing across from. Instead, he was focused on the envelope and piece of paper that he was holding in his hand. It was a little late for any mail – and most things were delivered to the boxes downstairs.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

Jackson jumped, clearly not expecting me, and cleared his throat. "It's, uh…" he trailed off.

"It's?" I prompted him to continue speaking.

"Lexie's family is suing me for custody of Alexandra." He answered.

I froze for a moment, just about the last thing that I expected to hear. I'd heard him talk about Lexie some, sure, but not a lot about the family that she came from beside the brief encounter and discussion about Meredith. But he seemed like such a great father, he was so sweet and doting, constantly thinking about her. I couldn't imagine why anyone would try to take her away from him. He was so clearly head over heels in love with his daughter.

"What?" I spluttered out, unable to come up with anything more eloquent. "I mean, w–what? They're trying to take her away from you?" That was so inexplicably cruel.

"They want primary custody. Meredith does." Jackson explained, finally shutting the front door and turning back to face me. His face screamed a cluster of different emotions – anger, terror, hurt. He didn't deserve something like this to be served to him so suddenly.

"Why the heck would she do something like that?" I questioned, brows furrowing.

"I…" He started, pausing and shaking his head in defeat. "I don't know. I honestly do not have a clue." In a sad way, he already sounded like he had lost. I hated that.

"Here," I murmured, stepping forward so he could take Alex back.

Jackson took her back from me quickly and I could see the strength and tightness in which he held her against his chest. Not enough that it hurt or bothered her, but he still held onto her like she was the only thing that was keeping him grounded and conscious in the moment. Maybe she was. It was a bond I couldn't quite understand. Not from his perspective, at least.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked, not wanting him to think that I was intruding. It felt like news that I shouldn't have left him alone with, but I still feel obligated to ask.

"No, it's fine. I mean, unless you want to – I just don't think that is going to make me great company right now."

"That's fine," I waved my hands as I spoke. "That's totally fine and totally understandable. I'm honestly surprised that you are not screaming and throwing things because I don't even begin to have a clue what I would do in your position right now."

He fell quiet for a moment and I chewed at my lower lip, watching him closely. His brows were knitted together, gaze on his daughter more intense than the usual softness and doting that he looked at her with. He was worried about this.

I knew why on the surface level, but I had to wonder if there was something more to it. He was a surgeon – a plastic surgeon, which meant that he was more or less made of money. This was an expensive building but not the most expensive in Seattle and it was well-decorated, but he wasn't bougie with his money, not completely. He should have been able to afford a top-notch lawyer. There were a few things that already lined up in his favor, as far as I could tell.

"This is such bullshit." I blurted out. "Sorry– sorry, for the language. I only curse when I'm mad."

"It's okay," Jackson brushed off without looking up from Alex.

"No, but, seriously. It's a complete load of bullcrap." I corrected myself. "You're a good dad. A great one! You love your daughter and you've done so much to be with her and be a good parent to her and, like, I've only known you for a little while but I can already figure it out, so why the hell can't her family piece that together? It's obvious!" I was getting more worked up than what I intended.

He sighed. "I don't know." He shook his head before looking up. "Meredith never liked me. It's her doing this. Lexie's mom died a few years ago and her dad's a deadbeat. Her other sister is a nice girl – sweet, quiet, not very involved." He explained.

"She is… she is awful." I shook my head, shuddering. "Seriously. I mean, there is no good reason or logical explanation for taking perfectly good parents away from their children. There are already so many kids out there who would love to have their parents with them and don't get to have that, so to intentionally do that to a sweet little girl with a father who loves her so much is just so beyond screwed up. It's not the right thing to do. It's not the Christian thing to do. I'm, like, not super religious but – anyone with a conscious and a brain should be able to see that it's the wrong thing to do here." I rambled on, hands thrown up in the air with exasperation.

"I didn't realize this was a sensitive subject for you," Jackson murmured, shifting his weight from side to side so that he could give Alex a little rock and bounce for her entertainment.

"No, it's not. Well, I mean– I lost my parents in a car accident." It had been a long time since I had said that out loud.

"I'm so sorry," he replied automatically.

My shoulders lifted and fell in a shrug, not dismissing it, but used to the response. "It's okay. It's just… why I get so angry about something stupid like this. Good parents deserve to be with their children. Not taken away because someone has a vendetta or some drunk driver or…"

"I get it," Jackson interrupted so I didn't have to go on. "And you're completely right. It's not fair. And it's not right."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me." An apology of my own is thrown back quickly, chewing harshly on my lower lip for a moment. "So what are you going to do?"

"Fight." He answered simply. "It's the only thing that I can do. I'm not going to lose her."

Nodding my head in understanding, I stepped toward them again, placing one of my fingers on top of Alexandra's hands. Her tiny digits wrapped around my finger and I gave a soft smile, unable to help myself. Even if the situation was infuriating, the simplicity of her absolute adorableness soothed some of the anger that coursed through me.

"You've got a really great Daddy." I murmured to her before looking up at Jackson.

"Thanks," he replied softly.

"Is there anything that I can do to help?" I asked.

"No, you're already doing enough," he shook his head. "I just need to make a phone call real quick. Do you mind?" His chin pointed down toward the six month old.

"Not at all," I answered.

Jackson stepped toward me and set Alex in my arms again. I gave him a quick smile and walked back toward her nursery, wanting to give him a moment of privacy. Putting her back down for the night felt like the thing for a parent to do – I didn't want to intrude on that.

Instead, I sit down in the rocking chair, crossing my legs and leaving one foot on the ground to rock her back and forth. One of her hands found my hair again and I let it happen, unbothered this time.

Anyone else would have said that I was too close to him, inappropriately so given that I hadn't known him that long. There was plenty that he didn't know about me and I was sure that went both ways. We had shared a lot on our first date and hit it off, sure, but I didn't know every intricate detail of his life. But I had to trust my gut. Everything in my gut was telling me that he was a good man. He'd been polite, he hadn't kissed me when I was drunk, he was good with his daughter. All signs pointed in the right direction.

"I bet you'll be just fine," I murmured to her. "You're not going to remember a thing."

A few minutes passed and I could barely hear the murmurings of some conversation in the other room. Jackson was likely on the phone, which made sense. Maybe he already had a lawyer lined up. Doctors had to have malpractice insurance, it made sense for that to go along with it.

When he came into the nursery again, he looked exhausted.

"Are you alright?" I asked, immediately feeling stupid for it.

"Not particularly," he admitted with a slight shrug of his shoulders. I stood up so that I could hand Alex back over to him. "Can I ask a favor of you?" He requested.

"Of course, anything," I answered quickly.

"Would you be willing to watch her for an hour or two tomorrow? I'll put her in daycare while at work, but I'm going to meet with one of the family lawyers tomorrow afternoon. It shouldn't take long but you can just hang out here till I'm back." Jackson requested.

I nodded vigorously. "Yes, absolutely. That's not a problem. I'm working from home anyways."

"Thank you," he gave me a slight smile. "I'm gonna go ahead and put her to bed tonight. It's going to be a long day tomorrow." I was sure that was an understatement for him.

"Of course. I'll go." A smile flashed across my features. "Just… text me or pop over if you need anything else, okay?"

"Sure." He nodded.

I stretched up on my toes, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek goodnight, feeling just a little obligated to keep things PG when inside of his daughter's nursery. With a goodbye to Alex as well, I headed back across the hallway to my own apartment for the night.

After a long shower, I laid out in bed in a t-shirt and a clean pair of panties, taking a deep breath before opening up my phone. I go to my older sister's Facebook page, opening up her photo albums. She had the physical ones, with our childhood photos, pictures of our parents. She had put most of them online, fortunately. It took only a minute to find the old photo I'm looking for – all of us standing outside the house, squinting with the sun in our eyes. Libby was sixteen, I was twelve, Kimmie was ten, and Alice had just turned nine. It was the last photo all of us had taken together.

"I miss you," I whispered, kissing the photo on my phone.

Dreaming of my parents means that I get out of bed later than intended. I never feel well-rested when it happens. It had been over a decade which meant that I didn't dream of them as much as I used to, but it wasn't something that ever really got better. It was a part of life, but a part that never really stopped hurting.

Morning comes and I lay there for longer than I should, awake but vaguely annoyed. I hadn't slept well, in a way that coffee wasn't going to fix. But I couldn't lay in bed all day.

Even if the idea was tempting.

Coffee and sweatpants take priority before I settle at my desk to work. Developing apps for iPhones and Androids weren't that hard, I thought. The clients for small businesses tended to be much more flexible and grateful than big corporations, too. There was a lot to be grateful for.

Hours pass quickly when it comes to my work. I break for food occasionally – snacks, mostly, eventually just dragging the bag of popcorn over to my desk with me and being careful about keeping my keyboard and everything else clean.

Around four o'clock, I begin to keep an eye on the time, waiting for Jackson to appear. I wasn't sure exactly what time the meeting was scheduled for or how things really went with him working at a hospital, but I didn't want to be unprepared or completely absorbed into my work when he knocked on the door. Mostly, I don't want to miss it.

Waiting finally comes to fruition when there's a knock on the door and I shut my laptop, straightening out my shirt and quickly moving to get the door so he doesn't have to wait.

"Hey!" I greeted him, perking up with a smile.

"Hi." Jackson gave me a slight smile.

"Was work okay?" I asked, avoiding the more obvious topic.

"Uh-huh." As he answered, I pulled my door shut behind me and placed my phone into my pocket to follow him across the hallway to his apartment.

"How are you feeling about meeting with your lawyers?" I continued, raising my brow.

"Not sure yet," Jackson admitted with one shoulder shrugging. "I guess I'll have a better idea about all of this when I get back later. I'll let you know then." I nodded my head. "I actually just got her down for a nap – if you don't mind giving her a bottle when she wakes up, I wrote down a little schedule for you. Not sure exactly how long I'll be gone, but, not more than two hours."

I nodded again, worried for him. "Like I said, don't worry about it." I offered a smile.

"Also, my mom gave me a heads up that she's stopping by some time tonight. She didn't give me an exact time, but with her, I'd guess it'll be later – probably after you've left. Just thought that I would let you know." Jackson added. I blinked a few times, nodding yet again. I probably looked like a bobblehead.

"That's fine, I'll keep that in mind." I wet my lips. "Where's the schedule for her?"

Jackson ushered me into the kitchen and went through the schedule that he had with me, and I made sure to pay close attention, not wanting to mess anything up for him. Things were already going to be hard enough in the next few weeks or however long something like this took. I had no idea.

Once he was gone, though, I was determined to educate myself on the matter. I hopped over to my apartment for just a minute and grabbed my laptop before settling on the couch. Admittedly, I wasn't sure where to begin.

The Volokh Conspiracy came up as the second search result for Google, and of course, that was immediately where I went to. The page immediately eliminated cases that didn't apply to Jackson, which was nice. With the Supreme Court in the picture, _Troxel v. Granville_ seemed to be the general guideline. It was a big, broad guideline. Not one that helped. I'd been interested in law school once upon a time, years ago. Just enough that the language was readable for me.

Of course, most information out there was about grandparents. Not about an aunt. But it seemed like it was close enough.

Visits being in the child's best interest, and not imposing an unconstitutional burden on the parent, seemed to be the two big outlines. I wasn't sure what exact arguments could be made in that arena. Jackson was great, but I didn't know much about Meredith, or her family. Maybe it could be good. But my instinct told me to side with Jackson. I just didn't want to do so blindly.

Most cases did go in favor of the parents, though, which seemed like a good thing. How long it would take was a different story. A horror story, really. Months to years of fighting over custody of a child sounded like hell.

The alarm on my phone went off to get Alex up and I shut my laptop, going back to the nursery. I paused for a moment, wondering the best way to go about it. I don't want to wait for too long, though, so I approach the crib and gently pick her up. She stirred awake quietly, looking just a little confused. I wondered if she could recognize me.

"Hi there, little bird," I murmured quietly. "It's time to wake up again."

Taking her with me to the kitchen, I prepare her a bottle in the exact wake that Jackson had said before sitting down on the couch to give it to her. She doesn't put up a fuss or fight – either half-asleep from her nap, or just happy to have food.

It doesn't take her very long to drink down the entire bottle. I get it placed in the kitchen and grab a burping towel, draping it over my shoulder to give her a chance to burp.

A knock on the door pulled me away, and I took a deep breath. It must have been his mom.

Under normal circumstances, meeting the parents of someone I liked made me a little paranoid. I always wanted to make a good impression. But this was a trying time for him – I didn't want to seem like I was intruding on his life, and I didn't know if Jackson had even mentioned me to her. Yet either way, I rush to answer the door.

"Hi there," I greeted her, still holding onto Alex. "I'm April."

"Ah, yes, Jackson mentioned that you might be here." She stepped in before I had the chance to invite her. "I'm Catherine Avery. Jackson's mother."

"Hi," I repeated myself, shifting slightly to stretch a hand to her. "I live across the hall from him."

"So he said." She took my hand, giving it a firm shake. "Can I see my granddaughter now?"

I nodded as I stepped toward her, carefully handing her over to Catherine. I moved the burping towel from my shoulder to hers, just in case spit up decided to come out now.

"I uh, I guess things are taking long with the lawyers…" I commented, unsure what to say.

"Mmhm," Catherine agreed, though she seemed to pay little attention to me. "But that's just fine, isn't it?" Her voice raised in pitch, making it clear she was talking to Alex. "Because you're going to stay with me and your Daddy. Not a thing in the world is going to get in the way of that."

At least someone had some confidence about this.

"So you think that Jackson has a good chance?" I asked her.

"Of course," she answered quickly. "Why wouldn't he?"

"I–I didn't mean it like that." I stuttered out, shaking my head. "Jackson's a great father. I mean, I haven't known him all that long, but I can tell that he's great with her and loves her a lot. I just don't know a lot about the family who's suing him, that's all. I didn't mean to offend." I explained perhaps a little too quickly.

Catherine chuckled. "Well, Jackson mentioned that you were a sweet little thing. And yes, he told me that the two of you have been on a date. So no need to be coy. I'm sure you know plenty."

Awkward.

"Oh, not really. I mean – sort of, but, not really. We uh, we're still just getting to know each other. I'm just good with babies. Kids in general, really. I think that's why he wanted me to babysit." Maybe. Maybe not. Doubt and confusion were quickly making their way through my mind.

"Mmhm," she hummed, eyeing me with an arched brow. "Well, I'm sure that he'll be here soon."

Fortunately, Catherine was right about that. Much to my relief, given that I wasn't sure what to say and what not to say about Jackson or myself to her. I didn't want him to have to worry about anything other than his daughter right now. I just wanted to be around as a little cheerleader for him, some emotional support. I didn't want to get in the way of anything.

Jackson walked in the front door and we both stopped our conversation, turning to look at him. He looked just as tired as he had been the night before, but surprised – hopefully, just to see Catherine.

"Hi, ladies," he greeted. "Hi, bitty-boo." He went up to Alex, kissing her forehead.

"How did things go?" Catherine asked before I had the chance to.

"It was okay," he answered vaguely. "They confirmed that it's Meredith who's suing for primary custody. Supposedly Lexie said something to her about it before she died, but never to me. Mer thinks that two parents and siblings are making them a better fit."

"That's a load of crap," I blurted out angrily.

"Yeah, it is," Jackson agreed.

"I see your girlfriend and you are already on the same page," Catherine commented as she handed Alex over to Jackson, gaze moving between the two of us. I froze, unsure of what to say.

Jackson looked just as surprised. "We're– Mom, that's not important right now." He shook his head.

Wait, so was I his girlfriend?

"April, thanks for watching her. Do you mind if my mom and I talk about this alone?" Jackson asked.

"No, of course not." I forced an awkward smile, pushing the thoughts back out of my head. "I'll go home now. I'll see you later." I turned to his mom for a moment. "It was nice to meet you, Catherine."

Hopefully, she thought the same.

Without another look at the both of them, I quickly grabbed my laptop off of the couch and headed back over to the apartment. I put a pot of water on to make some spaghetti for dinner, wishing that I could hear what they were talking about. I didn't know if it was appropriate as a friend, or as a girlfriend, no longer sure.

We hadn't exactly clarified if we were in an exclusive relationship with each other, even if I was pretty confident that he wasn't dating around, and I certainly wasn't. It didn't feel like a conversation to push right now, no matter how curious I was.

The rest of the week came and went, managing to miss him. I knew our schedules were different when he had a baby and a demanding job at the hospital, and I mostly set my own hours at home. It didn't matter if it was one in the morning or afternoon when it came to my work, as long as I got it done for the clients on time, even if I tried to keep somewhat of a normal schedule going for the sake of my own sanity. I listen to try and catch him but don't manage.

Thursday night I send him a text, asking if everything's alright. Jackson did reply quickly saying that it was but didn't offer any details. I half-thought to invite him over, yet decided against.

Going into the office on Friday, I can't help but be distracted. Things with previous boyfriends had always been straightforward, even though the list wasn't particularly long. I'd always dated the kind of dorky boys who let you know exactly what they were thinking, for better or worse.

"What's the deal, Kepner?" Charlotte and her southern accent cut through my attempts to focus.

"Huh?" I questioned, spinning in my hair to face her.

"You're off your game," she shrugged, plopping down. "Who's the boy?"

Damn, she was good. "What are you talking about?" I deflected.

"You're off your game," Charlotte repeated. "Slow. You type one hundred and something words per minute and now you're barely managing to get our sixty. Something's on your mind. Cooper told me not to bug ya, but I know that I'm right."

"Yeah, well…" I sighed, leaning back and listening to the chair squeak. "You might be right."

"I'm very good with men," she bragged. "So what's the deal?"

"I kind of have a thing for the guy across the hall," I admitted, chewing at the inside of my cheek. "We've hung out some and had a real date and all. He's got this cute little girl – six months old, and he trusts me around her, even. His mom thought that I was his girlfriend and he didn't correct her, but he didn't really say that was true, either. Guess I'm just a little confused about it all."

"Well, I guarantee you're not going to get any answers slouching around about it." Charlotte pointed out, raising her brows. "Just ask him, point blank. Get it over with." She made it sound easy.

I just wasn't convinced that it was that easy.

"I want to," I admitted. "But the mother of his child – she died in birth, and now, her sister's apparently suing for custody. He's got a lot going on and I don't want to add to anything, you know? I want to help. Even if it's just as a friend. But it'd be nice to know if it was as a friend or as a girlfriend."

"You can come up with all of the excuses in the world, Kepner, but none of them are actually gonna make you feel any better. Not till you screw your balls on and just ask him." Not the exact words that I was expecting to spill out of her mouth, but I knew that she had a point.

"Yeah, probably," I wet my lips. "I don't suppose you have any tips for doing that in a gentle way?"

"Nope," Charlotte popped the syllable. "I don't do subtle."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," I smiled, half amused. "Thanks anyway, Char."

It was nice to have a friend in the office who cared enough to broach the subject because I knew myself. I wasn't going to be willing to do it myself until it was a little too late and I was pretty much at the point of combusting. One of my worse flaws, definitely, but one that happened to be pretty hard to change, too.

Finishing up work is at least a little easier with the topic out and in the air instead of bottled up inside, and I get home about the time that I had expected to, a little sweaty from the humidity of my bike ride. I feed Sully dinner then dig into the leftover chicken and rice that I had from the takeout I had gotten yesterday, staring at the brief text conversation that Jackson and I had the night before.

Charlotte was right. Moping and excuses weren't going to help.

_Sent: Hey, are you still awake?_

It wasn't like it was that late at night, but better safe than sorry.

_Received: Yeah, what's up?_

I paused just a moment, taking a deep breath before swallowing my fears.

_Sent: Let's get brunch on Sunday.  
Sent: I was thinking Panera? They have some good kids stuff. You can bring Alex._

A moment passed as I waited for the little bubble to appear to indicate that he was typing, tapping my foot anxiously as I waited. Hopefully, it wasn't too forward or too weird to offer to bring Alex along so directly. I was hoping it would just be more convenient for him.

_Received: Sure, sounds good._

Oh, thank god.

_Sent: See you then ;)_


	6. Chapter 6

**_ JACKSON _ **

The visit to the lawyer's office had left me completely drained of all the energy in my body.

Even though they had offered some words of positivity, insecurities were still playing through my mind. The Avery family lawyers were some of the best in the city and I was well aware of that. My mother would have nothing less than the best. There was some power in that. Plenty of power, actually. If this case had to do with anything other than my own daughter, I probably would have had full confidence in the outcome being in my favor. Malpractice, or whatever else, it would have been no big deal. But this was everything. Alexandra was everything to me. Nothing would change that.

But I'd have to pull it together in order to get through all of this, I knew that. My mom wasn't going to let me mope around, and it would have been counterproductive to everything else. I'd have to put on a face at least for tonight, and the next two weeks while I waited for the first hearing. Or at least, when I was dealing with anyone else who was related to it.

Walking into my apartment, I was surprised to see that my mother was already there. I figured that she wouldn't be over until a little later in the evening. Usually, she came around Alex's bedtime. She was always running a little late when it came to personal matters, the opposite to her professional life.

"Hi, ladies," I greeted them, forcing a smile. "Hi, bitty-boo." I made a beeline for Alex, needing to hold my daughter for just a minute to try and bring things back inside my head. There is some instant gratification.

"How did things go?" Catherine asked me immediately.

"It was okay," I answered, holding back a sigh. "They confirmed that it's Meredith who's suing for primary custody. Supposedly Lexie said something to her about it before she died, but never to me. Mer thinks that two parents and siblings are making them a better fit."

"That's a load of crap," April snapped out. She was far from wrong about it. It was bullshit.

"Yeah, it is," I agreed.

Going off in front of the two of them about how I feel felt on the matter didn't seem like a great idea. I needed a minute to try and gather my thoughts but I knew that wasn't going to happen. April stepped forward to place Alex in my arms, somehow able to get at least a piece of what was happening in my head. I accepted her eagerly, lifting her up and kissing the top of her head.

"I see your girlfriend and you are already on the same page," My mom said, looking between the two of us.

We were something, but we weren't officially a couple. "We're– Mom, that's not important right now." I shook my head. I was interested in being with her, of course, but that wasn't at the top of my mind. I didn't want to make April uncomfortable, especially knowing the type of presumptuous path my mom was likely to go down. She always jumped to conclusions, especially when it came to the people in my life. She'd been a little controlling here and there, always meaning well, but certainly nosy.

"April, thanks for watching her. Do you mind if my mom and I talk about this alone?" I asked.

"No, of course not." She smiled at me but it looked tense. "I'll go home now. I'll see you later." I turned to his mom for a moment. "It was nice to meet you, Catherine."

I walked her out the door and shut it behind her, wishing that I could have a moment of silence but I knew that it wasn't going to happen. My mom was going to want to talk about this and there was no way to beat around the bush when it came to her. She always got what she wanted, one way or another.

Shifting Alex up in my arm, I paused just a moment before turning back around to face my mother, running my hand over the back of my head. I loved my little girl. I would do anything for her.

"So, what did they really say?" She prompted. I turned back around.

"What I just said," I answered, moving to sit down while holding Alex and motioning for her to do the same thing. "Meredith thinks that she's better fit to raise Alex. I don't know if what she said about Lexie is true – if she did, Lexie never said anything like that to me," I explained, wetting my lips. "They have Zola. I know that she and Derek are good parents and good people, but this is completely out of line for them."

"They can't be that good of people if they're doing something like this," my mom disagreed.

I sighed. Fair enough. "Still, that's not the point." I set Alex down on my lap so that she was facing out, hands on her sides. "I don't know if they have a real chance. The lawyers said that I would be fine. It's just… infuriating to have to go through this in the first place."

"You two are going to be just fine," Catherine moved so she was sitting next to me on the couch, playing with Alex. "I know that much. We don't pay those lawyers what we do to lose, and they barely have any footing to stand on with this kind of case. You are her father. I raised you right. There is no reason in the world that anyone but you should have primary custody of her. She hasn't got another parent, and no one else will be raising her as a parent." She insisted, looking me seriously in the eye.

"You're probably right," I admitted. "But I still don't feel good about this."

"Well, you don't have to feel good about it," she countered. "Just know that you're going to win it one way or another, baby. Focus on this and her. This is the one time you have my permission to bump down work on your list of priorities. Don't let anything distract you."

I knew that she'd been skeptical about the time that I had taken off. "She's always my focus, Mom," I countered. "And I know that you mean don't let April distract me. You're not subtle."

"That's not what I said." Her eyebrows raised.

"But it's what you meant." I pointed out.

"Maybe," she quipped, going down the innocent act. "I stand by what I said. Now I know Lexie wasn't the one for you. You did the right thing by stepping up when she told you that she was pregnant, and I am proud of you for that. You've done right by her. You shouldn't restrict yourself from happiness because of how you feel about her passing. But, all that being said, the last thing you need is to be distracted by some girl."

April wasn't just some girl. My mom may not have known that, but I did.

"This isn't why you're here," I reminded her, containing a sigh. "April's a good person. She's not a distraction – not from Alex or anything else. She knows that Alex is always going to be my first priority as a parent. This isn't a conversation that I need to have with you." No matter how she tried to push it upon me.

"Well, I suppose it's time for me to go." Catherine declared.

At least I wouldn't have to be rude about that.

"Yeah, I need to get Alex in bed." Keep it civil, keep it about her.

Standing back up against with Alex, I walked her to the door and exchanged a quick kiss on the cheek with her before letting her out. I shut and locked the door behind her, letting out a sigh, grateful to have a moment alone.

"C'mon, bitty-boo." I kissed the top of her head. "It's time to take a bath and get you to bed."

Baths were one of Alex's favorite activities, to my partial relief. She never put up a fuss when it came to getting in one, but the same could not be said for getting out. I take my time getting her cleaned up, unable to keep a smile off my face. Even if she loved it, she did always manage to get sleepy. She only cried out a little bit when I finally took her out and dried her off, getting her into her pajamas.

"Atta girl," I cooed at her as she rested her head on my shoulder, my hand soothing up and down against her back. I was tired. Emotionally so more than physically. I held onto her for a few minutes longer than I usually did before placing her down inside her crib.

"Ba-ba, ba-ba," she babbled against my chest, just barely coherent. I smiled.

"That's right, I'm your Daddy." I encouraged her. "Are you going to be good, bitty-boo, and go down without fussing too much for Daddy?" I spoke to her slowly, a hand remaining in her crib and tugging her sleep shirt over her tummy completely.

Big eyes stared up at me. Although her eyes had been blue when she was born, they had become darker since she was born. She looked like me in a lot of ways, but those were Lexie's eyes.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," I whispered, grabbing the baby monitor and closing the door.

Getting into the shower, I take longer than usual to just stand under the stream of hot water and try to release some of the tension of my day. Truthfully, it doesn't do any good.

I collapsed into bed, barely taking the time to get under the sheets. Alexandra was quiet on the other end of the baby monitor, no doubt sleeping peacefully. Haven't gotten a good night of rest all week, up with the thoughts of lawyers and the trial. Even if it was still almost two weeks away from today, I knew that it was going to continue eating away at me. I wanted to talk to Meredith or Derek, even though that had been advised against. I just wanted all of this to be resolved.

My phone buzzed and I turned my head to glance at it, realizing that it was April texting me. She'd slipped from my mind, admittedly, after pushing her out. My mom was good at getting inside of my head. I didn't want her or the trial to negatively impact April or her life.

Brunch would be good. Casual, with Alex, and good.

The plans for Sunday made it a little easier to get through my Saturday – grocery shopping and other supplies like diapers for the week, grabbing some melon for Alex to try as I integrated fruits into her diet of solid food.

My weekend isn't completely miserable, and I owe credit to April for that.

No matter what effort I make to try and be early, well, my daughter always makes sure that I'm either just on-time or late. Diapers, spit up, or general fussiness, there are plenty of different options for what could slow me down on any given day. Today, it's a disaster of a diaper that leads to a deep clean up and a complete outfit change. One day, I'd look back and laugh.

A knock on the door that must have been April occurred right after I finished changing her. Not the worst timing in the world. I just needed to grab her bag and I would have been over at her place in a minute.

"Hey," I greeted with a smile. "Sorry, I'm running a little late." I apologized immediately.

"It's fine," April brushed off, stretching up and kissing me on the cheek casually, as if it was something she'd done a hundred times. "Hi there, cutie-pie." She greeted Alex.

"Ba-ba, ba-ba," Alex babbled incessantly.

"And here I was, thinking I was special because she called me that." I joked letting out a laugh that she echoed. "Let me just grab her bag and car keys and then we'll be ready to go."

When she gave a nod of her head, I headed back to the nursery to grab her diaper bag, double checking that everything I might need was inside of it. I grabbed my wallet and phone, pocketing both items, then getting my car keys with a spin of the ring around my pointer finger.

"You ready to go?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded.

We took the elevator down to the parking garage in the basement and I guided her to the car, unlocking it so that she could get in. I got Alex settled into her car seat where she gave a little fuss, mostly just fists in the air instead of crying out, handing her a stuffed elephant and hoping that it would calm her down slightly. Once she was tucked away and secure, I got in the front seat and backed out of the parking space, beginning to drive to the closest Panera.

Unexpectedly, April was quiet in the car. I like that she was a little bit of a chatterbox, usually. It was a nice break from the less than adult conversation that I got with Alex. I glanced over at her, noticing the tension in which she held onto her purse.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," she breathed out. "It's just been a long time since I've been in a car, that's all. I usually bike or take the train or bus everywhere." She explained, wetting her lips.

I reached over, placing my hand on her thigh and giving it a squeeze. "It's okay. I'm a good driver, I promise. I've got too much precious cargo in here not to be."

"Thanks," April glanced over at me with a soft smile, placing her hand on top of mine.

It was a short drive over to Panera fortunately, and it's not long before I'm parking and getting out of the car to get Alex out of her car seat. She was much happier getting out of it than she was going in, keeping the elephant stuffed animal firmly in her grip as I picked her up. I caught April smiling at her in a daze, reflecting the exact expression right back at her.

It's a little crowded at this time of day but we were at least ahead of the church crowd, ordering and sitting down with two cups of coffee and an apple juice. We picked out a booth in the back corner and I get Alex in the highchair, beaming with a little pride as she sits up on her own.

"Were things okay with your mom the other night?" April asked, sipping at her coffee.

"Yeah," I sighed out the word. "Yeah. She's noisy but she means well. I'm sorry if she made you uncomfortable with anything that she said – either while or before I was there." Knowing her, it was likely.

"She didn't," she answered quickly, shaking her head. "But I can definitely see the noisy thing."

I shrugged. "She's been that way my whole life. I'd say that you get used to it, but… even I don't entirely know if that's actually true," I admitted with a chuckle. "But she was a great mom, she really was. And now she's a really great grandma to Alex." I would give her credit where it was due. Even if she occasionally drove me crazy, I owed her everything.

"That's good," she nodded as she spoke, tearing open a sugar packet and dumping it into her coffee. The spoon clicked against the ceramic cup as she stirred it, still looking up at me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," I responded.

"What your mom said, calling me your girlfriend… Am I your girlfriend?" April asked.

Yeah, should have seen that one coming.

I didn't know what to tell her, primarily because I didn't know what she wanted to hear. Did she want to be my girlfriend? I knew that there were plenty of complications when it came to dating as a single parent and even though I knew that she liked me, she liked Alex, it was still quite a bit. I took another deep breath through my nose, buying myself a few more seconds as I attempted to formulate a civil and neutral answer. But there was no point in that. Not really.

"Given that we haven't talked about it before, I wouldn't call you that directly," I started hesitantly. "But if this is you're way of telling me that you would like to be my girlfriend, then yes." Put the ball back in her court, let her have control.

"Well, I don't want to be… overbearing or seem to clingy." April commented, her bottom lip catching between her teeth. She was playing the same game I was.

Before I could get another word out, the server came with our plates of breakfast. For once, I'm not quite so relieved with fast service. Even if I had given Alex a bottle before the house which meant she should have been on decent enough behavior, she could still get occasionally rather fussy when it came to eating. I didn't venture out with her in public much.

"You're not," I said the moment that the stranger was out of earshot. "Trust me, you're not."

She smiled softly. "I like you a lot, Jackson. I know we haven't known each other very long, but I do."

"Well, I like to think that I'm pretty easy to like for the start." My comment was half-teasing, offering her a big grin as I pulled apart Alex's food into smaller bites, feeding her one. "But don't worry, so are you. I haven't had a good friend like you in a while." I admitted. "But, to be honest, my life is about to get a little complicated with this trial stuff, I'm sure. And I don't want you to end up caught up in the middle of it, for whatever reason. You deserve better than that so I understand if that's going to be an issue for you." It was too easy to imagine that with most people, it would be one.

"That's not going to deter me, Jackson." April started, brows furrowing. "Relationships are kind of defined by their ability to get through the crappy parts, right? I mean, it can't be all good. It shouldn't be all bad, either, but, balance is what I'm getting at." She rambled slightly, stumbling over her words. "As long as you want me around, I will be here for you."

"Really?" It's not that I don't believe her, but instead, I need some kind of confirmation for her words. They were nearly too good to be true. Or maybe she just really was that good of a person, tongue-tied or not.

"Really." She confirmed with a nod of her head.

"Thank you." Reaching across the table, my hand met with hers and I gave a gentle squeeze, just a small sign of appreciation slipping through. There was a part of me that wanted to say more, but I didn't quite have my words to express the gratitude for her.

Truthfully, she had no reason to be quite so good to me, as far as I could tell. Sure, April was a nice person. The kind of neighbor that seemed reliable if you were out of sugar or flour or something, absolutely. But she had gone out of her way to be kind to me. I wanted to find some way to try and repay it for her, make sure that she got back the good karma that she put out into the universe.

The conversation takes a slight lull as we begin to eat some of the food that we had both ordered. When she offered to help feed Alex some of her food, I was surprised but let it happen. My baby girl didn't take it any easier from April than she did from me, but at least she was trying.

"So, and I'm sorry if this is annoying, but–"

"It's not." I interrupted before she could go down that train.

"Right. I just want to be, like, one hundred and ten percent clear about this. We're dating?" She asked.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "We're dating. I'm going to start calling you my girlfriend."

"Great," April beamed. "I was really hoping you'd say that. One of my coworkers was bugging me the other day – I don't know how she figured it out, but that woman is like a mind reader. I think she might have offered to kick your butt if you said no." She laughed.

I let out a laugh of my own. "Well, I might have at least needed my head checked if I'd said no." I shrugged.

"Okay, so, remember how I said that I don't want to be overbearing? I'm going to reiterate that. I don't want to be overbearing. Or pushy. Or whatever other synonymous words that you or I can come up with. But I do want to ask something that's a little… you know, forward, for the sake of clarity." There were her nerves again. She wore them just as openly as she wore her heart.

"Go ahead," I encouraged with a nod of her head.

"So, Alex… you've got the custody battle that you're going to be totally fine with, I know that. But like, outside of that, just… how do you want me interacting with her, you know? I'm not her mom. Obviously, I'm not her mom and I know that. I've just never dated a parent before." She said, wide eyes looking at me.

That was a completely reasonable question from her side of things and yet, I wasn't prepared to give her an answer. Even though Lexie hadn't been the love of my life, she had still been the mother of my child and there was so much profound respect to be had for her because of that. She had literally given up her life for this little girl. I knew that I would raise Alex to know what had happened, that she had loved her that much. But she wouldn't have a mother – not in the sense of one who took care of her every day, who bathed and dressed her, who helped deal with her curly hair. That hurt to think about. But I would have hated the idea that I was replacing Lexie. And I knew it would have been used against me in court.

"Yeah, uh, you're not her mom." The words are a little more abrasive than I intended. "But, I mean, if you're my girlfriend, then ultimately she's going to be a part of your life because she's a huge part of my life." I wet my lips. "So saying that, do you still want to be my girlfriend?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah, I do."

As if able to tell we were talking about her, Alex yelled out. "Ba-ba, ba-ba!" She insisted, tiny fists banging. The plastic spoon that she fell off the table on April's side and she immediately reached down to grab it. The spoon hadn't been getting any use in the first place, given that Alex would only eat solid foods if it came from my hands or hers.

"The first trial date is not this Wednesday, but the next," I explained. "There's a chance that it could get thrown out if the judge doesn't see anything in their case." I took a deep breath before asking. "Would you be willing to go with me?"

"Of course," April answered quickly with a fierce nod of her head. "Of course, yeah. Whatever you need."

She was a woman of her word, that much was certain.

The rest of the brunch flew by with lighter topics. It turned out that April wasn't much of a cook – she ate out a lot and apparently had taken advantage of the fact that Panera now delivered a little more than she should. I knew software development could be a lucrative business, and she probably made a decent amount from working at Microsoft. Plus, well, she lived across the hall from me. It wasn't insanely expensive in the building, but it wasn't cheap, either. I wasn't going to ask about that, of course.

"Maybe we could take a cooking class together," I suggested as we drove home. "You know, something a little fun – get both of us out of the house. I'm not particularly great at cooking either."

"That sounds like a good idea," she nodded. "I'll see if I can find something."

By the time that we get back to our apartment building, I'm trying to decide if it's appropriate to invite her over for the rest of the day. I don't know if she had any plans and there's no subtle way of asking.

With Alex on my side, given that I hadn't messed with the fuss of a stroller for just a meal together, I paused when we stopped outside of our juxtaposed doors. Before I say anything, though, impulse takes over me and I leaned down, pressing a firm kiss on her lips. My girlfriend's lips. It's a hell of a lot nicer thinking of it that way. A few seconds passed before our lips finally broke, and I lingered down near her.

"I, uh," April started. "I guess I better leave you two to it."

"Yeah, alright." I grinned as I straightened up, running my tongue across my lower lip. "I'll see you later this week?" My eyebrows rose up with her words, relaxing when she nodded.

"Definitely."

I waited for her to go inside her apartment, returning the last little smile that she offered me. This was something good. A piece of light that my life had been missing out on – coming from something different than what Alexandra offered me. Different, but still important.

When Alex goes down for a nap, I spend my time looking up more information for the case, scanning through everything I could. I knew it was the job of the lawyers, but I needed something to fixate on, whether it was good or bad. When she's up, everything was about her – as it usually was. t makes the day go by fast, and I'm worn out and ready to go to bed early the next day. Work didn't stop for my exhaustion.

But at the same time, work did not distract me from my worries. Not in the way that it usually did. Instead, I get paged down to the emergency room early in the day for a head and eye injury, leaving me stuck with Shepherd in the O.R.

At first, it's silent.

No doubt it was just as tense and awkward for him as it was for me. It was better than being stuck in here with Grey at the moment, sure, but not by much. They were married which meant he was ultimately playing a role in all of this too, even if Meredith seemed to be the main offender. Despite what my lawyers recommended, I couldn't stay quiet.

"So what's the deal, man?" I blurted out, briefly glancing up at him.

"About what?" Derek asked, playing dumb.

"The custody suit. It's been seven months. Lexie never said a word about wanting you guys with primary custody. So what's the deal?" I offered the minimal explanation, trying to keep myself in check.

"You know that we really shouldn't be talking about this." He warned me.

He was, of course, right. But Meredith wasn't here. Nor were any lawyers.

"I know," I nodded slightly. "But I want to talk about it. We're friends. Or at least, I thought we were friends, but I guess I was wrong about that. I've known the both of you for years now and I would have never expected something like this to come along. It blindsided me." I admitted, taking a deep breath that's a little noisy with the surgical mask on.

Derek paused what he was doing, shifting his weight uncomfortably between two feet. "It was Meredith's idea," he admitted, confirming my suspicions. "And I don't entirely agree with it." At least he wasn't completely an asshole. "I think you're a good father."

"Thank you," I breathed out. "But that doesn't really answer my question."

"Meredith says that she thinks it's what Lexie would want. Lexie was big about the whole sister thing. We have Zola. I think that's what she's trying to get at, at least. I don't entirely understand it but, I'm sorry, I'm not going to get in her way. You know how she is. Stubborn as can be. But most of the time, she's right."

"Not this time." I countered without missing a beat, gaze lifting up to glare at him from across the patient. So much for thinking that he wasn't a complete asshole because there he was again.

"Maybe," he shrugged. "But she's going to try anyway."

"And you've talked to your lawyers about your odds?" I questioned, brows drawing together. He nodded his head and I fell quiet for a moment, shaking his head, having to wonder if they were saying the same thing that mine was.

"It's nothing personal, Jackson." Derek tried to insist.

"It's my goddamn daughter." I blurted out. "Of course it's fucking personal. You've had Zola for months and the both of you still can barely do her hair. Do you really expect me to not take this personally."

It's probably debatable whether or not the jab at the both of them was deserved. At the moment, though, I don't regret it coming out of my mouth. Zola's hair wasn't always great and I knew it was because neither of them had experience when it came to black hair. Sure, they'd gotten better and learned some, but they weren't perfect parents. To insinuate that I was somehow worse of one just because it was me on my own, instead of me and Lexie, was pissing me off. There was no way that I was going to be able to handle this calmly.

I finished up the rest of my portion of the surgery in silence, working quickly so I don't have to stand there across from him for much longer. I don't sacrifice the patient's care, but god, it was hard to stand across from him and pretend like I wasn't absolutely fuming on the inside.


	7. Chapter 7

**_ APRIL _ **

Most of the time, I didn't have to complain about life going by particularly fast or slow. Things seemed to travel at what I would consider a normal pace. There were moments that seemed annoyingly long like waiting in line at the supermarket, but as a whole, things weren't too bad.

Except for the last two weeks.

They had been hellish, to put it lightly. Jackson was normally always patient and in a good mood, but it had been impossible to miss the tension that he carried himself with. Even though I hadn't known him long, I had never seen him or expected to see him like this, although it made sense in the context of everything that was going on in his life. He wasn't necessarily short or rude to me, but I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his shoulders with the smallest of touches between us. He was holding on by one strand, getting thinner with each passing day.

I could feel it beginning to affect myself, too, though not quite to the same extent. I was always a little restless when it came to falling asleep at night and instead of torturing myself in the dark, I grabbed my phone and did more research. I was feeling pretty positive about the outcome. Maybe it was easier when it wasn't my child, but it seemed like the law was on my side.

Whether or not Jackson knew that, well, it was hard to tell. I had told him that. I knew that his lawyers had told him that, too. But the way that he acted, it seemed like it didn't have a clue and thought it was some kind of losing battle.

My alarm blared in the early hours of the morning, much earlier than what I usually would have gotten up. I had showered and straightened my hair the night before, wanting to look as presentable as possible. Even if I wasn't on trial, I'd never actually been inside of a courtroom before. Black dress pants and a blouse tucked in felt like the most appropriate thing to wear, even though I looked stuffy as far as I could tell.

Dressed and ready, I was still early. Perfect. Even if I wasn't much of a chef, breakfast food was easy enough to put together. I got out the waffle iron and plugged it in before beginning to mix the different ingredients together and beat the eggs, ladling in the batter once it was ready and sprinkling in a couple of blueberries.

It doesn't take long to get two plates done, one with two waffles for him and one with a waffle for Alex. I'm sure that she won't eat all of it, but I want him to know that I'm thinking about the both of them.

One plate in hand and the other balanced on my forearm, I walk across the hall and knock on the door. I can already hear him and Alex are up.

"Hey," Jackson greeted when the door opened, looking a little breathless. "Hey?"

"Hi!" I chirped, smiling. "I knew that you were going to be busy and stressed this morning so I wanted to take something off of your hands, so – I brought breakfast, for you and Alex." I motioned with my empty hand to the plates I was holding as if they weren't already obvious.

"Oh," he took a deep breath before stepping back so I could come in. "Sorry, I'm a little out of it today. But thank you – thank you. Lot better than the oatmeal I was going to force down." He barely smiled.

"Anything I can do to help." Who knew how many times I had said that to him.

Placing down the plates on his table, I hovered awkwardly for a moment as Jackson got Alex settled in her high chair. She looked tired. I wonder if she had kept him up or if it had been the opposite, but hopefully, things would go over well in court. I knew that Catherine was coming today and that she would be holding onto her during the trial, but it seemed like a crying baby in the middle of it would be tense.

He was quiet as the two of them ate and I didn't want to press and disturb him. Today was about the two of them, after all. I didn't want to intrude and left it up to him how much chatter there was between the two of us. Alex kept it from being awkwardly silent between us.

When they were done, I took both of the dishes to the sink to wash them. Jackson took Alex back to the nursery to finish getting her ready for the day.

"I uh, I guess it's about time to get going." He announced when he returned to the living room.

"Yeah, alright," I nodded my head, glancing down at the time on my watch. It's frozen. I hadn't worn this thing in awhile but I thought that it might make me look a little more professional.

Jackson got Alex in her stroller and I grabbed the door for the both of them, following him out quietly and down the hallway toward the elevators. He's still quiet. I couldn't help but stare at him and it didn't seem like he noticed. Seafoam eyes were normally so full of life and yet I couldn't tell what was going on inside of them. They were convoluted with the heavy day that was laid out in front of him.

We rode over together to the courthouse in his car, listening to the radio. There was always something about politics on and he didn't listen to it often, but I could tell why he was at the moment. He wanted something else to be angry about.

"Do you know where you're supposed to park?" I asked, just a little desperate to break the quiet. He nodded his head but didn't answer verbally and I slumped back against the seat.

"C'mon, Alexandra," he murmured to his daughter once we were parked. I got the stroller out of the trunk of the car for him, shifting my weight back and forth between my feet. We walked up the ramp to the entrance of the courthouse where his mother was already standing outside, waiting for them. I didn't know if she knew I was coming.

"Hi, baby. Hi, sweetheart." Catherine greeted her son and granddaughter. "Hello, April."

"Hi, Catherine." I forced a smile, trying not to hold my breath and nodding my head politely as Jackson ducked down to kiss her on the cheek. She bent down and gave Alex a kiss on the forehead.

"Are you ready to go inside?" She asked, looking up at Jackson.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Jackson answered with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

I moved around quickly so that I could grab the door for the three of them, following them inside. There was a metal detector to go through and it takes a few moments longer than it should have with the stroller in tow. Catherine tried to walk off without me but Jackson stopped her, reminding her that I was with them. It's a little bit of a relief, knowing that he wasn't ignoring my presence despite that he was being quiet about everything. If his mother didn't like me still, well, I didn't know what to do about that.

The two of them approached the lawyers and I hung back awkwardly, not wanting to overhear. I recognized down the hallway Meredith though and found myself tensing. She looked up, at the four of us and then her gaze settling at me. She said something to the man next to her, her husband, probably. He looked at me for a moment and they both looked away.

"We're about to go in." Jackson murmured to me, pulling me away from staring back.

"Okay." I took a deep breath, nodding my head. "I know the lawyers and your mom have already told me this, but I'm sure that everything's going to be fine." I smiled up at him before stretching up my toes, pressing a gentle kiss against his lips.

His hand found my hip as he returned it for a brief moment, keeping it chaste. "Thank you," he murmured, forehead pressed against mine for a moment. "Are you going to sit with my mom and Alex?"

"Of course," I nodded, glancing at Catherine to make sure that she was fine with it. When she nodded in approval, my gaze returned to him with a smile.

Jackson walked in with his lawyers after giving me one last smile and handing me the diaper bag. Catherine, Alex, and I followed him inside a moment later, sitting down in the first row that was right behind the side that he would be sitting on. We got the stroller shut, Alex sitting on her grandmother's lap. I hoped this wouldn't be too bad.

Everyone stood up when the judge walked into the courtroom. It felt a little bit like Law & Order, just for a brief moment, but there was nothing glamorous about any of this.

As the proceedings begin, I try to avoid being too restless. My phone was on silent but I clutched it in my hand, needing something to hold onto and to keep me from twitching around too much. I didn't want Catherine to notice how agitated I was just sitting there. If a seven month old could behave properly, then so could I. Of course, she was asleep against her grandmother's chest. I might have had an easier time being asleep too.

Even though I'm fidgety, I hang onto every word that was being said by both sides of the courtroom. It was hard to contain some of the anger that I could feel boiling inside of me with the full of crap arguments that Meredith's lawyers were making on their behalf.

"As my client has stated, the child in question's mother expressed a desire to have their daughter raised among family. We feel that it's in the best interest of the child to primarily be raised in a two-parent household alongside siblings, as Ms. Alexandra Caroline Grey desired." The lawyer spoke. I clutched onto my phone a little tighter, sucking in a deep breath through my nose.

Watching the judge, though, it at least seemed like he wasn't buying all of the crap that was being spewed. That was something to be grateful for. He looked just as irritated as I felt.

Before long, little Alexandra lets out a disgruntled cry. I turn toward her, as does Jackson and Meredith. Catherine sniffs at her before making a face.

"It's just a dirty diaper," she whispered, no doubt to reassure Jackson.

"Here, I'll take her." I grabbed the diaper bag off of the floor and took Alex from her, trying to step out of the courtroom as quietly as possible and without drawing any more attention to either of us.

It doesn't take long to find the bathroom, fortunately. The diaper changing station table is small and loud and I'm glad that there was no one else in the room to hear the echoing of Alex's cries off of the walls. I wondered how parents did this all the time. I couldn't help but feel like someone was going to walk in and judge me immediately. Today's circumstances didn't help that at all, of course.

"It's okay. It's okay." I tried to soothe her, lightly tickling her belly. "We'll get you all cleaned up and good to go again. Don't you worry about a thing."

Once I get the dirty diaper off of her and get her cleaned up again, Alex calmed down from the fuss that she was making earlier, much to my own relief. I get a new one on her securely and get her tights pulled back up, smoothing out her dress. Finally, I let out a small breath of relief. One thing was done today without a problem.

"See? There we go, just like I said. All good and new again." I tickled her stomach again, listening to the laughter that she produced and watching her smile. I couldn't help but smile myself, caught up by just how infectious it was.

Picking her up and kissing her on the forehead, I walked slowly back down the hallway to the courtroom, double-checking to make sure that I was walking into the correct one. When I pushed opened the door, the courtroom was quiet and I froze for a moment, feeling as if I was somehow in the wrong. Making sure the door shut as quietly as possible behind me, I moved along the side to sit back down next to Catherine again.

"Well, I've heard both sides of the case," the judge stated.

Oh. He was making a ruling. Already? It seemed too soon.

"And I'm disappointed by what I've heard here today. It seems like not enough research has been done on the case, or perhaps this entire thing would have been approached differently. I've been a single parent for twelve years now. Not since my baby was an infant, but it doesn't matter." He explained in a groveling voice.

Oh! This was good!

"But even if this case didn't strike a personal matter for me, it wouldn't matter. The law is clear enough and I'm surprised by the unwillingness to try and settle this matter outside of court because frankly, you have wasted everyone's time here today, Dr. Grey. Washington state law states clearly that if the biological parents are capable of providing adequate care, then other relatives do not have any inherent legal right to visiting with, or custody of, the child. There are no circumstances that indicate any sort of abuse or neglect." He continued to explain, leaning back in his court case.

This was a victory. Maybe it was too soon to say it, but it already seemed like it was clear enough. I grabbed onto one of Alex's hands, shooting a smile down at the girl that she couldn't possibly understand.

"I shall hear nothing further on the case. I grant full and primary custody as her legal guardian to him." The judge announced, banging his gavel before standing up to walk away.

"Yes!" I squealed out quietly, unable to contain it but not wanting to draw too much attention to myself. I stood up while holding onto Alex, walking up to the little barrier that separated the audience from the defense, getting close enough that Jackson would easily be able to reach and take his daughter from me.

"Hey, baby girl." There was a grin across Jackson's face that I hadn't seen a few days. Seeing it on him again was a warm and welcomed sight. He deserved this. "It's all gonna be okay now, I promise." He kissed the top of her head.

I smiled at him, barely biting into my lower lip. "I told you so."

"As did I." Catherine reminded him, stepping up next to me. "They didn't have a chance and the judge proved that with what he said. That baby girl is all yours, Jackson."

"And I do believe that we might have said something like that as well." One of the lawyers said as he stepped near Jackson, extending a hand out for him to shake.

"Thank you very much," Jackson expressed sincerely as he took the lawyer's hand and gave it a shake. The smile across his face said more than words could have possibly expressed, even if I wasn't sure that anyone else may have been able to read that. After seeing him walk around so miserable for the past two weeks, this was a change in pace, right back to the man that I had first met. If anything, happier than him. Freer.

He walked around to meet both of us on the other side of the gate, embracing his mother with a hug from the side before bending down to kiss me again. I smiled up at him as I returned the kiss before giving Alex a quick one on the cheek.

"Everything's going to be fine," I reassured her for the umpteenth time, rubbing his arm gently.

"I've got to get going to work now," Catherine started, her attention given to Jackson. "But I'm happy for you, baby. I'm glad that everything could work out this way. I'll call you later today and come by this weekend sometime, okay?" She barely paused long enough for him to nod, giving Alex a kiss on the cheek. "And I will most certainly see you later, missy."

Just the three of us standing there for a minute, I smiled up at him. The weight was gone – for me as well, even if I knew the one that he had been carrying had to be much, much heavier than my own.

Before we could get too much time to relax, though, Meredith began to walk over here. I tensed and nudged him slightly so he would glance in her direction, giving him just the slightest moment to prepare before she could open her mouth and potentially ruin it.

"I suppose I should say congratulations, but I won't," Meredith said. I held back a sigh.

"Meredith. Derek." Jackson greeted the two of them cooly with a slight nod of his head in recognition, but I could tell he didn't want to talk to them eat all. I couldn't even begin to imagine what work was going to be like for the two of them in the coming weeks. Surely it was going to be awful. I hoped that they wouldn't overlap too much.

"You might have won, but I hope you know that what you're doing is disrespectful to Lexie and her memory." The woman stated as if she was the authority on all things morality. It was enough to make me want to scream.

"You don't get to determine that." I butted in, even if it wasn't my place to speak.

"I don't think you want to speak to me right now," Meredith glared at me, straightening her spine as if she were sizing me up. "You're the greatest disrespect in all of this, swooping in and acting innocent, acting as if you have any right to that child whatsoever by showing up here today. You are not her mother." She snapped at me and I fell silent. Before either of us could speak, she turned to Jackson. "All of this is disrespectful and you know it. You might have won legally, but I don't plan on letting you forget a thing. You need therapy. Maybe it would help you realize what you're doing." She griped. "Come on, Derek. Let's go."

The two of them walked away with her husband following after her like a lost puppy dog. We were both silent for a moment and I could tell he was just as much at a loss for words as I was

"Wow. What a horrible woman." I muttered, blinking a few times.

"Yeah, that just about sums it up," Jackson commented with a shake of his head. "Why don't we get out of here, yeah?" He suggested. I nodded, beginning to follow him back out to his car.

Even though the car ride back to our apartment building was quite, this time, it was a different kind of quiet. A peaceful and a content one. The tension had evaporated with the ruling in his favor. He didn't seem worried about it anymore, and I wasn't. Despite the stress that he had been under the past few weeks, he was one of the most psychologically intact people I knew. Even if he had been through a great loss over half a year ago, he seemed to be handling it well. He was good to Alex, he had gotten back to work. He was functioning better than most people in his situation, I was sure.

"Is it okay if I stay over at your place for a bit?" I asked, glancing over at him when he parked his car in the garage building.

"Yeah, of course," Jackson nodded and got out, getting Alex. "I'm going to give her a bottle and put her down for a nap, though. Before she gets too grouchy."

"Sure. I'll change and then head over." I suggested, realizing he probably wanted a moment alone with Alex first.

Fishing my apartment keys out of my bag, I walk into my own place and set my stuff down, taking off my watch and setting it down. I stripped out of the blouse and dress pants quickly, leaving me in a matching thong and bra, fidgeting with the straps to try and make it a little more comfortably. Digging through my dresser, I pulled out a pair of leggings and grabbed a tank top from my closet. The bra is a little much for athleisure wear, but I don't care. My boobs looked nice and that was that.

"Hey, buddy." Sully sniffing at my bare feet got my attention. I squatted down to pet him. "Are you having a good day? 'Cause I am." He squeaked at me in response.

Running my fingers over his soft fur for a moment, I gave him a small smile. He was still a nice companion to have, a little piece of happiness running around the rest of my apartment. But it was nice that it wasn't just me and him anymore – not really. I had Jackson right across the hall. I even had a few friends at work now that I was settled in more.

"I'll be back later, buddy. Promise." I gave him a quick kiss on the head before straightening up.

Grabbing my phone, I checked the time before tucking it into the waistband of my leggings and heading across the hallway again. I paused and listened for a moment to try and see if I could hear anything on the other side, and I couldn't. He was either in the nursery or had already gotten Alex down. I knocked softly, not wanting to disturb her.

The door opened and Jackson appeared on the other side, not saying a word initially and pressing his finger to his lips.

"I just got her down. She might get excited if she hears you're here again." He advised.

"Okay," I nodded in agreement, keeping my voice low and making sure that the door shut behind me quietly. "How are you feeling?" I asked with a smile.

"Good," Jackson answered with a slight nod of his head. "I'm just thinking now."

"Thinking about what?" My eyebrows raised up.

"About what Meredith said," he admitted, lowering himself down on the couch and motioning for me to do the same.

I followed suit, tucking one leg beneath me as I sat down. "What about it? Because so much of what she said was so, so out of line that I don't even know where to begin with her. She's a nasty, nasty woman." I shook my head.

"Yeah, but… I'm kind of worried that she might have had a point with all the stuff that she was saying about Lexie. And therapy, even." Jackson sighed, scratching the back of his head. "I mean, what do you think? Honestly. Is there a chance that she might be right about all of this – that I'm disrespecting Lexie by being here with you, by welcoming you into my and Alex's life without… without even thinking about her, really… I mean, I do think about her, but maybe not in the way that I should be. I don't know." He seemed just as confused by it as I was.

"I mean, I wasn't sure at first," I admitted with a slight raise of my eyebrows. "But now? No. I think you're completely in the right. I mean, based on what you told me, it just makes sense. You loved her for what she did but you weren't in love with her. You deserve to live your life however you want to." I reached over for his hand, squeezing it. "As for therapy, I don't know. It might be the right thing. I used to think everyone needed it at some point."

Jackson returned the squeeze. "I want you to be right." He shrugged slightly. "I really do. I guess it's just hard to think and believe that when I've got Meredith throwing the opposite in my face, and she knew Lexie."

"I didn't know Lexie, but, I know if you were into her even just a little bit, then she must have been a good person. And she would want you to be happy, Jackson. Not moping around miserable. Just because Meredith Grey is a miserable person doesn't mean that you have to be one too," I reasoned.

Alluring eyes stared down at me for a long moment before Jackson leaned in and pressed his lips hard against mine. This kiss was different than some of the others that had passed between us – harder, more passionate, the strength and need there jolting me with a new kind of electricity. His hands moved to my hips and he pulled me onto his lap so that I was straddling him, my own grabbing onto his face as I instinctively rolled my hips down against his, feeling him groan against my lips.

"Do you want to–?" He barely asked.

"Hell yeah," I answered, already knowing what he was trying to get at.

Neither of us bothers to move from the couch, even after he's pulled off my shirt and tossed it somewhere, my bra following. His hands covered my breasts entirely, thumbs rubbing over my nipples and I arched my back to push into his hands.

It's been a long time since I've been with a man. Years, actually. I'd only slept with one and that had been in college and it'd been quick and messy and I hadn't even finished. This wasn't that.

His hand pressed between my thighs and I rocked down against it, already feeling the wetness between my legs that had gathered. The palm of his hand was pressed right against my clit and the friction from grinding down against it was amazing. I could feel my pulse racing and I knew that my face had to be red as a beet with arousal. A small whine passed through my lips, trying to cover it up by kissing him again hard. It doesn't make a difference.

"I can already feel how wet you are," Jackson muttered, dropping down his head so that his lips found the curve of my neck, sucking along the skin there and finding a particularly sensitive spot. I moaned, rolling against his hand once more.

"Want you," I muttered, unable to get out anything more coherent.

Losing what I wanted for only a moment, he grabbed onto my hips and moved the both of us so that I was laying down on the couch. With one motion, my leggings and thong were gone, dripping folds barely concealed by the hair there I kept trimmed. If I'd had a little more warning, I probably would have shaved. Oh well.

The hair there doesn't seem to bother Jackson. Instead, he buried his face there and doesn't stop licking and sucking and nipping at every bit of available skin until I've come, burying my face into one of the throw pillows to try and keep the volume down. The last thing that I wanted was a crying baby or a nosy neighbor to interrupt this. I'm not quiet regardless but at least she doesn't wake up.

When I feel like it can't possibly get better, he finally pushed himself inside of me with his thumb finding my clit, still sensitive from the first orgasm. It's a fast pace, bumping against the nub and keeping the stars spinning behind my eyes.

"God, you feel so good." Jackson moaned out, his face buried in the curve of my neck as he moved.

"So do you," I murmured. My nails were digging harshly into the muscles of his back, feeling them move and ripple with each hard thrust inside of me, holding him tighter against me. There were red marks no doubt forming along his skin already, sure to leave marks that would last for a few days.

I can't keep track of how long any of this was lasting with how good it felt. My thighs were already trembling – I'd tried to keep them wrapped around him but seemed to lack the strength with everything else, another orgasm burning in the pit of my stomach, aching for release.

"I'm gonna cum." He finally warned me, thrusting into me a little harder than before.

"I'm on birth control," I said with my grip tightening. "You can cum inside."

He does. Not needing further permission or wanting to wait any longer, I can feel him shoot off inside me for only a moment before I was lost in the pleasure of my own orgasm washing over me again. It felt nearly impossible to breathe and I was burning up yet at the same time, despite that heat, I didn't want him to go anywhere. I wanted him right there with me, every bit of my skin pressed into his.

When he finally pulled out, he doesn't stop. Instead, Jackson disappeared between my legs again, burying his face there and cleaning me up with his mouth and tongue. The third time I cum, it's quicker and harder than the others, nearly out of energy to manage it.

"That's one way to keep the sofa clean," I muttered, at a loss for words.

Before he could reply, a cry on the baby monitor indicated that we had woken up Alex from her nap somewhere between all of the yelling and moaning.

"Shit, I'm sorry." I apologized.

"It's fine, I got it." Jackson brushed off the apology, getting up to go get her. I slumped back against the sofa for a moment, just laying there and catching my breath again. I can't tell if I should get dressed yet. Probably, but I don't have the energy to move and try to find my clothing again.

To go from some dump of a college guy and no satisfaction to Jackson and finishing three times in one round of things – _holy shit_. Some good karma had seriously rained down on me.

Holding onto the same pillow that I had bit down on to try and quiet my orgasms, I clutched it against my front for a moment as I tried to even out my breathing a little more, not wanting to be completely bare and exposed in case he did bring Alex with him back in the room. My heart rate was just now beginning to slow down after everything, taking its sweet time in losing the excitement.

When he did appear again, he was just as naked as he had been a minute ago, Alex in one arm and going straight for his clothes with the other.

"Sorry, I should get dressed too." I apologized.

I finally pushed myself up and off the couch, spotting soiled underwear and my leggings first. I pull the leggings back on without anything beneath, dragging myself over to get my bra and tank top back on, too. He only bothered with his boxers, unsurprisingly. I looked over and smiled at him and Alex, momentarily at a loss for words.

"I love you," Jackson spoke.

Jerking my head up to stare at him, the seafoam eyes that stared back at me were soft and adoring. Not quite the same way that he looked at his daughter, but something along the same lines. He meant the words. He really loved me.

_What?_


	8. Chapter 8

**_ JACKSON _ **

The room was cold.

I leaned back into the chair further, pushing a sigh out through my nose. It was wide and comfortable, sure, but I couldn't lose my tension in the way that I was almost sure was intended. A nice, cool environment decorated with calming colors and low lighting for a more calming ambiance, the office was surely supposed to encourage relaxation instead of further tension.

Therapy was something I had never thought about before. My dad had been young when he'd left and my mom had never brought it up. I had never had friends in high school or college who went to it, as far as I knew. I was just old enough that I had been raised looking down upon the need to go to counseling and get psychological assistance. That had changed in medical school, of course. I'd opened up my eyes and learned to think beyond the ignorance I had developed on the topic. I respected psychiatrists and psychologists, social workers. Yet never had it been on my radar to consider something for myself until the person I hated most had suggested it to me.

Yet somehow, I'm still sitting in this room, across from a licensed psychologist.

Nancy was probably about my age and highly reviewed based on all of the research that I had done on her. A dent in most people's budget, I was sure, but that didn't apply to me quite so much. Hopefully, she would be worth the cost.

"So, what exactly brings you in today, Dr. Avery?" She asked.

That was a loaded question. I had arrived here of my own free will but the influence hadn't been entirely of my own. I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing. My mother had said that I was and so had April, but I felt like I needed the view of an outsider, a neutral party with no invested interest. I wanted this to bring me some kind of peace. I had grieved Lexie in a way I thought that was appropriate, I would continue to do the best possible thing for my daughter. Meredith had just placed that itch in my mind that there was something more that I should have been doing.

"I recently just got out of a custody trial about my daughter," I began to explain, wetting my lips. "I won and I'm grateful for that but I've just been… questioning more about myself."

"Tell me a little bit more about this trial," Nancy requested.

"Okay," I nodded. "The mother of my child died in childbirth. Lexie. Her name was Lexie. We were engaged. I proposed after she told me that she was pregnant because I thought it was the right thing to do." I glanced down at my hands, feeling guilty admitting the words. "I liked her a lot. I wasn't in love with her, but I did like her. Her sister sued me for custody of my daughter, Alexandra. She seems to think that I'm just about the worst thing in the world for our little girl."

I wasn't. I knew that. I wasn't my father. I had stayed for this little girl no matter what was thrown my way. I was willing to throw away just about anything in my life except for being her father. It had taken a lot to convince myself of that fact. But I knew that it was, ultimately, the truth.

"Is there something in particular that you think is causing her sister to act like this?" She asked.

Was I ready to admit that?

"Yeah, I do think so." I breathed out. This was the part that I didn't like. "I recently started a relationship with another woman and she found out about that when we went on a date together. She doesn't like it. I don't know if she understood how I really felt about Lexie or what she thinks is going on between me and April now, but whatever it is, she isn't a fan of it. She's been uptight about all of it."

"And what do you think about that?" Nancy wasn't hesitating with all of the questions. "Being in this new relationship?"

"I love her. And I don't know if I've known her long enough to say that, but I do." I answered.

I love you.

The words had been blurted out to April on somewhat of an impulse after the day of the trial. I had felt it for longer than that. After Lexie and that loss, it had been easier to distinguish what was true love and what was something of a situational love. I didn't need to love her. There was no child between us, no situation that made it important for the two of us to get along. Neighbors fought and hated each other all the time, especially in apartment buildings.

But when I had told April freely and without hesitation, her reaction hadn't been the one I had expected. I hadn't thought about it enough to anticipate whether or not the words would be said back to me. Most of the time, in that kind of moment, they were. The mutual love, the kiss, the sex. It hadn't exactly been in that order and my words hadn't been fueled necessarily by finally sleeping with her, even though maybe some of the endorphins there had loosened up what I was saying. It was so much more than just sex with her, though, even if the sex had been pretty damn amazing.

I had been able to see the panic in her eyes when she processed what I had told her. She had made it clear with the way that she had apologetically left. I'd nearly followed her across the hall to try and see what was going on inside of her head, but the last thing that I had wanted was to push it even further.

We'd have to talk about it. It had been a week of awkward texts and brief conversations in the hallway. Now, it was just a matter of how the hell I was supposed to approach that talk after so much clear avoidance.

"Learning to love again after something like that can be hard. And the people around you aren't always going to accept the way you've moved on or when you've moved on. But you know how you feel about her better than they do. You need to be able to focus on your own happiness and let go of the guilt that comes along with it." Nancy spoke calmly as if she had already had this conversation a hundred times before.

"She makes me happy. I mean, my daughter has been the only thing to really make me happy for… months, probably. Then she came into my life and that's not true anymore." I explained.

"Then if she wants to be a part of your life, she should be. Where is this guilt coming from?" Nancy asked.

A sigh passed through my lips as I leaned back in my chair, folding my hands together. It was obvious where it came from. I'd rotated in psychiatry back in medical school and gotten a glimpse of different techniques. But so often, even for a range of disorders and symptoms, many things led back to the same thing. Their parents.

"My father left my mother and me when I was just a kid. I barely remember him." I answered.

"And you're worried that something might happen for you to be like that," Nancy concluded with a raise of her eyebrows, looking at me expectantly. It already was clear enough.

"Yeah, I guess I am." My gaze returned to my hands.

"That awareness is going to be one of the things that will keep that from happening to you. I'm a good read with people, Dr. Avery. It comes with what I do for a living. I have to be able to pick up on when people are bullshitting me, and when they're being honest so that I can help them." She explained. "You're a good man. Yet you live with a lot of guilt that you don't need to be living with."

Falling quiet for a moment to consider her words, I rubbed the back of my head. I did want her to be right. I didn't want to be like my father. He was practically nothing more than a sperm donor to me, as far as my memory was concerned.

"This is something that you have control of, Dr. Avery. Who you are and what you do is up to you. And that's very fortunate. You seem like a smart, capable man. Not as in need of frequent therapy sessions of some of the other people that I meet with. But you do need a push in the right direction." Nancy continued to speak in my silence.

"I know that I'm in control," I admitted with a small nod. "But it's not as easy to get rid of the doubt in my head."

"That's normal." She nodded. "Self-doubt is hard. But the thing that you need to do is forgive yourself. It's much harder to forgive yourself than it is to forgive others. Transfer the energy spent feeling guilt and self-criticism into the positive aspects of your life and move forward because self-compassion is allowed." She nearly sounded like a textbook, so positive and yet clinical at the same time. "It seems like this woman you love, April – she is good for you doing that. Surrounding yourself with real friends is important. You need to identify the people in your life who are good for you and support you. They're worth your time."

I knew that April, Mark, and Ben were all good people – all who supported me. But that didn't change the fact that I still worked with Meredith and Derek, as well as many of their friends. Suddenly, private practice sounded appealing.

But I needed to talk to April again, to get over the awkwardness in one way or another. Even if she didn't love me, I wanted her in my life somehow, even just as a friend.

By the time I get home to Alexandra that night, I'm more worn down than I had expected. Most of my problems weren't voiced out loud. I had learned to keep them inside and figure out a way to deal with them on my own terms. It was nice to have an impartial opinion about everything going on. I wasn't crazy. I certainly wasn't a bad father or disrespecting Lexie with everything I was doing. I don't know if I'll go back again, but Meredith's suggestion of therapy had only validated everything that I thought. Not what she did.

"Hi, bittie-boo." I greeted my daughter immediately.

My babysitter, Sarah, was a graduate student studying some kind of business something. She'd grown up with six siblings and babysitting for as long as she could remember. She wasn't always available because of school but she was my first choice.

"Hi, Dr. Avery." No matter how many times I told her to call me Jackson, she still didn't.

"Hey Sarah," I gave her a small smile as I took my daughter. "How was she?"

"Good," she answered. "She hasn't been up from her nap for very long. I read to her a little and was just about to prepare a snack for her."

"Thanks." I nuzzled my nose on top of Alex's head for a moment and the short curls that were slowly growing there, breathing in her scent. I'd never believed people who talked about babies having their own special smell until I had a daughter of my own. Now, it was the most relaxing thing that I could imagine smelling at the end of a long day.

"Oh, and someone came by asking for you earlier. The girl across the hall." Sarah added.

I blinked in surprise, nodding. "Did she say anything?"

"No," she shook her head. "Just that she would be home all evening."

"Okay," I breathed out, moving to grab my wallet so that I could pay her. I always pay her well, hoping it would incentivize some of the less than convenient hours that I had occasionally had her come over for. "Thanks, Sarah."

Getting Alex settled down in the high chair with a few more sweet kisses across her head and cheeks, I settle for making dinner instead of a snack. She'd need a bath before bed – then maybe after, I could try and talk to April about things. I wasn't sure how to work it out. An apology seemed like a logical step, but I didn't feel like I should apologize for loving her, either.

Love was supposed to be a good thing.

Dinner doesn't take long to get cooked and ready for the both of us, and she doesn't put up too much of a fuss about trying new food tonight, fortunately. She doesn't seem to mind them when they're not green. She'd picked up on the hatred of vegetables at a young age, apparently, and I had no one to blame but myself for that one given that I had been the exact same way throughout most of my childhood. Karma definitely came around with children.

Alex was more than happy to get into the bath and splash around in the warm water. She loved them, and she always made a big mess when it came to those nights. I pretty much always had water to clean up after, but as long as she got clean and didn't fight me too much about getting into pajamas, it was fine. That's how it usually plays out, at least.

"There's my bitty-boo." I cooed at her, blowing raspberries on her stomach before pulling her top no.

"Da-da." Alex babbled out, clearer than ever.

A huge smile blew across my features and I nodded my head, kissing her again. "That's right. Dada. I'm your Daddy, bitty-boo. I'm your Daddy." I encouraged her. I had wondered when her first word would finally come, and this is exactly what I needed from her today.

"Dada. Dada dada dada." She repeated the syllable a few more times after I spoke. I picked her up and held her tight for a moment, breathing her in. I needed to stick to her routine and put her down, but I just wanted to hold onto her for a few moments longer.

"Yeah, bitty-boo. You're right." I kissed her on top of the head.

Setting her down in her crib that night, the last thing that I want to do is walk away from her even though I was trying to get her to sleep a little more on her own now. She looked up at me with those big brown eyes and I couldn't help but stare back at her with a smile, so proud that she'd finally said her first words, and that it had been for me. I loved her more than anything. She loved me, too. She needed me here and she needed me to raise her, not anyone else. This felt like the nail in the coffin as far as questioning that went.

Finally managing to walk away from her for the night, I can't stop the smile that glowed across my expression. She knew I was her Daddy. I couldn't wait to hear what words were going to come next from her, and I certainly couldn't wait to tell people about it.

Taking a minute to clean up the mess that had been made both in the kitchen and the bathroom, I procrastinate knocking on April's door. I do love her. That's not in question.

But what if she wouldn't love me?

It would hurt. There was no way to deny or beat around that. We weren't exactly broken up but it didn't feel like we were together at the moment, either, given the distance between the two of us. If it was too soon for her to feel the same way, I could understand that. I'd been through something huge and she had been on the sidelines, not the same emotional investment that I had with all of this. It would have made perfect sense. It still would have stung a little, but not in quite the same way. I knew that she was worth waiting around for.

Procrastinating on this conversation, though, I wasn't quite so sure about. Not knowing what was going on inside of her head on the matter certainly wasn't doing me any favors. I'd always hated not knowing or understanding things when it came to my education and schooling, and that had transferred to the rest of my life.

Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the baby monitor and pushed it into the pocket of my jeans, stepping out across the hallway. I paused outside her door – it was quiet, but she'd told Sarah that she would be here… I raised my fist, knocking on the door.

The door opened a moment later, the redhead appearing on the other side. "Oh. Hey."

"Hi," I smiled at her. "My babysitter mentioned that you stopped by earlier and I just got Alex down for the night, so I thought that I would return the visit."

"Oh, okay," April gave a slight nod of her head. "Do you want to come in?" She asked.

"Sure."

She stepped back and opened the door wider and I followed her inside of the apartment, giving a glance around. The TV was one, playing Game of Thrones. Her rabbit was perfect on top of the coffee table in the living room. She wasn't eating dinner, she must have already finished up. At least I wasn't interrupting. This would probably be easier without them.

"Do you want a drink?" She asked, looking at me while chewing on her lower lip. I shook my head. "I'm gonna have some wine, if you change your mind."

So she was nervous. At least we had that in common.

I sat down on the sofa and waited for her to pour herself a glass of wine. The rabbit – god, I couldn't remember whatever its name was – jumped to the opposite end of the coffee table, away from me. Maybe that guy happened to be nervous about this, too.

April sat down on the opposite end of the couch with a full glass of red wine, staring at the wall.

"So, uh, I guess we should talk about what happened the other night." I started, folding my hands and looking at her.

"Yeah," she muttered, wetting her lips.

"I would like to be very candid with you, April." I paused, taking a deep breath. "I do love you. I do. I had to worry about losing the most important girl in my life that day and I felt like I needed to let you know that you're important to me, too, that this isn't just some… fling or something trivial to me. But I didn't mean to scare you off by telling you that or surprise you, or anything like that. I get if it's too fast for you. I just thought that you deserved to know." I explained.

She fell quiet across from me, before reaching forward to her rabbit. It hopped into her hands and then into her lap, where she stroked the fur along its back.

"I appreciate the honesty," April finally said when she looked up at me. "I do, I really do. It's not something that a lot of people get and I'm glad that you're being honest with me. But it did surprise me. Actually, well, to be honest with you… it kind of scared the crap out of me when you just dropped that bomb on my lap." She rambled.

"Why did it scare you?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

"The last guy that told me he loved me was kind of a piece of shit. And… I don't know, after losing my parents, the idea of loving and being in love with anyone has always kind of scared me." She admitted, taking a long sip of wine avoiding looking up at me again.

"That's fair," I gave a slight nod of my head, shifting toward her and placing my hand on her knee. I gave her a gentle squeeze, not necessarily trying to get her to look at me, but just to offer some comfort. "Can I ask how he was a bad guy?"

"He didn't beat me or anything like that, if that's what you're thinking," April answered quickly. I let out a breath of relief. It was natural for thoughts to go there, even if I didn't want to have to imagine her in that kind of situation. "He was just… an asshole, you know? Sure, he'd tell me that he loved me, but it was all talk and no action. Never wanted to do nice things or go on special dates. I don't consider myself high maintenance at all, you know, but I like to go out to eat. I mean, he never cooked and I wasn't great at it. Kind of pushed me around verbally, I guess. It wasn't a healthy relationship." She explained in full.

I fell quiet for a moment, taking a deep breath. If that had been the last person to say those words to me, maybe I would have been a little hesitant too.

"I hope that you know I'm not like that, April." I murmured sincerely.

"I do," she nodded her head. "I do, I do. I promise. You're a great guy, Jackson. A good one."

Leaning toward her, I pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. I lingered there for just a moment, nose pressed against her freckled flesh. I could smell whatever shampoo she used in the morning. But it wasn't quiet for long, the rabbit on her lap squeaking in protest.

"Shush, Sully." April laughed out. I chuckled, leaning back.

"I'm not going to ask you to say it back until you're ready. And if you don't want me saying it a lot, that's okay, too. As long as you know." I poked at the rabbit on her lap. Sully squeaked again.

"Thank you, Jackson." She smiled up at me. There was a glitter of moisture in her eyes, to my surprise.

I don't go for another kiss again, instead, the hand that I had kept on her leg moving for one of her hands. Our fingers intertwined together for a moment and I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. It did hurt to think that she had been in a nasty relationship in the past, even if it hadn't been a physical abuse. Often, that was the thing that was the most overlooked.

"And I'm sorry, for overreacting about it. I shouldn't have walked out on you like that." April added after a moment. "We probably should have had this conversation a week ago." She murmured.

I gave her a shrug. "It's okay. Honestly, uh, I don't even know how well I would have handled this conversation after a day like that, you know? But I… went to therapy. Which I know you probably think is weird given that Meredith was the one who suggested it to me but it kind of just confirmed all of the things that I had thought and felt, and reminded me of how wrong she was." I explained. "I never thought I'd be the type to benefit from therapy but it's nice. Maybe it could help you, too, with some of the stuff from your past. Your parents, that guy…" I trailed off.

"I don't know if I'm the type to be good with that," April muttered. "It doesn't really seem like my thing. I don't want to open up to some random stranger. I don't even think that I could."

"It turns out that it's a little easier than you think," I stated honestly. "Sometimes a third party is just what you need to hear, you know? Like, some of the things that she said… my mom had told me before, you'd told me before, but… that kind of confirmation from someone who's not invested in the same way, it helps."

"I guess that it's something to think about," she said, looking down at Sully again.

"I'm not trying to force that on you either, don't worry," I gave her a small smile. "It's just something that might be nice to consider. It probably wouldn't hurt, at least."

April leaned toward me this time and her lips pressed into mine softly. I moved right back toward her, a hand coming up to cup her face and deepening the kiss between the two of us. I had missed kissing her, and more, that much was certain. The week without her had been dull, tense. I hated being at work. Being around Meredith and Derek had me just about ready to tear my hair out. Mark and Ben were a good support system, but with the power and popularity that the two of them had at the hospital, it was hard to ignore their presence there.

When our lips finally separated, we lingered in each other's space for a moment. Her nose brushed against mine softly and I gave her a small smile. She was something else, that was for sure. I loved her and I was still just as enamored with her as I had been on day one.

"I missed you," April admitted, returning my smile.

"I missed you too," I said with a slight nod. "It's been a bit of a crappy week, to be honest."

"Tell me about it." She stated without missing a beat.

"Well, I might need that glass of wine then." I laughed.

Sully was placed onto my lap as April got up to get the glass of wine. I ran my fingers over his soft fur for a moment. He was kind of cute – black and white, speckled at random. I was sure that Alex would have loved to be around a bunny like this, even if I wasn't sure how my girlfriend felt on the matter. That was something that could be brought up later, though. It wasn't that important for now.

Once there was a mouthful of wine in my system, I began to talk to her about the portion of my week before going to therapy. I told her about how awkward and painful work had been when it came to dealing with Meredith. I had convinced Mark to take one of my surgeries just to avoid having to scrub in with Grey in the first place. Derek had tried to be friendly to me, asked how Alex was going, and I'd come way too close to just wanting to knock him the hell out for even having the nerve to ask me that kind of question.

"That does sound like a lot," April murmured sympathetically, placing her hand on my knee. "I don't know how you manage to work at the same place as either of them, honestly. I would be out of there."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head. "Honestly, I had a brief thought earlier about private practice. Moving into it. I know that a lot of people think that it's ludicrous and… it can be if you're not careful about it. I don't want to be like that. But I'm starting to wonder if maybe it would be a good fit for me."

"Really?" She listened, giving a slight nod of her head. "Well, I mean – what, that's pretty much the doctor's equivalent of running their own business, right?"

"Yeah, more or less." The best way to simplify it for someone who wasn't a physician.

"I mean, that could be good. You'd get to control what you're doing more. If you're making more money, you wouldn't have to work as much, too. And you could spend more time with Alex." April reasoned. "That kind of sounds like a pretty good thing to me."

"There are a lot of benefits." It would be a question to see how it would work with the Avery foundation. They usually set up hospitals, clinics, not private practices. "It's a lot to think about."

"But it's definitely something to think about." She murmured. "And, if for any reason you wanted to set up a phone app for your business, then I'm all over it. Website too. It'd be nice to actually do something with you – you know? I don't think most couples like working together but I'd like to learn more about what you actually do. A lot of the surgery stuff flies above my head, I feel like. It's a completely different world from software stuff." She rambled on.

There was a little spark in her eye, clearly already fully committed to the idea of doing something like that. It was a bit of a surprise, but I liked it. Her support was important to me and there were a lot of benefits to setting up something like that, especially as a single parent. But the biggest one would definitely be getting away from Meredith and Derek. I could go to another hospital, theoretically, but I didn't want to move from Seattle and this was the only Avery-owned one nearby. Working at another hospital wouldn't look good.

"I'm thinking about it." I shrugged my shoulders. "And I appreciate your offer."

"Well, I'm completely serious about it." April beamed. "It's cool to hear about your work. Sometimes a little gross, but still pretty cool. If I tell other women that I'm dating a handsome plastic surgeon, they're all jealous."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I've got a girlfriend who's a sexy tech genius, great with my little girl, and the convenience of living across the hall. I think I'm the lucky one here."

"Maybe we're both lucky," she concluded, leaning forward and pressing another sweet kiss on my lips.

"Maybe," I agreed, reaching up and stroking my thumb along her chin.

"I want to go on another date with you," April stated firmly. I smiled. I'd been hoping that tonight would somehow conclude with that in one way or another, getting back to the way that things had been before I had told her I loved her. I wanted to give her a chance to love me back, certainly. Dating was a natural prerequisite for all of that.

"I can definitely arrange something," I grinned at her.

"I can't say that I love you yet, Jackson. But I do like you a lot. I want to learn to love you, too." She murmured.

The words fill up my heart with more joy than I thought was possible. This day had turned out much more positive than I had ever expected – a successful therapy session, Alex saying her first word to me and it was exactly what I had hoped to hear, and now it seemed like things between the two of us were finally back on the page that they should have been all along. My life was finally beginning to line up the way that I wanted it. She was absolutely a part of that.

"Thank you."


	9. Chapter 9

**_ APRIL _ **

Everything about my relationship with Jackson was finally in the open.

It was a little different than the pace of any relationships I'd had in the past. We saw each other all the time. It wasn't always going out on dates and sometimes it was just sharing a snack together – he'd introduced me to some fancy hummus that he got at Whole Foods and I was completely obsessed with it. He was a healthier eater, certainly, I didn't know if he always had been or if it was more something that he had acquired since having his daughter in his life. Or maybe it was just a doctor thing. Hard to say.

But it turned out that he was serious about the whole private practice thing. I thought that it was a good idea, getting away from a few certain individuals at his current workplace, even if it was a bit unfair that he would be the one to have to move when they were causing all the problems.

I had printed out a list for him from a Google search with all the different things necessary for private practice. Most of them, well, it seemed like he already knew about. The malpractice insurance, all of the paperwork that you had to give patients, office space. I didn't realize that he would need a business license, which in hindsight, made perfect sense.

Most of the results that came up were for counseling and psychologists, though. They made it look inexpensive. Launching a private medical practice is no walk in the park. There was all of the drugs and equipment and everything else to worry about. I didn't even know where to begin with that kind of stuff, so it was a good thing that he did. Well, and he had hired a professional consultant who had started medical practices before and was aware of the potential pitfalls. Addison Montgomery. I'd seen her here and there a few times, but most of their conversations were just too far out of my own reach.

It had been a busy month, really. I didn't know how he was managing all of the appointments on top of work and taking care of Alex. He probably wasn't sleeping enough. That was the only solution that I had.

There were real, tangible things that I could do to help him, though. The online portion was pretty all my playing field. Setting up an all-inclusive EHR will serve as a one-stop system for patients' records and histories, communications with other providers, and lab and prescription orders turned out to be a decent challenge for me given that it was a new area for me to dive into. Plus, a practice management system to keep up with the front desk information and facilitates different operations, mostly for billing stuff. I figured out how to set it up for what to do pretty quickly in my free time. I'd also started working on a phone app for his practice for the patient side of things. I'd definitely kept busy, even working mostly from up.

Having a boyfriend who was rich was something that I had never really thought much about. I had my own amount of money – in part from the lucrative work that I had done at Microsoft and from my parent's life insurance policies, and the money from selling Dad's farm.

That had changed, though, when it came to the contract that he had set up through my boss. I had stayed out of it and let the two of them figure it out, feeling like it'd be a weird conflict of interest for me to have a say in the matter. But he wasn't cheapening out on me, even though I had insisted I was happy to do it for nothing. The Avery money was going somewhere.

Now that a lot of the more complicated projects were coming in order and equipment purchases had been made, real estate hunting was the next item on the list.

Alex was at home with the babysitter and I was riding along in the passenger seat of his car as we drove around town to look at a few different places that his agent had arranged for him to see. They were all large and expensive looking. I didn't know how exactly the market worked when it came to office spaces, but I anticipated that he was putting a lot of money into this project to really make it his own. Good for him.

"So, which place is this?" I asked, pulling up the map on my phone to see where we were.

"Just north of Seattle, in Edmonds. It's a richer part of the city. Lots of art and recreation." Jackson answered. "There's actually a jazz festival here, every Memorial Day. It's pretty good if you'd want to go to it next year," he suggested.

"Taking advantage of all the richy-rich and bored housewives, huh?" I teased him, glancing over at him with a smile tugging upward on the corners of my mouth.

"A bit," he chuckled. "But, that's who's going to make it a little easier to do the people who aren't rich, you know? I still want to do some pro-bono work with kids and the impoverished, people who really need my services that might not have health insurance or the availability to get all the treatment that they need, you know? That's important to me."

I reached over, taking the hand that was resting on the center console. "I know. You're a good person. If I ever need plastic surgery again, I hope you get to be the one to do it."

"Again?" He asked.

"Yup." I popped the syllable. "I fell out of a tree when I was a kid and completely ruined my nose. I have a terrible sense of smell usually because all of those nerves got messed up, or something. This is the Kepner nose 2.0." I joked.

"Would have never guessed." Jackson looked at me once we were at a red light, his gaze focused on my nose. "They did a good job." He remarked, lifting up his hand and booming my nose.

It didn't take us long to reach the third destination of the day – supposedly the last one that we were looking at before lunch, which was a good thing because my stomach had been rumbling since we'd gotten into the far to drive up here. I'd skipped out on breakfast this morning after sleeping in and not being particularly hungry to start with, but I could already feel that my stomach was completely regretting that particular decision.

The empty building was settled into a shopping center with a couple other private practices. Some foot place, an eye place, one long word that I wasn't entirely sure about. At least if he picked up on this one, he would fit right in with the niche.

Once he was parked, I followed him out of the car and into the building, tucking my hands into the pockets of my jacket. It was cold inside. The temperature was beginning to cool off outside and I was guessing that they hadn't bothered to turn on any air while the building wasn't in use to save on utilities there. It kind of looked like it had been some kind of practice before – a clear space where a front desk and reception area had been, as well as a waiting room, right upon the entrance. It was more set up than some of the other spaces had been, but I knew that it was more expensive. It probably offset the costs of construction or carpentry.

"Hi!" The realtor for this space greeted us as we walked in, a bright smile on her lips as she put away her phone. "So, which one of you is Dr. Avery?" She asked.

"I am," Jackson answered her, stretching out his hand to shake.

"A pleasure, Dr. Avery. I'm Marissa." She introduced herself, shaking his hand before turning and offering a handshake to me. "And you're… his partner?"

"Uh, yes and no. Girlfriend, not a work partner." I half-corrected. "I'm April." I introduced myself.

"Well, it's great to meet the both of you." Marissa smiled. "As you can see, this place used to belong to another medical practice but they've moved out of state for retirement now. It's in a great area to set up your own practice. It's plastic surgery, right? Your other realtor, Micah, was telling me all about you. He speaks very highly." She focused on Jackson.

I let the two of them go back and forth about some of the different details of the property and how it would all work out with the medical equipment and having some kind of surgical sweet. It was already set up for that. It had a nice place for an office of his own, too – big and roomie, a large window lighting up the room wonderfully. It was pretty easy to tell why this was the most expensive option. If it had been about a living place, I would have gone against the expensive one, even if it did seem perfect. Having it be too much of your budget was getting into dangerous territory. But if it was for work, there was more flexibility.

The only real complaint that I had about the place was the fact that the carpet was ugly and reminded me of something from some old eighties movie. It made some sense of someone old enough to retire had been the last owner of this place.

Jackson was already visualizing how he would set things up. It was easy to tell that he liked this place substantially better than the ones before. No doubt it would be faster to get into this place and get things set up given that there wasn't a lot of outside work that would have to be put into making it suitable for what he wanted.

"Can I ask a question?" I spoke up when the two of them fell quiet, looking around.

"Of course," Marissa answered. Jackson looked over at me curiously.

"What's that smell?" It'd been bothering me since we went back through what had been the past rooms used for surgery. She probably wouldn't point it out. Maybe he was too used to it to smelling it, if it had to do with something medical. They both paused and sniffed loudly.

"I don't smell anything," Jackson remarked. "What happened to you having a poor sense of smell?" He commented with a teasing smile pulled on his expression.

"It's probably just something from all the stagnation. Once things get going and moving around, I'm sure that it's nothing a little Febreeze and an open window can't fix." Marissa brushed off easily.

"Alright," I nodded my head and shrugged my shoulders, letting it go. I wasn't going to push anything to make him not want it, even if it was a bit expensive.

We walked around the entire building, me mostly trailing in the shadows of Jackson and Marissa as they chatted about it. I didn't mind coming out with him on these visits even if real estate wasn't something that I could help much with. I just think that he didn't want to do it alone. It was a big step in a new direction for him, a new chapter of his career. After moving to Seattle to do the same, I knew exactly how challenging that could be.

All three of us shook hands again by the time that we reached the entrance again and we were ready to head out. I had a pretty good idea how he felt about it. The realness in his smile gave him away quite easily to me. He wasn't just being polite when he said that he was considering it.

Exchanging goodbyes and thanking her before heading back out to his car, I got into the front seat, turning toward him with raised eyebrows to hear what he was going to say about it.

Instead of saying anything directly, though, Jackson just looked right back at me.

"Just admit it, you loved it!" I blurted out, laughter spilling out.

"Yeah, I kind of did." He agreed with a chuckle, a smile of his own breaking across his features. "I mean, the only downside that I can think of is it's a bit of a drive. I'd have to find a different daycare for Alexandra, too, preferably one that's going to be close to here." He added.

"It's expensive, but it's great." The smile on his face was infectious and I easily returned it right back to him, remaining on my features even as he began to drive. "You're in love with it."

"Just a bit. I need to look into daycares in the area but… other than that, it's kind of great." He agreed with a nod of his head. "Do you want to get some lunch now?" Jackson glanced over at me as he asked. I nodded my head.

"I am starving," I announced. "And who knows, maybe we'll pass by a daycare or something."

Lunch ended up being a quick stop at a taco shop just to get some food in, and I end up devouring more of the chips and guacamole than either of us expected. Normally I'm more of a queso girl, but he vastly preferred guacamole – so we pretty much switch off every time we're at a place that has either option to keep the both of us happy.

"Someone was hungry," Jackson remarked lightly as he noted my empty basket, just a few shreds of lettuce and drops of poblano sauce left where two large tacos had once been.

"Told you," I shrugged. "Skipped breakfast and regretted it very quickly. Do you wanna drive around the area more? Familiarize yourself, see if maybe we pass any daycares or something? I'm good to go now that I've got some food in me." I suggested.

"Sure," Jackson agreed.

His assessment about Edmonds was right. Everything was pretty nice looking, a little nicer than the area that I worked in and certainly more so than the downtown metropolitan area of Seattle. It seemed like the kind of place that rich people lived to raise their kids and commuted to work from. Hell, who knew how many of the people that we were passing by did that exact thing.

There were a lot of retail stores, a few higher end ones that I probably hadn't stepped into for years – if at all, for that matter. I was happy to get my clothes at Old Navy or Steinmart. Brand names didn't matter that much to me. I knew that Jackson was a sharper dresser than I was. I'd seen some of the labels on Alex's clothes here and there, and even those were pretty fancy.

We drive by two different daycare centers and I write down the names of both so that we can look up more information and reviews about them online. It was definitely a nice area, not quite as walkable as the others, but nice nonetheless.

"When we get back, I can show you what I have for the app so far. I think it's kind of cute." I offered with a smile.

"Sounds like a plan," he nodded.

It didn't take particularly long to get back to the apartment building. I could tell that he was a little antsy to get back to Alex. Even though it had been just over a month since the trial, he still clung onto her like she was the most important thing in the world like she might disappear at any given moment. That was just the love of being a good parent, I suppose. Between that and what I had told him about myself, it was a reasonable reaction. I knew how precious that bond was. I knew what it was like to lose it. Remembering was enough to make me nauseous.

"Hi Sarah," Jackson greeted the babysitter when we finally reached his apartment.

"Hi, Dr. Avery," she greeted him with a smile. "I just put her down for an afternoon nap. Hi, April," She greeted me too. "How did things go with the office hunting?"

"Pretty well," he answered, nodding his head slightly.

"Definitely a lot easier than home hunting, that's for sure." I chuckled. "Every couple should use that as a baby step." My joke earned a little bit of laughter from my boyfriend.

I lingered there while he paid the babysitter and she headed out, wondering if he wanted me to stay or if I was better of heading back over to my own apartment. That was the thing about being so close to each other. It was convenient to go to and from, but it made some of the boundaries a little more questionable.

"Everything alright?" Jackson asked, noticing me lurking.

"Mmhm," I nodded. "A little tired, no biggie." I brushed off.

"Well, I was thinking about something for tonight…" he started, voice trailing off innocently.

My eyebrows raised up. "What were you thinking?"

"I thought that maybe you could spend the night. I know you haven't so far, but… if you're interested, you know, my door is always open. And my bed. Whatever you want." Jackson grinned, stepping toward me and placing his hands on my hips. "You don't have to, but I thought that I'd make the offer."

"Really?" I'd always thought that it might be a little weird, knowing that he had a baby to get up for. I didn't know if I'd thought it would be weird for him or me, though. "Well, I suppose that I can manage that." I smiled.

"Perfect." He leaned down, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling myself closer to him.

When our lips parted, I linger for a moment, my chest pressed right against his. I could feel my heart pounding inside of my ribcage, even from the slightest bit of him. If I really was spending the night, though, it wasn't much to assume that there was going to be a bit more than just some mild kissing involved with a date like that. That was exciting enough. But I needed to shower.

"How about I go shower and whatnot, and I'll come back around dinner time?" I suggested.

"Sounds like a plan to me." He grinned, giving me one more quick kiss.

With a little newfound rejuvenation of energy based on the plans for tonight, I headed back over to my apartment. A nap was in order first – just enough to give me a little kickstart. By the time that I was awake again, Sully was right up in my face, sniffing at my nose.

Giving him a gentle pat on the head, the shower was quickly turned on and the heat up. I took my time with washing and conditioning my hair, shaving everything. I knew that he'd already seen all of it, both with and without hair, but knowing ahead of time what was going to go on, I figured that I may as well give him a little something extra. I liked pleasing him, and I'm a little happier to do it just because I knew he did his own share of manscaping.

Smelling of roses and honeysuckle, I lay out across the bed naked for a moment. It's cold in my apartment. I'd have to feed Sully for the night, and again in the morning. A night wouldn't be a big deal when I'm usually working at home.

Eventually rolling back off the bed, I sift through my closet to get dressed again. He hadn't mentioned going out. Getting too fancy seemed like a silly idea. But I wanted to do something.

I put on a simple, flowing black dress that falls mid-thigh with short sleeves. Comfy and casual, but still a little nice looking. I don't put on a bra underneath but I do slide on a pair of cheeky bikini briefs with thin lace wrapped around the waist and a tiny pink bow in the front. Cute, but not over the top. It would work.

"Alright, Sully, what do you think? Do I look nice?" I assessed both sides in the mirror, smoothing it out. The bunny bounced over toward me, sniffing my ankles and then hopping away again.

Throwing a few things in a big bag just so I wouldn't have to run back and forth, I double checked that my laptop and phone were decently charged just in case he wanted me to show anything to him. I fed Sully his dinner a little early and made sure that he had plenty of water and toys out.

Knocking on the door of his apartment, he opened it up quickly.

"Hey," Jackson greeted me, Alex on his hip.

"Hi, you two." I greeted both of them with a quick kiss on the cheek, ruffling the little curls on top of the little girl's hair. They were really beginning to grow out with more definition now. "Ready for me?"

"Mmhm." He grinned, motioning me inside and taking the bag from me.

Keeping my laptop on me, I pulled up the different things that I had been working on for him and the practice. He seemed to be pretty impressed with all of it – especially that I had managed to pull it together so quickly. Maybe I had been a little obsessive working on it, wanting to make sure that it was done well and quickly. Even if we were past the new phase or walking on eggshells, I wanted to.

"I love all of it, April. It's perfect." His arm wrapped around me as he spoke and he pressed a kiss on top of my wet hair. I snuggled into him, smiling for the both of us.

"I'm glad. I wanted you to." I replied. "Is it dinner time yet?"

"I actually ordered in," Jackson grinned. "UberEats is a lifesaver and the two of us are having sushi. I hope that's okay with you. I got a big variety because I wasn't sure exactly what you liked." He elaborated.

"I'm basic. I love sushi, and I love California rolls." I laughed. "As long as there's a lot of soy sauce, then I will be happy to eat whatever sushi you put in front of me."

Getting the dinner table set up for the both of us, by the time he had Alex's dinner all set up, the carrier had arrived with our food. We set up everything at the table and sat down with the four of us. It was all delicious, almost predictably so. I knew that he tended to spend a bit of money on food, and well, that I certainly didn't mind.

As simple as it was to sit down and have a meal with him and his daughter at his place, it made me happy. I'd never tried to be high maintenance with dating or going out. Going out just to eat was more than good enough for me. I'd always been a bit of a loner, usually staying on the inside with all of the work that I did and just sticking with what I knew. He had pushed me out of my box a little more, just the right amount for me to better myself. It was a good balance. But still, staying in made me happy in another way.

What I admittedly wasn't prepared for was bath time with Alex. I'd been around babies plenty, sure, but not that tidbit. She was adorable – laughing and splashing and playing the entire time, full of light in a beautiful way. It warmed me. It warmed all of me.

It's almost a little sad to put her down for the night, even if I am glad to have some time just between us.

"Is she good to go?" I asked when he came back out in the living room, perking up from the couch.

"Yup." Jackson grinned, getting down next to me. "It's just the two of us."

Even if it's still early, I don't care. I lean into him and kiss him hard. His hands find either side of my face and pull me into him, adjusting myself easily. It doesn't take long for me to end up on top of him and in his lap. As much as we had both enjoyed our first time together, though, we don't stay on the couch. It heats up and he grabs me by the ass to lift me up and carry me back to his bedroom, dropping me down and stripping off his shirt.

Jackson made love to me fast and slow. The perk of an early start was that we could take our time with one another, familiarizing each other again with every soft curve and hard line of one another's body. He was so incredibly sexy in every way. He knew exactly what he was doing. I didn't always have the most confidence, but the noises and words that came from his mouth were enough to give me a renewed sense of confidence about everything with him. Even when he wasn't trying to do that, he managed. He was pretty amazing.

We both fall asleep butt naked. If Alex woke up in the middle of the night, I managed to sleep through the sound of her crying on the baby monitor. Even if I'm not normally a heavy sleeper, it was quite the work out between us.

What does wake me up in the morning is the smell of a hot, fresh cup of coffee.

Fluttering my eyes open, I inhaled deeply and the scent of coffee flooded my senses. I couldn't tell anything about it other than it smelled good – except oh, crap, no it didn't.

"Oh no. Oh no." I grumbled, pushing myself up. "Move. Move."

A confused look was given to me but I didn't have any time to explain, pushing past Jackson to get to his bathroom as quickly as I could. I emptied my stomach into the toilet bowl, barely making it in time. It hurt coming up, certainly far from the most pleasant to smell. I flushed it immediately and began to clean up, flushed with embarrassment and brushing my teeth a bit obsessively, flossing and rinsing out my mouth immediately. There were few things I hated more than puking.

"Are you alright in there?" Jackson asked, knocking on the door before cracking it open.

"Ugh," I groaned, shaking my head and pushing messy hair back out of my face. "I'm fine. The smell must have just been a little too strong – or maybe I ate too much sushi last night, I don't know…" Excuses rolled off my tongue. "I'm fine, promise." I pushed myself out and offered him a small smile.

"If you're sure," he gave me a small smile but the furrow between his brows made it pretty clear that he didn't really believe me on the matter. I couldn't think of any excuse. As long as it didn't continue, it didn't have to be a big deal.

"I'm good." I insisted. "Breakfast? Where's the cutie?" I pushed to a new topic quickly.

"In her high chair, probably throwing cheerios all over the kitchen," Jackson answered with a small laugh. "C'mon." His arm wrapped around my shoulders once again and I leaned into him.

His prediction was correct, of course. Leaving Alexandra in the chair alone for a few minutes resulted in about half of her cheerios being on the floor, a slice of orange smashed on the little table in front of her, and her milk bottle laying on its side though it wasn't spilling out.

"She's messy. But she's a cutie." I commented, setting the milk bottle upright before squatting down to help him again. My stomach felt uneasy as I did so and I grabbed onto the floor, steadying myself.

"Are you sure that you're alright?" Jackson asked me once more.

I nodded my head. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess my stomach isn't completely settled just yet."

"How about some water?" He suggested.

"I'll get it." I straightened up slowly, taking a deep breath and releasing it before heading over to grab a glass from the cabinet and getting water from the fridge. I drink it down quickly, leaning back against the counter. The last thing I wanted to do was get sick. I'd occasionally had some issues in the past with overworking myself. Maybe taking on the extra work had been a bit too much for me. "Sorry. This has to be a total buzzkill for you." I apologized.

"You don't need to say sorry for not feeling well," Jackson commented, shaking his head. He stepped over toward me and placed the back of his hand on my forehead, feeling my temperature. He didn't feel particularly cooler than me. His hands went to my glands next and I rolled my eyes just a bit.

"Is this what it's like to have a doctor as a boyfriend?" I teased, offering a weak smile.

"Apparently." He replied with a small snort. "I don't want to be too pushy by asking this question, but I swear, this is coming from the medical professional in me. Is there any chance you're pregnant?"

Jackson asked it like it was the most simple thing in the world.

I froze for a moment, blinking at him. It'd been about a month since the custody trial. Had I had a period since then? I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to focus back and think about my last trips to Walgreens. No pads, no tampons, no Midol. No abnormal amount of candy.

No period.

Was I?

"I, uh," I stuttered out the syllables, wetting my lips and taking a deep breath to try and bring myself back to a calm place. "I don't– I don't know. I mean, I guess that I could be."

"When as your last period?" Jackson lowered his head as he looked down at me, placing his hand on my hip, his thumb rubbing a small circle against my skin there.

"About… wait, shit, hold on. I wrote it down." I pulled out my phone and quickly opened up the calendar app, looking back to examine some of the different events that I had written down. The last period that I had noted was two weeks before the trial had been. That was now six weeks ago. "Uh… yeah, that's… six weeks ago."

Alex was an adorable baby. I totally loved and adored her in every way possible. But even in my late twenties, I hadn't really thought about having kids of my own, growing an entire human being inside of me and birthing it, raising it from scratch and teaching it… literally, well, everything. I'd thought about it some when I was young. But after I'd lost my own parents, the idea that I could do that to another child had scared me out of it.

"Okay." He said, taking a deep breath. "What's going on in your head right now, April?"

"I uh, I haven't really thought about it. I mean. After I lost my parents I didn't really have a lot of interest in it because I didn't want to leave them behind and have them… feel the way that I did." I wet my lips, dropping my gaze. "It would make sense if I was."

"You almost came from nipple play last night." He commented, chewing at his lower lip.

I glanced at Alexandra and back at him. "Should you really be saying that in front of her?"

"She's nine months, April. It's fine." Jackson brushed it off quickly.

"I just, I don't even know–" I started.

"Dada." Alex interrupted. I softened for a moment. "Dada. Dada. M–Ma. Mamama." She babbled on, banging her bottle of milk against the tray in front of her.

Oh, this day was so not going as planned.

"Did she just– call me…?" I questioned, my head spinning. Pregnant? His baby calling me her mother? I was doing everything that I could to not panic but I could start to feel it rising in my chest. I wet my lips, taking a deep breath. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

"Yeah, but, you know, she's young. She's just trying out different words. She doesn't know what it means, probably. I only say it when I talk about Lexie. She knows that you're April." He tried to soothe me quickly.

"Okay. Okay." I took another deep breath. "Well, how do you feel about this? Me pregnant? Maybe?"

Jackson's gaze softened as he looked at me, giving my hip a soft squeeze. "I love you. I love you more than I have ever been in love with a woman, April. There is nothing bad about you being pregnant. I promise you that. You should know that I'll be here every step of the way, whatever you need, whenever you need it. I'm always here for you and this is definitely no exception." He promised me.

"I mean– okay. I mean, I love you too and I know that now, I do, I've just never even considered the idea that I would be having your baby. I always think of Alex as your baby. I mean, of course, she's your baby and that doesn't change it, but I've just never… I don't know. I don't even know what I'm saying. I haven't had my coffee yet. Maybe I'm completely wrong but I just have this hard time seeing myself as this, pregnant woman or like, this biological mother to an actual human being. And that has nothing to do with you, I swear, I'm just processing a lot right now." I rambled on, unable to stop the words tumbling out of my mouth.

"Wait, hold on a minute." Jackson stopped me. "You just said that you loved me."

I blinked at him, trying to replay some of the words in my head. Most of them were lost in the blur of so much coming out, but… yeah, I guess that had come out with all of the rest of it. That hadn't been planned. But neither had just about anything happening this morning.

"Did I really?"


	10. Chapter 10

**_ JACKSON _ **

I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing.  
 _  
Pregnant._

_I love you._  
  
"Yeah, yeah, you really did," I answered her. She didn't reply immediately.

Though I had been waiting for some kind of love confession from her given that I had expressed mine to her a few weeks ago, I hadn't expected it to come out in such a ramble of words that almost didn't have something to do with them. I definitely expect them to come out with some idea that she might be pregnant. Given that Alex was still so young, the thought of having another kid hadn't even struck my mind. I loved and adored her in every way possible, but that just hadn't been a thought for me yet. She was more than enough to keep me occupied and full of love.

But the thought of another little baby, one just as sweet and loving as she was… there was something good there, a flood of warmth inside of me that I couldn't deny. It was an exciting idea, a little bit overwhelming mixed in with everything else. It made it difficult to focus on the fact that she had finally admitted that she loved me too.

"Wow." I breathed out after a moment, just needing a minute to collect myself again.

My mind replayed the ramble of words that she had spilled out, processing every one of them again. Her last period had been six weeks ago, obvious nipple sensitivity, and she'd thrown up this morning. She did look a little flushed if I stared at her for long enough.

Now it was almost a little funny that Alex had called her mama. There was no way for my little one to know if there was another baby growing in there, if she was going to have a little brother or a little sister nine months from now, but there's just enough irony there that I could feel the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Whether or not she found it funny, well, that was going to be a lot harder to try and guarantee.

"What are you smiling about?" April asked, looking at me with furrowed brows.

"Alex called you mama. You might have a bun in the oven. It's just… it's kind of funny." I admitted sheepishly, my shoulders lifting a shrug and rubbing the back of my head.

My girlfriend stared at me for a moment like I was crazy before some kind of laughter escaped from her and she shook her head at me. It's lighthearted, I can tell, a little amused and a little irritated. It was an overwhelming situation for the both of us. She was pregnant, my daughter had called her mother, and she'd blurted out that she loved me. Yeah, we could both definitely be a little overwhelmed with everything that had come out. And it was only nine in the morning.

"Okay, on a serious note," I transitioned. "How do you feel about possibly being pregnant?"

April fell quiet for a moment as she considered my question. "It's just… a lot. I love kids, I do, like I said. Alex is like, the cutest baby ever, absolutely. I love her. I used to see myself being a mom when I was young before my parents died and I went through all of that." She was repeating herself a bit, processing it. "I don't know how to feel about it."

"Well, there's no certain way that you have to feel about it," I reminded her. "You're allowed to feel anyway that you want to feel about it. It's your body, you know? Your body, your choice." Now I was rambling, minor in comparison.

"What about you? How do you feel about it?" She looked up at me with wide eyes.

"I…" I paused, wetting my lips. I didn't want to overwhelm her nor tell her how to feel. "I think that if you're happy with it, then this could be something really wonderful and amazing for the both of us. My entire life changed for the better when I welcomed Alexandra into it. I have happiness now that I never knew before. The kind of happiness that… I don't even know how to begin to explain it to someone that isn't a parent, you know? It's just one of those things." I catch myself with a smile on my face, splitting my cheeks wide open.

"Maybe we should just find out if I'm actually pregnant before I get too lost inside of my head about it," April suggested, wetting her lips and folding her arms in front of her ribcage.

Alex distracted me for a moment, throwing a clementine slice on the floor. "I think that's a fair idea." I bent down to pick it up and toss it in the waste bin. "If you want to do it today, we can just run up to my workplace and get a quick blood test done to know for sure. It's more reliable than peeing on some stick from CVS, I promise."

"Okay," she gave a slight nod of her head. "We can do that."

"After breakfast," I added. "You should still try and eat a little something, even if your stomach isn't feeling well. I've got some orange juice, plain crackers or cheerios. It doesn't have to be anything big." If she was pregnant, it would be especially important to eat.

"Do you have any bread? Toast?" She rocked back and forth on her heels.

"Yeah. There's a loaf of sourdough in the pantry to the right. There's some butter in the door of the refrigerator, or some strawberry jam if you're feeling up to that."

When Lexie had been pregnant with Alexandra, she had been adamant about not being babied. In part because, well, we'd been pretty much fuck buddies. Not in a romantic relationship. I could only imagine that April would do the exact same, even if our circumstances were much different and much more meaningful than anything I had ever had with Lexie. I was in love with her, and she, apparently, was in love with me. But she was stubborn, she liked to do things on her own and be as independent as she could be. I already knew that to be true.

Sitting down to help get Alex to eat the rest of her breakfast without throwing too much on the floor or various other places in the kitchen, I keep a careful eye on her, watching her move around the kitchen. She had made herself at home already. She had a nice place too, but it was a little easier to spend time over here with all of Alex's stuff.

But I can't stay quiet for very long. Pregnancy wasn't the only bomb that had been dropped here. I waited just long enough for her to sit down at the table with her orange juice and toast.

"So, can we talk about what else you said?" I asked, resting my arm on the table.

"Huh?" April questioned.

"You said that you loved me." I reminded her, taking a slow, deep breath.

A moment of quiet passed as she presumably took a moment to think about everything that had been spilled from her lips, the idea that she loved me just one of many words that had come out with the rambles. It was almost as if she had forgotten even though I had pointed it out to her when it first came out.

"Yes, I did. That… that is a thing that I said." She wet her lips after speaking, rubbing the two of them together and picking off some of the crust on her piece of toast.

"Did you mean it?" I couldn't beat around the bush about it, even if she wanted to.

"I… I did, yeah." April's words were barely more than a whisper and she finally looked up at me. "I guess I just didn't realize that I was ready to say it, or something. I… I do love you, Jackson. I'm definitely in love with you. I just didn't know that those were words that I was actually ready to say until they were already out there and I was kind of in the middle of freaking out about everything else that I didn't realize they had slipped out too." She explained.

With the hand that wasn't occupied by Alex, I reached across the table and offered mine to her. Her fingers connected with mine and I gave a slight squeeze, offering a small smile that just barely contained the joy swelling through me.

"I love you too, April." I reminded her. I had held off on saying the words too frequently to keep from overwhelming her. "And I love that you get tongue-tied and ramble when you're not entirely sure where your head is it. It's adorable. It's okay that you said it that way. It's just… perfectly you."

"I wish I could have been at least a little more romantic. Or just, less awkward." She admitted.

"Don't," I shook my head. "I love you for who you are and I don't expect you to change." Sure, some change was a natural part of any relationship, but it wasn't something that I was going to force upon her unwilling.

"Well, just – now that you know that, and now that I apparently might be pregnant, I hate that I'm saying this but… no proposals from you to me, alright None, nada." She shook her head to emphasize her point.

I laughed. Maybe I should have been offended, but I wasn't. "Yeah, alright. I can make that promise."

It didn't take long for her to finish up her breakfast given that she had settled on only scarfing down a piece of toast. I nearly made a comment asking for her to eat more but decided against saying something about it. I got Alexandra out of her pajamas and dressed into something more appropriate once she had decided that she was done messing around with her breakfast food, brushing her teeth thoroughly. Teeth brushing was definitely among one of her least favorite activities, she had made that clear.

Once she was ready, and April and I were both out of our own sleep clothes, I grabbed a banana, my car keys, and my wallet. She headed back across the hallway to get her purse and I got the stroller. I would take Alex to daycare while we sorted everything out, just to make things a little bit easier.

"Are you ready?" I asked her when we met in the hallway.

"Not really," she answered with an honest shrug. "But I want to know, so let's go."

"Alright, fair enough." The three of us walked down the hallway to the elevator, and she was quiet as we went down to the parking garage and I got Alex situated in her car seat. I wondered what was going on in her mind, if she was thinking about the possibility of being pregnant in a good light or if perhaps she was fixated on her parents like she had been earlier.

Backing out of the parking spot and heading out toward the road, the drive to the hospital wasn't a long one. That was part of the reason that I lived where I lived, the convenience of the location for being on call and having to come in at any given moment. But I would bet she wished it was longer.

My parking spot was relatively close to the front door. Once the car was shut off, April helped me get Alex out of the car seat and into the stroller, a different softness in her gaze.

"Do you mind if we take her to daycare first? I thought it might be easier." I asked.

"That's fine," April agreed with a nod.

We head there first and get her checked in, and I let the attendant know that she probably wouldn't be there for very long, we just needed to take care of a few things. I caught myself saying we out loud. I wasn't sure whether April noticed, or whether the attendant noticed for that matter, but it didn't blow by me. One way or another, consciously or subconsciously, April had already made her way into my family picture. That was something that wasn't reliant on her pregnancy, either. It was just her.

Her hand found mine as we walked back up to the main part of the building. I grabbed a blood draw kit from one of the supply closets and we went into a patient room together, drawing the blinds shut so that no one would see the two of us together.

"Do you have an arm preference for the draw?" I asked.

April pointed to her left arm and I nodded. She must have been nervous. Sometimes it could be a little hard to tell with her when she was quiet. The rambling was easier to pinpoint and identify.

"You should feel a small prick, but it shouldn't be too bad," I warned her.

It had been a bit of time since I had drawn blood like this and maybe it would have been better to ask a nurse to do it for us, but I wanted this done just between the two of us. I was sure that she would have preferred that too. I get the needle into the vein on the first try, fortunately, and it doesn't take long for the small tube of blood to fill up enough. Withdrawing it once it was done, I played a piece of cotton inside of her elbow and wrapped it so it would stay in place.

"All done," I gave her a soft smile.

"Thanks." She bent and straightened her arm, giving her fingers a little wiggle. "Didn't even hurt."

"We'll drop this off at the lab and it shouldn't take more than a few hours for them to be able to do it. I'll put down your phone number to call. We should know by dinner time." I informed her, pulling off the gloves and gathering all of the supplies into one arm.

"So I'll know whether I need to have wine or water with dinner." April breathed out.

"Yeah, pretty much." Maybe it was wrong of me, but I hoped that it was water. Even if this was soon in our relationship, we had only known each other for a few months, I still knew that I loved her. Alexandra would have only been a year and a half, roughly, before getting a sibling and that was soon, but… there wasn't anyone else that I rather explore that with.

The lab was just upstairs and there wasn't much of a line for it. I put her name down on it as well as mine, making sure they would call her phone number. Even if I was eager to know, she still should have been the first to know with certainty.

Once all of it was turned it to be processed, I gave her a smile and slung my arm around her shoulders. We still needed to head downstairs to pick up Alex again before leaving but it was nice to be able to walk around in public like this with her. We spent a lot of time at home just because, well, it was a bit easier with Alex. I didn't always get the pride in showing off my girlfriend to the rest of the world, especially to people that actually knew me. I would go ahead and take what I could get, even in a brief moment like this one. So many of my happy moments recently were primarily at the moment, not looking forward. But now I could look forward with a smile on my face and clearly see the direction that my life was going in. It was a good one.

But that joy and pride crashed quickly.

When we turned around the corner to head toward the elevator, the both of us nearly crashed directly into Meredith. We all froze upon the realization. The last time the three of us had been in the same room together had been the day of the custody hearing that she lost.

"Of course the two of you are here," Meredith groveled.

"I work here and she's my girlfriend." My hand tightened on April's shoulder slightly to hold her close. "We're allowed to be here if we want to be." I reminded her.

"Jackson–" Before any of us could say much more, April's distressed syllable escaped and she lurched away to me and to the nearest biohazard bin, emptying the small contents of her stomach into it. I gravitated toward her to assist however I could, helping to hold her hair back until she had finished and straightened back up again.

"Oh, what, did you get her pregnant too?" Meredith bitched out.

I froze. I couldn't tell if the remark was made solely out of spite at the timing of her throwing up, or if it was something that she genuinely suspected from the two of us. Before I had to flounder enough to find words, April snapped back at her.

"My personal health information is none of your damn business." She barked.

Meredith looked just as surprised at the lashing as I was. I wasn't used to her standing up for herself in such a way – but I was proud to hear it coming out of her. It was about time that she stood up for herself and took charge.

"It'd be just like you, Jackson. Moving on and getting another girl pregnant. How long until the baby comes out of her before you decide to kick everything that she has to the curb too?" She questioned harshly, her voice stinging me like a slap right across the face. I tensed, taking a deep breath to try and keep myself from lashing out at her. Even if I had won, I wanted on the moral ground.

"Can you just shut up?" April snapped at her, stepping toward with a finger pointed aggressively at her. "Just, shut the hell up! You have no place in my life and you barely have a place in your niece's life, too, thanks to your own insolence with that custody suit. Because the kind of attitude you have, well, I can't imagine that you're good around any child. Let alone Alexandra. So you better consider that before you open up your mouth again if you even want the possibility of ever being a part of her life again."

She went off and I didn't try to interrupt. My arm slung around April's shoulders again as I straightened up. Meredith walked away without another word. It felt like a victory.

"Hot," I whispered into her ear.

"Oh, you shut up too." April disagreed with a shake of her head, bumping my hip with hers.

We finally reached the elevator and headed back downstairs to pick Alex up from daycare. I couldn't get Meredith out of my mind, though. It was getting more and more infuriating to see her every day. I knew once she, and everyone else, found out about it that she would make my life a living hell. I loved Mark – he had always been a great friend to me. The only complicated part about being friends with him was that he was also good friends with Derek, too. It would make it hard to share the good news with him knowing how quickly it would travel. I could ask him not to tell, but he wasn't the best with secrets.

The daycare attendant seemed surprised that I had managed to finish up with what we were doing so quickly. A blood test never took long, but I hadn't wanted to tell her or anyone else the real reason that the two of us were here, just in case. You could never be sure with the way that gossip seemed absolutely set on traveling through the hospital.

Pushing Alex along in her stroller with April still by my side, I make a decision. It's not quite an impossible, not when I had been working on my backup plan for weeks. I just hadn't planned on doing it quite so soon.

"Hey," I stopped, turning toward April. "Do you mind hanging here with Alex for a minute? I just want to go talk to my boss real quick. It shouldn't take more than a moment." I asked.

"Sure," April nodded. "That's fine."

"Thanks," I smiled and bent down, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Be right back."

Taking a deep breath, I jogged up the stairs quickly to get to the Chief's office. I hadn't passed by the surgical board but I was hoping that he would be in here – normally Webber got his surgeries done first thing in the morning because of how the demands of being chief often took up a latter portion of his day. To my relief, I can see him through the office window. I knocked on the door, waiting for him to come in.

"I didn't think you were working today," Webber commented.

"I'm not. I came in for a quick test with my girlfriend, but uh, that's not the point." I paused, wetting my lips. Might as well get it over with. I didn't want him to linger on my previous statement. "Dr. Webber, I'd like to formally let you know that I quit," I announced.

"What?" He questioned, dropping his pen and looking up at me.

"I quit," I repeated firmly. "I've been working to open up a private practice and running into Dr. Grey today just reminded me that this place isn't my home anymore. So, I quit. Thank you, sir, for everything."

Without another word, I offered him an awkward and forced smile before pulling the door shut and turning back around to head downstairs. I would have had to do it eventually if I really did plan on moving into the private practice business, and even if this was a bit soon given that I didn't have everything set up just yet, I could do it. I didn't want to stay here for much longer, anyway. Seeing Meredith and dealing with her today had just been a solid reminder of why I wanted to get away from this place.

Heading back downstairs again, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't realize just how much working around negative and hateful people like her could affect me so harshly. Maybe this was why April liked working from home so much. I knew the technology industry could be full of sexism, and I was sure it was worse for someone as attractive as she was. It might make me want to stay at home too.

It was easy to spot both of my girls waiting to the side of the doors. April was standing behind Alex in her stroller, pushing her back and forth just a little bit – no doubt an effort to keep her calm and quiet. To my surprise, she was speaking with Mark.

I took a deep breath, finishing my descent and heading over toward the two of them. Most men definitely had their best friend meet their girl before they reached the stage that we had together.

"Hey guys," I greeted them.

"There he is," Mark's voice was practically booming as he turned toward me, clapping me on the shoulder. "We were just talking about you. Someone spilled that you're expecting."

"I'm sorry," April interrupted with an apology almost immediately, looking at me with large eyes. "He asked what I was doing here and I didn't know what to say so I just spilled the beans." Even though I knew she didn't understand my concerns, I paused for a moment. "But like I said, we don't actually know for sure." She glanced at Mark.

"Ah," I breathed out. "Well, I guess that means I have to let you know when we get the results."

Mark chuckled. "Absolutely. I'll be waiting. But I'll let you guys get to it."

"Thanks." Now hardly seemed like the time to tell him that I had just quit my job here, but I was sure that Webber was going to let him know soon enough. "I'll catch up with you later, Sloan." I gave him a slight smile, shaking his hand before he walked away.

I stepped over behind the stroller to take over for April, nodding my head toward the door so that we could head back out to the parking lot again.

"Did you get everything sorted with your boss? I thought Mark was your boss."

"He is. Mark's the head of the plastic surgery department but I went to talk to Webber. He's the chief of the surgical department," I clarified. "I went and told him that I quit my job," I explained.

"What?" April blurted out, looking over at me with wide eyes

"I quit my job," I repeated.

She fell quiet for a moment and we reached my car. I got Alexandra out of her stroller and into the car seat, folding the contraption and setting it into the trunk before joining her in the backseat. I couldn't tell what exactly she thought about my decision, but I was feeling good about it. It would be the best decision for me long term, and even immediately with how I was feeling.

"Huh." She finally said something, sort of, even if it wasn't particularly distinct in any way. "Huh."

"Are you going to say anything more than huh?" I questioned, backing out of the parking spot and beginning to drive back toward the house. I turned on the radio to one of Alex's CDs, letting it play quietly so she would hopefully stay focused on it for a minute.

"Yeah, I'm just processing it, I guess. I figured that you were going to quit eventually because you've been so deep in working to get things set up with the practice and I knew that you couldn't do both, I just didn't think that it was going to happen quite so soon, that's all." April finally explained what was going on.

"I didn't know either," I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. "Not till I saw Meredith and she pulled that crap again. Being around here, in this hospital… it's just not a good place for me to be at. Not emotionally. I want to be the best that I can be, both for Alexandra and for you. And for this baby, if there is a baby. I don't want to let someone like her bring me down and that's exactly what it's been like working here, even if I hadn't really been able to see it clearly until now." I elaborated, glancing over at her to see her face.

"If this is the best decision for you, then… that's all there is to it." April simplified.

I reached over and took one of her hands inside of mine, giving it a squeeze. "Thank you."

The rest of the drive back to our apartment building was quiet but this time, it was a comfortable silence. Even if we didn't know exactly where the future was going at this point, it would be a little more work to get my practice set up and running though hopefully not too much longer, and… maybe a baby, maybe not. At least that bit of information we would know soon enough.

Parking the car and getting myself and Alex out, we headed upstairs to the room. It was just about lunchtime. I knew I was going to have to get at least one of my girls fed, if not the both of them.

"Are you hungry?" I asked as we reached my door, unlocking it with one hand.

"Not really," she shrugged her shoulders. "I think I'm going to go back to my place and lay down for awhile if that's alright. I'm a little tired. Maybe I'll snack on something once I wake up."

"Alright," I leaned down and gave her a soft kiss, pulling back with a smile on my lips. "Come over whenever you want, or whenever you get news about your blood work, okay? I'm going to get her fed and then down for a nap, and talk to that real estate agent from yesterday. I think it's the right place for the practice, so I want to get rolling on that. Have a good nap."

I stood in the hallway for a moment as she disappeared inside of her own apartment before heading in myself, setting all of my stuff down. I got Alex situated in the high chair with one of her toys and began to prepare lunch for the both of us, unable to keep the smile off my lips.

Even if there wasn't a lot of certainty about the future, I could be certain about one thing – I wanted her there with me. I wasn't going to propose or do anything wild. I didn't want to repeat things with Lexie and I didn't want her to think that I was, either. I already knew that this was different, more beautiful and more meaningful. Lexie had done a lot for me and changed my life for the better by bringing my daughter into my life, and I would always be grateful for that. But she hadn't been the love of my life. I had tried to convince myself that she was, that I was in love with her, but it had always been more the idea of her and the relationship that we could have had.

I was in love with April.

There wasn't any question or doubt about that. She was the one for me, there was no question or doubt about that, either. I hoped it was as clear to her as it was to me. Maybe it wasn't now, but it would be one day.

Once Alex was properly fed and down for her nap for the early afternoon, I called up my realtor and went over the details of the property, pitching an offer. I was sure that it was going to go through, choosing to settle on asking price. She hadn't mentioned if it was a competitive space which meant that it would probably be fine to just go with what it was. This would be one huge box marked off on the long checklist.

Hanging up the phone, I collapsed onto the couch for a few minutes to hopefully relax. My eyes shut and I leaned back to just tune out the rest of the world. I didn't get a lot of time to myself anymore, nor any time that was quiet. It was easy to forget just how peaceful it could be.

But the peace and quiet only lasted for a few minutes before my phone was inevitably ringing again. I pulled it out of my pocket, seeing my mom's name appear and letting out a sigh.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jackson Malcolm Avery, you tell me that Richard Webber is crazy and that you did not actually quit your job today." Crap. I knew that he would tell her, but I hadn't planned on her finding out about it quite so soon. I hadn't talked to her about setting up a private practice of my own. I wasn't sure how it was going to work with all of the Avery foundation business.

"Mom, I need you to calm down." I wet my lips. "Yes, I quit my job there. But I have an explanation and I'm sure that it would be better for the both of us to talk in person about this instead of you yelling at me over the phone."

"I cannot believe that you would even consider doing something like this, especially without talking me about it beforehand. What in the world were you thinking? Oh, that's right, you weren't thinking." She continued without seeming to hear a word that I said. I let her go for a moment without interrupting, taking a deep breath. I definitely didn't want to set her off any more than she already was.

I let her go off a little longer before interrupting. "How about we go get lunch the next day you're in town?" I asked.

To my surprise, Mom agreed without putting too much more effort into arguing with me. The rest of the afternoon went by without too much fuss much to my relief. Alex seemed to be in a good mood today – she liked going out of the house, much to my surprise, given that she could occasionally be a little difficult to get out of the house in the first place. I set up a movie for her on the television and between that and the stacking blocks, it made it simpler than I expected to actually get some work down without me being entirely distracted by her – just mostly.

My front door opened and I looked up to see April standing here, wide-eyed and clutching onto her phone. I sat up from my chair and looked over at her with raised eyebrows. Even if we were comfortable around each other, she usually still knocked on the door before letting herself in. That was a little unusual.

"Is everything alright?" I asked her.

"The hospital called and I just got the test results from earlier." She replied.

I paused, raising my eyebrows and waiting for her to say what the lab technician had said.

"I am pregnant. Actually pregnant."


	11. Chapter 11

**_ APRIL _ **

Even though I had known that the phone call was coming and I had let the anxiety eat away at me while waiting for it, I still hadn't expected it. It had taken me long enough to fall asleep despite the exhaustion in my bones and the sound of my phone ringing had been the thing to wake me up from my nap. I'd sat up and listened to the random male on the phone give my results to me, Sully sniffing at my stomach as he did. I'd read about animals with some sixth sense for pregnancy. I wondered if he actually could tell any difference.

Rushing back over to Jackson's was the natural response, not thinking to knock or that I would be interrupting anything. Politeness was thrown out the window for a moment – because holy crap, we were actually having a baby.

"I am pregnant. Actually pregnant." I informed him.

There was a brief silence for a moment but Jackson didn't have to say a word for me to know how he felt. I could see the elation on his face, the light inside of those beautiful eyes that I often found myself staring at just because I could. The clearness made him easy to read in moments like this one.

Instead, I found myself difficult to read. There was a little uneasiness stirring in the pit of my stomach and I didn't know if it was how I was feeling or just the side effects of the fact that there definitely was a baby inside of my stomach. I'd been stressed and nervous to the point of nausea before in my life, it wasn't something entirely new. Even if this prospect was overwhelming, there was something good there. Something exciting. Maybe it was a little mixed up and confused with everything else that was going on, but there was something bigger and better still lingering there.

I had wanted Seattle to be a new, better chapter of my life. This was a new start.

It was just a big, much different start than I had expected. I figured that I would be career oriented for a while. There was nothing to say that I still couldn't be, most of my work was already done from home and it's not like sitting at a computer was particularly difficult on my body. Both were completely doable. It was just so different than what I expected.

"How do you feel?" Jackson asked, standing up and walking over to me with a gentle smile on his expression. His hands took both of mine, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles.

"Nervous," I admitted, wetting my lips. "Really, really nervous. But kind of excited?"

Sitting down on the couch together to talk about it, well, it doesn't de-escalate any of my nerves but it did solidify the excitement. I could see the joy in his eyes. I knew how much happiness Alexandra had brought him even amidst the sorrow of losing Lexie, but at least this time, there was a promise of something more. Happiness without the complication, without the question of whether or not he really loved me. He had told me that before all of this. I knew my own rambling confession had been with the confusion of it, but I knew that I loved him too.

Naturally, Jackson already knew a few good obstetricians, opting to branch out away from the practice. He wanted to go the next day. I was a little bit okay with that too, even if it was overwhelming to move so quickly about it.

The next morning, though, I woke up with nausea so bad that I don't move from the toilet bowl for a solid hour and I call it quits. The next few days don't ease up and I couldn't have been more grateful to work at home and not have to expose myself quite so soon to everyone that I worked with. Morning sickness no longer seemed like an appropriate day. Sure, it sucked in the morning. But it sucked mid-afternoon, and at night, too. There wasn't a time where it didn't suck.

The mood swings came full force about a week later. On the one day that nausea didn't feel like it was completely destroying my life, I just didn't want to go to the doctor. It was one of those days where the worry and anxiety about a fetus growing inside of me took over any possible joy for having a baby. Hormones were completely crazy.

I was probably driving Jackson crazy, too.

Sully had found a home in Jackson's apartment just as much as he had my own now, though I was sure my little bunny was bothered by the fact that he couldn't just go back and forth at will. He was an independent little fellow, didn't like to be carried around that much. Alexandra absolutely adored him, though. He was calm which was good for being around her, and she loved petting him. He seemed fascinated enough by her, too. He had never been around such a tiny human before. That was something that was definitely going to change, both with her and this other baby.

But after two weeks, it managed to calm down just enough again that we can go to Dr. Montgomery's office and get a real look at our baby. Sarah watched Alex in the afternoon while we drove up to the northern part of the city where her private practice was located.

The waiting room in the office was well-lit and decorated with plenty of photos of mothers and their children, all wearing huge smiles. There was a diagram of pregnancy as well, a seemingly huge baby somehow captured inside of the mother's stomach. I had been thin my entire life, no matter how I ate or what exercise habits I maintained. I had no idea how an entire baby was going to fit inside of me.

That would have to be a question for a few months out, though. Eventually, I'm laying back on the table, shivering as a cool gel is spread across my abdomen.

"Oh, I hope this doesn't take long. I have to pee." I commented.

"It shouldn't," Dr. Montgomery reassured. "We just asked you to come in with a full bladder so it should push the uterus up to see a little better. Most women find it more comfortable than the transvaginal ultrasound." She explained.

"I don't even know what that means but it sounds very uncomfortable." I laughed slightly.

Jackson's hand was wrapped around me, sitting close to me at my side. If he knew what he was, which he probably did, he didn't say anything. Instead, his gaze was trained on the monitor, no doubt waiting for the image that was going to pop up at any given moment.

"And there is your baby." The red-haired doctor announced.

I turned my head to look away from Jackson and at the screen. On the monitor, there were a few distinct little blobs. Arms and legs, what clearly appeared to be a head. She pointed it out with her finger on the monitor but I tuned out her words slightly, putting together the pieces on my own. It had a big head. I knew that was supposed to be normal and realistically it wasn't that big at all yet, but on the monitor, it looked so big.

"Is it moving around?" I questioned, furrowing my brow.

"Yeah," Jackson confirmed with an extra squeeze of my hand.

"It's too early for you to be able to feel the little one, but yes, the baby is moving around inside of there. Which is good. This looks to be a perfectly healthy fetus. The heart rate is at 150 beats per minute which is exactly where you want it to be at this stage in the pregnant. You're measuring eight weeks which lines up with everything you said." Dr. Montgomery explained.

"Wow." I murmured, blinking a few times to look at the both of them before turning my head to the monitor. If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn the baby practically waved at us.

"What are you thinking?" Jackson asked.

Before I realized it, tears welled in my eyes. "It looks so big." I murmured. "I know that it's not but on the screen, it just looks big." Despite the emotion glaringly obvious in my eyes, a smile pulled upward at the corner of my lips. "Do we get to keep a picture?" I asked.

"Of course," Dr. Montgomery answered. "We'll print out a couple of copies for the both of you. I'm sure that Grandma Avery will want one. Make sure to pass on my best wishes to her."

"I will," Jackson smiled. "And she definitely will. Thank you, Addison."

With the towel that Dr. Montgomery handed me, I wiped the remainder of the cool gel off my stomach. There wasn't a bump there yet. It looked like I'd eaten a full meal at most, but suddenly, it was as if there was. Seeing the baby on the monitor had made it a hundred times more real than a phone call confirming a pregnancy ever could. I waited until the obstetrician had left the room before speaking again.

"I wish I could send my mom a picture," I admitted quietly. "She'd be so happy."

"You believe in God, don't you?" Jackson asked. I nodded. "What about going to church? I don't know exactly how it works, but, that's what most people seem to do."

"I believe in God but I don't have a lot of faith in the church," I explained with a slight shrug. "Maybe I'll call one of my sisters this weekend. It's been awhile since I've talked to any of them." Suddenly having family felt important. I knew the Grey's weren't great, but my sisters had been good to me, for the most part. And they were good parents to their boys.

"That sounds like a good idea," he encouraged.

That weekend, I do. I call up my oldest sister and share the news with her – along with the news about, well, everything in my life in Seattle. I hadn't talked to any of them much since I have broken up with Matthew and decided to take things to the Pacific Northwest.

Two weeks later, I take a flight to Cleveland. Libby picked me up from the airport, practically squeezing the life of me. The beginnings of a bump were nearly there, peaking out if I wore something tight enough. I spent the weekend with her and husband and son, seeing both Kimmie and Alice as well. The four of us hadn't been together in a long time, not since the immediate days following Alice's high school graduation. That had been something big. This pregnancy would be something big, too.

Even if I was in a vastly different place in life than my sisters, unmarried and living alone, there was not the judgment that I might have expected to see from them. They had been occasionally hard on me in my younger years about my appearance or my geeky attitude, preferring the company of computers to people. But losing our parents had built a stronger bond between us. Now they saw the important things, not just what looked pretty on paper.

Returning home again, I feel rejuvenated.

It doesn't take me much longer to finish up the all of the software and website design for Jackson's private practice, as well as the software app. My boss was impressed with it. It was new territory for us given the types of company we usually worked with, and he seemed very receptive.

When I announced my pregnancy, too, he was equally excited. Not much would change on the work front for months but six weeks of paid maternity leave was an option for me, fortunately. I hadn't been sure given the size of the company. Charlotte's reaction was the one to get to me.

"Hey, Char," I murmured softly, waving her over. "I want to tell you something."

"What's up, Kepner?" She asked.

"Do you remember that guy that I talked to about, a couple weeks ago? Or… months ago, now, I guess. The one that you pushed me into just talking to directly." I reminded her.

"Yeah," Charlotte nodded. "What about him?"

I smiled. "We're expecting a baby together."

"Dammit, Kepner!" She swore. "You just cost me twenty bucks."

"What?" I asked.

"Cooper and I had a bet going. I said it wouldn't be till early next year, he bet by the end of this year." She explained, clucking her tongue and shaking her head.

"You two are the worst." Despite the words leaving my lips, though, there's a huge smile.

Of course, Charlotte was the only one who was cost money.

Babies were expensive and I was in over my head when it came to everything that was needed for them. I saw all that Jackson had. For the most part, Alexandra was still young enough that she needed a lot of it. Older things that she had outgrown like onesies could be reused, but there was a lot of it was that was still going to have to be bought again. That was assuming, of course, that the baby was a girl. I had no reason to think that it was, yet that was the only thing that I could picture.

The internet had always been my best friend, but that was especially true now that I was sinking deeper and deeper into uncharted territory with each week that passed and the bigger my belly got. We hadn't even discussed which apartment the nursery would go in. Mine made more sense, I thought, with a good baby monitor. That way the baby wouldn't wake up Alexandra.

Of course, that was going to mean turning my work space into the nursery. That was fine. Half of the time I did my work in the comfort of bed or on the couch, especially on the days where the pregnancy had me feeling less than stellar about myself.

Although I was typically a fan of Target for everything, Jackson had talked me into going to Bed Bath & Beyond for quite a few supplies. I was overwhelmed by the number and types of different strollers – I didn't know the difference between a frame or an umbrella stroller, or a jogging stroller. I'd thought all strollers could be jogging strollers. The decor of the nursery, though, was something that was a bit more exciting.

I loved decorating. I always had. This was an excuse to go overboard with all of the possible soft and fuzzy items, and I could splatter the walls with different animals that I loved and still have it be rather gender neutral. It was definitely working out for this stuff. The logistical stuff would be left to Jackson.

"What do you think about this one?" He asked, motioning to a stroller.

Looking through the pictures on the box, I squatted down slightly. My belly had begun to pop out, just resting into the top of my thighs with the bend. It looked like a nice one, one of the interchangeable ones where the baby could face you or the rest of the world. That was nice.

"Jackson– what the heck, this is a thousand dollar stroller." I blurted out suddenly. "That's insane. How can anyone afford something like that?" I questioned.

"That's about how much Alex's is." He shrugged his shoulders. "Good ones are expensive, sure, but you want a good one. Babies are just one of those things that you want to spend more money on, just in case."

"Still, that is just… so much." I straightened back up, shuddering dramatically.

"Well, there are others to look at. Plus, remember last time, you registered for that membership thing? It's twenty percent off our purchases for the year. Might as well take advantage of it." Jackson reminded me.

We both glanced at the current stroller that he had his hands on when Alexandra made a disgruntled noise. She was now just past a year old. Her birthday party had been an absolute hit with some of the different kids from daycare and it had been a nice opportunity to expose me to a few babies that weren't just his. It had been a princess theme, of course, because she was definitely our little beloved princess. I was sure there would be many more of those parties to come in the future.

"Well, you can pick out whatever you think is best. Just… don't go for the most expensive one because it's the most expensive one. Go for the best one." I breathed out as I looked around at some of the ridiculously high prices. "I'm going to go look at the decor, I think," I announced, squatting down. "Alexa, baby, do you want to go look at decor with me? Or stay with Daddy?"

Even though her nickname had been Alex from the start, that had shifted toward Alexa. Mostly because he had gotten an Amazon Alexa, and from talking to that, she had begun to respond to the name, thinking we were talking to her. Now Alex and Alexa had become interchangeable.

"Me. Me me me." Whether or not she was talking about herself or me, well, one could never be sure. But the answer wasn't Daddy, so that was clear enough.

"Well, bye-bye Daddy." I teased Jackson, grinning at him.

"I'm gonna have to make sure I'm the baby's favorite because it seems like you've already stolen this one from me." He replied with a broad shrug of his shoulders, lifting up his hands from the grip of her stroller.

Pushing Alex onward, we walked down the narrow aisle toward the back corner of the store to go through some of the decor items. Even though I was officially eighteen weeks pregnant and we had an ultrasound a week and a half ago, we still didn't know the baby's gender. The position of the ultrasound hadn't been good and we had decided against doing the amnio – my decision, mostly, uncomfortable with the procedure.

So, for now, green and yellow and purple was the way to go. The nursery walls were going to be a light green, once we decided on the exact shade. I liked the accents of silver and white along with it. I'd already picked out a pair of white curtains, and we had a fluffy gray carpet to go in the room, too. I'd wanted the white one but decided that was probably going to end up much harder to clean given it was inevitable that there were going to be accidents happening in that room, one way or another. I might as well make one thing easier for myself in the future.

"What do you think about this, little miss?" I held up the stuffed pig in front of Alex's face to test for her reaction. She reached out for her and I let her take it for a moment, straightening back up and placing a hand on my back.

"Oh, that's adorable." I turned my head toward the voice, an older woman speaking. "Be careful about all the ups and downs though, darling. You don't want to hurt you're back while you're expecting." She added.

"Thank you," I smiled softly. Women loved to input about other's pregnancies. "You have kids?"

"I do," she nodded. "They're all grown though, now. My oldest is actually expecting her first grandkid." She said with a sense of pride. "You must be excited for your first. Are you babysitting to get some practice?" She asked, motioning toward Alex squishing the stuffed pig.

I blinked a few times at her specific words. "Huh?"

"I said you must be excited, with the babysitting to practice for your first." She repeated. There was something about the little polite smile on her lips that didn't sit well with me.

"What makes you think that she isn't my first?" I asked, folding my arms over my stomach defensively.

"Oh, sweetheart, there's no reason to get worked up about it." She started, waving her hand dismissively at my reaction. "It's obvious that little girl isn't your first. That skin and those curls, that's clearly a black baby. And you, very clearly, are not the mother to a black baby." She almost seemed smug with the way that she stated the works, so simple as if there was no room to argue with them.

I stared at her with wide eyes for a long moment, trying to wrap my mind around what she was saying. Sure, it was clear that Alexandra was black – she did look like Jackson more than Lexie, absolutely, even if she had her mother's dark eyes. But the fact that this woman would just so boldly assume I was some distant person to her enraged me.

"What the fuck?" I finally blurted out, voice barking out much louder than I intended. "Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Alexandra is my little girl. And this little girl is going to be her little sister, and yes, her father is black. Who are you to act like interracial relationships are some kind of forbidden thing, or that they don't happen? It's 2018. Of course they happen! And even if I'm not a biological parent to her, that doesn't matter. Kids are adopted. Women are surrogates. It's no longer just about the biology of a parent and their child. It is so, so much bigger than that. So why don't you shut your mouth before you even think about saying another word because I may be pregnant but I swear to god, I will hurt you if you say another negative thing about either of my children again." The more that came out, the louder that my words became. Volume control had gone out the window.

"Excuse me, miss, is there a problem?" One of the employees monitoring the store had no doubt heard me, coming over to try and diffuse the situation belatedly.

"You're damn right there's a problem, this racist piece of trash just–"

"April, April." Jackson's words cut me off. Apparently, he had heard me blowing up at her, too. At least I could blame this on hormones. Or maybe rightfully blame it, because suddenly there were tears forming in my eyes despite the rage there. "What's going on?"

"She's trying to say that Alex isn't mine just because she's black as if there's something–" I began again, but this time, I was cut off by the woman speaking again.

And of course, she was playing the innocent card. "Oh, honey, that's not what I was trying to say at all." She waved her hand again. "I think that you're just getting a little wound up. I'm sure it's the hormones and all." She smiled, sickeningly sweet.

"Fuck you!" I barked at her.

"Okay, okay, why don't we all just calm down?" The worker spoke, looking mildly panicked by my outrage. I suppose no one wanted to mess around with a pregnant woman. At least I had finally found something that was truly beneficial about the pregnancy. "I think that it's best we all just take a deep breath and try to calm down." He repeated.

"I am obviously pregnant, with a child, and trying to shop of my new baby's nursery and you expect me to deal with someone who is clearly being racist toward me, and you want me to calm down? Really?" I stared at him with wide eyes.

"April." Jackson's hand came down on my shoulder as he repeated my name. "He's right, cool it."

I turned toward him with wide eyes. "How are you alright with this?" I asked, before looking back at him. "And how are you alright with letting this lady shop here? Do you support her harmful viewpoints? Because I'm sure that Yelp and the rest of the internet will be really, really interested in hearing all about you guys supporting that."

"No, no, of course not." He shook his head. "U–uh, ma'am," he turned toward the other woman. "I think that it would be best for everyone if you left, please."

"I can't believe this." She muttered, straightening up and shaking her head.

"I can't believe you. It's 2018! Just because you're old doesn't mean your views have to be!" I yelled after her.

None of the rage in my system began to qualify until she was out of sight. Jackson's hand didn't leave my shoulder, squeezing and massaging it slightly. Stress wasn't good for the baby. I was sure that was what he was thinking. I knew that it wasn't, but something like that happening in the middle of Bed Bath & freakin' Beyond just got under my skin. I didn't understand how there was anywhere in the world where a woman could say that to a stranger and think it was okay.

"Are you calm now?" Jackson asked, leaning down and kissing the top of my head.

"Barely," I breathed out, placing both of my hands on my hips and squeezing my eyes shut for a moment. "I just can't believe that she would say something like that to me, or to anyone else. That's unacceptable."

"It is, but that's a part of the world that we live in." He turned me toward him, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. "It sucks sometimes. But thank you, for standing up for me and Alex."

"And the new baby," I added, lips slightly pouting. "But I shouldn't have had to."

"I'm still glad you did. It's not always easy for me to say something, and it won't always be easy for our kids to either, you know? People like her, they like to paint us as angry and disregard it as nothing more than that. It's different when they hear it from another white woman. You're using your white privilege for something good." He assured me. Right or not, I had a hard time being calm while standing there.

I looked around, weight shifting restlessly from side to side. "Can we go somewhere else now?"

"Of course," Jackson answered with a nod of his head. "C'mon, Momma bear." One hand went to Alex's stroller so he could push her out, and his other arm looped around my shoulders, pulling me in.

A very necessary stop is made for frozen yogurt. I load up the strawberry with an unnecessary amount of cherries and candies, satisfying the sugar crazing. I'm supposed to be eating healthy, of course, but there's a necessary balance between keeping my body healthy and keeping my mind happy. After that interaction, I needed to go for the latter in the same way that I needed oxygen. The frozen yogurt naturally made Alexandra pretty happy, too.

Cooled off from the brain freeze and somewhat emotionally, we hit up another place to look at baby clothes. Jackson and I both have a type that we gravitate toward, distinctively. I tend to go for things with animals – elephants, ladybugs, you name it. He tended to go more toward things with amusing words printed on it. This baby would have a good mix of both.

"Oh, look at these pajamas!" I squealed, holding up a hooded dinosaur onesie.

"That's cute," he chuckled. "You don't think it's a little feminine?"

"Maybe," I shrugged. "But I don't know why I just feel like it's a girl. Maybe it's maternal instinct like all of those pregnancy and parenting books that got me talk about. I keep dreaming of a little baby sister for Alex. That's all. What do you think it is?"

"Well, you are swaying me towards girl a little bit." Jackson chuckled. "But I've got my fingers crossed for a boy. That's why I say we should get it determined at the next ultrasound, so we can do the nursery properly."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah hopefully, she or he will be positioned better."

"Also, about the nursery…" I glanced up at him. "We haven't really talked about where it's going to be." Jackson reminded me, walking out of the store. I followed him to the car.

"I think my apartment would make more sense. I mean, I know that's probably inconvenient for you, but… if I breastfeed, which the books say that I should, I'll have to be getting up most during the night anyways. Plus that should keep Alex from being woken up by any screaming or crying." I answered, glancing over at him as I climbed into the car and waiting for him to get the little girl sorted in her car seat.

"I can see that, yeah." He nodded. "But I was also thinking that maybe you could just move in with me. Save on the rent, you know, since babies are expensive as you keep pointing out. We could sleep with her in our room or I could turn my office into the nursery, even if it's a bit small."

Even though it seemed like it was perhaps the most financially reasonable solution to the question, it was somehow one that I hadn't considered. I knew that after Lexie, relationship milestones were something that he would take slow with the pregnancy. There may have been one or two semi-inappropriate and mostly teasing comments about how he definitely needed to propose for me even though his baby was growing in my belly. Not intended to frighten him off, really, even if in hindsight they perhaps had not been the most tasteful comments.

"That might be kind of crowded." I murmured, pressing my lips together as I considered it.

The demand of her music coming from the backseat distracted from the conversation at hand for just a minute, leaning forward to get it on her CD and turning the volume up for her. I fell quiet for a moment, leaning back into the front seat and letting my gaze turn out the window.

Jackson wasn't a fast driver. I didn't know if it was just because Alex and I were in the car, but he was always extremely careful with everything that he did. He always used his turn signal, always looked over his shoulder when he was changing lanes, never dared to speed up when the light turned yellow. He was a good driver, just like he had told me the first time that we had gotten behind the wheel together.

"I think I want to learn how to drive," I murmured, keeping my gaze on the rainy streets.

"Really?" Jackson questioned.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I don't want you to always have to do the driving. What if I'm in labor and you're at work?" The private practice was set up and functioning, finally. "It'd be silly to call an ambulance and I mean, I would hate to burden an Uber driver like that. That would have to be uncomfortable for them. I'm twenty-eight, almost twenty-nine. I should know how to drive a car." Daddy couldn't always be responsible for transportation. I was going to have to do this eventually.

"I'm happy to help you with that, April." He reached over for my hand, patting it twice before placing his hand on top of mine. "I think it's a good idea. I'm glad that you want to do that. That's big."

"Yeah," I swallowed thick. "Yeah, it is."

Other kids have been sixteen and dying to get behind the wheel of their parent's car. The only thing that I had ever driven in my life had been a bike and a tractor. Neither were particularly similar to a car, I didn't think. Or at least I knew that the bike wasn't. But that wasn't going to be a reasonable option with a baby in tow, and it was getting less comfortable while pregnant.

"And… maybe if we wanted to move into a house instead of an apartment, it would be a better option and easier for me. For getting to and from work, or anything else. I know most of the nice apartments aren't quite as central to downtown and everything else." I threw out there.

"Really?" I could see him glance over at me. "A house?"

"Yeah," I shrugged slightly. "You're the one who brought up moving in together and… at least a house, you know, they could have two bedrooms. It still wouldn't be paying for two places and it's supposed to be better, financially, in the long term." I wet my lips as I paused slightly. "We have successful careers, Alex, and this baby… I think a house of our own would be the reasonable next step, right? Not even as a relationship, but just like, as two functioning adults." I looked over at him, gaze searching across his expression.

"I think that's a really great idea, April." Jackson glanced over at me for just a moment before returning his gaze to the road. "We can get somewhere a little closer to the practice. That'll make it easier in the first months, for sure. Mark and Warren both said they're happy to do work for the practice around the baby's birth."

I smiled. "Good. They're both good men." Even if my first experience with his former hospital coworkers had been less than positive, those two did seem like genuinely good people. I liked having them as a part of our lives and I knew they were good to Jackson, too.

"Let's do it. Let's buy a house together, April." Jackson beamed.

"Yeah, let's do it."


	12. Chapter 12

**_ JACKSON _ **

"So as you can see, this place is a Mediterranean style house. Just looking at it practically transports you right to Barcelona! It's got the most wonderful natural lighting here in the family room, as you can see." The realtor continued to speak on about the property with a bright smile on her face, motioning around the area of the living room as she spoke to point out the details of the arches in the room.

House hunting turned out to be another adventure. It was a bit easier than hunting for an office space for the private practice, mostly because the availability for it happened to be a lot more.

Of course, there was the matter that we didn't agree quite on everything. Budget was a part of it – she thought it was fair to be practical and I was fine with going above and beyond. If this was going to be the place that we settled down and raised our children in, there was no reason to have anything less than the best. We could find a good area and a good school district and go from there. April liked the Mediterranean styled houses while I preferred a more modern look, but we were working to meet in the middle. Maybe her style of house in my budget range. We had both agreed on wanting the best possible school option, public or private, which had been a no-brainer and helped to narrow down some of the options.

"What do you think about it?" I asked April, thumb rubbing circles across her back.

"It's really nice," she answered with a soft smile warming her cheeks. Her cheeks had a little extra thickness to them, filling out with the rest of her pregnancy. She was past six months now, belly popped out and making it completely obvious. "Is it okay if I sit?" She asked the realtor.

"Of course!" Angela answered, bobbing her head along. "Sit all you need, darling. Take it all in. This really is a great family room. Nice and big, for both of your babies." She continued to sell it.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked quietly, sitting down next to her.

She nodded her head and I gave her a small smile, placing my hand on her stomach and rubbing it gently. The beginning of the pregnancy had been rough for her and it had gotten better for a few weeks there, but I knew now that she was growing bigger, she was starting to deal with a lot of back pain and swollen ankles. I had become an expert at giving massages.

"What about the price?" I asked, looking back up at Angela.

"So, it is at the upper end of your budget, but it's in the best public school district in the area, and it's a very competitive neighborhood. A lot of different people are trying to get into this house, so you won't be able to lowball it with the owners." She explained. "But it does have everything that you wanted. Five bedrooms and an office space, and of course, one of the bedrooms could easily be converted into a second office space. A pool in the backyard, natural gas stove, newly renovated… this house is a real winner."

"I do like it a lot," April said. I could feel the baby inside of her belly give a little kick at my hand as I soothed her belly, smiling to myself. "And based on the kicking, I think so does the little one," she added with a small laugh.

"Great!" Angela clasped her hands together excitedly. "That's wonderful."

"It's definitely a strong competitor," I agreed with a nod of my hand, standing up and offering April my hand so she could too. "I think we're both happy with what we've seen, though. We'll definitely get in contact with you again later this week." I gave her a polite smile.

My arm went around April's waist as the realtor showed us out of the house again, walking her over to the car and letting her get in the driver's seat. We were taking a few practice runs with her behind the wheel here and there. Normally I would drive to a place and if she was up to it, let her drive home again, that way she already knew more or less where she was headed and didn't have to worry so much about keeping up with directions.

"It'll be easier to turn right coming out of the neighborhood and go up to the light and U-turn," I commented.

"Okay," she agreed with a nod of her head, chewing at her lower lip.

Even though she had only been behind the wheel a couple of times so far, she wasn't that bad of a driver. Not perfect, sure, and definitely on the slower side, but not a danger to herself or others. I hadn't taken her on the highway yet, though, so that might be different. But she turned well and maintained her position in a lane decently.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? You tired out pretty quickly today," I asked, keeping my eyes moving between her and the other cars on the road to be safe.

"Yeah," she answered. "I think going up and down the stairs of that place just took it out of me."

"Well I keep telling you, only a little boy could take it out of you that fast." I grinned at her, catching the way her lips pulled up at my words.

Even though April was completely set on the idea that the two of us were having another magical little girl being brought into our lives, I got the feeling that it was a boy instead. Maybe it was just because I wanted one, a little balance thrown into the mix of all the strong women in our life, but I just couldn't scratch the itch that kept me going back to thinking that it was a boy. She'd had another ultrasound at twenty-two weeks, but she was so willing to bet that it was a girl, she told the technician not to tell us. I hadn't put up any disagreement.

"You and Mark are the only ones who think that," she shook her head. "But I'm so sure it's a girl. If we weren't planning on moving, I would be painting that room the most beautiful shade of pink. But I will wait oh so impatiently."

"I'm pretty sure our lease only allows for wallpaper and not painting anyways," I laughed.

"Fair enough," April chuckled. "But now I'm just going to spend all day looking at different wallpaper samples that we can try. If we're going to have a test nursery, we might as well make the most of it." That was exactly what the office space in her apartment had become, after all. I had lost track of how many times we had rearranged it in different configurations.

When she turned into the parking garage, there is a jolt of the car as she hit the curb. Thus far, she's only been driving with me in the car – not with Alex, too, who was with the babysitter. That was for the sake of both of our sanities. Hitting a curb like that was bound to get complaints that would stress April out.

"That's alright, just go a little wider next time." I soothed her. "Now, if you want to back into the parking space, you might find it a little easier. There's a backup camera to guide you."

"Okay, okay." Her head bobbed along with her words, though she seemed unsteady.

April managed to back into the parking spot without any more bumps along the way, letting out a loud breath of relief once she changed from reverse to park. I knew that this still stressed her out a little bit. Learning to drive was stressful for anyone, it didn't matter if you were sixteen or twenty-nine. With her background and history, that was only bound to be even worse than average.

"There you go. We're here in one piece." I smiled at her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Thanks," April smiled at me sincerely. "And thank god that there is an elevator and no stairs to get up to our floor because otherwise, you would have to carry me there." She added, lightening up her own mood.

"If I can carry you to bed, I can carry you upstairs." I retorted with a wink.

"Naughty," she shook her head though there was a clear smile on her face as we got on the elevator.

A slight ding was given by the elevator as we reached our floor and the doors opened up, and I motioned her out first as we walked up to our juxtaposed doors. I waited for her to get hers unlocked first as always, wanting to make sure that she got in safe.

"I'm going to make a few work calls, then I'll come over with Alex. I've got a surgery in the morning, are you still good to watch her then or should I see if Sarah can?" I asked.

"You know I can." She smiled. "I adore her."

"I know." I grinned back at her, leaning down and placing a kiss on her forehead before she went inside.

Going into my own apartment a moment later, I greeted both Alex and the babysitter enthusiastically, giving Sarah her pay and sending her on her way. Alex had just woken up from a nap. She had gotten down to just having one nap during the day instead of a morning and afternoon one. She was babbling at just about all hours of the day now, a few real words mixed in with the rest of it. As April was growing with our child, Alex was growing and developing just as much. Seeing all of it happen so fast was making me sentimental. I remembered just as easily when Alex had been the one in utero, even if it had been with Lexie.

Alexandra was happy to be set up with some different sets of stacking cups. She had one that was numbered and another one with letters. Even though she wasn't reading them out loud yet, she liked to point at them and have me or April read them out to her. A few she repeated after – two, the letter B, just some of the easier ones.

Emails are sent and I checked in with the receptionist, making sure that everything was running smoothly. Mark turned out to be more invested in it than I expected. I didn't know if things had changed at the hospital for him, or he just realized he really enjoyed it.

I put on a movie for Alex and get her in her playpen so she can't stray too far, picking up my phone and heading to the kitchen so I can call him without too much background noise.

"Hello?" Mark answered.

"Hey, man, it's me. You're not busy, are you?" I asked.

"No, I just scrubbed out of a cleft palate. I was heading upstairs to check on the burn unit but that's about all I've got left for today. Is everything alright? Nothing with baby Avery, is it?" He questioned.

"No, baby Avery is fine." I chuckled. "Still kicking like a little soccer player. I just sent you an email with the schedule for this week, wanted to double check and make sure that you're good with doing Thursdays and mornings on Tuesdays still." I explained.

With the two of us both in on it, things were actually a lot easier than I would have expected. We did consults on Mondays and Tuesdays mornings, surgeries on Wednesdays and Thursdays and minor procedures on Fridays. We could get a couple done in a day with the help of the others working there, keeping it a streamlined process. Most of the patients I had in the past who had received elective surgery from me were happy to transfer over to the private practice side of things, so long as there weren't insurance complications. Things were just working well.

It doesn't take long for us to discuss and flesh out some of the details of everything that we had going on. Most of the communication was easily done over email but a few things were easier discussed verbally. We had both been there this morning and hadn't quite finished up the discussion, as I had left pretty quickly to go pick up and April and look at houses.

Although we tend to do most things at my place just for the convenience of having most of Alexandra's stuff there, it seemed like our two apartments had become one. The only consistent thing was Alex in her crib, really, but we had her test out a thing or two of the new stuff.

"Hey there," I greeted her as I walked in. April was sitting on the couch with a smoothie resting on her belly and I could see that Sully was perched up on the armrest next to her.

"Hi, you two!" Her voice automatically rose in pitch seeing Alex. "Come over here and sit."

We joined her over on the couch and I placed Alex down between her, who immediately crawled onto April's lap so that she could reach Sully. That was one word that she was completely capable of saying – she had seemed to pick up on his name faster than a lot of other things, which honestly, was pretty amusing.

"Sul–sul," Alex cooed as she ran her hands over the bunny's back, leaning into the curve of April's stomach for support. Sully's nose twitched as he sniffed at her little hands.

"Oh, Alexandra, do you feel that kick in my belly?" April asked, placing her hand on her back.

"Bay-bay?" Alex questioned.

"Yeah, that's your little baby sister. You're going to get to meet her in a few months. And you'll be such a good big sister." She encouraged her, kissing my daughter on the forehead.

"Or your little brother," I threw in with a smile, placing my hand on her stomach.

A moment passed before I could feel another strong kick come from within her. Even though Lexie and I had technically been together, we had never been close like this, not in the way that a family should have. I couldn't just reach over and touch her and her belly like this, like it was the most natural thing in the world. For me, that's exactly what it was. There were only a few things more amazing than being able to know and feel the strength of your unborn child. This was the only way that I got to feel that for myself.

"What do you think we should name the baby, Alexandra?" April asked. Even if she couldn't give much input, we always talked to her as much as possible. Any word that we could get out of her was a good one.

"Bay-bay," she repeated the same syllables as before.

"Maybe she means Bey, after Beyonce." April teased, shooting me a wink. "See? She knows that it's a little girl in there, too. Women know best, Jackson, you're just going to have to accept that seeing as it looks like you are going to be surrounded by them." She beamed.

I shook my head. "What about Malcolm, if it's a boy?" I suggested.

"Maybe as a middle name, but I don't like the sound of it as a first. Besides, it's going to be a girl. What about Elizabeth? Beth?" She countered, her eyes still on Alexandra and Sully.

"Beth isn't bad," I mused. "What about Brayden? Or Julian?"

"I went to elementary school with a boy named Julian. He used to pull at my pigtails. And no, it was not because he liked me. It was just because he was a pain in the you know what." She shot it down with a shake of her head, nose scrunched up.

"Do you like Mia? Or Caroline?" April asked, glancing back at me. I thought about them for a minute before nodding my head. She was a bit pickier about names than I was, it seemed like. Or maybe she was just so set on it being a girl that she didn't think so much before shooting down a boy's name.

There was one other name matter that we hadn't discussed, though, an important one.

"What about the last name?" I asked, looking at her with a slight furrow of my brow. "Do you want it to be Kepner or Avery or Kepner–Avery, hyphenated? You haven't said anything about that yet." Maybe one of the only things we hadn't discussed.

"Avery." She answered without hesitation.

I blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Of course," April nodded. "I hope that I'm going to have that last name one day too, and I think it would be sweet for her to share her big sister's last name, so we may as well get it out of the way. And no, that's not permission to propose right now. No proposing while I'm pregnant, don't forget that." She reminded me with a stern look. I nodded and relented.

It was a nice thought. I knew that I wanted to marry her. Sooner rather than later, in my opinion, but I was perfectly happy to wait for her. I knew that she was worth waiting for.

At the end of the week, we both decide to give Angela a call about placing an offer on the house. She promised to call me back promptly about it once the owners had received it and both of us wait eagerly to hear back. She was already planning out the nursery – I moved things around twice just over the weekend, trying out a few different configurations that she thought would work best for us. April was getting a little finicky about the placement, but it didn't bother me. She was just nesting.

But another week came and went, and the realtor doesn't call me back to follow up. She had said that it would be competitive and I knew that we were unlikely to hear back immediately, but as each day passed on, I could feel myself growing a little anxious. April was already a day away from twenty-six weeks pregnant. Moving late in the pregnancy was something that I had wanted to avoid, really, knowing how stressful it could be and not wanting that on her.

There's a little bit of it for myself, too,

When the end of the pregnancy was happening, I wanted to be there for every minute of it. Kicks and Braxton hicks, seeing the baby's hand or feet appear on the outside of the belly, making sure that she had plenty of time for rest and relaxation. I didn't want her to be worried about unpacking a new house and getting the nursery set up in time for the baby. Practicing at her place did help, of course. Her office would have made a good nursery – light walls and decent lighting. It was a little small, but she had never complained about that particular detail.

I wait until the first Monday after a week had officially passed to call her back for more information. Then she delivered the news that I had been dreading to hear, knowing that it meant we were going to have to start again with the process of finding a house that we both loved.

A quick text is sent to April, asking her to pop over whenever she got a chance. I knew she was working and didn't want to disturb her, but she knocked and stepped into my apartment only a moment later.

"What's up?" She asked.

"The realtor just called," I frowned. "We didn't get the house. Another couple outbid us." I informed her.

Her face fell and a little pout placed on her lips, crossing her arms in front of her belly. It was a bit frustrating but realistically there was nothing that either of us could do to change what had happened. We would just have to start again with looking, maybe stray into the area of a different compromise than the one we had already settled on with that particular house.

"We can start looking again over the weekend. Friday or Saturday, whichever you prefer. There was that other house that you liked – the one with the swing on the porch. We can check it out again. I know we'd have to redo the kitchen but that could always wait until after the baby. I don't mind." I had been the one who had wanted the modern kitchen, after all, given that I did a bit more of fanciful cooking than she did. We had been doing more of it lately together. I didn't mind making it a low priority.

"Maybe we can do it on Friday and go out to dinner afterward. See a movie, have a proper date." She suggested with a raise of her eyebrows. "There's that Marvel one. I know you like those."

"That sounds good," I smiled. "How about I get us tickets to a dine-in theatre?"

"Perfect." April beamed. I knew she'd loved those, she hadn't had any growing up and then in Chicago, it was just never the type of date that she had gone on. The one nearby was pretty nice and had a few decent beers on tap.

Between work for the both of us, the rest of the week came and went smoothly. She had an ultrasound on Wednesday that I couldn't go to due to my own work schedule, but she came home flailing over a new ultrasound picture with the same certainty as before that it was a little girl. I wondered for a moment if perhaps the technician had accidentally slipped out with the truth of the gender, but April insisted that she hadn't.

A picture of the photo is sent to April's sisters, of course. The first time that I get to speak to them is over FaceTime, unintentionally. I happened to walk in while she was on a call with them, showing off her growing belly and hearing them cheer her on.

Although I had grown up an only child and never been particularly envious of my friends with siblings growing up given how many of them seemed to fight like cats and dogs, and the fact that we seemed to have enough money to always keep me occupied away from lingering on it, that had changed. I was so grateful that Alex was going to have a brother or sister that she would be close to, in the same way that it seemed like April was growing closer with her siblings, even if it was a bit later in life. I want her to have that same happiness that I saw on April's face as she reconnected with the other three Kepners. They all planned on coming out to meet me and the babies in person once April's had been delivered.

Even if looking at the houses is a bit of a daunting task a second time, the date goes well. There was a truffled parmesan popcorn at the theatre that she was completely obsessed with and I pretty much let her take the entire bowl for herself, knowing that if she didn't stuff herself on it, then she was going to be craving it all night and there was no way I could get that four in the morning.

Midway through the next week, we visit a few more houses and go back and forth about what we like and don't like. It's hard, knowing that we both love our apartments even though they were decorated quite differently. Mine was sleek and modern, though every corner of it was baby-proofed, whereas hers, ironically, looked like more of the home of a parent. Soft pillows and sturdy furniture, most breakable things already out of reach. Though perhaps that was just Sully's doing.

We put an offer on another house when she was twenty-nine weeks pregnant. April was counting kicks and I was monitoring her heartburn to make sure that it wasn't too bad, and that she was still getting the many, many vitamins that she and the baby both needed.

I could tell that April was starting to become just a little bit miserable with the pregnancy now that she was in the third trimester, never quite able to find a comfortable place to sleep in and always having to get up in the middle of the night for one reason or another. But the baby continued to measure well, she didn't show any signs of gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, and everything was on track the way it should be.

"You know we can turn around and go back home if you want to." I offered, eyeing her with concern.

"No, no, I'm fine." April shook her head. "Just a little muscle cramp but walking it off is supposed to be a good thing. I need to walk more. I don't want to get hemorrhoids or whatever else comes from being idle. Better to do it now than when I'm a fully inflated balloon. At least right now, I'm just two-thirds inflated."

I laughed, unable to help it. "April, you look beautiful whether you're inflated or deflated. I promise. This pregnancy suits you, actually. Can you even keep count of how many strangers have told you that you're glowing?"

"Oh, stop that," she shook off my compliments with a wave of her hand.

"I'm serious. You look beautiful. Just like you can't see your feet for yourself, you can't see that for yourself, either." Little jokes just to lighten the mood, knowing how easily flustered she is.

"Let's just go into BabyGap, okay?" She requested, looking up to me and taking over Alex's stroller.

Following the both of them into the store without another word, I kept an eye on the both of them as they drifted into the baby girl's section to look at different clothes. We had compromised on mostly gender neutral pieces until the baby came, even if we had both picked out a few girl things and a few boy things to satisfy our own predictions. Whatever we didn't use could be put to good use with either donation or someone else we knew.

I picked out two different outfits – a pair of overalls that would work regardless of whether the baby was a boy or a girl and a green dinosaur shirt to underneath it, as well as a gray shirt with printed text that said chick magnet, and some blue pants that were meant to look like jeans.

Making my way back over to April and Alex, she was staring at two different dresses as if deciding between the two of them was an agonizing decision.

"Are you suddenly doubting whether the baby is a girl or a boy?" I teased.

"Shut up." She scrunched up her nose, shaking her head.

I wrapped my arms around her from behind, easily resting my head on top of hers. Both of my hands covered her belly. The baby must have been sleeping for the moment. Both dresses that she was examining were both pink, nearly the same shade, with different patterns in the material. One had a skirt that made me think of a ballerina.

"They're both cute but I don't think a son is going to like it very much," I commented, rubbing her belly gently and hoping to get a kick out of the baby inside of it.

"Yes! Yes!" Alex said from her stroller.

"But our daughter will very much," April commented with a shake of her head, stepping in front of the stroller and slowly squatting down in front of Alex. She gave a slight wince as she moved, holding onto the stroller for a moment. "What do you think, Alexandra? Which one do you like better?"

She reached forward and with both hands grabbed a fistful of the ballerina skirt, bunching up the fabric in tiny little fists so that she could get a feel of the different material for herself.

"I think that she wants this one for herself, don't you? We could do the other one for baby Avery." April decided as she straightened herself back up, grunting slightly with one hand placed on her back as she did so. "That sounds like a plan to me, little miss." She said to Alex.

"Are you okay?" I repeated my question, brows furrowed.

"Yeah," she breathed out. "I just regretted squatting down the second I did it."

"You shouldn't push yourself too far," I reminded her gently. I was sure that she had heard the words from Dr. Montgomery, as well. "Walking is more than enough. Don't hurt yourself." I frowned slightly.

I watched as she took a deep breath and sighed. "I know, I know. I like being on her level and I know that you don't want me doing any heavy lifting, either – which she isn't even heavy but I know that you're going to disagree with that before I can try and argue it my way."

"You're right, I will disagree." I nodded slightly. "You need to take it easy."

"I work at a computer all day. I can't take it too easy. I know, I know. Diabetes, eclampsia, whatever other big, scary word you have to throw at me. I'm not going to get it. I'm not Lexie." April said.

The words are unexpected and hit harder than what I was ready for. I could tell almost immediately that it wasn't her intention from the way that her eyes lit up with panic at the mention. I knew that I was babying her. I hadn't babied Lexie. Maybe that was my fault. But I knew with absolute certainty that I didn't want a repeat of what happened to her, to happen to Lexie. I had lived with guilt and doubt for months after that, and April had been the only one who was capable of bringing me back to of that and letting me find myself again. I had found a better version of myself, even. A happier one. I couldn't imagine what would possibly happen if I lost her, too. I knew that she wasn't Lexie and I didn't want her to be.

Even so, I don't know what to say to her words. I glance away for a moment, clenching my jaw together and taking a deep breath. It wasn't the time or the place to get worked up and talk about this. We were supposed to be getting a few last pieces for the baby. My eyes squeezed shut tightly and I kept my gaze away from her.

"Why don't you take Alex and sit on the bench outside, and I'll go check out?" I suggested.

"Okay." I barely hear her words, stepping out of the way so she could get by with the stroller.

With my jaw clenched together, I make my way over to the line to check out and try to cool myself back down before I was finished inside. I knew that April didn't want me to treat her like I had treated Lexie – that she was worried about similarities in the relationships because she knew that I hadn't genuinely loved Lexie in the way that I loved her, but the pregnancy timing had been less than ideal for not having things look the same.

But now, me making sure that I didn't read her like Lexie was the thing that seemed to be getting in the way. I didn't think that I was controlling. I knew a lot about pregnancy, a lot more than the average guy. She hadn't known a lot about it until now, and I had helped her learn some of it. I was just trying to be the best father that I could be. I had hoped that she could see that for herself, but now, that seed of doubt had been planted all over again whether I liked it or not. I had to make sure that she understood where I was coming from, that this was about us and our relationship.

Once I had paid for the items and all of it had been folded neatly into a bag, I walked out of the store and spotted the two of them quickly. I took a deep breath before heading over, forcing my features to get relaxed. I shouldn't be mad at her. I wasn't, really. Just a little frustrated with the situation.

"Hey," I greeted her. "Sorry, I just needed a minute to clear my head."

"It's okay. I shouldn't have said that." April frowned.

"No, it's–it was a fair comment. It's okay. I just think that she should talk about it at home and not here, you know?" I motioned to the hallway of the mall that we were in. It wasn't crowded, but that was beside the point.

She stared at me for a moment before nodding her head. "Yeah, okay."

I extended my hand to her to help her back up onto her feet, ready to head back to the car and figure it out together. It's only once she had stood up and taken a few steps away from the bench that I realized that something wasn't quite right. That cramp must have been more than what she realized it would be. I turned quickly, looking at the back of April's dress.

"Change of plans. We need to go to the hospital." I stated, quickly reaching for my car keys.

"What? Why?" April questioned, brow furrowed.

"The baby. You're bleeding, April."


	13. Chapter 13

**_ APRIL _ **

A little pain going on with the rest of the pregnancy seemed to be normal. My back hurt, my boobs hurt, so my belly hurting made sense, too. I had kept up with reading all of those pregnancy books, reading each one even though it seemed like they all said the same thing just with some different simile thrown in, and I knew that Braxton Hicks contractions were a part of life once you hit about thirty weeks. That's where I was now. A bad cramp while squatting down to Alexandra's level seemed about as normal as things could be.

But even I knew that blood wasn't normal.

_We need to go to the hospital. We need to go to the hospital. We need to go to the hospital._

Suddenly his words were playing in my head over and over again, a tightness in my chest that I was incapable of competing with. Even though I knew that the baby would eventually come in the hospital, that was supposed to be two months down the road, when I was so sick and tired of being pregnant that I was praying to get this baby out of me. Not this soon.

A butternut squash. That's how big my baby was supposed to be, according to the books. I'd made a face when Jackson told me that because I hated butternut squash soup. I knew they were relatively big when it came to vegetables, but not when it came to living, breathing, healthy babies. Heartburn was supposed to be the thing agonizing my chest and making me want to throw up. Not this. There was no way that my baby could be wanting to come out right now.

"No, no…" I muttered to myself with a shake of my head. I tried to twist myself around and get a glance at a stain of blood on the back of my dress but I don't quite have the flexibility for it anymore, only shooting a little bit of pain up the length of my spine.

Jackson's hand wrapped around my forearm and he nearly had to drag me back out to the parking lot to the car. I could hear Alexandra giggling about something but it felt like I was suddenly underwater, all of the noise muffled and distant. I stood there like an idiot as he got her from the stroller and into the car seat, putting up the contraption before walking around to the other side of the car and getting me in the front seat. I should be doing something, something to stop it. But I don't have a clue what I can do. I don't know what he or a doctor could do either, really. Heavy bleeding was something that they always said to go to the doctor, but they never gave any more information than that in the books. I wondered why. How scary could it be?

Very, very scary, apparently.

"I'll have a nurse take Alexandra down to daycare and we'll get you right up to see an OB as soon as possible. I'll call Dr. Montgomery and see if I can get her to come over to the hospital and…" I can't keep up with all of the words that were coming out of his mouth. It was too much to try and process on top of the obvious issue.

"You're okay, baby," I whispered to my bump, both hands rubbing it gently. "You're okay."

If it took five minutes or five hours to drive to the hospital, I wouldn't have known the difference. Jackson has to help me out of the car again once he had gotten Alexa sorted, and I felt like I was dragging my feet through mud to get where he wanted to go.

When we were put into a patient room, Jackson helped me out of my dress and underwear and into one of the patient gowns. It's too big for me. Or maybe it was meant for mothers who were actually in labor at nine months. It's the first time since I've been pregnant that I've put something on and thought that it was actually poorly fitted because it was too large. Now, I could feel the regret swimming around for all of the complaints that I had made about my size in the past few months. What I would have given to be big and beautiful and fully pregnant.

"April Kepner?" A woman in a lab coat questioned as she walked into the room.

I nodded my head, unable to speak.

"I see you've got some bleeding you're worried about– oh, Dr. Avery! What a wonderful surprise to see you here." Suddenly, her attention was away from me. "I'd heard that you opened up a private practice a little way north of here. How's that going? Is this your friend?"

"This is my girlfriend and my baby. If you could skip the pleasantries, please." Jackson replied.

"Of course." The doctor suddenly looked embarrassed.

My head fell back against the pillow on the bed and I shifted my hips to open my legs for her. I was sure that there was still blood there and I could hear the snap of her gloves as she put it on. She gave me a warning about feeling some pressure but I don't really hear it until it's already there. It hurt. I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. I could feel Jackson grab my hand and I clutched onto him harshly, anticipating for the worst. I must have been losing the baby. I had done something wrong. Jackson had spent all that time worrying about losing me when he should have spent the time worrying about losing the baby instead. The list could go on and on.

"Well, April," the doctor started as she pulled back. "You are about two centimeters dilated, so it looks like your body has decided that it wants to go into labor early." She announced. Her face was calm. I didn't understand how she could be. This was way too soon for the baby to come out. It was supposed to be a winter baby, not a late fall one.

"Oh, no…" I mumbled, my arms wrapping around my stomach as if I could hold her inside of me.

"What about slowing it down?" Jackson questioned. "It's still early. We can try bed rest, a steroid shot for the baby's lungs in case it does come out early, as well as there's medication that we can give April to try and slow it down." He insisted firmly.

"We can do that?" I questioned, raising up my head and straining my neck to look at them both.

"We can," the doctor nodded. "Dr. Montgomery should be here soon for you, but I can go ahead and give you a corticosteroid shot. That should help with the baby's lung function and decrease the odds of a brain bleed should the baby come out in the next few days. I'll leave it up to her whether or not she wants to give you a shot of terbutaline, too, to help slow down your body's natural labor process."

The information was overwhelming for me, but Jackson's face said that he seemed to think it was a good thing. "Okay," I whispered. "And bedrest? I need to do that, too?" I asked.

"Yes," she nodded. "That's the best thing for you and baby right now. We'll get you checked into a room and bed of your own."

Even though the information perhaps should have been reassuring, I can't begin to move my gaze from the ceiling. I didn't know what either of us would do if things went wrong. Jackson was so attached to the baby. I was attached to it, too. Even if I had been nervous at the beginning about the idea of having my own baby, now I couldn't imagine what our lives would look like if we didn't have it. We had hyped up the baby to little Alexandra, too, and even if I wasn't sure that she could entirely understand the concept, I was sure that she would have been a wonderful and loving older sister.

It doesn't take long before I'm moved into a room of my own. I'm quiet. Jackson is too, pulling up the chair in the room right beside me and wrapping one of his hands around one of mine. The other had an I.V. in it already, for hydration. Apparently, dehydration could affect it. I didn't think that I was dehydrated before, but now I could feel the doubt kicking in.

I held onto his hand so tightly that I could feel my own shaking. Even though I was sure that he was trying to, not even he was capable of stopping the tremble there. Neither of us was ready for this baby. The baby didn't even have a real nursery set up, not really. I didn't count my office as one even if everything was inside of it. We had only done a decent job with the baby proofing because of Alexandra coming over with him all the time. The onesies that we had bought were going to be too big for a preemie baby.

"I wish my mom was here." I finally whispered, breaking down.

When I curled up onto my left side, Jackson stood up from his chair and wrapped himself around me the best that he could, letting me cry into his shoulder. His hand smoothed over my back, rubbing up and down and circles, doing everything that he could think of.

"I know, baby, I know." He murmured gently. "How about I call your sister? Huh?"

"Okay." I nodded, sniffling. "Will you call your mom, too? She should know…"

There was a slight knock on the door and Jackson looked up. I breathed out in relief when Dr. Montgomery stepped into the room. I knew her. I trusted her. We separated from each other so I could lay on my back for a moment while she gave me an exam herself, making the same assessment that the original doctor had.

"I'm going to go ahead and give you a shot of terbutaline." Dr. Montgomery said, standing up. "It can delay labor for a few hours or even days, which should give the steroids for the baby a chance to do their job. It does have some side effects, like a racing heartbeat and restlessness."

"That's fine," I interjected quickly. "I want the shot."

"Alright, let me go get it for you." She said with a smile, standing up and walking out of the room.

My fingers reached for Jackson's hand again, and he quickly met mine. "Go make the calls," I requested. "And– if it's going to be a few days, then I need someone to watch Sully. Please."

"I'll sort it out," he said with a quick nod. "Let me just step outside for a few minutes."

When I'm alone in the room, there was a fresh wave of anxiety. I could feel my heart thudding in my chest. Each breath that I took seemed louder than usual, and the more that I thought about it, the more that I overanalyzed every little tick and movement of my body.

That only gets worse when I get the shot that Dr. Montgomery told me about. Not only could I feel each thud of my heart but it was faster than it should have been, a little difficult to breathe. Panic and stress were both bad for the baby. Logically, I knew that. But emotionally, I couldn't conquer it, even in a moment like this where it suddenly seemed to be of vital importance to do everything that I could to try and make it easier for the baby to stay inside of me. Just a few more days could make a world of difference, according to Dr. Montgomery. I just had to hold it in a few more days.

After he was done making the phone calls, Jackson joined me in my room again. We sit quietly for a few minutes, processing. Had it even been an hour ago since I told him he didn't need to worry about me? It felt like in some sick twist of fate, my words had managed to jinx it for both myself and for the baby.

Hours pass and we make a little bit of conversation. I can barely find it in myself to say a word. I don't know if he wanted to talk, it's hard to tell. It's hard to look at him or anyone else who came in and out of the room to check on me. The ceiling was easiest.

Another knock on the door came, and this time when I look up, it's a face that I haven't seen in a few months. Jackson's mother was standing in the doorway, a worried expression on her face.

"I didn't think we would be doing this for a few more months," she commented.

"Neither did we," Jackson replied.

"April, how are you feeling?" Catherine asked as she walked into the room. I tried to force a smile on my face but I can feel the awkwardness in the twitch of my muscles at the weak attempt of an expression. I couldn't sell feeling anything less than terrible and anxious. My heart might have slowed down some, but that felt like the only improvement at the moment.

"I'll be fine when I know the baby is fine," I answered.

"Well, I wasn't crazy about this, not when Jackson told me you were pregnant," she began with a cluck of her tongue. "But hopefully this baby will stay inside of you a few more days. The last thing any of us wants is complications around another birth.

"Mom," Jackson said firmly, a little bit of warning.

"Oh, I don't mean any harm," she waved her hand quickly. "This is still my grandbaby. Speaking of which, if you're going to be here a few days, I can take care of little miss Alexandra."

I nodded quickly. "That would be good."

Even if it was Jackson's decision ultimately, I wasn't sure how up for company I was going to be. Catherine didn't dislike me, I didn't think, but we weren't close. I wanted to have a good relationship with her. She was the only grandparent in the picture and I wanted that to be a good thing.

I make it through the night without any further contractions coming, but there's still a little bit of bleeding, just enough to keep Dr. Montgomery, Jackson, and myself concerned. I don't like having to lay in bed like this, there's no humanly possible way for me to be entirely comfortable even if it was the best thing possible. Jackson was in and out, taking care of different things. Apparently, Warren had a kid, so they were watching Sully for a few days – he had come by and teased that we might not get him back by the end of it. I had seen Mark, too. I was just grateful that neither Meredith nor Derek had made an appearance during my stay here.

Ultimately, three days pass before the contractions come back with a vengeance. A second shot of terbutaline was recommended against given the different side effects and dangers that it could pose if it was used too frequently. At this point, there was only one thing left to do. Deliver the baby just shy of thirty-one weeks and hope for the best possible outcome.

It had been a long time since I had felt God in my life. Maybe not since my parents had died, since I had stood in that church and cursed his name. I still believed, sure. Some things just didn't make sense without the explanation of a higher power being behind it. Miracles. Maybe my life hadn't had a lot of them thus far, but I could sit here and beg and plead for one through every break that my contractions would allow me. It might have been all that I was capable of doing.

"April, you're going to have to push soon." Dr. Montgomery warned me.

"I'm not ready. The baby's not ready." I shook my head, blinking back tears.

"It's okay, April." Jackson soothed me. "You've done everything that you can. I promise you have. You've held them in that long. You've done such a good job holding on. It'll be okay. We're ready and the NICU is ready. We can do it."

Catherine eventually joined us in the room again on the day of. I didn't put any fight to it, even if she's the last person I want looking at my vagina or seeing me have a breakdown over the baby. But there's no criticism or questionable comments coming from her. Instead, she took my empty hand. The hand I always thought my mother would have held when I went through this.

The whole birthing experience felt really out of control and like someone else had taken over my body. Each contraction took all my focus. It felt like someone was pushing forcefully from the inside against my spine and twisting it at the same time. I physically shook from head to toe from the endorphins and hormones. Pushing was unbelievably painful and the part that got me the most was the most agonizing feeling as their heads ground down on me through the birth canal. I finally understood why all of the books described it as a ring of fire, and I wasn't even giving birth to a seven-pound baby. I would be lucky if they were four pounds.

When there was finally supposed to be some relief, there wasn't. I opened my eyes and waited to hear the sound of our baby crying. That was the moment that the books always talked about – knowing all of the pain and suffering was worth it when they heard the first cry of their baby boy or baby girl. But I don't get that. When the fiery pain between my legs is finally a little easier to tolerate and I no longer have to push, I was greeted with silence.

"Why isn't she crying?" I sobbed out.

"He," Dr. Montgomery corrected without answering the question.

"It's a boy?" Jackson questioned, looking away from me.

"It's a boy." She answered. My question still went unanswered and I waited a few minutes longer, straining my neck to try and see what was going on. Her back was facing me, and a few other nurses were all gathered around the table that she had taken him to. I waited and waited, begging and pleading to hear him cry just one time.

But I don't get that. Instead, they rush him out of the room.

"I'm going to go find out what's going on," Jackson informed me. I didn't want to be alone but I nodded quickly, trying to blink back my tears. I wanted to get up with him, to go with him, but I knew if I tried to stand right now, I'd fall straight to the floor.

"Will you stay just a minute?" I asked Catherine, looking up at her through tears.

"Of course, sweetheart," she answered, clasping my hand between both of hers. "You did such a good job, keeping the baby inside. That's no easy task. Neither is giving birth. Jackson? He had just as much of a big head coming out as he does now."

I laugh, for just a moment forgetting about everything else. "Big head and a big heart."

"Oh, yes." Catherine agreed. "He's got the biggest heart I could have hoped for. He's a good father, too. I wasn't crazy about you at first, April, I'll be honest. But I can see that you're a good fit for him. And I'm sorry that your mother isn't here to be with you today. I know that's not easy on any girl, no matter how young or old."

"Thank you." Tears continued to burn in my eyes even with the kind words that were coming from her. Missing my parents had never been easy. It had gotten easier, but only because of how terribly difficult it had been at the beginning. But the past few months had been harder than the last few years. I wanted them to see my son. My daughter and my son. Even if I hadn't birthed Alexandra or been there the first six months, she felt like she was mine too. I loved her just as deeply as I loved the boy I hadn't even been able to hold.

It's hard to keep up with the way that time was passing. Every second that ticked by, I wanted more and more to get up. Catherine leaves when another doctor returned to the room telling me that I needed to deliver the placenta still. I'd let that completely slipped my mind. It's not as bad as the birth itself – but it's not easy, especially when all I could really think about was what was going on with my son.

My son.

Our son.

The minutes feel like hours, sitting in that room alone. I don't even know where to find Jackson. This hospital was a complete maze and the few parts that I had been to hadn't included the NICU. I was sure if I got up and tried to ask a nurse about it, they would just send me back to bed with the promise of an update soon.

When there's a knock on the door, I don't move. I'm half-scared that whoever it was had bad news to deliver with them. I still couldn't get past the fact that he hadn't cried after coming out.

"April?" A quiet voice called out.

My gaze snapped up immediately upon recognition. Even with the tears creating a blur in my gaze, the vision of equally red hair made it clear that it was my older sister standing in the doorway of the room. I smiled for only a moment before letting out a sob, a hand reaching out for her.

"Oh, duckie…" Libby's voice was gentle as she came over, sitting on the edge of the bed and bending down to give me a small smile. "I'm sorry I missed it. I thought I would be here in time." She murmured as she pulled back, pushing my hair out of my eyes.

"He didn't cry. When he came out, he didn't cry." I blubbered out.

"I thought it was a girl?" She questioned, her eyebrows raising up.

"So did I." I sobbed.

"Oh, Duckie, I'm sure it's fine. They would have to come in here and tell you if it wasn't, okay? They just haven't because they're busy making sure that everything's going to be alright." She said.

Libby leaned down to hug me again. I clung to my older sister this time. I was glad she was here. Jackson hadn't told me that she was coming in the first place. But if my parents couldn't be here, then this was exactly what I needed. I needed my family and as much of it as I could get. She had always done her best to try and nurture me after our parents had died, even though most of the focus had been on Kimmie and Alice since they were both younger. But now, she was solely here for me.

"I'm scared," I whispered. "I love Jackson so much and I love that baby so much and I don't know what to do if things don't work out. W–what if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he blames me? I really do love him, Libby. And I love his little girl. I love her so much. I can't lose either of them." No matter what, the tears continued to fall.

"Everything's going to be okay. I promise. Do you want to pray together?" She asked.

I knew that Libby had been better about keeping up her faith over the years. It seemed like all of my sisters had. I had always been a little bit of the oddball in the family, both before and after we all lost our parents. But either way, I nod my head and let her take my hands, and we pray together.

Only a few moments after we were done, the door to my room opened without a knock and Jackson stepped in. He blinked in surprise at seeing my sister. Libby, on the other hand, didn't hesitate. She stood right up and went straight in to hug him just as tightly as she hugged me moments ago. I couldn't help but smile. She hadn't always been quite so accepting when we were younger, but now I could see that none of that mattered anymore. We were both older and wiser.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"He's okay," Jackson said first. "Four pounds, one ounce, and a fighter, April. They've got him on a CPAP machine for his breathing. It's uh, it's this mask to blown oxygen in at a constant pressure. It's good. It's not the same or as bad as intubation." He explained. "He's in the incubator for now. Probably for a few days."

Although his words were far from the end of the world, I break down crying again. This time, both Libby and Jackson join me on either side, squeezing my shoulders and rubbing my arms, trying to soothe me.

"Is he really going to be okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," Jackson nodded firmly. "He'll just have to be in the NICU a few weeks. He can't suckle yet, but that'll come, too. It's all going to be okay, April. I promise it will be." He wiped away my tears slowly and I sniffled, glancing between my sister and my boyfriend for a moment. It was overwhelming. I just wanted to see him and hold him.

Both of them held me for a few minutes longer. Dr. Montgomery came in to deliver the same information that Jackson had told me in slightly more complicated terms. I don't interrupt, but I don't stop crying, either. It was a good thing that I was still hooked up to the I.V. or I'm sure that I would have dehydrated myself already. Most of what she said made sense. Some of it I would probably have to ask Jackson about again later when all of it was a little less overwhelming and I had settled with the information for longer. Even the few days stuck on bedrest in the hospital had not been enough to prepare me for everything that I had to hear today.

But there was one question in my mind that I couldn't get rid of. I had to ask about it.

"When can I hold him?" I inquired quietly.

"We could take you up to the NICU," Dr. Montgomery offered. "Skin-to-skin contact has been shown to be quite beneficial for preemies. He's not going to be able to breastfeed just yet if that's what you planned on of course, but just holding him against your bare chest is good. Mom or Dad, for that matter." She explained.

"Yes, please," I nodded my head eagerly. Jackson helped get me out of the bed and into a wheelchair. "Libby, will you stay a little while longer? I don't want you to go yet."

"Of course," she agreed. "As long as you want."

Even though it wasn't a long walk, it felt like one as Jackson pushed me along, to the elevator and then eventually down the hall to the NICU. It should have been loud, full of the sound of babies crying. Instead, it's fairly quiet. Not what I wanted.

Approaching the incubator that he was in, one of the NICU nurses instructed me with getting the top of my gown undone and carefully picked him up. There were a few wires and the mask over his nose that Jackson had mentioned earlier. Very carefully, I took him. The weight of him wasn't heavy. It was hard to imagine that I had been complaining about back pain only a week ago because of the weight of the baby when now he felt like next to nothing in my arms. I held him close, his cheek pressed against the top of my breast.

"We did this?" I whispered out, stunned.

"Yeah, April, we did." Jackson smiled down at me, his hand stroking my hair.

The anxiety was still there. Holding him didn't cure it in the magical way that I thought it might. There were still things to worry about. He was still so tiny and delicate. A hundred things could go wrong. I wondered if this was normal, all of the doubts and questions running through my mind. This was my baby. I wanted everything to go right from now on. I wanted him to have a perfect, easy, wonderful life.

As several minutes passed with my baby in my arms, it all began to feel familiar and right. He belonged to me. I was her mother, and I wasn't going to mess this up. I couldn't stop looking at his little, smushed face. His eyes were closed and he rested peacefully against my chest, seeming to respond just a little bit to the sound of my voice. He knew it was me. He knew that I was his mother. His shrimpy fingers curled over mine as I stroked my pointer finger over her knuckles. Motherhood was possible. It was in my grasp. It was here. My baby was here, and he was fine, and I was fine, and what was I so worried about?

"Oh, he's so perfect." Little and wires and all, he was. Because he was our baby.

"We're going to have to come up with a name, you know. I don't think yours will work now." Jackson teased, continuing to stroke and play with my hair lightly. He was right, of course. All of my picks had been girl names. So much for being right.

"Do you still like Malcolm?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded.

I stared down at our baby boy for a moment, chewing at his bottom lips. I wanted him to open his eyes, to see if they matched mine or his father's. I hoped for the latter. If it was a boy, then I wanted him to look just like his daddy. Act just like him, too. That was all that I could really want right now.

After a few seconds, I spoke again.

"What about Jasper Malcolm Avery?" I asked, looking up at Jackson.

Emotion swam in his seafoam eyes and I could see the faintest glimmer of tears even though I was sure he was fighting to keep it at bay. I had done enough crying for the both of us today, though I was almost certain that he had let out a tear or two when I hadn't been around to see. I knew that he was more emotional than he let on with most people. Seeing him with Alexandra was always proof of that.

"I love it, April. I love it. It's perfect." Jackson agreed with a nod of his head, squeezing my shoulder firmly.

I hold him for as long as the nurses will let me, despite the exhaustion that weighed at my bones. Now that some of the hormones and terror had run off, it felt like my entire body had been run over with an eighteen-wheeler, and then backed over again. I wanted to sleep for a year.

After three days, I get discharged from the hospital. I'm barely producing milk, despite all the best efforts from both me and some lactation nurses. It's frustrating. One nurse dared to make the comment that it wasn't that big of a deal since I couldn't breastfeed him yet anyway – and I lost it. I drink and drink and drink, I massage my breasts, and for days after coming home, nothing seems to work. Oatmeal and some healthy nursing tea eventually helped, but even then, it's still hard. Jasper was at the hospital. I wasn't. I was sure that was affecting it.

Alexandra loved her little brother, even without getting to hold him or play with him like she wanted to. She thought that he looked like a little doll. The first time we brought her up to the hospital to see him, she cried the entire car ride back home because she didn't want to leave. She couldn't see it, but I cried, too.

For a month, we go to and from. I try to breastfeed and pump. It doesn't always work. I hold him to my bare chest as much as I'm allowed, spending every minute I have there. I don't work. Jackson does, minimally. The babysitter was at his place now more than ever.

When Dr. Montgomery finally tells us we can take him home, I cry again.

"Oh, sweet boy," I cooed, holding Jasper against my chest and rocking him back and forth. I keep my eyes closed for a few moments to keep any tears from spilling not him. He had gained weight in the last month, he was keeping himself warm like any healthy baby should. He was catching back up. It was everything that a mother to a preemie could have wanted. I was still a little uneasy to take him home, though. What if something went wrong? What if I wasn't equipped to take care of him? "Mommy loves you so much. So so much." But there were still questions, even with all of the love in the world. It seemed like that couldn't be stopped.

"It's time to go, April," Jackson said gently, his hand rubbing across my upper back. "We get to take our boy home now. Finally." I knew that he was just as exhausted from the back and forth. He hadn't done it quite as much, wanting Alexandra to know we hadn't forgotten about her with the new baby.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" I asked once more, needing to make sure.

"You've got a healthy baby now, April. Take him home. You know who to call if you have any more trouble with breastfeeding." Dr. Montgomery said, placing her hand on my shoulder gently. "Good luck to the both of you."

"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Jackson said sincerely as she left. Then he bent down to me, kissing my forehead gently, then kissing our son on the tip of his nose. "It's time to take you home, buddy."

"Yeah," I smiled. "Yeah, it is."


	14. Chapter 14

**_ JACKSON _ **

The first month of a newborn's life was supposed to be the most challenging for any parent.

With Alexandra, it had been difficult and confusing to wrap my head around everything that was happening. Instead of having two parents, she suddenly just had one. I was grieving Lexie, the loss of a good friend and the mother of my daughter. More than anything else, it had been completely sleepless. Between preparing bottles and cleaning diapers and trying to get her to fall asleep in a crib instead of my arms, or not wake her when placing her down, there hadn't been a lot of time for me to actually get any sleep. In hindsight, it was hard to remember a lot of the details – probably from the sleep deprivation, not giving me enough opportunity to consolidate my memories. Challenging was an accurate descriptor of the time.

Everything had been different the second time around. Sure, with the second child, it probably was supposed to be, but the parenting books didn't quite go over it in this way. It was supposed to be hard because of two little ones, both under two years old, one waking the other up. That was not that.

Instead, the challenge came with the fact that Jasper was spending his first night of life sleeping in the NICU and pediatric wards of the hospital that I used to work at. The only good thing from that was I knew the doctors, I knew Dr. Montgomery and Dr. Karev, and I knew that they were some of the most talented people in their fields. They were absolutely trustworthy. But knowing that as a fellow doctor and surgeon were different than actually knowing that as a parent.

The days that I hadn't slept immediately after Jasper was born had been a couple of days where April was still in the hospital. Even when she had insisted that I go home to spend the night with Alexandra and make sure that she knew we hadn't forgotten about her with bringing the new baby into our lives, I had not been able to get more than a few hours of sleep. The thought that something might happen while I wasn't there wouldn't get out of my head. It had happened once, and that meant that it could happen again. Having her and our son there, while being at home with our daughter… it was a lot. I let Alex sleep in my bed for the first time in a long time, knowing that at least that would keep me from being quite so restless.

Both of us had slept more than most parents did in the first month. If someone didn't know better, they might say that we were lucky, but that was far from the truth. Instead of resting and healing at home, April was constantly going back and forth between the apartments and the hospital. She was tired, no matter how she slept and still struggling some to breastfeed which I knew was hard for her.

"How are you doing?" I asked quietly, not wanting to startle her.

April grunted, one breast exposed as she tried to get Jasper to take her nipple. Her brows were furrowed together with focus but I could see from where I was standing, it still wasn't going well and she was stressed. He was a fussy eater.

"Did you talk to Libby about it any?" I walked up to the both of them, squatting down next to the rocking chair that she was sitting in so I was a little closer to their level.

"Yeah, kind of. She didn't have any problem like this with her boy though," she answered.

"She's still in town for another day or two, right?" I placed my hand on her knee, rubbing it gently.

"Uh-huh," she nodded, shifting slightly. "She flies back home again tomorrow night."

"Why don't I schedule some spa time for the two of you tomorrow morning? I'll take care of Jasper and Alexandra tomorrow. I'll even have my mom come over if you're worried about that." I suggested, giving her a soft smile.

Her eyebrows raised at me. "Do you really think that's a good idea? I'm worried all the time apart while he was at the hospital is why he's struggling to latch in the first place. I don't want to make it any worse than it already is."

"I do. You are stressed, baby, and this is not the time that you should be. Stress can affect breastfeeding, I've done some research too. High levels of stress in breastfeeding moms can lead to a difficult let-down reflex and can decrease your breast milk supply. I know that you don't want that to happen." I gave her knee a slight squeeze.

"No, I do not. It's already hard enough." She murmured, patting Jasper's back with relief when he finally managed to take her nipple inside of his mouth and began to feed.

"I know it is." I gave her a soft smile. "But you're getting the hang of it."

Giving her knee one last squeeze, I stand up again. It's only a moment before Alexandra was calling for me in the living room – I'd left her alone in the playpen with Sully for only a minute. She was pretty good at being independent and left on her own for a few minutes at a time as long as she was confined to an area where there wasn't anything that could hurt her. April's apartment had been fully baby proofed on all matters.

Of course, living in two apartments across the hall from each other, as nice and convenient as it had been while friends and dating, it was a little more complicated when it came to raising two babies together. It hadn't been so bad with him in the hospital, perhaps the only thing eased by it. April would spend the night usually at my place. Now that he was home, though, there was more juggling back and forth. Sometimes me and her and Alex would fall asleep in her bed with Jasper in his nursery, or we had gotten an attachment so Jasper could sleep in my bed. It was a lot of juggling back and forth.

Moving in together was still on my mind. Proposing to her was, too. We'd already lunged past a few of the big steps that most couples took together, raising a child and having children together. Some people might have thought that we were moving too fast. Hell, if you had asked me before I had met April, I thought that it would have been crazy to be at the point that we were when we had only known each other for just over a year. Yet that didn't matter now that I knew her. Everything was different with her, better with her.

Calling up the spa closest to the building, knowing that she wouldn't want to be too far away, I get massages and facials scheduled for both her and Libby. I knew Libby wasn't planning much. She had been around plenty, helping with the baby as much as she could, supporting April every step of the way. I was grateful for her and hoped Alex and Jasper would mimic that bond one day.

A quick phone call is made to Libby to let her know of the plans, and then one to my mom, asking if she was interested in coming over in the morning. To no one's surprise, she agreed enthusiastically.

I give her about half an hour in the nursery so that she could nurse and put Jasper down for another nap, knowing that he was bound to be up again in a few hours as always. He was growing and had put on a healthy amount of weight since he was born. Things looked good since we had taken him home, he was stable and healthy, everything that two worried parents of a preemie baby could want. We were happy. We had gotten lucky. I had spent so much time worrying about her wellbeing and not enough about his, reality had quickly proven that much to me. Yet despite that, everything had managed to work out for the better.

"It's all scheduled," I let her know once she had joined me and Alex in the living room. "Ten in the morning. Libby said that she would come to pick you up." I smiled gently.

"Thank you, baby," she murmured, giving me a kiss.

"Why don't you go get some rest? I've got a handle on things." I suggested.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Of course," I nodded. "You need it. You've earned it."

"So have you," she countered.

"But I'm not the one breastfeeding, remember?" As if there was any way she could forget that.

"Yeah, okay," she agreed.

It was a challenge for each of us to remember to take care of ourselves when we were balancing things between Jasper and Alexandra and their needs. Reminding one another now and then was just about the best that we could do to try and balance all of it out.

The night goes about as expected. April has to get up a few times for the sake of feeding him, and I get up on the occasional in between for diaper changes. Alex wakes up once because of him, but she goes back to sleep considerably easier than Jasper does. She did a lot more during the day and used a lot more energy than she had when she was little. If he didn't wake her up, she usually slept through the night without a problem.

By the time that morning came around, I'm barely any less tired than I had been falling into bed that night. It's a good thing that my mom was coming over – I knew that she would let me get a little sleep and that Alex loved spending time with her grandmother. It would work out pretty well for the both of us.

"Are you sure that you're going to be okay? I feel guilty, running out for a spa day while you're at home with both of the babies." April rambled, restlessly shifting at the door of the apartment.

"I've left you here to go to work with the both of them, baby. Don't feel guilty. We'll be fine." I leaned down, sealing a firm kiss over her lips. "Go. Relax. Have fun with your sister. My mom will be over in just a minute." I reminded her.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. Just call me if you need anything, please?" I nodded my head, sending her on her way.

Less than sixty seconds after April was out of the apartment, I could hear Jasper crying as if on cue. I shook my head to myself before going to the nursery and picking him up, beginning to rock him back and forth with a little bounce. It was what usually worked best for Alexandra when she was a little baby, and seemed to be doing pretty well for him too so far.

Keeping him cradled in my arms, I walked back into the living room. A movie was on for Alex. The Lion King, which had always been one of my favorites as a kid even if it had come out when I was about a decade older than she was at the moment. It was the kind of movie that managed to make everyone happy, though, animals and songs seemed to be the perfect combination for keeping any kid enamored regardless of what else was happening.

Unannounced, my mom walked into the apartment. I wasn't sure if it had been left unlocked accidentally or she had used the key, yet she managed to startle me either way. Lack of sleep really was getting to me.

"Hey," I greeted her, a yawn parting my lips.

"Oh, you better hand that grandbaby over." Giving her a smile, I stepped forward and handed Jasper to her. He looked up at his grandmother with big eyes and novel interest. "Is April already gone?" She asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "You just missed her, her sister just picked her up. They're having a little bit more girl time before Libby heads back to Ohio."

"Well, good for her. That means I get more time with this one." Mom grinned. "And you, go lay down. You looked exhausted, baby, I know that you're not sleeping enough. Catch an hour or two. Grandma Catherine has got everything under control now."

"I'm not going to fight you on that."

Even if there were plenty of things that I had disagreed with my mother, no greater appreciation for her had come then when children of my now had come into the world. It made it so much easier to understand everything that she had been through, how hard she had to work in order to balance both raising me and the career that she had built up from nothing, on top of all of the extraordinary work that she had done in the Harper Avery foundation. She was a hell of a woman and I was lucky to have been raised by her. Now, I was lucky to get some sleep because of her.

Only seconds after my head hits the pillow, I'm out like a light.

Dreamless sleep had become the norm since Jasper had been born merely because I was pretty sure I wasn't sleeping deep enough to actually get to that point. It didn't matter. Anything was better than nothing and at least I could grab that second cup of coffee without worry.

A couple hours later when I finally wake up, I can hear my mother and Alexandra chattering away. My mom did most of the actual talking, Alex mostly just babbling in the gaps.

Stretching out my arms far above my head, I slowly pulled myself out of bed again. It was just past noon – I'd gotten almost three extra hours of sleep. Good. Running my hand over my face for a moment, I check my phone to make sure that April hadn't sent me a text. There's a message from Mark about work that I can call him about later, not a high priority.

There was something else that I wanted to talk to him about, though. Ring shopping. I knew April's ring size already. She had teased me when she told me it, letting me know directly but reiterating that a proposal was not allowed so long as there was a baby inside of her. I was fine with that. Repeating the past wasn't what I was about, anyway, even if our relationship was really nothing like the one that Lexie and I had had, ignoring the early, accidental pregnancy. I had wanted to marry her before that and I knew that I would continue to want to. It was just about timing, at this point. But I wanted to have a ring. I wanted to be able to do it if the opportunity came up, and not be empty-handed.

I walked out into the living room to join my mother. Mom was sitting on the floor with Jasper in her arms and Alexandra seated directly across from the both of them. Alex was showing Jasper one of her toys while Mom talked to the both of them.

"Hey," I smiled gently. "Having fun?" I squatted down, ruffling Alex's curls.

"Of course we are," my mom grinned. "Somebody loves her Grandma Catherine, doesn't she?"

"Yes! Yes!" Alexandra shouted.

"Shhh, baby," I kissed the top of her head. "Remember, we talked about quiet voices around the baby? We don't want to yell around him." I reminded her, rubbing her back.

"Oway Daddy." She acknowledged my words, but who knew how they'd stick to her memory.

I sat down behind her. "So they haven't worn you out just yet?" I asked with a slight grin on my features, eyebrows raising. She didn't look tired. Then again, it was easy to forget that most people who didn't have a newborn and another toddler were usually well rested at night.

"They couldn't if they tried," Mom grinned.

"Oh, I don't know about that." I laughed.

"I love these babies." She insisted, kissing Jasper's forehead. He caught a strand of her curly hair in his fist and held onto it tight. "The best part of being a parent is getting to become a grandparent one day. Trust me, twenty or thirty years from now, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about." She grinned confidently, gently brushing her thumb over Jasper's tiny hand.

"Let's me it thirty," I commented with a shake of my head. "Alexandra is already growing up fast enough and I don't even want to begin to think of her as anything other than my tiny baby girl."

She chuckled. "I thought that about you at one point, and you certainly didn't make it easy. Karma, baby."

"Let's hope it doesn't work that way," I shook my head. "I want her single till she's thirty-five."

"Mm, you certainly were not." She clucked her tongue. "And yet now when I'm expecting you to finally settle down with a good woman, it seems like you are just sitting around and taking your time."

There was a comment that I might have seen coming if I had actually had any proper sleep and time to think to myself before she had come over. It was always hard to read what she thought about a relationship – but I had been able to tell that she had come around and warmed up to April, even if things had been a little tense between the two of them when Meredith had tried to sue me for custody over Alex. I was glad. I respected and loved my mom, but I wouldn't have let her stand in the way of a relationship between the two of us. Having her support made things better for all of us.

"Whatever you're thinking, just go ahead and say it." I shrugged.

"I think it's about time for you to propose to her, now isn't it? You didn't hesitate with Lexie and you didn't even really love her, not in the way that you love April, at least. I've seen how you look at each other. Is there something that I don't know about?" Mom asked, unabashedly nosy as ever.

"Nothing's wrong before you go there," I answered with a shake of my head. "It's on my mind, trust me. I need to get a ring still, but… I just want the right time. We both didn't want it to happen while she was pregnant. I thought about doing it right after she gave birth but with all of the madness that happened at the hospital and Jasper being so early, it just wasn't a good time. I hadn't forgotten about it. I still want to." I admitted honestly. It wouldn't be avoided for much longer, I knew that.

"Well, you know what you're going to do?" Mom asked.

"What?" I replied.

"You're going to get on the phone and call Mark, and the two of you are going to go ring shopping together. Right now. Take as long as you need and I will stay here. If April beats you home, I'll just tell her you had to go in for a little work emergency." She stated simply.

My brows furrowed, surprised at how quick she was to leap into making plans for me. "Seriously?" I asked. "You actually want me to do that?" I didn't expect her to be quite so pushy. Foolish of me.

"Of course I do. Go, get on the phone!" She shooed me away.

Parts amazed and entertained by her persistence on the matter, I gave Alexandra another quick kiss on the head before standing up and migrating to the bedroom to get my phone off the nightstand. When I called Mark, he picked up after the second ring. I answered his question about work to buy myself a little time to ask him to go ring shopping with me. I could think of a few places around town right off the bat of my head, and I was sure that he would know a couple too. Even if he wasn't married, he was always knowledgeable about the finer things in life.

But when I did bring it up to him, the excitement was clear in his voice and he was quick to agree to go with me whenever. Things at the practice had been a little slow with everything going on in my personal life and it wasn't a problem for the both of us to head out this afternoon, fortunately. I knew I would want his help with something as important as this.

Deciding to meet up at the jewelry store and save some time, I say bye to my mom and both of my kids, making sure to kiss all three of them on the way out. April was probably going to be another hour or so and I wasn't sure how long this would take. I didn't know exactly what I wanted in a ring other than something beautiful and elegant, something that would fit her personality just as well as it did her finger. But I was sure that when I saw the right one, I would know.

I get there before he does, standing outside of the store. It's cold and a bit rainy, standing beneath the awning of the business while I waited for him. It's not long before he showed up and I greeted him with a smile as he jogged up to get beneath cover from the rain.

"About time that we're doing this together," Mark greeted me, clapping my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." I shook my head. "C'mon, the weather sucks. Let's head inside."

Walking into the store, the man behind the counter was quick to greet us and ask us if we needed help looking for anything. I explained briefly to him about the proposal and he directed both of us over toward some of the nicer ones. I bent over the case, examining ring after ring, trying to find the right one. Gold didn't fit her, nor did anything that would have been too wide. She deserved something nice, but in some ways, she was simple. I spent a long time deliberating.

"What about this one?" I questioned, pointing toward one in the back of the case. It was a medium, cushion cut diamond that stuck out, a rose gold band with tiny little diamonds littered throughout. Already, it was easy to imagine on her hand.

"This is an exquisite pick." The worker said, opening up the case and removing it to hand it to me. "I'm sure any woman would be tickled pink with a ring like this."

Holding it up to the light for a moment, I watched as the diamonds sparkled and reflected off. It was a superb pick, beautiful and delicate enough that it would fit April, big enough that it would still certainly attract some attention to her hand by anyone who knew that it wasn't usually there. I held it over to Mark to get his opinion on it.

"That's perfect, man. April's going to love it." Mark grinned along with his approval.

I stared at it for a moment longer, taking a deep breath before nodding my head and handing it back over to the salesmen. "That's the one." Just like she as the one. I could hope that she would like it but in the pit of my stomach, I already knew that she would. If I had felt anything less than completely confident about my pick, I knew that I wouldn't have walked out of the shop with it. There were plenty of other jewelry stores in the city, but this was going to be the right one. As he rung me up and wrapped it gently, I could already feel the fester of excitement growing in the pit of my stomach, even if I didn't know exactly how I was going to propose yet.

Parting ways with the Mark with the promise that in a week or two, things should be getting somewhat back to normal with work again, I head back to the house with a new buzz of energy. Maybe a bit of it was from some of the extra sleep I got, but carrying that ring in my pocket was everything.

How I was going to do it, though, was completely beyond me. I wanted it to be special, something between the two of us, just us. Even if our kids were everything to the both of us, we both desired a little night without them. All parents needed it now and then even if that was something that I had struggled to accept for a long time with Alex. She was the one who had helped me accept it. Now maybe I would be able to do the same for her.

When I finally got home with the ring placed cautiously in my pocket, Mom was still there, as was April. Both of them were sitting on the couch with the kiddos, Alex awake on April's and Jasper sleeping in my mom's arms.

"Hey," I whispered softly, not wanting to disturb them.

"Hi, baby," Mom replied. "How was work?" She winked at me when April couldn't see.

"It was good," I nodded with a smile. "Got everything handled. How was your spa day?"

"Very, very relaxing." April smiled. "I actually managed to get him to feed without any fuss earlier. Now he's out like a lightbulb. I pumped while I was at the spa too, so there's some breastmilk in the fridge." She looked thoroughly satisfied with herself.

"I'm glad." I walked over to the both of them, greeting my mom and April with the same quick kiss on the cheek, sitting on the arm of the sofa behind my girlfriend. "Mom, do you think you would mind babysitting for us again this weekend? On Saturday?" It was Monday, that'd give me time to come up with something.

April looked up at me. "Why? What's going on?" She asked.

"I'm taking you out," I answered simply, bending down and pressing a kiss on her lips.

"Of course. If you're not too careful, I might just have to snatch up both of these babies from you and keep them for myself." She leaned down, nuzzling Jasper affectionately. "You'd like that, hmm?"

"Thank you," I answered with a chuckle.

The rest of the week passed by far too quickly for my taste. Between both of the kids, making sure that April was still taking care of yourself, and handling a few small manners at works – just appointments and consults, no actually surgeries, I was busy as could be. Sleep was low on the list of things being accomplished and I could feel that I was fried. Come Saturday afternoon, espresso in the middle of the afternoon was the only thing that was going to get me through the night. I knew that for sure.

Loose plans come together, though. That first date of ours had been special, even if she had been tipsy and goofy. It had reminded me how to start living my life again. That transitionary period after having children was hard, especially as a single parent, but even together, it was still difficult. I wanted to make sure that she knew we were getting through it together.

To my satisfaction and I'm sure what would please her as well, her manicure still looked good on Saturday. April dressed up in a black dress and a strappy pair of sandals, hair curled loosely down her back.

"You look beautiful," I complimented, leaning down to kiss her. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep. Just pumped." She nodded. "There should be plenty of breastmilk in the fridge for whenever Jasper gets hungry. I finished feeding him about half an hour ago, so you should have a bit of time before that happens." She informed my mother, speaking a little quicker than usual. She was nervous to go out without him or Alex, I could tell.

"Oh, get out of here," Catherine waved her hand. She could tell too, apparently, and I was sure she suspected what was happening tonight even if I hadn't told her directly.

"That we can do." I grinned at her, hooking my elbow around April's to leave.

Even though the restaurant as close by, the drive felt long. I could feel the excitement building in the pit of my stomach to ask the question, even if I knew that I couldn't do it the moment I got there. I was going to have to make it through dinner and wait till dessert.

With a reservation already booked for the two of us, we were seated immediately upon arriving at Black Bottle. I don't hesitate to order both of us a glass of wine and the same appetizer that we had gotten the first time that we came here together, fried green beans and wasabi aioli. Maybe I was being a little too eager for all of it, but at this point, I couldn't seem to help myself.

"Are you sure wine is a good idea? I won't be able to nurse." April asked.

"We have plenty of milk in the fridge already," I reminded her. "We're taking a night off."

"Yeah, okay. I'm not hard to convince." She laughed.

It's the first time that the two of us have gotten to act like actual adults in a long time, drinking and chatting, letting the worries about our kids lie with our mom for a moment. But there was one other thing that I wanted to ask her, on top of asking her to marry me. That was a big enough thing, and I was pretty confident that she was going to agree to it.

But the other thing, well, I was equally confident and equally excited about. Even though we hadn't discussed it before, I was almost positive that I already knew the answer that she was going to give other than an ecstatic yes would have left me shocked and blindsided, quite honestly, which was why I knew it wouldn't happen. There were still some surprises in our relationship, in a good way, but I knew her well. I knew what she wanted in life, how she wanted to live. I knew that she would say yes to both questions I had for her tonight.

I hold off until dessert, barely. We ordered the kettle tart for two with ice cream, and I'm all too anxious when the dessert was finally served at our table. I let her take the first bite, grinning when she moaned in delight at how delicious it was.

"So, I've been thinking about something lately…" I started, pausing to take a bite of my own.

"What's that?" April asked.

"Us. Or life together. How we're going to live it, all that kind of stuff. I love you. I love Jasper and Alexandra. All three of you are equally the most important people in my life and I know that you know that." I started, taking a deep breath. "Which is why I want to ask you this alone, just the two of us. I've been thinking about it for quite some time and I'm sure that you have been, too." I could already see the spark of excitement in her eyes. She thought that she knew what I was about to ask her. "This is an important question. It's important to me and you, and to our entire family dynamic." Conventional or unconventional.

"April, I'd like to file the paperwork for you to formally adopt Alexandra. Will you?" I asked clearly.

Although it was unlikely the question that she expected, there was still a sparkle of tears in her eyes. She covered her mouth to try and conceal some of the emotion leaving her, but it's to absolutely no avail. I can see it plain as day and she nodded her head quickly before she was able to get any words out of her lips.

"Yes, yes, of course! Jackson, yes. You know that she's my little girl. Just as much as Jasper is my little boy. I don't care if I didn't give birth to her. She's mine." April expressed emotionally, her eyes sparkling with tears as she answered.

"Good," I smiled. "Because I've got one more question for you, too."

Here was what she expected.

I scooted the chair back from the table and stood up for a moment, smoothing over the front of my navy button down. I could feel the ring still in my pocket and I smiled at her for just a moment as she eyed me, wondering exactly what I was doing given that I had already thrown her off guard with asking about adopting Alexandra formally. That had been the plan, of course. Even though we had talked about it and joked about getting engaged from time to time, I still wanted there to be just a little bit of surprise behind it.

Bending down onto one knee, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the box. I listened to her gasp and I could feel the gaze of other people around us. Opening up the box, I let her take a look at the ring inside of it before asking.

"April, I love you. I've said it so many times I've lost count, and I want to continue saying it so many times that I don't have a chance of keeping up with it. You have opened up my life in the most amazing way possible. When I heard you moving in across the hall that first day, I was just hoping that you wouldn't complain about Alex crying or play music too loudly. I had no idea that I was going to fall madly in love with the cute, quirky computer geek who lived across the hall." I started, feeling tears burn in my gaze. "April Kepner, will you marry me?"

"Yes, yes!" April cried out. "A thousand times yes!"

The other people in the restaurant filled it with laughter as she answered with glee. I slipped the ring on her finger before she stood up and I leaned down to kiss her hard, wrapping my arms firmly around her waist and giving her a quick spin. I kissed her one more time when I set her on the floor again, absolutely beaming as I looked down at her.

"I love you, April. And you're going to be a beautiful bride."


	15. Chapter 15

**_ APRIL _ **

After all of the teasing that I had done to Jackson about not proposing while I was pregnant, I had nearly forgotten that it was a thing that he could actually do now. Jasper was not even two months old – though it certainly felt like much longer. The month with him at the hospital had been hellish. It had made breastfeeding him harder and my milk supply low. I'd been walking around like the Grinch until the doctors had finally released him to us. Of course, things still felt long with him home. But that had more to do with a lack of sleep and constant feeding than missing him dearly.

But now, I was an engaged woman.

My eyes stared down at the glittering diamond on my finger. It was snug but not too snug, just enough that I didn't have to worry about it spontaneously flying off should I move my hand too quickly. It looked beautiful. I had never worn a lot of jewelry in my life – a pair of earrings here and there, a necklace maybe, but this was instantly perfect. Looking at it, it was as if my hand had been missing it all along.

I was engaged to marry the love of my life and I was a mom to a beautiful baby boy and fascinating growing girl. One was already completely official and the other would be, hopefully, as soon as legally possible.

"I can't believe we're actually engaged," I giggled, my arm hooked tightly around Jackson's elbow.

"I can," he replied smoothly. "I've wanted this for a long time."

"I know," I beamed up at him. "I can't believe I didn't see this coming tonight. Who did you tell? Did anyone know?" Questions flew from my lips with alacrity, unable to keep my mouth shut. Happiness was blossoming inside of me, more energy pumping through me now than there had been in the past few weeks. Maybe I was still sleep-deprived, but the abundance of joy compensated more than enough. I wanted to hold onto this moment and never let it go.

"Mark and my mom," Jackson answered. "My mom covered for me while I went and picked out the ring, actually. She was pretty pushy. Turns out she likes you more than she let on before."

"That makes me happy," I murmured. Without my own parents in the picture, and with Jackson only having his mother, I did want her to like me. It had been so hard to tell at the beginning. I understood it now, in part because I knew him better but mostly because I was so attached to Alexandra and Jasper, she was just looking out for him before. I could have done the same thing for one of our babies.

I would do the same thing for our babies. Alexandra or Jasper – it didn't matter, they were both equally mine even if I only shared the same blood as one of them. I was the one raising them. We had both already agreed to make sure that Alex knew I wasn't her biological mother, that she would know about Lexie and grow up to love and respect her memory, too. But I was the one who traded off with Jackson to change her diapers and sing her to sleep, who knew what outfits she would love and what she would hate. I taught her where her nose was and counted her toes at bedtime. I was her mom. That was an irrefutable fact.

"I'm glad you're happy," Jackson leaned down, nuzzling his nose against mine as we reached his car. "Because you make me very, very happy." His lips met mine in a brief, chaste kiss.

"You make me happy too."

It's tempting to just stand there and kiss him more instead of walking around to the other side of the car. Going home meant back into baby mode, although I knew there was no way that I was going to be able to wait to call my sisters and tell them. Libby would be ecstatic for me, maybe jokingly peeved that he had waited till she had gone home. Kimmie and Alice would be too.

Despite the enticement, I pressed one more kiss to his lips before walking around to the other side of his car and getting into the passenger seat. As he backed out of the parking spot, I don't hesitate to pull my phone out and begin to snap a few different angles of the gorgeous rock.

"You really like it?" Jackson questioned, glancing over at me.

"Eyes on the road." I poked his thigh quickly. "And yes, Jackson, I do. It's perfect. It's so beautiful. I feel like it was made just for me." Wiggling my fingers, it gleamed even in the dark.

"I know, I know." My hand rested on his thigh as he spoke. "I'm just glad you're happy. The past few weeks have been hard for the both of us."

"But worth it," I countered quickly. Even if the lack of sleep had been draining and I occasionally felt like I was on the verge of collapsing in the middle of the day, I wouldn't trade it for a thing in the world. Things would get easier when Jasper didn't have to be fed quite so frequently and I could get more than a maximum of two hours of sleep. "So worth it." Every sleepless hour and stubbed toe from tired carelessness was completely worth it. All it took was one little grin from Jasper, him sticking one of my fingers in my mouth, a pull of the hair. I was too enamored.

"So worth it." Jackson agreed with a nod of his head.

I leaned over toward him despite the center console between us digging into the side of my hip, my head resting on his shoulder. Maybe the position wasn't the most comfortable but he still was. We hadn't been intimate since Jasper was born, for obvious reasons. We barely slept at the same time with everything else going on.

"I love you, Jackson," I murmured affectionately.

"I know." He replied.

"Don't Star Wars me!" My head shook despite the laughter that slipped past my lips. "We just got engaged. We're supposed to be cute and fun and sexy. Not dorky."

"Says the girl with the R2-D2 pajama bottoms." His head turned toward me for just a brief moment as he stopped at a red light, pressing a kiss on top of my head. "Who I also happen to love. And who smells very, very good right now." His nose nuzzled me for a moment longer before facing forward again to continue driving.

Continuing to snuggle up against him, my eyes shut for the remainder of the drive in an attempt to get a little more energy there besides just the adrenaline from the excitement of him proposing to me. I was so excited to be his wife and I was excited to be able to legally adopt Alex, too. I always thought that it would happen one day, I had just never put a timeline on it. I figured it would happen after we were married, but the way that he had asked it right along with proposing had just been perfect for the both of us and our relationship.

When we pulled into the parking garage and he shifted the gear into park, I didn't move from the comfortable position I was in. I wanted a peaceful moment with him, just a few more seconds before we were reabsorbed into the exhaustion world of parenthood.

"My mom does love the kids, but I think she'll be mad if we stay out here all night." He said.

"I know," I muttered. "I just want a few more minutes of me and you."

Jackson turned toward me, unbuckling both of us before lifting up my chin and capturing my lips in another passionate kiss. I could still taste the tart and ice cream on his lips and it only made him all the more delicious, a moan slipping past my mouth and swallowed into his.

"I miss this," he muttered against my lips, nipping at the bottom before slipping his tongue into my mouth. I missed it too, eagerly twisting myself into him and arching my back.

His hand moved to my hip and squeezed it tightly, signaling what he wanted even if I wasn't sure if it was conscious or unconscious. I kicked off the flats that I was wearing before moving across the center console to straddle his lap, grateful that I was short enough that it didn't take much of a bend to avoid hitting my head on the roof of the car. It was a tight fit regardless but it felt so good to be on top of him like this. It had been so long for the both of us.

"Can we do this here?" I muttered against his mouth, breaking for oxygen.

"Do you want to?" Jackson countered, hand running up my hip and massaging one of my breasts. My back arched further into his hand and I unintentionally bumped my head against the roof of the car, wincing reflexively.

"Yes," I moaned. "So bad. But you're going to have to recline your seat."

There was brief fumbling as he reached past my thigh and down to push his seat back and recline it so there was as much room as possible for the both of us without having to worry about hitting the roof of the car or the horn, for the matter. My dress was already hitched up my thighs from straddling them and as soon as his hands were available, he reached between my thighs, cupping my core over my panties and rubbing his fingers right over my clit. Clutching onto his shoulder, my head dropped down and I bit back a moan.

"How's that?" Jackson murmured as he lifted up just enough to press his lips into the curve of my neck, sucking on the skin gently. It only took a slight adjustment for him to find that sweet spot that left me breathless.

"So good." I hadn't been in the mood since having the baby but all of that was quickly changing the more pressure that he applied against the sensitive nub, grinding down my hips against his hand. We would have to be quick. And quiet, really. One of those things would be easier than the other.

His bulge was making its presence known beneath me as I ground down against him for more friction. There was no way that either of us could get naked like this – getting caught was already risky. But this was definitely worth the risk.

Suddenly, his middle finger pushed aside the damp material of my panties and pushed inside of me. I groaned, inner walls squeezing reflexively at the intrusion before rolling against him. After the week of icing my vagina after giving birth to Jasper, I'd melodramatically thought that nothing was ever going to feel good down there again and I would never be able to have good sex again in my life. It only took a few seconds for Jackson to prove that had been nothing more than exhausted and delusional thinking.

"Gonna get you nice and wet, babe," he promised me.

Finally gaining some sense of control over my limps, I reached down between us, cupping and squeezing the large bulge. I was wet but I knew I wasn't quite as wet as usual, that my body was different from having a baby. Honestly, it was a little easier to feel secure knowing that I wasn't going to be naked, stretch marks and extra fat was hidden under my dress.

"Fuck, April." And yeah, it was easy to feel sexy when a man like Jackson Avery was moaning for me.

Unzipping his pants and pushing his boxers out of the way, I freed his cock. I paused for a moment to spit in my hand before wrapping it around his length and beginning to stroke the length. He was already completely hard. I just wanted to make sure everything was wet enough.

"Please, Jackson…" I groaned out, quickly losing my patience.

"Is this what you want?" He teased me. His fingers pulled away from my wet core and replaced my hand around his cock, lining himself up with my entrance and running the tip through my folds. It had to be just as torturous for him as it was for me.

"Yes, please baby, please!" I begged.

He doesn't tease either of us any longer, lining himself up and raising his hips up to meet me. I drop down against him with a groan, head tipping forward and pressing our foreheads together. I'm not used to being on top and I'm a little out of shape, but I knew between the two of us, it didn't really matter. We would make it work.

My hips rolled against his and he moved to match the rhythm of the motions. One hand remained on his shoulder and the other gripped onto the handle by the coat hook. The windows of the car were beginning to fog up around us, making it more and more obvious to anyone who had the misfortune of passing by exactly what was going on between the two of us. I was past the point of caring, unable to focus on anything more than how good his cock felt inside of me again.

Jackson's free hand moved up to my breast, squeezing it gently until my breath hitched. He pushed up my bra and pulled down my dress to expose them before he moved forward to take it between his lips. I cried out at the feeling, mouth falling open and tilting my head back. He sucked harder on the sensitive nub, nearly too much, to the point that I leaked. But he didn't shy away, licking it before things could get too messy and replacing his mouth with his hand again. It would have been more embarrassing if I couldn't already feel a pending orgasm building in the pit of my stomach, just begging to be released.

"I'm close," he grunted with a hard snap of his hips against me. I nodded sharply, unable to find my voice at the moment, to close to the edge to attempt any real coherency. "God, you look so fucking beautiful just like this, my fiance…"

Fingers found my clit again and I'm gone. Between the words leaving his hips and everything that hew as doing to my body, I didn't find a chance. The tension in my stomach builds and builds until it finally exploded with a release. I cried out his name, hips jolting and jerking against him. Stars fill my vision as euphoria soared through my veins and took control of everything, hips moving with a few more rolls. Somewhere in the back of my head, I can feel him hold onto me tighter as he reached his own peak and finished, emptying himself inside of me. I collapsed into him when the orgasm finally slowed enough, his arms wrapping around my waist and cock softening inside of me, neither one of us wanting to move yet.

"I've missed that," I murmured against his chest, keeping my eyes shut for a few moments longer.

"You're sexier than you've ever been, April," Jackson replied affectionately, kissing my temple.

"That's not true," I shook my head against him, otherwise remaining still. "I'm still twenty pounds more than I used to be and I've got stretch marks on my belly and butt and boobs."

"What's wrong with that?" He questioned simply. "I like your belly and your butt and your boobs. I'm quite fond of all of them, actually, especially your ass." As if to prove his point, he shifted to grab it, squeezing it firmly. "You're beautiful. So, so beautiful."

I sighed against him, but this time, it was a content sigh. I shifted back, pulling off of him and fixing my bra and the front of my dress. My panties were a mess of my juices and his cum, but there was nothing to do about that until we got upstairs to the apartment. Taking another moment just to catch my breath, I watched him tuck himself back into his pants. His eyes returned to mine after a moment.

"You believe me, don't you?" Jackson followed up, his gaze soft.

"I'm just still getting used to my body being different." I shrugged. "If you had told me a year ago that I was going to be a mom to two babies and engaged to the most attractive man I'd ever met, I wouldn't believe you, you know," I commented, chewing my lower lip.

"I believe that," he chuckled. "But change isn't a bad thing. Sometimes you say something is never going to happen and then when you make that exception… it's the best thing."

"Yeah, it is." I nodded in agreement, leaning forward and pressing a kiss against his lips. "You guys are absolutely the best parts of my life. I've never been so… fulfilled with my life. So content." I didn't know how else to explain it. Change definitely wasn't a bad thing, not when it came to Jackson and our family. It was the best possible thing.

Getting out of the car is a little awkward. I nearly fall when I climb off of his lap and onto the ground but his steady grip was enough to keep it from being a complete accident. There's a little laughter and he got out after me, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist and locking the car. My shoes were still in it but that was something to worry about later. They were nice flats, nothing that I would have a chance to wear in the immediate future again.

"You really have come a far way, you know," Jackson commented, his tone nonchalant.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, glancing up at him as we reached the elevator.

"You used to hate cars. Now we just had sex in one." He explained.

Laughing loudly as the elevator doors opened and we stepped in, I grinned and shook my head, not having any words to reply to that. Yeah, it was definitely a big change. But it was just another one of those things for the better. It was hard to get by without driving. I was a decent driver now, I would get back to getting my license when Jasper was a little older and I had a little more sleep on a regular basis. I knew that driving with sleep deprivation was just as bad as drinking drunk, and I was unwilling to go behind a wheel in either one of those conditions.

When we finally reached his apartment door, I was pleasantly surprised that it was quiet when we talked in. It was past both of the kid's bedtimes, of course, but too frequently that seemed to mean nothing. Alexandra had been on such a good schedule, but her little brother had messed that up for her.

"Hi, Mom," Jackson called out as we stepped in, shutting the door behind us.

"Shhh," Catherine hushed. "He's sleeping."

I smiled as I stepped forward, seeing her holding Jasper with a burping cloth on her shoulder and an empty bottle on the coffee table. Maybe we could actually get a few hours of sleep in before having to wake up to take care of him.

"Sorry," he apologized, glancing over at me with a smile.

Beaming back at him, I stepped forward and held out my hand so that my future mother-in-law could see it for himself. Even if she already knew about it, I still wanted to be able to share it with her.

"Oh, April, that is one beautiful ring." Catherine smiled at me as she carefully stood up from the couch, not waking the baby. Jackson stepped forward, taking our son from her.

"Thanks for giving him a little push," I said quietly and gave her a hug.

"Of course," she murmured. "I'm going to head to now. I've got a busy week. But let me know if you two need anything, okay?"

"Bye, Mom," Jackson said farewell and I walked her to the door.

To my joyful surprise, Jasper managed to go down in his crib without waking up. It was a mother's dream come true, I'm sure of it. I barely have enough energy to get out of my clothes and change into a clean pair of pajamas before collapsing into bed next to Jackson.

Though I had been an eventful dreamer for most of my life, I don't dream quite as much now as I did before having a baby. Pregnancy dreams had been predictably crazy but things had calmed down now significantly. I don't know if it was because I wasn't asleep in long enough stretches to dream properly or what, but when I wake up a couple of hours later to feed Samuel again before falling back asleep again, it's nothing but heavy darkness. Somewhat refreshing, as much as it could be with the constant interruptions, but not entirely. The only way that the bags beneath my eyes were going to disappear was with makeup.

When I call all three of my sisters the next day to let them know about the merry news about our engagement, I get high-pitched screaming on the other end of the line that let me know exactly how happy they were for me. Libby and Kimmie were both already married, and Alice had been dating the same boy since she graduated college two years ago, meaning she probably would be too.

Of course, all three of them asked for details about the wedding that I hadn't even begun to think about. What kind of dress I was going to wear, colors for the bridesmaid dresses, what type of flowers I would want or flavor for the wedding cake… it didn't take long to realize that planning a wedding was way bigger than I realized. The only answer that I was capable of coming up with was small, family and close friends primarily, something I was sure that Jackson would agree to. And soon. I didn't want to wait too long to have married him, after all. There was no point in waiting when I knew he was the one.

Admittedly, as well, it wasn't a priority.

I wanted to call the lawyer's about setting up paperwork to adopt as soon as possible. Sunday, well, we couldn't. Even though it was easy to stay occupied and moving when it came to taking care of both of the babies, I still just couldn't stop thinking about it. I knew it would take time. That didn't make me any more patient about the matter.

Three months of paid maternity leave was what I had gotten with my job. I could take off more time too if I wanted, though it wouldn't have been paid as well. The first month had been taken while Jasper was in the hospital and now I still had a few weeks left on it. I missed work just a little bit, though parenting was more than enough to keep me busy, of course. I couldn't imagine squeezing in any work projects in the middle of everything else at the moment.

But come Monday, Jackson makes the call to set up the appointment for later in the week. Having a date marked on the calendar and knowing that was coming makes waiting for it just a little bit easier to handle.

Since Jasper was born and had come home, we hadn't taken him anywhere. Germs were everywhere. Exhaustion was constant, too. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to take him to the lawyer's office with us, but I thought that it would be important to take Alexandra with us. Even if she wasn't signing paperwork or really had any say in the process, it just felt right to have her there. Or maybe I was just getting clingy. Both seemed entirely possible. People normally talked about separation anxiety in the context of the baby, I thought, but getting it myself? Oh yeah, I knew that was going to happen.

"You're going to be a good big sister, aren't you?" I cooed to Alexandra. "You're going to show your baby brother how to be good in the car?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" She cried out enthusiastically.

"That's my good girl," I leaned forward, kissing her forehead as I got her strapped into her car seat. "We're visiting some important people today. That way we can make sure that everyone knows you're my baby. You're my baby, aren't you?"

"You mine," she replied, reaching out to me. I put one of her stuffed animals in her hand, booming her nose before climbing in the passenger seat.

Once Jackson had gotten Jasper in his car seat securely and into the driver's seat, we began the drive to the lawyer's office. It wasn't a far drive. I was still anxious and ready to get there, my legs bouncing the entire way. I had been nervous in the car before but this was definitely a different kind of nerves. My fiancé reached over for me and placed his hand on my knee, giving it a little squeeze. Of course, it doesn't actually stop any of the jigglings and shaking that was going on. But it does make me smile.

When we finally pulled into the parking lot, I took a deep breath before jumping out of the car to get the strollers ready. Even though I knew that the lawyers didn't really make a difference, they just helped to set up the paperwork, I thought it was important that they knew I was a good mother.

That was why I clung to Alexandra going in, choosing to hold her hand while Jackson pushed the stroller with our son. She's relatively quiet in the waiting room, focused on playing with my hair. I had worn it down and curled it. It had been cut just before having Jasper, which was good because there was no way that I was going to get to a salon any time soon, and just brushed against my shoulders when it was curled so tightly. She had begun to pull out one of the curls in the process of waiting, and I let her. If she was quiet, that translated to well-behaved with most people. That would be perfect.

When a familiar face came down to get us, I let out a breath of relief and smiled brightly, picking Alexandra up with me as I shook their hand. I recognized them from the custody trial. There was a click in their eyes to make it clear that they remembered me from all of the hovering and attending that I had done. He would know that I had been around for a while.

"Hi, Jim, it's good to see you again." Jackson greeted with a firm handshake.

"I'm just glad that it's under better circumstances this time," he chuckled. "You're Miss April, right?"

"Soon to be Mrs. Avery," I answered with a grin, unable to help the fact that I was just little braggadocio about it. This was at least appropriate, I thought, given that I was here to sort out adopting his daughter officially.

"Congratulations," Jim said. "Let's take a seat in the office. You can bring the kiddos along."

We followed him into the office and as I sat down next to Jackson and across from the lawyer, I could already feel some of the stress beginning to evaporate from me just knowing that we were going to get this all taken care of. He gathered a few pieces of paper and I looked between the two of them, one knee bouncing, but this time it had Alexandra on it so it looked more to entertain her and less just out of jitteriness. That was good – because it was definitely out of jitteriness.

"So, realistically, the easiest way to do it is just waiting to file the paperwork until after the two of you have been married," Jim started. "Otherwise, there is second-parent adoption, which is primarily for the LGBT community. But under the circumstances, the law is flexible, it could definitely be determined to work in your favor. But it's more complicated and more costly. It would require a home visit. You would have to live together for at least six months first. I can already see that Alexandra is quite attached to you."

"Six months?" I blurted out, blinking in surprise.

He nodded. "Yes. That's why, like I said, it's easiest to just wait and handle the paperwork side of things after you're married." As he spoke, Jackson reached over to me and took my hand.

"Well, how long would it take after we're married?" I asked.

"At a maximum, three months. You wouldn't have to do the home visit and since her biological mother is dead, that does save time there, too. But all you'll have to do is file the paperwork. A background check will be run but as long as that's not a problem, there shouldn't be any issue." He explained.

"So what if we got married right now? Like today? Would we have it by… say, Halloween?" I questioned, eyebrows raising high in my forehead. Maybe it was lunging too far in that direction, but the words slip out without thinking.

"Sure, if that's something you wanted to do," Jim answered.

"We could do that," I nodded eagerly as I looked over at Jackson.

Unsurprisingly, Jackson looked rather surprised by how quickly I had gone in that direction. Given how against rushing things I had been at the beginning, it made sense. But the love was already there. I didn't have to question or doubt that, so I didn't see a point in lallygagging around about it if it was going to mean that it was going to take longer to legally adopt Alexandra.

"Are you sure?" He questioned, turning toward me.

"Absolutely," I replied. "Let's do it. Let's go get hitched and then we'll file the paperwork. Do you have that for us?" I waited until Jim nodded to continue speaking. "Can we just get it filled out and then wait for the wedding paperwork to file, to file this formally?"

"Yeah, that's something we could do." Jim agreed.

"Do you want to do this?" I asked, looking at Jackson.

"I… yeah, yeah. If that's what you want to, then we can do it." He answered, nodding his head and giving my hand another firm squeeze with his approval.

With vigor, all of the paperwork gets filled out between the three of us. Well, Jackson and Jim do most of the work to get it done. I've never been good with legal technicalities and both of the kiddos do require some entertainment to make sure that they don't interrupt or slow down the process. It was still early in the day. We could get to the courthouse before it closed.

While they do that, I wonder if I should tell Catherine or one of our sisters what was going on. I had never thought I was the type who would get hitched. Yet here it was, the most exciting thing possible.

My signature scribbled across the page, signing what would be my married for the very first time.

_April Avery._

It's a little messy but it would get neater over the years. Once it was all done, we shook hands with the lawyer and headed back down to the car. It took a moment to get both of the kids in their seat. Even though Jasper was asleep almost the moment that we got him completely strapped in, Alexandra was beginning to get a little fussy about being out.

"Just a little longer, sweetheart, I promise." I murmured sweetly.

"Are we really doing this?" Jackson asked once I had climbed in the passenger seat.

"Yeah, I think we are." I beamed.

It was crazy. It was crazy. There was no way to get around that. But I was completely set on doing this. We could still have a real wedding ceremony with our friends and family after, this was just for legal reasons, making sure to get everything set in order so I could adopt Alexandra officially. But I knew that I wanted to be married to him. I wanted to change my name and have it match both of our children. I wanted to move in with him. I wanted to have a big house with a yard – hell, maybe we could even get another pet when the kids weren't so tiresome. Maybe we could have another kid. We could do whatever we wanted together.

The middle of the weekday, there's not much of a line. I let Jackson fill out the paperwork again while I take care of the kids, getting a diaper change for the both of them and feeding Jasper in the bathroom during some of the wait. We would have both our kids with us, we would be married with the two most important people in our life witnessing it. There's a three business day waiting period to really fill it out, but… I could wait three days. That was fine.

"So… Wednesday. We can do it on Wednesday." Jackson announced once all of the paperwork was finalized.

"We're getting married on Wednesday." I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him hard.

"You're damn right we are. Me and you, husband and wife."

Getting in the car again with the kids strapped in their seats, it's hard not to kiss him again and think about nothing else in the world other than our love and looming marriage. Soon the ring on my finger wouldn't be a symbol of our engagement, but instead one of our marriage, even if it was just kept a secret between the two of us. Well, the two of us and the state of Washington.


	16. Chapter 16

**_ JACKSON _ **

It would have been easy to assume that getting hitched was a simpler process than planning an actual wedding.

If we had lived in a state where we could immediately receive a license and get married, then maybe that would have been true. Everything would have been done the same day at the courthouse and there wouldn't have been any pressure to piece together outside parties or to try and make it a special and unique night. I wanted that for the both of us, even if there were still plans to have a proper ceremony somewhere down the line, given that this was meant to be just between the two of us so the paperwork for Alexandra could be done as soon as possible. I didn't think that anything was going to happen to me and I doubted that she did, either, but I understood why she was adamant about getting it done quickly. Had the tables been turned, I probably would have felt the same way about ensuring that I had every right as a parent, especially given what we had been through together at the beginning of our relationship.

As undeniably nervous as this made me, it was exciting at the same time. I wanted to be married to her – I had for a long time and that wasn't in question. But I wanted to impress her, too. I wasn't sure that was going to be quite as easy of a feat when we were doing all of this so last minute.

Making her life the best that I could was one of my priorities. She, Alexandra, and Jasper. All three of them I wanted to dive the best life that I was capable in any way that I could. Money made a difference, of course. I wasn't oblivious to the financial privilege that I had. But I wanted something that went past the superficial level. I wanted to give her happiness in every way possible, in a way that no one else would have been capable of.

Pieces had begun to come together over the weekend. I had gone out and found a little baby tuxedo that we would be able to put Jasper into for the ceremony, and I knew that April had gone out dress shopping for herself and for Alexandra as well. When they had come home with heavy bags on Saturday afternoon, I had tried to get a peek into what was inside them out of friendly curiosity, and she hadn't hesitated to slap my hand away and say it was bad luck, even if it wasn't a proper ceremony. That had gotten a good laugh out of me, but I was glad to see that she was taking this just as seriously as I was.

Waiting for Wednesday turned out to be challenging, even with the to-do list that I had prepared that seemed to never end. I had made plans for after the evening, of course, and then there was the side project that I had been working on, too.

When April had gone into labor early, that had thrown out everything else that we were working on. There hadn't been time to focus on anything other than the fact that our son was born and he had spent weeks in the NICU to compensate for the time that he should have spent inside of her. Moving was now nothing more than a thought in the past, something that we hadn't even discussed in the past few weeks. Yet I had kept at it, looking for a new house. I had squeezed in appointments with the realtor before and after work, during lunch breaks, any opportunity that I could get. I wanted to give her everything, and that included a piece of the traditional life as a married woman and mother. A house with a yard, one house payment instead of two rent checks per month, all of those simple things that were easy to take for granted.

"Are you sure that you don't mind babysitting after we're done?" My phone was jammed between my ear and shoulder as I spoke into the receiver, strapping Jasper into a clean diaper.

"Not at all," Mark chuckled at the other end of the line. "Pretty sure you'd bitch if I didn't."

"That's not true." Okay, so maybe it was a little true. "I'll meet you at the courthouse? April and I are leaving separately, so you can just take my car if you want. Both of the car seats are already in there and I'll just take yours. We can switch back tomorrow morning when we come home."

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed easily. "I'll see you later today."

Hanging up the phone and setting it down, I finished strapping Jasper into a clean diaper again, making sure that it was nice and snug. There was a good chance that it would have to be changed again sometime while we were there, but I didn't want him to make a disaster of his little outfit in the process if he did.

"There you go, little man. All done." I murmured affectionately as I finished up, leaning down and blowing raspberries on my son's stomach. He giggled with delight, little arms and legs flailing about.

Jasper didn't make too much of a fuss as I got him into the tuxedo onesie. Though it was just one piece with a bright red bow attached to it, it was still rather nice looking on him. There's not much hair on his head to tame yet, a few wisps and hints of future curls to come, but nothing to fight against like Alexandra had when she was a little baby. She had come out big and with plenty of hair, not near premature like her little brother. But he had still proved to be a fighter despite the immediate obstacles that had been in his path when he was born.

"Now, are you going to be good for Daddy while he gets ready, hmm?" My son continued to babble as I spoke to him. "It would make me happy. It'd make Mommy happy, too, so we're not late."

Knowing how much of a disaster zone a diaper could be, I had gotten him ready before myself. Setting him into his high chair which I had moved into my bedroom, the suit I was wearing for today was already hung out and pressed. I had briefly mentioned the idea of a tuxedo and April had shot that down, wanting to save the fancy outfits for the ceremonial big day, even if we were both dressing well today.

It doesn't take me long to get dressed and ready, smoothing out the labels of my jacket and fidgeting with the expensive watch on my wrist as I tinkered with the details of the reflection in the mirror. A few pictures of today would be made, just to be kept between the two of us, likely on one of our phones. Maybe we would share it with our families or kids one day down the line, but for now, it would just be between us and our witness. Mark would keep this secret for us, I knew. Even though he had been close with Derek at one point, he was a good and loyal friend to me. I trusted him with almost anything and I certainly trusted him with this.

A knock on the door to my apartment drew my attention away and I smoothed out my tie once more, picking up Jasper as I walked out to the living room.

"April, is that you?" I called out loudly.

"Yeah!" She replied. "Shut your eyes. I'm coming in to drop off Alexandra."

"Alright, they're closed," I laughed out, unable to hide the large grin on my features.

The front door opened and I kept my eyes shut as I heard her enter. Alexandra was talking to her about being a princess and it was tempting to peak, but I go with what she wanted, silly as it may have seemed. I knew it was making her happy to do this.

"Alexa, stay right here for Daddy until I leave, okay? Don't go anywhere." I heard her say.

"Yes Momma," she replied.

Though I was attempting to listen to what April was doing, she surprised me when suddenly her soft lips were pressed into mine. I leaned down blindly into her to return the soft kiss. Her lips were covered in some kind of sweet gloss, something new that I hadn't tasted before. It just made it all the more tempting to open my eyes and see how beautiful she must have looked at the moment. At least it wasn't a long drive to the courthouse.

"You sure I can't take a little look?" I teased, muttering against her lips.

"Don't you dare." She slapped my chest lightly and I could hear her blow a few kisses onto Jasper's face. "My uber's going to be here in five minutes. I'll see you at the courthouse. Don't be late."

"I won't," I promised. "Be safe. Text me if you need anything."

"Will do," she murmured, giving me one more kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

I stayed still for a moment and waited until I had heard the sound of my front door shutting before opening my eyes again. Alexandra was sitting on the couch and staring at me expectantly, wearing a little lilac dress with a puffed out skirt and a bow tied around the middle of her waist. Her hair was pulled back into a bun with a flower tucked neatly into the top of it. April had done well.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart." I murmured as I moved over toward her, setting Jasper down on the couch next to his sister. He leaned into her and Alexandra wrapped both of her arms around him, snuggly pulling him in for a big hug.

"Momma says I a pwincess." Her hands gripped the voluminous skirt of her dress and moved it around, giggling. "Pwincess, Daddy, I a pwincess!"

"Yes, baby, you are." I nodded, leaning forward to kiss her. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Gathering up everything that we would need to take care of the kids, though I was sure April was bringing a bag of her own with possible things for them, I double check that I have everything. The last kind of interruption that I would have wanted was because of something stupid like forgetting a pacifier. I'd have to pass it all over to Mark, too, and I wanted to make sure that he was going to be prepared.

I got both of the kids loaded into the car without a fuss. Jasper had managed to be in a good mood today and Alexandra was excited. We had been careful not to use the word wedding around her for the sake of making sure that she didn't accidentally spill the beans to anyone else in our life. The only thing we had told her was that it was something to make sure that April could be her mommy for the rest of her life. That had been enough to make her more than excited and I knew that she loved it when April dressed her up in something fancy, too. She was a happy camper to get all of this done, even though I knew she would put up a fuss about being with a sitter this evening.

The drive to the courthouse is a short one but it certainly felt much longer with the butterflies eating away at the pit of my stomach. I was so excited for all of this, yet there was still some nerves there. It was a big day for the both of us. It might have been just a regular Wednesday to the rest of the world, but this was a day we would always remember.

Parking and getting the strollers and the kids out of the back, I make my way up the ramp quickly. It doesn't take long to spot Mark already standing at the top, waiting and staring down at his phone.

"Hey," I called out, gathering his attention.

"Hey." He grinned, coming over to clap me on the shoulder. "April just got here, went inside already. She's waiting for you."

"You saw her before me?" My brows furrowed.

"Yeah. And you did good, Avery. You did really good." Mark complimented.

"Bastard," I remarked half-heartedly, shaking my head.

Letting him get for me, I pushed the stroller inside and gave a quick look around to spot her. It doesn't take long – elegant red curls of hair cascaded down the length of her back and caught my attention almost immediately. April was wearing a tea length dress, simple with a pinched waist and lace sleeves. She looked beautiful.

"Go get her," Mark murmured, putting his hand on the stroller for me.

Taking a few long strides to close the distance between myself and my bride to be, my hands came up to cup her face and I leaned down to meet her in a long, hard kiss. Maybe it was too much for the public setting but at that particular moment, I couldn't have given less of a damn about what anyone else in the world thought. She was who I was meant to be with and the process that we were going through today was sealing that. In a way, though, it didn't matter. I loved her more than I had ever loved any woman before. It was clear.

April returned the kiss with equal fervor, her hands coming up to the back of my neck and pulling me down into her. Her lips still tasted of the same lip gloss as they had before, but somehow this time, it seemed sweeter than before. Perhaps it was just in anticipation of what was still to come between us.

"You look so beautiful," I murmured, pressing my forehead into hers and not letting go. "I love you."

"I love you." April's eyes fell shut as she spoke. "I'm so excited to be your wife, Jackson. Even if we can't tell."

"Keeping the secret won't be a big deal once we're married. I promise."

Mark cleared his throat, "Shouldn't we be heading upstairs?" He reminded us.

"Yeah," I nodded, straightening up. "The elevators are this way."

All of us headed down the hallway to take the elevator up to the third floor. An appointment should be scheduled and we were a few minutes early for it, but hopefully, we wouldn't have to wait too long. I doubted that a lot of people intentionally planned to get married on a Wednesday afternoon but it was better to be safe than sorry.

I went up to the clerk working and let her know that we had arrived with our witness, handing over all of the paperwork that would be necessary in order to properly complete today's event. Everything that we needed was already in order and had been put together and triple-checked by the both of us a few nights ago. After having to wait three days because of the legal system, the last thing either of us wanted was any more hiccups with what we were doing. Once it was handled, I joined Mark, April, and the kids to wait.

A few minutes pass as we stand there. I was too nervous to talk but the kids babbling kept it from being silent between the five of us. But by the time our name was finally called, we all jumped up to go.

We went into this cute little room that is designated for the courthouse weddings and it was just the group of us and the judge. He was an older male, dressed in a pair of khakis and a button-down shirt, rather casual. Overall it was a tiny office, seeming to fit all of us and the strollers but probably no more. It was a little clinical, but it didn't matter. We would have our romantic moment. This was about paperwork.

"April Louise Kepner and Jackson Malcolm Avery, today you celebrate one of life's greatest moments and give recognition to the worth and beauties of love, as you join together in the vows of marriage." The judge began, sounding a bit scripted and looking between the both of us. "Jackson, do you take April to be your wife?" He asked me.

"I do," I answered quickly and confidently.

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her?" He continued.

"I do." No hesitation. This was exactly what I wanted.

The judge turned toward her. "April, do you take Jackson to be your husband?"

"I do." The words were practically giggled out of her lips and she had a huge smile on her features as if she were about to completely burst open with joy. It was hard not to interrupt and kiss her now.

"Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto him?" He questioned.

"I do!" A little more enthusiasm in her words this time, just dancing with energy.

Two simple rings are handed over from Mark. It wasn't the ring that I would give her on the wedding day, but something just for this. She could wear it around her neck, somewhere subtle, where didn't bother me. I just wanted to make sure that she would have something to remember this day by, as if that were even a question. Today's vows would be simple and traditional.

"I, Jackson, take thee, April, to be my wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you. With this ring, I thee wed." Slipping the ring onto her slim finger above the engagement ring, I looked up at her with a smile.

"And I, April, take thee, Jackson, to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you. With this ring, I thee wed." Her words echoed mine but I could tell from the joy in her eyes that she meant every word of it coming out of her. Now I was the one who was getting antsy to finish.

"Jackson and April, just as two very different threads woven in opposite directions can form a beautiful tapestry, so can your two lives merge together to form a beautiful marriage. To make your marriage work will take love. Love should be the core of your marriage, love is the reason you are here. It will take faith, to be willing to go forward to tomorrow, never really knowing what tomorrow will bring. In addition, it will take commitment, to hold true to the journey, you both now pledge to share together. Jackson and April, as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, I now declare you to be Husband and Wife."

There were the words that I had been waiting for. Almost, at least.

"Congratulations, you may kiss your bride."

Those were the ones.

Leaning down into her again, my lips sealed over hers in a hard, passionate kiss. It took all the self-control I had to keep it appropriate enough in front of the judge, wanting nothing more to take her then and there, to make sure that she knew that she was my wife in every sense of the word, that to me, it was more than just being a mother to Alexandra. Self-control was difficult to maintain at the moment, but I barely manage.

Mark clapped for the both of us and it only took a few seconds before Alexandra's tiny hands had joined in. We pulled away from each other although my hand remained on her waist, looking down at our two kids. Jasper was fast asleep in his stroller, but Alexandra seemed thrilled.

"I'm your wife." April murmured affectionately, lashes fluttering as she looked up at me.

"And I'm your husband," I echoed back the sentiment, grinning down at her.

I dipped down for one more kiss, much shorter and chaste compared to the previous one, before turning to thank the judge. We both shook hands with him before stepping back over toward Mark and the kids. April scooped up Alexandra, pressing adoring kisses all of her cheeks and the top of her head. I watched my daughter wrap arms around her neck tightly, love clearly displayed from the both of them.

"I love you so, so much." I reminded her, placing my hand on her lower back. It was impossible to stop my heart from swelling with absolute pride and joy just watching them interact with one another. No one else could tell that she wasn't her biological mother.

"I love you too," April looked back over at me, head tilting against Alexandra's.

"I hate to interrupt the lovefest, but," Mark cleared his throat. "I do believe Jackson has some other plans for the two of you that doesn't involve towing around the kiddos all night."

"This is true," I nodded. "I've got a surprise."

April's brows furrowed curiously at me. "What is it?"

"Well, it wouldn't be a surprise now if I told you that, would it?" I retorted with a grin.

"I'll take good care of these two, don't worry." As Mark spoke, I handed my car keys over to him and he handed his to me. I slipped them into my pocket. "I know that you're going to worry about them anyway, but at least try not to, alright? Uncle Mark has got this tonight."

"Much appreciated, man." I expressed. "Just give either of us a call if you need something."

"I will not. Because we will not need anything, right?" April passed Alexandra over to Mark. "Uncle Mark's the coolest babysitter, just you wait and see."

"We'll see you guys tomorrow, I guess…" My wife spoke, giving a curious look at me and I nodded.

My wife.

It would take a little getting used to, calling her my wife, but that was an adjustment that I looked forward to making. Now or a few months from now after a formal ceremony, that didn't make much of a difference to me. What mattered was that she would be the one I was coming home to for the rest of the night, the one who I would grow with and learn to love even more than I already did over the remaining decades of my life. There was nothing greater than knowing that she and I would be able to live and raise our family together, without any more complications.

Finishing up with exchanging goodbyes with both of our children and Mark, it's not terribly long before the two of us are heading out to where Mark has parked his car and getting in it. The plans for tonight had been nearly impossible to pull off at the last minute and it had certainly taken a hit in my wallet, but I was making more than I ever had at the private practice. She was more than worth the cost.

Her surprise was a bit out of the way, nowhere near downtown. A few questions escaped her lips here and there, trying to piece together where I was taking her, but I was sure that she wouldn't be able to figure it out until we were there. It was something that we hadn't done together and I didn't think that she would have gone to it on her own and not mention it to me at some point or another in the past. I wanted it to be something memorable and new, completely unforgettable.

"Is this it?" April questioned when the car rolled to a stop.

"Uh huh," I nodded, shifting the car into park. "Elliot Bay."

"So does that mean you can tell me what we're doing now?" She asked as we got out of the car and I walked around to the other side to meet her. "Or is it still top secret?"

"Slightly less top secret," I answered, arm slung around her. "Do you really want to know?"

She glared playfully at me. "Seriously?"

"Alright, alright," I chuckled. "I rented a boat for the two of us tonight. We're going to have dinner and dessert and wine and… we'll do whatever it is that you want. It's just us."

"Really?" Her jaw fell slack momentarily as she looked up at me.

"Really," I confirmed.

"Jackson… that's– that's amazing!" April squealed out. "I can't believe you managed to put that together. That's… wow. I've never done anything like this before." She wiggled excitedly against me. "I'm so, so excited! This is awesome. I just… wow!"

It doesn't take long to get where the two of us were supposed to be. The boat that I had rented out for the night wasn't a particularly large one but it was big enough for the two of us and anything that we might have needed to do. The evening was still warm even though it might cool down some on the water and with the night, but there were blankets on board just in case. I had thought a lot about getting this as prepared as possible.

Holding her hand tightly, we walked up to the boat and introduced ourselves, getting on. A candlelit dinner table for two was already set up on the deck, a bottle of wine and glasses on the table, two plates covered by a metal tin to keep warm. It was exactly what I had requested.

"Here it is," I breathed out, looking over at her.

"I can't believe you did this…" she practically twinkled. "This is wonderful."

"I'm glad that you like it." I squeezed her against me once more as I spoke and placed a kiss on top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "Are you hungry? It's one of your favorites. Lobster macaroni and cheese."

"Oh, no way!" She gasped out. "Yummy. Yes, please. I'm starving."

I pulled out her chair. "Bon appetite." I wished her.

Joining her across the table and pulling the lids off both our plates, I watched her light up seeing the food. An exquisite chardonnay had been paired with it and I poured both of us a large glass. I knew that she barely drank anymore now that she was breastfeeding, and she had so easily been a lightweight when we had gone out on a date before, that I expected the same of her this time. But that was alright. There was something undeniably adorable about her tipsy moments. It reminded me of the night that we had first met.

April scarfed down her food and the wine eagerly. I ate and watched her with amusement. She looked so happy just like this, enjoying her meal and beaming at me. I could see the pure love in her eyes and I was sure that it was reflected right back at her in my own gaze.

"You really do look beautiful tonight, you know," I commented with a soft smile.

"You're just being sweet," April muttered shyly with a shake of her head. In the candlelight, I could see a soft blush warming the apples of her freckled cheeks.

"I still mean it." I countered. "I love you, April. You mean so much to me and I couldn't be more grateful to have you as my wife." I reached across the table and our fingers intertwined together, my thumb brushing against the back of her knuckles.

She squeezed my hand. "I don't know where I'd be without you and I don't want to."

"I don't want to either," I agreed. "Sit a minute."

Taking another mouthful of Chardonnay, I stood up from the table and walked over to the Bluetooth speaker to turn it on. Connecting my phone to the device, I quickly opened up my Spotify app and pulled up the playlist that I had made for tonight. It was a sweet mix, one that I was hoping would warm her in the same way that she had been warming me all this time. Clicking on the first song, I adjusted the volume as it began to play and turned back to face her.

_"I met you in the dark, you lit me up.  
You made me feel as though I was enough."_

The sound of James Arthur's voice began to play out and I walked back over to April. Extending my hand to her, she took it and I pulled her up out of her chair, giving her a small twirl before pulling her in against my chest.

We swayed in time with the easy sound of the music, her head resting against my chest. My eyes shut comfortably as we moved from side to side. The smell of her perfume and shampoo filled my senses but it was the perfect amount, allowing myself to drown in her. That was all I ever really wanted to do, lose myself in her completely.

_"I knew I loved you then but you'd never know,_  
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.  
I know I needed you but I never showed,  
But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old.  
Just say you won't let go." 

Even as the song came and went, we continued to sway around the deck of the boat. Now that we had been on it for a while, I barely noticed the easy motion back and forth of being on top of the water like this. It's not a crowded night in the bay and there was no one else around to disturb us or vice versa. This was the kind of night that I loved to have with her: simple and perfect, without a bother of anything else in the world. With how much parenting we both did, it was well-earned.

"Can we do something different?" I murmured against her hair.

"Different how?" April asked.

"We've never gotten to be very adventurous, you know…" My hands moved from her hips to the curve of her ass, cupping her rear firmly over the material of her dress. "We're alone. It's dark. We have an entire boat to ourselves."

"You want to have sex out here?" She looked up at me.

"I want to have sex with you everywhere, babe," I chuckled. "But yes, yes I do."

She didn't say a word, stretching up to kiss me. I returned it firmly, hands slipping from over the material of her dress to underneath it instead, feeling the lace of the underwear that she had put on beneath. I push it down so it's beneath the ample curve of her ass. She had kept on a little bit of the baby weight after having Jasper, and truthfully, her body had never been more perfect to me.

The kiss between us heated up easily and I bent down, grabbing her thighs and hoisting her up. Her legs wrapped tightly around my waist and I walked over to the table that we'd eaten at, using one arm to clear it off and sending plates clattering onto the floor. I'd tip extra for getting that cleaned up.

Setting her down on top of the now cleared table, I pushed up the skirt of her dress and quickly grabbed the edges of her panties, yanking them down so quickly I can hear the fabric tear. She looked down at me with wide eyes and we both laughed, shaking my head apologetically – of course, I'm not sorry about all of it. I pulled her toward the edge of the table and got down on my knees. Tender kisses are placed along the inside of her thighs, sweet and gentle, before I go straight for her clit. My lips wrapped around the sensitive nub, sucking on it gently and listening to her cry out loudly above me.

"Oh Jackson, Jackson, yes!" She cried out, gripping my head harshly.

Giving into everything that she could desire and more, I ate her out as if I was a dying man and she was my last meal, repenting and begging, wanting more just as desperately as she did. She tasted so sweet and it was impossible to get enough.

A finger slipped inside of her wet core, curling and finding that sweet spot inside of her. This time, I can pause and drive her crazy, give her everything that she wanted and more. April let me know the exact effect that I was having on her, cursing and swearing in a way that I rarely heard from her, screaming out. Even if we couldn't see anyone else around, I was sure that someone, somewhere, was hearing her.

When she finally hit her high, April howled out and her thighs locked around my head, holding me there. I continued to lick and suck her through every second of it, making sure that she could enjoy it fully.

"You like that, baby?" I teased, looking up at her with a cocky grin.

"I hate how good at that you are," she muttered, breathing heavily.

I laughed. "No, you don't."

"No, I don't." She repeated with a shake of her head. "Jackson?" She questioned, nearly sounding innocent.

"Yeah?"

"I want you to fuck me over the railing." April sat up on her elbows as she looked down at me. Her face looked so damn innocent despite the words coming out of her mouth, and that just made it even hotter.

"Hell yeah," I answered enthusiastically, getting back up.

She hopped off the table with a surge of energy, leaving abandoned panties on the ground. There was something sexy about that, too. A white dress and high heels were nothing on underneath. Something to keep on my mind in case she wasn't around for a night or wasn't in the mood.

I watched as she bent herself over the railing. It was high enough that it was at her ribs as she positioned herself, reaching back and revealing herself to me again as she flipped her dress up and curve her back so that her ass was sticking out sinfully. I couldn't imagine anything more tempting than the way that she was standing there and presenting herself to me, quickly undoing my pants and releasing my aching cock.

Not hesitating, I pushed into her and let out a loud groan. Both of her hands were wrapped around the railing and I held onto it with one hand, my other arm wrapping around her waist and holding her back against me as I began to thrust into her.

Her silky heat was a devilish delight surrounding me and I pressed my mouth into the curve of the back of her neck, sucking there hard enough that I was sure it was going to leave a mark. The sound of me slapping against her ass with each thrust was drowned out only by the sounds of her moaning and my grunts, lost in the throes of the pleasure of being with one another. I couldn't focus on anything other than how good she felt.

Taking advantage of the arm wrapped around her waist, I reached down and rubbed against her clit, not wanting to finish before her but knowing that I wasn't going to last long either. It was too good.

"Fuck, fuck, April– I'm gonna cum, baby, I'm gonna cum," I warned her, grip tightening.

It doesn't take long before the warning passes through my lips that I can feel her cum, squeezing her inner walls tighten around the length of my cock. It's hard not to unleash myself on the spot but I wait until she's finished before I pull out, finishing on the pale skin of her ass. Panting, I catch my breath for only a moment before I get down on my knees and clean it off of her again. It's not long before she's heated and needy again and I dedicate myself between her legs, not stopping until she had finished for the third time.

"God, Jackson..." she groaned out, exhausted. "Is this what marriage is going to be like every day?"

"If I have any say in it, absolutely." I chuckled. "There's one more thing, though, something I haven't told you." I straightened up, tucking myself back into my pants as she turned around and smoothed out her dress.

"What?" April questioned, looking at me curiously.

"I found a house."


	17. Chapter 17

**_ APRIL _ **

The house was amazing.

Even if we couldn't move in immediately because Jackson wanted to do a few remodeling jobs in the kitchen and the master bathroom, I had fallen in love with it the first time that we walked through it together before the finishing touches could be made. It was open and spacious with high ceilings, tons of natural light in the living spaces. It also happened to cost more than I would have guessed that we could afford, but he had assured me multiple times that it was absolutely fine. It was in a good school district and close to a shopping center and strip of restaurants. Five bedrooms, which was more than we needed but better than the opposite problem, and four and a half baths. It was magnificent, like something out of a dream. Then again, it seemed like my entire life with him was a dream.

Of course, even if I was just a little bit antsy and impatient about getting to move into the new place, the time flies by so quickly that I barely have an opportunity to obsess over it. There were a million things to do, now more than ever. Jackson and I had technically been married for two months, yet we had an actual wedding to plan, two little ones to take care of, and I was finally back at work again.

Exhaustion was my new best friend, following me around every corner no matter what I did to try and combat. Even though I was only in the office one or two days a week at the maximum, my time at home had to be spent in a delicate balance between getting work done and taking care of the kids. All of the things that would have been fast in the past suddenly took two or three times as long because of taking care of Jasper and Alexandra. I'd thought that I could manage it on my own, but it quickly became apparent that if I was going to work at home with the kids, I needed Jackson or Catherine or someone there with me.

As much as I hated myself for even thinking it, going to work was kind of an awesome relief. It was nice to be around other adults, people who understood and appreciated our work, and out of the house. I probably wasn't looking as put together as I used to, but that was okay. Appearance was one of those things that didn't seem as important anymore.

Aside from the fact that even as exciting as it was to be back there, to have my kid's pictures on my desk, it was a little hard to keep the secret about the fact that Jackson and I were already married. I was dying to be able to tell someone, anyone. But instead, by all accounts and appearances to our friends and family, we were just engaged. It was driving me just a little crazy to not tell someone. When that wasn't an issue, well, then it was drifting off instead at my desk.

"Kepner." A sharp voice barked, pulling me out of my sleepy glaze.

If I was worried about falling asleep while I was actually at my work's office, then, well, Charlotte would always make sure that I didn't have to be worried about it by snapping me back away when I looked like I was just about to drift off. That was a good thing, of course, even if her firm, southern voice was startling enough to get my heart to skip a few beats. I was glad to have someone keeping me on top of things if I was too tired to do it myself.

"I'm still here." A forced smile appeared across my lips, blinking a few times and picking up my green tea, taking a long sip from it. I missed being able to have more than one cup of coffee a day. I really, really missed it on days like today.

"You know that no one would judge you if you took a little more time off from work, you know," she reminded me gently. Charlotte was a nice woman, of course, but her compassion still managed to surprise me. I knew that she had triplets at home and that she had managed to both raise them and work at the same time. Alexandra and Jasper should have been easy compared to that.

"Maybe," I mumbled, wetting my lips. "But I already took off an extra two weeks."

"You pushed a whole watermelon out of your vagina. Hard for anyone to judge you after that." She replied.

My chair squeaked as I leaned back in it. "Yeah, I guess so. Still… fourteen weeks. That's a long time."

"I'd kill to have fourteen weeks off." A female voice interrupted and I turned in my chair slightly, gaze landing on the interruption voice. It was Maggie. She was a newer higher, someone that they had brought on while I had been away on maternity leave. I didn't know her that well but based on that comment alone, she didn't have kids of her own at home. "Seriously, getting to just sit at home all day with a baby and that's it? While getting paid for almost all of it? Sounds like a dream. I mean, it almost makes me want to have kids just for that. There are plenty of women who do it, you know? Have kids just for the benefits. Time off work, government benefits, all of that."

I stiffened, swallowing thickly. "Well, it's really not that easy…" I began.

"Oh, come on. It's just a baby, they're not that hard to deal with. All you have to do is feed them and clean their diaper, and they slept what, sixteen hours a day? That's sixteen hours to do whatever you want. I don't know why you'd complain about getting all that time off and having all of that free time." She continued freely.

"I mean," My voice timider than I would have liked. "There's still a lot of work that goes into it and I have another one under two, too." I could feel my cheeks burning. My boss had been so kind about letting me take time, I hadn't realized not everyone would be.

"Well, that was a choice. No one said you had to have kids." Maggie started.

"Pierce, don't be such an ignorant little shit just because you're practically pre-pubescent." Charlotte burst out, earning both of our gazes snapping over to her. "April's done more work in a week of being back then you did the entire time you were supposed to cover for her. Did you ever even finish the project that she had going on before giving birth to her baby? You know, the thing that you were paid to do. Or did you leave that for her to finish too, on top of her kids and everything else? Not to mention that project she did for the plastic surgeon while raising one and pregnant? The biggest this company's seen so far. You're lucky to breathe the same air as her, so you better learn something if you don't want to get fired. You're not a straight white conservative male, so stop acting like one."

Eyebrows shot up at her words and I had to stifle an inappropriate giggle from slipping past my lips. I had never been good at standing up for myself – it was always easier to do it for others, in my opinion. But it was a relief to hear Charlotte in solidarity with me, no doubt because of her own babies at home. It seemed like maternity leave was still something that people were ignorant about. I'd thought that another woman might have known better, but apparently, that actually wasn't the case.

Though I tried to keep it from eating away at the forefront of my mind, the words do manage to stick with me through the rest of the day, popping up whenever I paused what I was doing for more than a second or two, or dared to let out a yawn. It was more than enough fuel to keep me from drifting off anymore, fingers working furiously and even a bit loudly against my keyboard to try and get through the rest of the day without anyone else threatening a comment about whatever luxuries there were supposed to be with maternity leave, or suggesting that maybe I was no longer as good at my job because of it. Charlotte's words were a comfort to replay, but the paranoia had already taken a seat there and seemed content to stay. Some voices were harder to quiet than others.

By the time four o'clock came, normally, I would have been happy to pack up my laptop and everything else and head home in a timely manner. Yet I can't be the first to leave, even though my breasts ached to be emptied and I wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with my babies and my husband at home. Eyes weren't actually on me, yet I could have sworn that I felt them there anyway. It wasn't until Pierce was out of the building that I finally loosened up enough, sighing quietly to myself as I gathered my supplies and headed to the bus.

Though it wasn't too far of a ride, my breasts nearly don't make it. I do an antsy dance in the short elevator ride and practically get my shirt undone the second I'm home, running past a confused Jackson to pick up Jasper and nurse him properly.

Sinking into the rocking chair in the nursery, my head tipped back and I shut my eyes with the relief that comes from beginning to empty out my breasts. I should have just pumped before leaving and saved myself from the discomfort and almost embarrassment, but given the comments that had already been made, I was too worried that more would be made about taking a break just to pump. Pierce had been completely wrong and out of line and I hated the fact that I wasn't able to get her words out of my head even while knowing that to be true.

"Hey," Jackson appeared in the doorway of the nursery as I looked up. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," I gave a weak smile. "I just needed to nurse before I ruined my shirt. I was ready to burst in the middle of the bus home and that would have been really, really messing and embarrassing." With the hand not cradling our son, I pushed my hair out of my face. "It was kind of a rough day."

"Really?" He entered the nursery, grabbing one of the tiny chairs and sitting down across from me. "I thought that you enjoyed being able to get back to work some? That it was a good thing?"

"It is, and I do," I nodded. "But uh, I don't know. There was… an incident today, I guess you could call it."

His brow furrowed. "What happened?" He asked.

"Well," I started with a sigh. "One of the other women, which is really what caught me off guard, made some comments that were… less than understanding about me being gone on maternity leave, you know? Acting like it was some big paid vacation, or whatever. It was actually the woman that they brought on while I was on maternity leave. So you'd think that she would be glad, you know, she basically got her job because of me and they're still keeping her on even though I'm back."

"That's awful," Jackson empathized and reached out, placing his hand on my knee and squeezing slightly. "What did you do? Did you bring it up with your boss or talk to HR about it?"

"Oh no, of course not, I don't want to do that," I shook my head. "I don't want to make a scene."

"Well, it doesn't matter if it's another woman or not. That sounds like blatant sexism to me." He commented, eyebrows raising up at me gently. "It sounds like she needs to be reprimanded for it."

"I don't want to make a fuss." I frowned. "I mean, sexism happens everywhere to women every single day. You know what microaggressions are like. It's just another one of those. Maybe she'll understand if she has kids one day." I sighed. "She's… decent enough at her job. Not as good as me, but she was a fine temporary replacement. I don't know. I'm just worried that she's not the only one who's thinking it, you know? Charlotte stood up for me and shut her up. I mean, she… really went off, I guess because she has kids too, you know? So she gets it. But most people there don't. And most people there are men, so I doubt that she's the only one who feels that way. It just makes me feel weird about being back."

Concern deepened across his expression. "I hate to see you do nothing about it." Jackson murmured. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable at work. I know exactly how hard that can be. After the custody trial, I hated going into work every day even though I loved what I was doing, just because I knew what I might have to deal with. I don't want that for you."

"I mean, what else am I going to do? I can't just quit. It'd be so hard to get fired and if they ask why I left my last job, you know, then I'm going to sound whiny or like a troublemaker. There's no good way to play it." I exasperated, pausing to shift Jasper to my other breast. It took him a moment to adjust.

"You could start doing independent work. With what you do, I'm sure that there's a big job market. You don't have to start your own company, but there's definitely lots of room. Just… explore your options some if you're not going to take it up with HR or anything, alright?" He looked up at me with pleading eyes. It's hard to resist those seafoam beauties no matter what words were coming out of his mouth.

"Yeah, okay," I breathed out, glancing down at our baby. "I'll do a little looking. Maybe once we're settled in the new house, so things are a little calmer."

"Alright," he nodded slightly, standing up before placing a kiss on my forehead for a moment. "I've got something that I think might cheer you up, too. Once he's done with you, I'll show you in the kitchen."

My eyebrows arched up at him curiously as he left the two of us in the nursery, wondering what it could be. I let my focus return to feeding our son for a moment. He had grown so much since he had been born, he'd been such a tiny thing in the hospital, but now he had started to really catch up with the rest of his peers. He was between where he should have been if he had been born on time, and where the average four month year old baby was. It was comforting to know that he was just fine after such a traumatic birthing experience.

Once Jasper had his fill of milk, I took the time to burp him carefully. Then I swaddled him up and placed him down in the crib for his late afternoon nap. I soothed his chest gently, staying with him until he had drifted off to sleep. There was a little smile on his face when he slept, one that made it nearly impossible to walk away from. But I was curious what Jackson had for me.

Taking a deep breath, I very carefully pulled the nursery door shut behind me as I stepped out. A small pause is taken to change out of my work clothes and into a more comfortable pair of leggings and a lounge shirt, then I finally join Jackson in the kitchen and set the monitor down on the counter. Alexandra was in her playpen, watching a kid's show.

"So, what have you got?" I asked, looking down at the envelope in his hands.

"This came in the mail for you today, Mrs. Avery," he spoke as he handed it over to me.

Flipping over the envelope to read the back of it, a little too pleased to see my name formally written as April Avery, I quickly tore open the top of it and pulled out the paperwork that was inside of it. There was a letter alongside a few different pieces of official documentation. Quickly reading through all of the works across the page, it only took a minute for me to process what all of it was. The thing that I had been eagerly waiting for in the past two months. They had said it could take up to ninety days to process – but here it was, sooner than that. I almost couldn't believe it.

"They came!" I squealed, jumping up and down as I flipped around the documents to show Jackson, all but shoving them into his face. "It's official! She's mine, Jackson. She's really, really mine." The smile on my lips was so big that it nearly hurt as I looked up at him.

I had wanted this so badly since the idea had been brought up to me, being able to officially be her mother. I didn't think that anything was going to happen to Jackson where I would have to take her on my own, but after the issues that we had already had, this being official meant so much to me. Alexandra already felt like my little girl in so many ways even if I hadn't carried her inside of me for months like I had with Jasper. But they were both equally my children no matter what biology might have had to say about it. She loved me and I loved her. She knew me before anyone else, and she would always have me in her life. This just made that official, no matter what. Turning away from him, I jogged over to Alexandra, picking her up with a tight hug and spinning her around the room, listening to her loud laughter.

"You're all mine, bitty." I bragged, nosing her cheek affectionately. "You're all mine and I am all yours. You're my baby. My precious, precious baby. Oh, I love you so much. So, so much. Mommy loves you." I bounced her up and down, side to side, unable to contain any of my enthusiasm on the matter. This was everything to me. Her arms wrapped around my neck though I knew she didn't understand the proper magnitude of all of it, and it felt as if everything in the universe had magically lined up.

"And you are both all mine." Jackson chuckled, a grin on his face as he watched us.

Blowing raspberries against Alexandra's cheeks, I laughed as she giggled and squealed in protest, trying to get away from the ticklish touch. But it only encouraged me to do it more, listening to those joyful noises and feeling my heart feel with absolute delight. I loved her so, so much and it was such a relief to know that if anything happened, she was officially mine.

Even though having the paperwork make my status as her mother official didn't actually change anything in our life day to day, as I already filled every role that she could need from a mother the same as Jackson did as her father, the significance there is just as important.

As stressful as everything in my life was on the surface level, I couldn't have been happier with where everything was. Planning a wedding was difficult, even with a big budget able to go into it. There were so many venues in the city and so many different styles, colors and flowers galore, so many different flavors of wedding cake – some of which I hadn't even realized existed. There was figuring out a dress, too, of course. That was the big event. Charlotte and Catherine both went to help me find them and I spent almost the entire experience of trying on dresses on FaceTime with one of my sisters, along with passing on pictures via text to the other sisters and asking for their approval. It takes three different shops before all six of us actually managed to agree on the same dress.

Maroon and silver end up being the color scheme that we pick together. I had tried to go into doing all of it on my own at the beginning, but I couldn't make the decisions on my own. I wanted him to love it just as much as I did, and once I started asking questions, he was more than happy to get involved with planning all of it. Maybe he had picked up a thing or two when he had pieced together our secret wedding, but either way, it eases the stress just a little bit.

Work, on the other hand, didn't flow quite so easily. No one else made any questionable comment like Maggie had. I didn't know if it was because no one else actually thought that, or if it was merely because no one else wanted to get publicly embarrassed by being ripped in two for making an ignorant comment like that by Charlotte. She could be kind of terrifying.

So I do what Jackson suggested. He seemed to frequently be correct.

Though I did love the company for I worked for and liked a few of my coworkers, there was a giant sea full of opportunity out there that I had mostly, well, ignored. I had worked for Microsoft for a long time and then here in Seattle. It was a strong and diverse balance when it came to my resume and gave me plenty of experience to talk about for actual interviews with people. Somehow, I had always been very good at interviews. Maybe it was because work was one of the few areas in my life where I really was confident and did have the skills to back it up. Plus, hearing Jackson's voice in the back of my head, like my own little personal cheerleader, that helped a ton. I don't need his help when it came to what I did, but extra confidence was always something that I could use more of.

One week after the incident, I hand in my two-week notice to my boss. He was sad to see me go but understands. With anything regarding technology and software, it was a fast moving business. A lot of people didn't stay in any one place or company for long and now I was just moving with the market like anyone else.

The first job that I take is for a local women's plus-size boutique. It's a lot easier than setting up all of the software for Jackson's private practice had been, by a long shot. Doing it independently was a little less stressful than having someone hover over me. I didn't feel as bad for all of the weird times and occasional mess before the completion when I didn't have to worry about anyone else looking at anything. Granted, it wasn't quite as much of a challenge as I usually like, but it was well-paid and sufficient enough to keep me busy with something other than parenting. I liked being able to balance both. It was empowering.

Jackson, as always, makes it easier for me in a special way.

When we move into the new house, at first, it's utter chaos. Alexandra and Jasper both refused to sleep in their rooms – Alexa for four days, Jasper for twice that. The four of us and a squeaking bunny had been a big challenge. Of course, even when Jasper went back to his new room, he woke up more in the middle of the night than he had before. We had almost gotten close to getting a full night of sleep, and that had been completely thrown out the window by moving.

Unpacking and managing two small children is a nearly impossible challenge. Even with Catherine coming over to help, as well as Mark and Charlotte occasionally so that the adults would outnumber the little humans in the house, it doesn't seem to make that much of a dent. The kid's room was unpacked and set up first, then the kitchen and our bedroom. Everything else was slowly pieced together after that. The guest bedroom was filled with the old furniture from my apartment, and we get mostly new stuff for the master bedroom.

The house, all on its own, was even more perfect by the time that everything inside if to it was set up than it had been when we had seen it the first few times. I was head over heels in love with every detail of it. Even though Jackson and I did have mostly different styles when it came to interior decorating, we managed to meet in the middle. It was a modern farmhouse now, as the realtor had commented when she had stopped by to see how we had managed to settle into the new house and to make sure that we were still happy with everything in it. The pantry had beautiful sliding barn doors, there was a big, beautiful window seat in our bedroom the could have fit all of us and magnificent natural lighting. Truthfully, it looked like it belonged on Fixer Uppers, just without the ridiculously cheap property price. It was everything that I could have ever imagined and more. But really, that just seemed to be most of our life together.

But the spare bedroom was the real surprise. We hadn't decided what to do with it – deciding to put it off for another day until things were less crazy and everything else in the house was done. It wasn't a big deal and could easily stay empty or storage space for a while.

"Hey, Apes?" Jackson called out one afternoon. I was settled on the couch, Alexandra asleep with her head on my lap, and Jasper was down for a nap. Probably I should've slept, but instead, I'd gotten absorbed in some tiny house show on HGTV.

"Shhh," I whispered out, hoping that he would be able to hear me.

I watched as he entered the room and his mouth opened, clearly about to speak before he realized that Alexandra was sleeping on me. He shut his mouth and nodded in understanding, adjusting his volume.

"Do you think that you can get up? There's something that I want to show you." He asked.

Glancing down at the sleeping little girl on my lap, I pressed my lips together in a thin line. Jackson probably wouldn't have asked seeing her like this unless he thought that it was something good or important. Neither one of us ever really wanted to be responsible for unintentionally waking one of our kids up during a nap. That was asking for trouble and maybe even a few tears.

"Yeah, okay," I murmured with a nod of my head. Moving slowly and carefully, I begin to move from beneath her head. Once my thighs were no longer supporting her, I quickly placed a pillow underneath, wanting her to keep comfortably. I still for a moment, waiting to see if she woke. She didn't. "Okay, I think we're good."

"Good job," he murmured, his hand reaching out for mine. I tangled our fingers together. "C'mon, let's go upstairs." He gave a gentle tug and I followed him up quietly.

"What have you been up to?" I knew that he was doing something – whatever it was, I guess he was showing me.

"You always have so many questions, you know," Jackson commented, giving me a look.

"Well, I seem to have more questions than you do answers," I teased, bumping my hip against him. "I just like to know what's going on. Maybe I'm a little bit of a control freak. But does that mean that you're going to tell me?" I turned it back around on him.

He leaned down, kissing the tip of my nose. "Be patient."

"Now you're talking to me like I'm Alexandra," I accused him, scrunching up my nose at him.

"Here." We reached the end of the hallway where the extra bedroom was placed and I looked up at him with a furrow of my brows. "It's a surprise." As he spoke, he pushed open the door to the room and motioned for me to step inside.

Walking into the room, it was vastly different than the last time I had seen it. Before, it had been a little dusty with half-opened and unpacked boxes, a storage space just for things that we weren't sure where they were going. But now, it was completely different. White walls had a few decorations – a clock, a world map, a few pictures of our family, including him and his mother, and my three sisters. But that wasn't what drew my attention. Instead, there was a large desk in one corner, cork board in front of it and shelves with little decorative items on the side. There was a desk lamp, a pen and pencil organizer, a little succulent by my glasses case, and a brand new Mac clean in the center.

"Jackson, you didn't–" I gasped out, otherwise speechless.

"Oh, but I did." He replied back quickly, stepping up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist, his chin resting on top of my head.

"I can't believe." My teeth bit into my lower lip for a moment. "This is perfect, Jackson. It's perfect. I'll be able to get so much work done here! And god– a real computer instead of a laptop. I'm actually going to be able to see what I'm doing without squinting at everything. I'll be able to get away with not wearing my glasses."

"As adorable as you look squinting, I thought that your eyes might thank me for a bigger screen. And you should wear your glasses either way." His chuckle reverberated against my back. "I thought since you've been working from home now, that you needed a space of your own. I have an office at my work, so you should have one at yours, too, even if it's at home. You need a little private space away from me and the kids. You deserve it."

I wiggled in excitement against it. "You're the best, baby." I beamed. "I'm so excited to use it. Oh, it's just… it's so perfect. How long have you been planning this?" I questioned, twisting myself to look up at him.

"Pretty much since I knew I wanted this one and that there were five bedrooms." He shrugged.

"I can't believe you managed to keep it secret for so long." I shook my head despite the huge smile.

"I'm pretty good." He chuckled again. "But you've got your desk, and I know that you like to work on the floor sometimes, so I got that kind of fuzzy carpet you like – it matches the pillow, too. Plus you've got the couch if you decide you just want to shut out the rest of us and sleep in here some." He explained. "Try not to kill any of the plants, though."

"I'm great with plants!" I defended.

"Babe, I'm so grateful for how good you are with Alexandra and Jasper, but you're so much better at being a mom to real people than to plants." Jackson beamed, letting go of me and stepping out. "But go ahead, try everything out. This space is all yours."

Escaped from his grip, I quickly sank into the chair in front of my desk. It was wider than the average desk chair and made out of some kind of white faux leather, a pink fuzzy pillow behind it and a blanket draped across it as well. I got cold all the time – he always said that I needed to go get checked for hypothyroidism but that was another one of those things that were just on the list to be taken care of at some unspecified future date. Wrapping the blanket snugly around my shoulders, I sank low into the chair and shut my eyes for a moment, grin still digging into the corners of my cheeks. It was beyond comfortable. He had gone above and beyond to make this space as perfect as possible for me.

"I wish I had the words to tell you just how much I love you right now," I murmured, spinning in the chair.

"That smile is all that I ask for," Jackson replied smoothly and I could tell from his voice that he was closer than before.

"I hate how smooth you are," I remarked, shaking my head.

"No, you don't." He pointed out. I rolled my eyes at him, not offering another verbal response.

With my silence, Jackson stepped forward and reached down for me. His hands wrapped around my thighs and as if I was nothing more than a bag of feathers, he cited me up from the chair and wrapped my legs around his waist. The blanket fell from my shoulders and onto the floor, eyes opening up to look at him. I hooked my ankles behind his back and wrapped my arms around his shoulder, making it just a little easier for him to hold me up.

"You know what else this means, don't you?" He questioned, head tilted to the side.

"No," I shook my head. "What else does this mean?"

"We have another room in the house to christen."


	18. Chapter 18

**_ JACKSON _ **

Marriage was something that I had anticipated for a long time.

At first, it had been for all of the wrong reasons. It had seemed like the right thing to do on a superficial level, to make sure that my daughter had a steady set of parents in a relationship. It had been an outdated assumption that she would need something like that from both of her biological parents. I wasn't sure where it had come from given the fact that my parents hadn't been together and that I knew Lexie's parents didn't have a simple, black and white relationship, either.

That relationship had given me a lot of doubt going forward into the future. Even though it hadn't been the real, true love that I had now embraced a few years later into my life, the tragedy of losing the mother of my child had still been enough to leave me shaken to the core and doubting the life around me. It was hard not to. Loss from death was something that I hadn't had a lot of in my life. My mother had always been the most important family member in my life and my father had always been nothing. I didn't know if he was dead or alive, but it didn't matter to me. A family wasn't always about blood. So often, especially nowadays, people found it in their own work and crafting instead of what biology provided them with. Sometimes it was just about finding the most amazing people around you and forming a family with them. That was what April and I had done with each other.

Now we were just finalizing it for everyone that we loved to see. It had been difficult to keep the secret between the two of us given how happy we were together, increasingly so after moving in. The temptation to introduce ourselves as a married couple to our new neighbors was nearly overwhelming, especially when everyone just assumed that was what we were.

The hardest part about today was the fact that I wasn't going to get to see her until the ceremony. I had tried to tease her about it, that the bad luck didn't apply to couples who had already secretly eloped, but she hadn't gone for it. This was perhaps the most traditional thing that the two of us had ever done together. Our life had never been simple or by the book, but it did feel a little good to have this one traditional process between the two of us. We would be married ceremonially in front of what biological family we had left, and the family that we had chosen.

Mom was taking care of Alexandra and Jasper for the day of the wedding, and a couple days while we honeymooned. Hawaii was a cliche destination, but it was what she wanted. Five days of peace, quiet, the beach, and my wife. I was fine with that.

My reflection in the mirror is handsome and well-dressed, head to toe in a designer tuxedo and a deep maroon vest beneath it to match the color scheme of the wedding. My watch had been polished, I had been to the barber shop this morning to make sure that my face is clean of everything, tight curls clipped short on top of my head. April had always said that she liked me to have a little curl there, not to keep it shaved so short. I didn't have the same preference but I knew that she would look back upon these days with a fond smile and that the memories and photos of it would be forever. Everything that I did today would be for and about her, and our children. That one little detail just happened to be completely specific to her taste.

"Hey man?" A knock on the door followed the words. "You ready? We should get going soon."

More family that I had chosen, though a different role.

"Yeah," I called back out. "I'm ready." I opened the door to reveal Mark on the other side of it, my best man.

"You look good considering the trouble that we got up to last night." Mark chuckled, clapping me on the shoulder. "C'mon, I'm driving. You know everyone will throw a fit if we're even a second late. Karev and Warren are already there."

The other two members of my bachelor party. The four of us had gone out for drinking last night and if I hadn't been hammering down the water with everything else, I was sure that my hangover this morning would have been much worse than it already was. Mark was my best man, while Ben and Alex were my other two groomsmen. I had known and worked with them for years, closer to Warren than I was Alex given he wasn't a very emotional guy, but he hadn't questioned it when I asked. This way the groomsmen and bridesmaids were balanced with all of April's sisters involved.

Allowing Mark to drive, my fingers tapped restlessly along the door of the car. We were getting married in a church although the ceremony was going to be as secular as possible in order to accommodate both of our beliefs. I didn't want too much God but I didn't mind giving in here and there. It's not like I had to pray, I just had to respect the moment of prayer.

Perhaps because of the few butterflies that lingered in the pit of my stomach, the drive to the church isn't a particularly long one. It pulled up in the distance sooner than I would have imagined. There are signs outside of the church that indicated for the Kepner-Avery wedding to make sure that everyone got there without any trouble. It wasn't a huge affair, mostly our close friends and coworkers, as well as a few old family friends that we had known individually for most of our lives. April's godparents would be coming even though she hadn't seen them for years now, she had seemed relieved when they had replied that they would be in attendance.

"You know where you're going?" Mark questioned as he pulled into a parking spot.

"Yup," I answered with a nod.

The dress rehearsal the night before had gone well. Well, there had been crying babies in the process, but our fingers were crossed that wouldn't be an issue today. There was no way to guarantee it but I had a good feeling about it.

Time was hard to keep track of despite the expensive watch eating on my wrist. The nerves in my stomach and the excitement in my brain conflicted with one another, one making time seem faster and the other slow, depending on whichever I happened to focus on at the moment. But there was no doubt in my mind that this was exactly where I was meant to be. There was no one else in the world who was meant to walk down that aisle beside her.

The Officiant and I entered first from the side of the chapel, my best man and groomsmen following shortly. Given that there wasn't a lot of biological family between us, the processional isn't that long. My mom came next and the bridesmaids followed, April's sisters walking down from the youngest to oldest.

My heart went wild as Alexandra began to walk down the aisle in her silver, sparkling little dress with a maroon sash around the middle. April and I had both practiced with her and tossing flower petals as she walked. She had taken the instruction very well and managed to follow through with most of it. She walks slowly and tosses out the petals in adorable little spurts that earns smiles and adoring chuckles from the audience as they watched. She loved having all of the attention on her as she walked down the aisle before joining her grandmother in one of the pews.

"If everyone will please rise," the pastor spoke.

"Oh my god."

Uncontrollably, the words pass my lips in a whisper when April finally stepped past the door. She stood alone, both hands wrapped around the white rose bouquet in her hands. Tears burned along the rim of my eyes but I blink quickly to keep them from obstructing my view of the woman that I loved. She was wearing a white lace dress that trailed behind her, a modest v neckline with a necklace that I recognized. My mother's – something borrowed. Her hair was down and curled but pinned out of her face so that I could see every detail of it. She looked like an angel, as if I had died and this was the first thing that I had been blessed with seeing. I had never seen someone look as beautiful as she did in this particular moment. And I had never, ever loved someone more than how I loved her. Just the image of her now is nearly enough to knock me over.

So incredibly enamored by her, the long moments that it took her to walk down the aisle completely flew by me. I couldn't focus on anyone else in the room. It took every ounce of strength that I had inside of me to not cry right then and there in front of everyone.

April handed off her bouquet of flowers to Libby and stepped up. Our hands met and my grip on hers was firm. I wanted to kiss her then, to skip all of the formalities and just go for it. There's no veil or nothing else to stop me except for the expectations for the moment. I take a deep breath through my nose, trying to calm down all of the explosive thoughts coming out of my mind.

"You look beautiful," I whispered emotionally, holding her gaze.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Jackson and April in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all; and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. In the time that they have been together, their love and understanding of one another have grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife." The pastor began. "Let us take a moment to pray together."

I know that I should be listening to the words of love that he was saying, but I can't bring it upon myself to focus on anything other than her. April's eyes shut as she listened intently to the prayer, a little wrinkle appearing between her brows, the same one that always appeared when she was focused. I couldn't help but smile fondly.

"I believe that Libby has prepared a reading for us today." The pastor turned and we both looked at her as she nodded, stepping forward to begin speaking, reciting her words from a sheet of paper.

"You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way.

"All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, 'When we're married', and continued with 'I will' and 'you will' and 'we will' – all those late night talks that included someday and somehow and maybe – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things and more are the real processes of a wedding.

"The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, 'You know all those things that we've promised, and hoped, and dreamed? – well, I meant it all, every word.'

"Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same. For after today you shall say to the world – this is my husband. This is my wife."

Libby concluded speaking, looking at both of us for a long moment. I could feel the burn of tears in my eyes as we made eye contact and I gave her a nod of a head, the most that I could do to thank her at that moment. There was more that I wanted to say, but this was a ceremony. We were following the script. Somewhat, at least.

"Jackson, April, I believe that you that you prepared your own vows for today." He nodded for us to speak.

We both nodded, speaking at the same time. "We did."

A moment passed as we shared a look and a slight laugh slipped out of the both of us, in sync though it hadn't been planned. My own laugh was a little more emotional than hers and I have to pause and take a moment to gather myself before I can begin with the words that I had written out over and over for today. Every word had been carefully selected yet I was still nervous to say them.

"April… I believe in you, the person you will grow to be and the couple we will be together. The parents that we are together. With my whole heart, I take you as my wife, acknowledging and loving your faults and strengths, as you do mine. I promise to be faithful and supportive and to make our love and happiness my priority. I will be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph. I will dream with you, celebrate with you and walk beside you through whatever our lives may bring. You are my person—my love and my life, today and always." I spoke from the heart, truthfully and honestly. Now, she was the one who had teary eyes as she stared back at me. But I could see it in that honest curve of my lips, that she loved me and meant the words just as strongly as I did.

"Jackson, I love you." April paused, sniffling loudly before continuing. "You are my best friend. My person. You are the most handsome, smart, and generous person I have ever known, and I promise always to love you and respect you. You're the best father and partner that I have ever known. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you and to always hold you in the highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

It's a struggle to continue forward with the ceremony when all I want to do is kiss her and hold her there, to absorb the impact of her words. Though I already knew that she meant it and that she loved me wholly, there was something different about the power and impact of making such a powerful declaration in front of everyone that was important to us. It's more than just the whispers and giggles in our bedroom, in front of our children or strangers at the grocery store. This was everything.

I didn't realize the pastor had begun speaking again until I heard my name."–Jackson, take April as your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, to be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Not a moment of hesitation or pause. I already knew.

"Do you, April, take Jackson as your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, to be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?" The pastor repeated the question to my wife.

"I do." The word was practically a squeak as April was choked up with emotion.

Mark stepped forward with both of our rings. I did my best to keep my hand still as I removed hers from the box. It was a great deal flashier than the engagement ring that I had gotten her, a large diamond in the center, 18k, surrounded by a halo of smaller diamonds. The band was rose gold as well though so it would match the engagement ring. It was probably a little more than what she would have picked out for herself but when I slip it onto her finger, it only managed to affirm my choice in the pick.

"With this ring, I thee wed, as a symbol of my love and commitment to you." I murmured to her.

"With this ring, I thee wed, as a symbol of my love and commitment to you." April echoed the words as she slid a thick gold ring onto my finger, beaming at me.

"No one but you can declare yourselves married." The pastor began to speak again. "You have begun it here today in speaking your vows before your family and friends, and you will do it again in the days and years to come, standing by each other, sharing the highs and lows of life. It is now my honor and delight to declare you husband and wife—you may seal your vows with a kiss!"

Finally.

Leaning forward, I caught her lips in a hard, firm kiss, putting every ounce of love and passion that I had inside of my body into it. The crowd clapped and cheered in congratulatory delight but it didn't matter. Nothing else in that moment mattered except for the fact that I could kiss my wife. The world knew that we were married. It was no longer a secret between me and her but instead, something that we should share and brag about, that we could open up without having to think about it for a moment. She was mine and I was hers, and everyone knew it to be the truth.

"I love you, April." I could barely pull apart from her enough to mumble the words.

"I love you too, Jackson. So much." She murmured back to me.

Our hands meet to walk side by side back down the aisle, thrust up triumphantly into the air as we listened to all of the various congratulations that come our way as we walk back down the aisle. It's a blur of time as we rush to get all of the photos down with our family and the wedding party and get to the actual reception. Part of the agreement between secular and non-secular had been having the reception at a different venue, somewhere a little more modern than the church.

Given that it was a smaller reception, we had settled for a place called The Canal. It was a waterfront location in Seattle's beloved Ballard neighborhood with the perfect balance of indoors and outdoors. We had gotten lucky enough that it wasn't raining – ironic, given the old wives tale that rain was good luck for a wedding and Seattle so often was filled with it. Yet it gave the opportunity to embrace the entire place, from the large dance floor inside to the outside patio bar that was lit up with colorful bistro lights. More photos were taken there, of course, the perfect romantic setting with the beautiful waterway background. Most of those weren't professional, naturally, but with the camera quality on phones these days, it may not have been entirely noticeable.

Everyone had already arrived at the venue and been settled in, according to the text that I get from my mother. Mark followed up with a confirmation of the information only moments after he had entered the venue. We would be the last to arrive. This was the first big moment of the evening that I wasn't nervous about. I didn't have to be. I had the woman that I loved right by my side. This was just a big party, a celebration of our union.

After making our grand entrance, all eyes were on the both of us. April was a little more shy about all of the attention, it was easy to tell. The blush on her cheek wasn't entirely from the makeup that she was wearing, even if it was more than usual – not that she needed it, even on a night like today.

"May I have this dance?" I asked, smiling down at her.

"Of course you can, Mr. Avery." She replied as I guided her out to the dance floor.

"Thank you, Mrs. Avery."

As we reached the dance floor, I nodded to the DJ who was in control of the music that was playing. I had been in charge of the music for the ceremony – she usually listened to the same song on repeat while she was working, something that had been a little annoying at first but only become more and more adoring over time. My taste in music was a bit broader than hers, but this particular song was one that I had heard her listening to.

Familiar guitar began to play and I could see the click of recognition as she looked up at me. I spun her around once before I settled my hands on her waist, holding her close to me as we began to sway side to side, listening to the soft vocals.

_"When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind. He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it."_

Adoration was clear in her hazel hues as she stared up at me, a content smile resting on the curve of her lips. I returned the smile as I stared back at her. For a moment, I had nothing that I could say to her. All I wanted to do was stare at her and appreciate every ounce of her beauty and existence. For a man who had once been scared of the falling part of falling in love, I was in it all so deep now that I couldn't imagine living a fruitful life without it and without her. I was so comfortable just holding her here, even with people staring at us and cameras flashing. She was as perfect as I could ask for and more. She filled in every little nook and cranny of myself that I hadn't even known existed in the first place, and made me more whole than I had ever been. Between her and our children, I was a different man. A much, much better man.

_"You are, the only exception,_  
You are, the only exception,  
You are, the only exception,  
You are, the only exception." 

The repeated words of the chorus sing out and I pull her tighter against me. My lips pressed on top of her head for a moment, inhaling deeply. Her hair smelled just a little different than usual and it's probably the hairspray or whatever else went into putting her hair together like this. But it was still distinctly her, those soft hints of strawberry and vanilla underneath the surface.

"I'm so lucky to finally be your husband," I murmured just loud enough for her to hear it.

"Well, not finally…" April replied teasingly, a little giggle slipping out her lips.

"Shh," I reminded her although a large smile remained on my expression. "I'm still just as lucky either way." That was something that didn't matter regardless of the time or place. I was lucky to have her.

"You're not the only lucky one." She murmured.

The two of us continued to spin around the dance for gently, barely allowing any space between our bodies even if we just managed to keep it appropriate given the fact that we're surrounded by both our families and our children. My fingers are interlocked behind the small of her back and hers rested comfortably behind my neck as we swayed along simply with the music, keeping the moment simple and intimate.

As the song came to an end, it's hard to pull away from her and not continue the moment. The four minute song between the two of us just didn't feel anywhere near long enough. I know that there's plenty to still be done for the night between us, food and speeches and cutting the cake, more dancing, yet I just want a little longer between the two of us. Knew once the reception really started, it wouldn't be just me and her. It would be me and her, and everyone else interrupting. But there would be plenty of time to just be us when it came to our honeymoon. That was motivation unlike anything else.

Making our way back over to the table where we would sit, in plain sight for everyone else, it takes a moment to process everything that was there to be said and done still. I had agreed to say a few words for the both of us. I knew that Mark and Libby would both have their own speeches. But first, food.

It was a buffet style meal and for that I was grateful. April started the food line and I was quick to follow and fill up our plate. it felt as if I hadn't eaten all day, or perhaps like I had run a marathon. Even if today hadn't been physically demanding, all of the emotional excitement had definitely taken a toll on me. Food had been the other part of the ceremony that I had taken control over and looking at the spread, I was definitely grateful for that, too. We sit and eat. While others could snack throughout the ceremony, this was going to be our only chance.

The cake came next. My hand on top of hers, we cut into the chocolate cake together and pull out a large slice for the both of us. She swiped a pit of the icing off of the piece, swiping it onto my nose and I burst out with laughter.

"I'd do that back if I didn't know how much time you spent on your makeup," I chuckled. I grabbed a fork and we alternated feeding each other a bite back and forth once I had wiped the icing off of my face. Catherine brought over Alexandra and Jasper, and a few bites for them was alternated, letting each of them get a taste but not enough that they would have a sugar rush that would make my mom regret taking them for a few nights. Our little girl was just a bit whiny about not getting more.

Alexandra sat on my lap and I was careful to keep any of the cake or other food from getting on her dress. April was on Jasper's, feeding him his bottle while others enjoyed the dessert that had been shared and passed around once enough pictures had been taken of the two of us. Once he had finished his bottle, her younger sister Alice took him to burp him, not wanting April to have to worry.

"I think it's time for you to make a speech," April murmured, her hand on top of mine and giving it a squeeze. I nodded, standing up and clinking my glass to get everyone's attention.

"On behalf of April and myself, I would like to thank you all for coming here today and sharing our special day with us. Especially those who have traveled some distance to be here. Unfortunately, there are some people who cannot be with us today. I'd like to take a moment to thank April's mother and father for bringing this wonderful woman into my life. My only wish is that they could have been here to celebrate this day with us. Now, she doesn't need me to protect her or take care of her, she can do that all on her own. But that's not going to stop me from trying. I would like to take a moment of silence in their honor."

Teary eyes looked up at me as I turned to look down at my wife and I gave her a soft smile. I hadn't mentioned this to her but I could tell that she appreciated it. I knew that she was a little bit heartbroken that I had never been able to meet her parents and that she had walked down the aisle by herself instead of with her father by her side. But I knew what she believed, that they were going to be there with her in spirit and with God regardless of their lack of a physical presence. I was glad that she had that to believe in. Once an appropriate amount of time had passed, I took a deep breath before continuing.

"I would also like to thank my own mother, for raising me to be a man good enough to take April to be my wife. I know that I didn't make it easy on her, and I'm pretty sure that karma has come for me with my own kids." I paused for laughter. "A big thank you also to everyone here tonight for your cards, kind thoughts and wonderful presents." I elaborated.

"It was the middle of an afternoon when a stranger knocked on my door rambling with a bloody hand. She had no idea that she had knocked on the door of a plastic surgeon. She also had no idea that she had knocked on the door of a guy with a broken heart and had pretty much thrown out the possibility of falling in love. I thought that she was cute and clumsy and I was right, I still am. The first time that I met her, I had no idea that I was going to fall in love with her. But now, I can't imagine anything else. Sweetheart, April, thank you for marrying me and making me the happiest man in the world. You look so beautiful. You take my breath away. I still can't believe that such a wonderful woman has chosen to marry me. I love you with all of my heart and soul and look forward to the rest of our life together. You truly are my only exception."

By the time that I had finished my speech, April stood up and grasped my face with her hands, pulling me down toward her for a firm kiss. Everyone clapped and cheered as I leaned down into the kiss. My arms wrapped around her to give her a half-hug, raising a hand to wipe away the tear that had slipped from her gaze.

"You're my only exception, too," April whispered back, giving me another kiss before we sat down again.

Both Mark and Libby give equally wonderful speeches. Although Mark was not in a steady relationship himself, an infamous womanizer, he had plenty of humor to keep people warmed over and knew more about me than most people, enough to throw in a few embarrassing anecdotes that earn more laughter out of the crowd. Libby had been married for a few years now and has plenty to say about the sanctity of love and marriage, warm and kind advice to share both with us and the crowd. Each is a heartfelt speech in its own unique way.

Once the speeches were out of the way, the music from the DJ was turned up and more people began to go out on the dance floor. The traditional dances had been skipped out on – it wouldn't be fair to have a father and daughter, or mother and son, dance when April didn't have one. Instead, we each grab one of our babies and go onto the dance floor, and it doesn't take long before the crowd joins us on it.

Though I try to keep an eye on April for the entirety of it, it was difficult. I dance with all of all three of April's sisters and make sure to leave them with a good memory of the night. My mom snagged me away from Libby at the end of our dance, holding me tight and reminding me how proud of me she was. I let her know just how much I loved her and appreciated her support, and that she would always be one of the most important women in my life. I was lucky now, to have three women to love so intensely. My mother, my wife, and my daughter. Not everyone was so fortunate and that didn't go past me. Knowing that April missed her own mother so intensely only made me appreciate my own that much more.

But eventually, it's just a little too much socialization and not enough time with the one woman that I want to be with. I snake my way through the crowd till I spot the correct head of red curls, spinning her away from Karev and back into my own arms.

"Come on, let's get out of here for just a minute," I whispered into her ear.

"Okay," April agreed quietly.

Leading her outside, past the lit patio and the bar, we took a short walk away from everything else. There was an underwater viewing window less than five minutes away from the ceremony. No one else was there. It was peaceful and soothing to watch, but I couldn't keep my eyes from her.

"Aren't I lucky, having you here?" I murmured. My arms wrapped around her waist from behind, careful not to step on the trail of her wedding dress and resting my chin on top of her head.

"I think that I'm the lucky one." April leaned back into me, reaching up and her hand resting on the back of my head.

"Nope. That's all me." I disagreed.

In the reflection of the glass we stared at, I caught her eyes roll. "I get to spend the rest of my life with the most compassionate man that I know. I have two wonderful, amazing children with the most intelligent man that I know. Most women would kill to have just one of those things and instead, I get to have both of them All because I wanted an apartment with hardwood floors." April was beaming. I couldn't help but let out a chuckle at her particular words, rubbing my hand gently across her stomach, just holding her there and unable to keep myself from getting a little handsy. As if we didn't have an entire honeymoon in front of us to do whatever we wanted.

"You and those hardwood floors," I murmured. "I guess it's a good thing that you're so picky. Otherwise, I would be missing out on the most amazing thing that I've ever experienced in my life."

"And what's that?" She questioned teasingly.

"Being married to you," I replied easily.

Holding onto her waist, I turned her around so that she was facing me and bent down to kiss her again. This time, it was softer than the other kisses that we had shared the night, chaste without the pressure of an audience around us. After all, it was so much more than just sex. She was everything. There was no other way to describe it.

I smiled as I pulled away from the kiss. "And now I get to do that for the rest of my life."


	19. Chapter 19

**_ ALEXANDRA _ **

"Come on, we're going to be late!" I called out, fisting banging on my little brother's door. 

It had been a couple of months since I had been in Washington state. The rain was the most prominent and unforgettable feature of it besides it being the place where my entire family, besides me for the duration of my Ph.D., lived. Baltimore wasn't much warmer than my home in Seattle, but John Hopkins had one of the best programs for biomedical engineering. After deciding that I wanted to continue my education, then when I had been accepted into their exclusive program, it had been a no-brainer to move across the country for a few years. Only a few months of my program was left and then I'd move somewhere that was a little closer to home.

A clap of thunder roared and shook me and I glanced behind me at the rain that was pouring, shifting as I waited for my brother to open the door. He was in medical school at UW, of course. He had followed in Dad's footsteps without much thought behind it, and he was lucky that he had gotten Dad's book smarts, too, even if he was a geek like Mom.

"We're going to be late!" I repeated, banging on the door again.

"No, we're not." Jasper opened the door suddenly and I flinched in surprise. "I'm right here."

"Well, come on." I grabbed his arm to tug him beneath my umbrella and head back outside to the car. "We've got fifteen minutes to get there and it's pouring which means people are going to be driving slowly. Is that what you're wearing?"

"Shut up," he laughed, jabbing me with his elbow before getting into the passenger seat.

Our parents still lived in our childhood home. I had grown up in that house and even now, I still loved it though some of it had changed over the years. The plants had come and gone, one of my favorite trees to climb as a child had been struck with lightning and died during a storm. But at its roots, it was still home. Those were still my parents and my siblings. Even if she hadn't given birth to me, April was still the only mother that I had ever known.

My dad had told me about Lexie. She was a brilliant woman and had one of the most amazing brains and memories of everyone that he had ever met in his life. I had seemed to get bits and pieces of that from her, even if I felt more like Mom and Dad. Nature verse nurture. That was what I had been taught in just about every psychology class and it had even been mentioned in a few biology classes here and there. Both were equally important. It wasn't one or the other, it was both. That was something that I felt able to relate to. I had Lexie's eyes and her smile, but I was my mother's daughters. I was a vegetarian from the stories she had told me about the pigs and chickens that she had grown up with and I couldn't cook to save my life. That was definitely all from my Mom.

"Lexa, you drive like an old woman." Jasper made fun of me as he turned up at the radio.

"Shut up. At least I can afford my own car without Dad paying for it." I shot back quickly.

At least on a Sunday afternoon, the streets weren't crowded. It's not long before the house is in sight. Cars were parked in the driveway and along the length of the street already. It was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary and Willow had conspired with Uncle Mark to plan a big party for them. Well, she had done most of the actual planning and used him for all of the 18+ and 21+ purchases given that she had just barely turned sixteen last month.

Parking across the street, Jasper got out of the car and headed into the house in a hurry without me. I rolled my eyes at his eagerness even if there was a fond smile on my face. I had missed my entire time, even my stupid little brother.

Getting out and locking my car, I jogged across the street and into the house. The door was unlocked and I could hear the crowds of people inside. Both of them were popular. Dad owned the most successful plastic surgery private practice on the west coast and had a variety of clients, from the pro-bono cases that he had worked to celebrities who came up from California. Mom had done independent work here and there while raising us, and now, she was the chief software engineers for the company that she had started. She was on the board even if she didn't own it – she'd always said she never wanted that work to become her full-time job, even if she'd managed at the beginning.

"Lexa!" Willow practically screeched as I came in, wrapping her skinny arms around me. She had barely changed since I had last seen her – a few more freckles, but the same glasses and converse that she always wore. "Finally!"

"I would've been here sooner if Jas wasn't so slow." I chuckled. "How are you, sis?"

"Mom and Dad are driving me crazy." The youngest Avery whined. "Dad wants me to stay in state for college, you know. Mom claims that I can go wherever I want but I don't know if I believe her. They're both on my ass about figuring out my major. I can't help it that I don't know what I want yet."

"You'll be fine," I shook her affectionately, glancing around the party. "As long as they don't hear you talking like that, 'cause Mom still doesn't like it if I cuss around her, and I'm ten years older than you." I laughed. "Maybe you should do party planning."

Willow laughed. "Yeah right," she snorted. "C'mon, I know Mom and Dad have missed you." She tugged me along.

Sixteen and bright-eyed, I adored my little sister, even if I hadn't seen too much of her since she had been nothing but an overeager preteen. I'm sure that it had been weird for her to grow up, eight years younger than Jasper and ten years younger than me, but it did mean that she had a lot of people looking out for her. She seemed to think today was just as much her day as it was our parents.

I recognized Uncle Mark and his wife, Addison, along with their adopted kids – two twin boys. They'd been together for about as long as my little sister had been alive. Charlotte and Cooper were talking to Aunt Kimmie and her husband. It's a sea of familiar faces, people that I had met at one point or another during my life, most of which are friends of my parents. Willow must have gone through their address books to be able to find all of these people. Honestly, I was shocked so many had come. I knew that my parents were loved and adored but it was still a lot.

"Alexa! Sweetheart!" Mom squealed seeing me, pulling me in for a tight hug and wiggling in excitement. I'm a few inches taller than she is and I can't help but laugh. She's just as much of a ball as energy now as she has ever been. "Oh, you look so nice. Are you eating enough? You look thin."

"Hi to you too, Mom," I grinned, pulling back after a moment. "Yes. Food delivery is pretty great."

"God, you sound just like me when I was your age." She laughed.

"No one to blame but yourself," I grinned. "School doesn't give me time to cook or to learn how to cook. That's my excuse for Dad, at least."

"We'll see how that works with him," she looked bemused.

"Where is Dad, anyway? Aren't you two supposed to be all over each other and madly in love at a party celebrating your marriage?" I questioned, eyebrows raising up.

Mom pulled me in for another tight hug before turning me around to point me over toward him. He was with Grandma, showing him something on his phone. "Over there. He's been showing everyone pictures from the vacation that we took to Spain last month." She explained. "I'm sure that he'll be more than happy to show them to you, too, even though I already sent you most of them." She chuckled. "He's a little old-fashioned, still pulling out the photos on his phone."

"Dad's Dad. He'll never be as hip as you." I shrugged my shoulders. "C'mon, let's go save him from Grandma before she talks his ear off and no one else gets a chance."

Her fingers connected with mine as we walked across the large living room together. It was all well-decorated even though it was clear that it had been Willow's doing and not either of my parent's. Well, maybe it could have been mistaken for Mom. There were tons of string lights and silver balloons all over the place, pictures of my parents and our family together over the years. It was a little excessive for twenty-five years together, something that might have fit better for fifty, but that just about made sense for Willow. She was the baby of the family, the… well, very welcomed accident. She had been spoiled by both our parents, me, and Jasper.

"Hey, there's my girls!" Dad called out as he saw us approaching together.

"Hi Daddy," I smiled as he engulfed me in a tight hug. While I might have been tall next to Mom, he dwarfs me into looking like a child again.

"I'm so glad that you could make it," he pulled back and rubbed his hands up and down my arms. "How's school going?"

"Good." I nodded. "I've been working on my thesis and dissertation lately and that's been kicking my butt and taking up all of my time. But soon the doctors in this family are going to be more than just MDs." I looked between him and Grandma, watching both of them beam with pride.

"I'm still convinced you didn't get either of your parent's brains. That must be mine." Grandma smiled at me. "Stay here, I'm going to go get you a drink."

I smiled at her. "Thanks, Grandma."

"So, how are things really going with your thesis? Do you feel like you're drowning? You haven't been calling as much lately." Mom questioned as she leaned into Dad. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her in closer to him.

"Drowning a little, yeah," I nodded. "It's just a lot to keep up with, that's all. But I'm managing. I've actually started seeing someone, too, so that's kind of been taking up the rest of my free time…" My voice trailed off, shrugging my shoulders innocently as my gaze flickered between the two of them to watch them react.

"What?" Mom blurted out. "Who?"

"If you need me to give him a talking to or whip him into shape, that's what I'm here for."

I rolled my eyes. "Dad, please," I scoffed. "His name is James. He just graduated law school and is working at a firm in the city. He's a really nice guy." I don't want to give away too many details just yet. Not until it was super serious.

"So is this the part where you ask us how we've done it for twenty-five years?" Dad teased.

A smile threatened to give away my nonchalance and this time the shrug of my shoulders was an innocent one. I had grown up in a time when kids who had divorced parents were just as common as those who had parents that were still together. It was normal. It seemed to happen far too often, really. After seeing all of the friends that I had grown up with having struggles with it, I didn't want that for myself or my future kids. Hell yeah, I wanted to know how my parents had managed to have such a strong and happy marriage all of these years later. What sane person wouldn't want to know?

"I wouldn't be opposed to a tip or two if it'll keep you both from prying too much," I answered.

"Marry your best friend." Mom answered, her head turned so that she was looking up at Dad. He turned his head and looked down at her, smiling before giving her a short, sweet kiss.

"That's a cliche." I pointed out with a raise of my eyebrows.

"Yeah, but she's right," Dad responded casually.

"Uh-huh." Mom clucked her tongue. "I did the whole stranger to couple thing and it sucked. When Dad and I met, neither one of us was thinking about a relationship. It just happened because we loved each other as best friends and then it became more. It keeps you happy. It makes you remember the relationship is about love and not just paying bills or managing the kid's schedules or whatever else you've got going on."

Even though I knew that her words were to me, she could have fooled anyone into thinking that the two of them were the only ones out there. They had always had an intense way of looking at each other like they were able to read each other's minds and they liked what the other was saying.

"You two are practically worse than couples on Instagram." My words are intended to keep things from becoming too sappy. That was much more Mom's style than anyone else in the family.

"You're the one who wants a happy relationship, right? You might as well listen. Twenty-five years to prove it is a pretty good starting point." Dad responded, kissing Mom on the forehead again before looking back at me. "It also really helps when your spouse is hot."

"Jackson!" Mom accused him, glaring with a smile.

"Well, James is plenty hot," I replied with a smirk, knowing the words would annoy him.

Dad frowned. "You're my little girl. You're not supposed to think that kind of thing until you're thirty-five."

"Mom, how old were you when you got married?" I questioned with a smile, already completely aware of the answer. Both of them were only in their fifties now, after all. That gave them plenty of time to make it to their fiftieth-anniversary celebration and have an even more over the top party than this one.

"Don't listen to him. You can date whoever you want as long as he makes you smile, baby." Mom replied. "That's more important than anything else. Someone who makes you happy and smile, even when you're not in the same room. You want to fall asleep happy."

"Well, he does make me happy, but there's no proposal any time in the future, I'm pretty sure," I remarked lightly.

"Good. Keep him on his toes and make sure that he knows when you do and when you don't want it. That's how I managed to get this one wrapped around my finger." Mom joked with another smile. It was nice to see them so happy together, side by side. It was like I hadn't missed a day of their lives while I had been away at school.

The sappy song that had been playing over the sound system turned down after a moment and all three of us turned to look and see what was going on. Willow and Jasper were standing over on the patio, my sister holding a microphone in her hands as she waved her arm in the air to try and get everyone's attention. Once the crowd of people had settled into a quiet volume, she smiled victoriously before she began to speak to the crowd.

"Hi everyone! Thank you so much for coming out this afternoon to celebrate my parent's twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. So I don't really know anything about relationships, or at least I have to say that because I'm pretty sure that my dad would kill me if I didn't. Anyway, I didn't realize that they had so many friends – I'm sure you all know that the way they are around each other, it's like they haven't realized that there are seven billion other people on the planet." That earned a good laugh from the crowd. "But it turns out there are a lot of you here to celebrate their love. So thank you, again, for coming. And thank you to Uncle Mark for buying all of the alcohol for me, to actually keep all of you here." Another laugh. "Mom, Dad, do either one of you want to say something?" She asked.

Dad and Mom shared a look before she tilted her head toward Willow and he gave a nod, letting go of her. Mom moved over toward me, her arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me in close as Dad went up to Willow and took the microphone from her.

"Thanks, sweetheart. To reiterate what Willow said, thank you to everyone who came out today. Twenty-five years is a big one. To be married to the same woman for a quarter of a century… to some men, that might be a nightmare. To me, it's been nothing short of an absolute dream. I'm sure that you all know I don't believe but it's Heaven on Earth, being with your soulmate for so long." He spoke.

"He's pretty sweet, huh?" Mom murmured into my ear.

"Yeah, I guess so," I answered with a smile. "Thanks for being the right woman for him, Mom."

My life would have been so different without her. I knew that Dad was great in so many ways, absolutely, and he would have done a good job raising me if it was just him. But I was glad that I had both of them in my life, that I didn't have to know a life without either of my parents. I had been really lucky to have the both of him. I had grown up so loved by my parents, and seeing love all around me in different forms – between husband and wife, between best friends, between siblings, and between parent and child, both from me and my siblings to my parents, and from Dad to Grandma. My life was full of good role-models for love. Jasper, Willow, and I were some of the luckiest kids that I knew.

I was happy. We all were.

Maybe one day, we would be lucky enough to have a relationship as happy and healthy as theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is finally here, guys. I've enjoyed writing this fic thoroughly and I hope that you have all enjoyed reading it. Make sure to leave me one last review. Thanks for sticking with it!


End file.
